Why? Because we are not going to have her rely on federal or state aid to pay for college? How about the fact that we expect DD to work for it and pay for her education herself with possible private grants from DP and I as well as other sources. Our intent is to possibly reward $$$ based on grades and performance and other incentives after her first year.
True story: A dear friend of mine (people thought we were sisters) dated a very nice young man when we were all seniors in high school. He was a good student. He was the only child of a very wealthy family, and his father believed strongly in pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, understanding the value of a dollar, and putting in a good day's work. The family lived in a mansion. The boy was given a new Mustang (Carolina Blue) when he turned 16. The family owned a business of their own.
His father told him that the ONLY acceptable school for him to attend was UNC-Chapel Hill (for those of you not from this area, that is a wonderful school -- many people's dream school -- and an excellent value for the money, but it's certainly not free). The boy was accepted to Chapel Hill (and many very good students aren't), and he badly wanted to attend. I think the father also outlined his course of study and future career, but they were in agreement on that, and it wasn't a source of conflict (I forget exactly what it was -- architecture? engineering? I'm not sure, and it doesn't matter anyway).
The father also laid out his very stringent financial plans: He expected his son to pay for his first year of college himself. Once he saw that the boy had successfully completed a year of school and understood the cost and sacrafice necessary to pay for a year of college education, the father would then
gladly pay for the remaining 3 years. Loans were unacceptable. The father wanted to see that he had WORKED for what he got.
The boy tried. He really tried. He worked every minute of his senior year, saved all he could . . . but this was the 1980's, and minimum wage was only $3.35, and carrying a full load of honors courses, he didn't have unlimited time to work. With his family's wealth, he qualified for no financial aid, and his grades weren't really scholarship-good (maybe at a lesser school, but not at Carolina). Around Easter he calculated his savings, the weeks remaining for him to work, what he might be able to earn over the summer . . . and he realized that he wasn't even close to paying for his first year at Carolina. He became depressed, realizing that he couldn't do what his father demanded.
We often double-dated, and I remember him talking about how hard he was trying, how stressful it was to him, how stern his father was on his rules.
We all encouraged him to try the compromise route: He asked his father to let him attend a local university 30 minutes from home (so that he could pay just tuition). He asked his father to allow him to do community college for a couple years, then go to Chapel Hill. He asked his father to pay his living expenses and let him JUST pay the tuition. He asked his father to consider letting him pay the first semester. He asked his father to allow him to get a loan for 50% of the cost. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Nothing was acceptable except that the son would attend Chapel Hill on his own dime for one year.
Then one day -- it was the week after prom -- this very nice young man disappeared. His parents and the school called in my friend, demanding to know where her boyfriend was. She didn't know, and she was frantic. He returned home the next day, explaining that with no options left to him, he'd spent the whole day in the Army's Recruitment Center. He'd just passed all his physicals, and he'd just signed his name on the dotted line. Rather than enrolling in college, he'd enlisted in the military.
His father was livid, but there was nothing he could do about it. The boy was 18, and what he had done was legal. His father's refusal to look at the numbers, refusal to realize that what he was demanding was impossible had shoved his son into a difficult position, and he chose to rebel.
He went away to the Army, and I don't know what became of him. He and my friend didn't maintain their relationship long after high school. He really had tremendous potential, so I hope he did well. I doubt he and his father are on good terms these days.
Don't misunderstand me: I'm not saying that a miltary career is a bad choice. My husband is 45 years old and still deeply regrets that a minor disability prevented him from joining the Army. And if I had it to do again, I really think I'd do 4-years in the military before college (for the money) . . . but none of that is the point. The point is that the miltary WAS NOT what this young man wanted. He wanted college, he was well suited to college, and he was very open to a variety of college options. But his father's unwaivering pre-conceived notions of what was acceptable locked him into such a narrow, impossible path that he couldn't manage.
. I agree that kids should help pay for their schooling. I DON'T agree that kids should have to pay MORE then they should because their parents narrow minded thinking.
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My 2nd son is still in h.s. so he'll be joining him in 2 years. we did sock away about 20k toward their tuition but nowadays thats a drop in the bucket.
and isn't the entire point of college to open up opportunities for kids.
