Grandparents trying to befriend teen grandkids on facebook

[disneycruising]

I guess I would not want my child saying anything publicly on Facebook that she would not say in front her grandparents. Kids need to understand that Facebook is not private, and that many more people than they know can see what they are posting.

Personally I think it would be a good lesson for your child that they need to temper their Facebook communications and use good judgement when they are on line.

I so agree with this.

My kids are really close with my family. If they didn't friend their own grandma...I would really be worried about what they are doing.

 

[Miz Diz]

I will not allow my son to accept his grandmother as a friend because she posts inappropriate things on her account.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

my DMom is friends with my DNeice on facebook and i don't really think it's a good idea.

you KNOW how kids talk on facebook, and my mother just gets offended left and right "oh i'm going to tell her MOTHER!" and it's just a hassle.

it's hard enough having MY mother as a friend on facebook, i couldn't imagine having my grandmother as a friend too lol

 

[phragmipedium]

My family and I use facebook to keep in touch with each other - it's very handy! It's also an easy and quick way to share pictures. I have both parents, my siblings, aunts, uncles, great-aunts, etc.

I do have one grandparent on my limited list - not because I'm concerned about what she might think of anything I might post, but because I prefer for her to have a limited role in my life in general. I wouldn't have her as a friend at all, but I didn't want to hurt feelings unnecessarily by not accepting her request. My limited list restricts access to most of my pictures, my wall posts, status updates, etc - and I add to that list people like high school acquaintances or coworkers who I am happy to have as friends but who do not necessarily need access to all aspects of my profile.

 

[TrixieBel]

I haven't had a chance to read anything but the OP's post. Take my advice (and I'm assuming lots of other peoples) and do what you're planning.

My mother-in-law (in-laws also in their 70's) discovered Facebook last year and be-friended me and my 18yr old daughter. Initially we thought this would be a good way to keep in touch because they're in a different country. Of course we were wrong! What a disaster!

My husband starting getting emails and finally a phone-call from his father telling him that he'd better "control" our daughter more. It seems that she'd had a "bad bad" day and had used the word that starts with "F" in her status.

Well, here in Australia once a person turns 18 they are an adult. They can drink, they can vote, they are no longer considered a child in any way. We are bringing our kids up to be responsible adults and they are, so far, all well behaved and achieving well in school/university. We're not overly fussy about language but will correct incorrect spoken grammar. We certainly don't mind the occasional swear word if there's good reason for it - it's the least of our worries when we're looking at how to pay the bills each month

So my DH had to tell his dad that if he didn't like what he saw on his 18yr old granddaughter's Facebook ...... don't look :

My husband never checks our daughter's Facebook page because he knows he'll probably ending up knowing something he doesn't want to know

 

[alexandria674]

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

Actually, Facebook has been an easy route for me to talk to my family, like if there is going to be a family party instead of calling everyone and going through the whole ordeal, there is usually just a message sent out. Family reads it and either comments on it or just calls the person. Also, I have family I don't see very often due to them being out of state so Facebook has been a great way to talk to one another without ringing up the phone bill.

 

[Boxley]

You people twist every word around to make whatever you want out of it, take this post and twist it to make me come out as the worst person in the world I really don't care you thrive on others faults. Good luck in life with that.

Perhaps after you are done throwing a tantrum you can come back and state with some tact what you meant so that people can understand what your statement is without getting offended.

 

[HunnyPots]

For those who believe a teen is entitled to "privacy" from older family members, you're looking at Facebook all wrong. It is the INTERNET - there is no privacy! Anything they post is out there for all the world to see, with just a little bit of searching. If Grandma shouldn't see it, it probably shouldn't be posted.

BTW, both my kids are friends with each other, with me, aunts, uncles, older cousins, former teachers, our minister and our minister's mother!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My 70 yr old MIL just found facebook and sent my 13 year old DD a friend request.

I plan on letting MIL know that DD won't be accepting out of love and respect for her

Ultraconservative (truely!) grandparents should not be on their teen grandkids facebook page!

I'd like some general opinions I don't think I'm alone but what do you all think? (I'm not worried about what MIL will think I'm interested in opinions about elders being friends with teens who don't monitor their language, etc)

Thanks!

