Going through a hard time — looking for support.

OneLittleSpark7

Waiting for the Lights
Joined
Jan 10, 2012
I’m fairly certain my marriage is over. We’ve been together for 10 years and got married 5 years ago. We have a 4 month old son.

I still love him with all my heart. But my biggest fear is that it’s too little too late. I’ve struggled to find my place in the world and it’s taken a toll on him. He has such a strong work ethic and I’ve let him down time and time again on that front.

To some degree I already feel like I’ve lost him and I’m in mourning. He’s all but asked for a divorce. He says he’s willing to give me a chance but it just seems like at any minute he’ll take that chance back and cut the cord forever.

I mourn for the life we had. I mourn for the life we could have. I mourn for our 4 month old son that may never know a stable nuclear family.

Any words of compassion, support, or words of wisdom would be endlessly appreciated.
 

moniqueand2

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jun 5, 2012
Hello OneLittleSpark7,

I am here to listen and offer support and advice. I am sorry to start off with a question..but what is this chance he has offered? Is there some change that you must make? Would discussing that here help?
Even if you do not want to discuss that here...can you keep the lines of communication open with your spouse? Maybe so you can both get on the same page so to speak.
 

OneLittleSpark7

Waiting for the Lights
Joined
Jan 10, 2012
Hello OneLittleSpark7,

I am here to listen and offer support and advice. I am sorry to start off with a question..but what is this chance he has offered? Is there some change that you must make? Would discussing that here help?
Even if you do not want to discuss that here...can you keep the lines of communication open with your spouse? Maybe so you can both get on the same page so to speak.

That means more to me than you will ever know. Thank you. The chance is to let me prove to him that my fresh start down a career path that fills me with joy and passion will show to him that I am just as hard a worker as he is. I have been listless for years and it drove me down to a depression last year while I was pregnant.

My husband is not good at communication. He hates talking and discussing his feelings. I am an over talker and thinker that will get caught up in an almost cyclical thought process. We do have marriage counseling set up. I’ve gone to the first session. He’s suppose to go next Thursday to his first one then we’ll meet together from then on. I’m not sure he has any will to try.

Talking things over with my friends and family they are worried he is manipulating me. Seeking attention or self sabotage of our marriage and seeking anything as an excuse to pin it on me. I just don’t know what to think anymore. I’m not sure if I would be trying if it weren’t for my son. But I do still love him so much.
 
  • danielocha30

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 10, 2014
    I wish you well, and do not despair, and want to add, it takes both of you to succeed or fail. Don’t blame only you. It takes courage to seek professional help, good for you both. And last, do remember compromise is the most important part of any relationship. Good luck.
     

    mommasita

    DIS VETERAN
    Moderator
    Joined
    Aug 3, 2004
    I’m sorry to hear about your hard times. I admire you for trying. I believe that if you don’t try everything to make it work you may always have the “what if’s”

    I do hope he isn’t manipulating you. What stuck out was he is willing to give you a chance. Maybe it’s the wording, but it irked me. It’s not my business, but it’s a partnership, and a family, you are all in, or you are not.

    I wish you well, and please feel free to share what you want to, whenever you need or want to,

    Please remember, YOU are enough, and so worth it.
     

    OneLittleSpark7

    Waiting for the Lights
    Joined
    Jan 10, 2012
    We have such a huge hill to climb. On the one hand I am willing to because of our history and because of our son. I don’t want him to have to grow up in a broken home. But I am very worried. He does seem to be blowing up our world just to make it burn if that makes any sense....
     

    pahoben

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Oct 27, 2013
    From a male-
    Good luck but don’t blame yourself alone as someone mentioned above. It does sound maybe that he is manipulating you to feel solely responsible. You aren’t and can’t be. As far as I am concerned men are intended to work and provide for their family. Having a good work ethic is nothing exceptional for a man-that is just the way it is supposed to be so really shouldn’t elevate him to princely status for that.
     
  • moniqueand2

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 5, 2012
    That means more to me than you will ever know. Thank you. The chance is to let me prove to him that my fresh start down a career path that fills me with joy and passion will show to him that I am just as hard a worker as he is. I have been listless for years and it drove me down to a depression last year while I was pregnant.

    My husband is not good at communication. He hates talking and discussing his feelings. I am an over talker and thinker that will get caught up in an almost cyclical thought process. We do have marriage counseling set up. I’ve gone to the first session. He’s suppose to go next Thursday to his first one then we’ll meet together from then on. I’m not sure he has any will to try.

    Talking things over with my friends and family they are worried he is manipulating me. Seeking attention or self sabotage of our marriage and seeking anything as an excuse to pin it on me. I just don’t know what to think anymore. I’m not sure if I would be trying if it weren’t for my son. But I do still love him so much.
    Sounds like you are already on the path that you feel is right for you and your career. Perhaps through the counseling you and he will come to the new normal that you life is now with a child and a new career for you. And try and let go of any threats of divorce that you feel he aiming at you. Someone who is not good at communication is not super likely to go out interview a lawyer, file for divorce, work out custody, support etc. if they really don't have to.
     

    iivye

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 22, 2013
    The chance is to let me prove to him that my fresh start down a career path that fills me with joy and passion will show to him that I am just as hard a worker as he is.
    Do this for you so that you can support yourself. If the counseling works and you are able to reconcile that's wonderful but at this point you need to put your energy into yourself so you can do what's best for you and your child.

    I will say my husband and I came close to divorce after my daughter was born. I was overwhelmed with working full time, going to night school full time, and hormones. I felt that he wasn't really doing his part as we were supposed to be a team. We managed to get through that point and have been married for 16 years but it was tough. A new baby adds a lot of stress to a relationship and we have never had a second child because we had such a tough time with our first.

    Good luck going forward and just know that no matter what you choose to do you will get through this.
     

    Connect

    Disney News and Updates

    Daily Updates and News




    Top