Grandparents trying to befriend teen grandkids on facebook

[castleview]

I don't see the problem. What exactly is your daughter posting? Most of my friends are "friends" to their kids on FB. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a mom check their kids FB page on her phone and then leave a message/comment saying "take it down"

 

[Arielle22]

I did not read all the posts and am not on Facebook. However dd16 and dd14 are both on. The agreement was that DH was friended by them so he could view what was being said.

They have also friended all my sisters and BILs. My nieces have done the same so it is how we keep up with each other. One nephew has my DH as a friend but not dds. That is because his friends say highly inappropriate things (he is 22) and DN does not want dds to see that.

This is how we know who has a new boyfriend or a new tatoo. It is actually how we learned that my brothers FIL has passed away. My niece posted it before SIL could call and tell us.

 

[mtemm]

I think there is an inappropriate "noseyness" factor with adults "befriending" kids.
Absolutely, parents should be on there and have the passwords, but otherwise, let the kids be kids. Also, distant adults tend to make judgments about what they read and do not understand. They are not in the daily lives and do not always understand innocent inside jokes.

I love my 15 year old niece, but did not friend her for this reason. its an outlet for her and her friends. my sister has her password and is friends with her, but does not post on her wall at all, much like other moms they know.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, it was hilarious. I love South Park.

Oh yea. Funny thing is dh and I just signed up for FB 3 weeks ago. So we were able to get the jokes and being newbies made it better.

 

[PelletierBears]

I don't see the problem. What exactly is your daughter posting? Most of my friends are "friends" to their kids on FB. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a mom check their kids FB page on her phone and then leave a message/comment saying "take it down"

You obviously missed it when I explained that I'm not concerned about what my daughter posts but more about friends and friends of friends and that my husband and I monitor her facebook activity. We are more than comfortable with how our DD represents herself.

I'm talking about an ultraconservative woman who freaks about language used on network television these days! I just don't want my daughter worried that if a friend swore in a post that Nana is gonna see it and question why she's allowed to be friends with that kind of kid! Or look through her pictures and ask who is this boy and that boy. You know, general overstepping of the boundaries into a teens life : ) She has 2 parents who are more than involved she doesn't need Nana monitoring her too

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. I'm definately taking more time to decide how to handle.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with you OP....

This isn't about naked pictures and totally inappropriate behaviors...

This is ALL about healthy personal boundaries.
IMHO, a teenager/young adult should be able to have a forum to share with likeminded friends without 80 year old Granny horning in.

What some people may find completely appropriate, others (like granny) may not.

And, IMHO, a granny who, in addition to calling almost every single day, thinks she should also be able to participate (horn in) in a teen/young adults personal 'SPACE'....

Sure, if we did have myspace, as a parent, I would occasionally moniter MY underage CHILDS page to make sure that nothing was dangerous or like way beyond appropriate.

Yes, this is all about privacy and healthy personal boundaries...
And, yes, it is the internet... But there are passwords, 'friends', 'blocking', for a reason.....

IMHO, it is perfectly acceptable, and even DESIREABLE for a teen/young adult to begin to establish their own friends and their own lives without the overbearing influence of 'conservative granny' horning in.

If dear old Granny wants to establish her own 'FAMILY' myspace page for easy family-wide communications... Then, let her have at it.

But, to expect a teen/young adult grandchild to invite you in to her personal page as a friend crosses so many limits it makes my head spin.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I don't really like befriending many relatives on facebook. I did for awhile but any time I would change my relationship status I'd get a hundred messages of "What happened? Are you ok? Don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll meet Mr. Right (like I have) someday. You were too good for him anyways...blah, blah, blah". Then I feel like I have to give a play by play to everyone that sent a message (my regular facebook/real life friends know me and know that I don't dwell over anything and I quickly pick myself up and look towards the future, my family does not). So I took my relationship status off of facebook and most of my postings are game related now anyways . I certainly wouldn't have liked to be facebook friends with my family when I was younger. Not that I did or posted anything wrong I just was obsessed with my privacy when I was younger.

Last night I left my facebook up at my parent's house so my Mom could look at my cousin's pregnancy pictures (like how big she's gotten, what the nursery looks like, etc.). Apparently she didn't shut it down after because I came back an hour later to my 61 year old Dad scrolling through my facebook page. I asked him if he even knew what he was doing and he said "No, but you've got some hot friends on here!" I'm SO glad he doesn't have a facebook page!

 

[declansdad]

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

What does having morals and values have to do with creating a Facebook account? You have a strange idea about social networking.


There is nothing wrong with having family members as friends on Facebook, regardless of there age. Social networking sites such as Facebook shouldn't be used to post whatever you want, they need to be controlled by the owner. As far has having private conversations, there are ways to do that on Facebook without everyone reading.

Teens should be monitored only, and should have complete privacy on Facebook or any other site.

 

[bethbuchall]

Good LORD!!!!

I am no fan of sites like Facebook....
Never will be....

But, for God's sake, can't a teen have some Face or Space time with their friends without Grannie horning in!!!!! Talk about a breach of boundaries.

Just the thought of it seriously skeeves me out.