Yea, if you know that your MIL would freak out then I guess I would not let her on there.

My mom is on my teen's FB page and she is 72. However she is not ultra conservative and will take everything with a grain of salt.

I just recently joined FB and I am on my almost 19yo's account. Now we did have her change some things on her account because they were totally WRONG to have on there.

But as far as her friends, ack, I just skim over it. Some of them are pretty foul mouthed. One in particular.

OH and for the 20yo would doesn't get it, I finally joined 3 weeks ago. I have since chatted with my nephew who lives in NYC, hooked up with an old friend and may be going out with them to a concert in June.

I have a couple of other friends that I hooked up with but have not "spoken" to yet.

 

[wildernesslodgelover]

Just wanted to add my 2 cents....I am 41, have an 11 year old DD. I will not friend anyone under 18...including my daughter! I do not want to have to censor myself. I don't say anything really bad (I don't think...maybe to some of you....)but I don't want to have to think about posting a picture of myself at a party with a martini glass in my hand or maybe posting about a romantic "date night" I am going to have ith my husband.

I have my DD's password and can go on her account at any time, just to make sure everything is on the up and up. She knows this, is was part of the deal with us letting her have an account.

For those that mock FB...I used to do the same thing...think, "Who has time for this??" You will notice that the people saying this are on a Disney Message board, interacting with strangers. The thing about FB is you can put as much into it as you want. I don't join groups, or play any games or Farmville or whatever. It is strictly a way to keep in touch.

I have often wondered about my brother's girlfriend from high school...she was always so sweet. BOOM...there she is...now married with three kids and very happy. I love seeing that. I don't keep in good touch with my cousin in Minnesota. BOOM...there she is...now I see pictures of her kids daily, we found out we both love to watch Top Chef, etc. My ex boyfriend that I wondered about for years? BOOM... there he is, looking awful and not doing too much with his life, still stuck in the 80s. Ahhhh, closure.

 

[carmiedog]

If my child were posting things on facebook grandma couldn't shouldn't see, then my child wouldn't be on facebook.

Inappropriate posts from my child's friends? I would shut off feed and un-friend someone on my son's account if necessary.

I am friends with quite a few teens. They all have parents online as friends and don't post inappropriately.

 

[MushyMushy]

I am not judging anyone and I am sorry if it came across that way, I just don't understand parents who don't play the role of parents and rather the friend. I am all for staying in touch with friends and family but wouldn't you rather do it in a more personal way.

I think facebook, etc. can be used in a respective manner, but when people start posting every detail of their life and pictures of everything on it, I don't think they really understand who all has access to it.

As many others have posted on here, something you would openly tell anyone and everyone in person is appropriate to post, just nothing beyond that.

What makes you think that any of us are saying we are our children's "friends"? I think you're the one not understanding the access some of us have to our children's accounts and maybe you're not understanding Facebook very well. I have full and complete access to my daughter's, plus I'm her friend on there.

It's just another communication tool, nothing more insidious than that. It is what you make it.

 

[jrmasm]

I guess I would not want my child saying anything publicly on Facebook that she would not say in front her grandparents. Kids need to understand that Facebook is not private, and that many more people than they know can see what they are posting.
Personally I think it would be a good lesson for your child that they need to temper their Facebook communications and use good judgement when they are on line.

When I first joined Facebook, I friended my teenage nephew, and posted some comments. He did not appreciate it at all, and while we are still friends, I never post on his page anymore. He says some tacky things sometimes , which I generally ignore. But if I saw something I thought was terribly inappropriate, you bet your sweet bippy I would say something to his mom.

I didn't read any further because I completely agree with what you said. I am constantly saying to my dd15 that she should't post it if she wouldn't want her grandmother to read it.

 

[okeydokey]

Do you ever read failbook.com? Some people post with no regard who is reading. Thankfully, my family and friends just for fun and to keep in touch and not to reveal every aspect of their lives. I'd friend my Mom if she asked, but my young nephews, not so much.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think it should be your dd's decision.

My whole extended family is linked.

IMHO--kids in general should be mindful of what they are posting anyway. I'm not 70, but half that and the things my high school cousin posts makes me . (And it is more her "drama" as opposed to anything else.)

