Guests paying for dinner at the wedding? Update pg7

[MamaLema]

OK so I got a wedding invitation from my mom's neighbour. I know that our 3 kids will probably be the only kids at the wedding so I asked my mom to ask the neighbour if it's OK to bring the kids. Her response? "OH of course but they have to pay too" So my mom was like "Huh?" and the neighbour told her that the reception is $70 a plate per person!

So with our family of 5 we are expected to spend $350 plus a wedding gift.
Not to mention the kids will eat 2 bites and call it a night. Our boys are 1, 6, and 8.

I was just wondering if more people do this? I have been to at least 15-20 weddings and have never been expected to pay. Is this more common than I think? I find the whole thing tacky.

 

[mommytotwo]

I have never heard of having to pay for your own dinner or meal at a wedding. I would find a babysitter for your kids, and order them a pizza and get a video while you and your DH attend the wedding.

 

[disykat]

This is just a shot, but are you sure that she didn't mean they hadn't invited the kids because of the cost of the reception and that if they came the bride and groom would have to pay 70 a plate for their dinner? Were the kids listed on the invitation?

If they really expect you to pay, I would choose not to go or else go to the wedding and skip the reception.

 

[RitaZ.]

Personally, I wouldn't attend a wedding that expected the guests to pay for the reception. That has got to be the tackiest thing I've ever heard!

IMO,If you can't afford to pay for the reception, then have cake and a sparkling wine toast at the church, home, park, etc.

 

[MamaLema]

I have never heard of having to pay for your own dinner or meal at a wedding. I would find a babysitter for your kids, and order them a pizza and get a video while you and your DH attend the wedding.

That sounds like a good idea but I have never left them with a babysitter in their life. We don't have anyone we trust except my mom and she's going to the wedding

 

[MsDisney23]

If I got a wedding invitation and my children where not listed, I would not asked if they where invited! I would have known by the invitation that this was for adults only! I would have gotten a sitter for my children and attended the wedding and reception. Maybe by asking if your children where invited she felt put on the spot!

 

[GailT]

OK so I got a wedding invitation from my mom's neighbour. I know that our 3 kids will probably be the only kids at the wedding so I asked my mom to ask the neighbour if it's OK to bring the kids. Her response? "OH of course but they have to pay too" So my mom was like "Huh?" and the neighbour told her that the reception is $70 a plate per person!

So with our family of 5 we are expected to spend $350 plus a wedding gift.
Not to mention the kids will eat 2 bites and call it a night. Our boys are 1, 6, and 8.

I was just wondering if more people do this? I have been to at least 15-20 weddings and have never been expected to pay. Is this more common than I think? I find the whole thing tacky.

I wouldn't go nor would I want my kids to go. First off it ids your mothers neighbors so why would you have to go, number 2 if your young children are going to be the only kids there they will be bored and the rest of the adults would not appreciate that. Go out to dinner, you and your hubby and the kids, send them a card, no gift and that would be enough, oh and I am not cheap by far

 

[CarolA]

Well, I know you are not going to like this, but it is considered rude to "invite" your kids to an event. If the host/hostess wanted them there they would have asked them in the first place. Since they were not on the inviation and you "know" they will be the only kids, the assumption is the bride/groom don't want kids there and that includes yours.

So no matter what the deal is with the meal, the polite thing to do would be to decline if you can't leave your kids with someone. Now personally I think you need to look into getting the kids a babysitter. What if something happens to your mom and you and hubby had to be at the hosptial with her? Who would the kids stay with?

It is also rude to ask guests to pay and if that is really what is happening (i.e., you are being expected to pay) then I would just decline.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I'm with MsDisney. Unless the invitation was addressed to Mr. & Mrs. and family or something similar, I wouldn't even ask about kids. It's just adults.

 

[pw2pp]

If the kids names are not on the invitation (or the envelope that the invitation is in), then the kids are not invited.
If my kid's names weren't on the invite, I would never even dream of taking them or asking if they could come.