I was beginning to think that I'm the only one who feels like this.

My kids are really close with my family. If they didn't friend their own grandma...I would really be worried about what they are doing.

My kids are really close with family, and I know exactly what is on my dd's Facebook account (my 19-year old is on his own as far as things like that). I have no problem with the fact that they don't want to friend each other or their grandparents. They do not say anything inappropriate or post photos, etc. They just have a personal space bubble, and we don't feel that everyone needs to be "friends" in this particular environment.

I think there is an inappropriate "noseyness" factor with adults "befriending" kids.
Absolutely, parents should be on there and have the passwords, but otherwise, let the kids be kids. Also, distant adults tend to make judgments about what they read and do not understand. They are not in the daily lives and do not always understand innocent inside jokes.

Exactly.

You obviously missed it when I explained that I'm not concerned about what my daughter posts but more about friends and friends of friends and that my husband and I monitor her facebook activity. We are more than comfortable with how our DD represents herself.

I'm talking about an ultraconservative woman who freaks about language used on network television these days! I just don't want my daughter worried that if a friend swore in a post that Nana is gonna see it and question why she's allowed to be friends with that kind of kid! Or look through her pictures and ask who is this boy and that boy. You know, general overstepping of the boundaries into a teens life : ) She has 2 parents who are more than involved she doesn't need Nana monitoring her too

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. I'm definately taking more time to decide how to handle.

I feel the same way that you do.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

You have a strange idea about social networking.

Seriously. I spend maybe 20 minutes A WEEK on FB. The best part of FB is that if you befriend your boss you can use it as a way to suck up when evaluation time rolls around. (And I didn't realize posting on the DIS was a more appropriate and important way to spend my time, now I know)

 

[Robinrs]

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

I am so proud of you!!

 

[Jennasis]

This reminds me of last weeks South PArk. Stan didn't want to jion FB but his friends cajoled him into it and then his dad got on his case for not friending his grand[arnets, his dad, his aunts and uncles and then his grandparents friends. It was hilarious.

I

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I think it is funny that people think kids have a right to adult free Internet interaction. Maybe they ought to put that one in the constitution.

As far as boundaries woas i've never seen you post that you like anyone outside of your nuclear family. How will you feel when your son treats you the same way? Just out of curiosity.

Teens need to know to censor themselves and others when it can be connected to
them. I know that at least one top college is friending applicants.

 

[declansdad]

I am so proud of you!!

What are you proud of?

 

[Had2stopLurking]

This reminds me of last weeks South PArk. Stan didn't want to jion FB but his friends cajoled him into it and then his dad got on his case for not friending his grand[arnets, his dad, his aunts and uncles and then his grandparents friends. It was hilarious.

I

I thought I was going to piddle myself watching that episode!!

 

[castleview]

You obviously missed it when I explained that I'm not concerned about what my daughter posts but more about friends and friends of friends and that my husband and I monitor her facebook activity. We are more than comfortable with how our DD represents herself.

I'm talking about an ultraconservative woman who freaks about language used on network television these days! I just don't want my daughter worried that if a friend swore in a post that Nana is gonna see it and question why she's allowed to be friends with that kind of kid! Or look through her pictures and ask who is this boy and that boy. You know, general overstepping of the boundaries into a teens life : ) She has 2 parents who are more than involved she doesn't need Nana monitoring her too

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. I'm definately taking more time to decide how to handle.

Ah, I see. May I propose a project. Find Grandma's friends on FB and she'll leave you alone.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

(snip)
But, to expect a teen/young adult grandchild to invite you in to her personal page as a friend crosses so many limits it makes my head spin.

Really? Cause some of us like our grandparents, parents and in-laws. I'm just sayin'. If the kid doesn't want to friend grandma, fine, but gradma isn't a freaky boundary pusher for facebook friend requesting her grandchild. I'm freinds with my husband's grandma, our teenage cousins, teenagers in our church. SOME of us enjoy happy, healthy family relationships that aren't frought with hand wringing about boundaries.

 

[SunshineOR]

I say have DD friend Grandma, but limit Grandma's access and what she can see. I am friends with many relatives on facebook and there are some of them I love sharing pictures and thoughts. They know me well enough to get my jokes, they know my kids and husband and it's a fun place to share our lives even though we can't see each other often enough in real life. Other relatives, I restrict their access because they don't really know me or my family as well and I am more comfortable with more boundaries there.

I am facebook friends with my mother-in-law, but I restrict her to seeing our family vacation pics and whatnot. I'm not posting anything inappropriate, but I just don't really want her inside my "space" with my interactions with my friends.

 

[ckay87]

Set Grandma up with Farmville and before you know it, she will have 875 Facebook friends and no time to pay any attention to the comments or status updates of her actual friends or family.

I'm not even kidding.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm not really sure I agree with the extremes in opinions on this issue. I don't think it's wrong, weird or unhealthy for a grandma to want to friend her grandchild, nor do I think it's nosy. But if grandma is going to get bent out of shape or offended by normal teen interactions, then maybe she shouldn't be friended. I can see that happening -- my own mother would have been that way.

I also don't think that kids "need" their privacy or space online either. Oh hell no, that's just scary!