To me, age has nothing to do with it. If your child is posting things that are so inappropriate that grandma woudl be sent over the edge, she probably needs a lesson on how to do social networks safely.

But maybe I am a 70yo fuddy duddy at heart.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I am not on here to post personal information or meet people just find informaiton about Disney.... sorry I ever posted in this thread, I just must not have the same train of throught as the many people who post on those sites. I was just trying to say using it for something you couldn't say infront of or to your family (grandparents) probably shouldn't be posted on a public forum or whatever you call it.

this thread has nothing to do with information about disney.Being a "friend" on facebook is nothing like being a "friend" IRL.Get a grip.

my family is all on facebook, and are friends with each other. It is a pleasant way to keep up with the day to day. My kids know not to post what they don't want everyone to know, as do the adults. Mickeyboat, I think you are right on the mark!

 

[southernbelle5672]

I guess I would not want my child saying anything publicly on Facebook that she would not say in front her grandparents. Kids need to understand that Facebook is not private, and that many more people than they know can see what they are posting.

Personally I think it would be a good lesson for your child that they need to temper their Facebook communications and use good judgement when they are on line.

When I first joined Facebook, I friended my teenage nephew, and posted some comments. He did not appreciate it at all, and while we are still friends, I never post on his page anymore. He says some tacky things sometimes , which I generally ignore. But if I saw something I thought was terribly inappropriate, you bet your sweet bippy I would say something to his mom.

I agree. You should be careful posting things on facebook - it is a public website and you can get yourself into trouble if you're not careful! I think it's important to teach your kids to be responsible with it.

 

[NMAmy]

DD, 19, is friends with both me and my mother on Facebook along with her aunties, adult cousins, and family friends, many of whom are cops. She's over 18--all of this is by her own choice but if she were younger, then, yeah, I'd be insisting that her postings be family appropriate.

I just don't understand why a parent would allow their teenager to post things on Facebook that were not appropriate for anyone to read. My advice to dd has always been the same rule that I follow myself--do not put anything in an email or online that you would not mind having printed on the front page of your local newspaper.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

My 70 yr old MIL just found facebook and sent my 13 year old DD a friend request.

I plan on letting MIL know that DD won't be accepting out of love and respect for her

Ultraconservative (truely!) grandparents should not be on their teen grandkids facebook page!

I'd like some general opinions I don't think I'm alone but what do you all think? (I'm not worried about what MIL will think I'm interested in opinions about elders being friends with teens who don't monitor their language, etc)

Thanks!

Why not? Is she conducting herself in such a manner that her Grandmother would be upset by her behavior?

I don't pretend to have any value for "Facebook" and don't participate, so meh... not much in my world.

What my focus is here, is that it seems that the child is going to be posting things on her page that her Grandmother would find inappropriate for whatever reason.

I would be more concerned with that than anything else. Why would a parent allow a child to behave in that manner to begin with? Rhetorical, and no need for response.

Posting on the internet should come with some level of responsibility for what is put out there. If she doesn't want her Grandmother to see it, then don't post it. She'll probably be better off for having that sort of control.

If she has things that she wants to share privately with her friends, then do it person to person *gasp* and forge a human contact relationship.

OK... return to your regular program now.

 

[lillygator]

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

I am not judging anyone and I am sorry if it came across that way, I just don't understand parents who don't play the role of parents and rather the friend. I am all for staying in touch with friends and family but wouldn't you rather do it in a more personal way.

I think facebook, etc. can be used in a respective manner, but when people start posting every detail of their life and pictures of everything on it, I don't think they really understand who all has access to it.

As many others have posted on here, something you would openly tell anyone and everyone in person is appropriate to post, just nothing beyond that.

I am not on here to post personal information or meet people just find informaiton about Disney.... sorry I ever posted in this thread, I just must not have the same train of throught as the many people who post on those sites. I was just trying to say using it for something you couldn't say infront of or to your family (grandparents) probably shouldn't be posted on a public forum or whatever you call it.

You people twist every word around to make whatever you want out of it, take this post and twist it to make me come out as the worst person in the world I really don't care you thrive on others faults. Good luck in life with that.

obviously this thread has nothing to do about Disney....better take those strong morals and run fast away from posting on the DIS!