She was probably being SARCASTIC when she said "sure, but they would have to pay too, it is $70 per plate, etc....."
I'm sure what she meant is that with the reception being so expensive she would not expect a couple to bring their 3 kids along because, after all, the wedding costs $70 per plate.

Now, $70 per plate???? Yikes! that is a whole other topic.

 

[MamaLema]

If I got a wedding invitation and my children where not listed, I would not asked if they where invited! I would have known by the invitation that this was for adults only! I would have gotten a sitter for my children and attended the wedding and reception. Maybe by asking if your children where invited she felt put on the spot!

The invitation said ---- Family so I assume It's for all of us but I just wanted to be sure. In DH's country, wedding are ALWAYS a family affair but maybe in different countries that's not the case.

 

[Freesia]

I would not take my kids, especially since you know they will be the only kids there. I assume the remark was for you to realize that the kids were not included, and if you brought them , you would pay for their meals, not the Bride.
I have never , ever heard of wedding guests expected to pay for their dinner. Was it written on the invitation? How can she expect people to pay when they come? And $70 is very, very expensive, IMO. An upscale restaurant meal is usually in the $25-35 range.

 

[pw2pp]

The invitation said ---- Family

Well then, that's a whole different story.
Why would your Mother ask if the kids could come if the invite already stated........"Mr & Mrs _________ and family" ??

Regardless, if I were you, I would just go out (the 5 of you) for a nice family dinner to your favorite restaurant and maybe a movie.

 

[dg39]

Nobody in their right mind charges a guest for their dinner at a wedding reception. I've never heard of such a thing.

 

[HayGan]

Well, I know you are not going to like this, but it is considered rude to "invite" your kids to an event. If the host/hostess wanted them there they would have asked them in the first place. Since they were not on the inviation and you "know" they will be the only kids, the assumption is the bride/groom don't want kids there and that includes yours.

So no matter what the deal is with the meal, the polite thing to do would be to decline if you can't leave your kids with someone. Now personally I think you need to look into getting the kids a babysitter. What if something happens to your mom and you and hubby had to be at the hosptial with her? Who would the kids stay with?

It is also rude to ask guests to pay and if that is really what is happening (i.e., you are being expected to pay) then I would just decline.

 

[Beth76]

If it said "family" then that would include your kids. So, you were just asking to make sure? I'm not getting this whole "have to pay too" thing. I've never heard of anyone making guests pay for their dinner, but from the response that's what it sounded like. If nothing was on the response card, are they going to be charging people at the reception? This is very confusing. If I were you, I would skip the wedding entirely. Even if you don't have to pay, your kids will not have fun being the only kids there.

 

[ducklite]

I don't think $70 per person Canadian is all that out of line. In NJ most places START at about $50 a person US. My best friends daughter got married last fall and they paid $85 US per person.

Anne

 

[MamaLema]

First off it ids your mothers neighbors so why would you have to go

They have been neighbours 25 years. I lived with my mom for 22 years. I just wanted to let y'all know that the neighbor is a nice person. We get along well and she always buys my kids presents for birthdays and Christmas. So asking about the kids is like asking a good friend so I don't think she's being sarcastic. Like I said the invitation is for ______ Family so I assume it's for all of us or else it would just say Mr and Mrs, right?

 

[stinkerbelle]

I dont' think you are actually being expected to pay...I THINK they were commenting that it was costing *whoever is paying for the wedding* $70 per person.

her comment made no sense.

(and yes - since it said family - your kids were invited too)

 

[ducklite]

They have been neighbours 25 years. I lived with my mom for 22 years. I just wanted to let y'all know that the neighbor is a nice person. We get along well and she always buys my kids presents for birthdays and Christmas. So asking about the kids is like asking a good friend so I don't think she's being sarcastic. Like I said the invitation is for ______ Family so I assume it's for all of us or else it would just say Mr and Mrs, right?

It sounds like the kids are probably invited. I would stop guessing, and simply pick up the phone and call the brides mother--perhaps to make sure that they weren't ordering a meal for the baby, that might open the conversation.

If I were asked to pay for my meal at a wedding I would decline, that's horribly rude!

Anne