Getting older-How do you keep your self esteem up?



I've noticed as I've grown older that my self esteem seems to be suffering in terms of looks, attractibility, self worth, etc. Now, I'm married, so it shouldn't matter, but somehow, it does. What methods do you use to feel good about yourself?


<font color=FF3300>Knows 101 things to do with an
Apr 10, 2003
If you're comparing yourself to others it's easy for that to happen. I try not to do that because it's like comparing apples to oranges. I didn't become a mom until I was 38 so most of the mothers of my DD's playmates are much younger than I am. That being said I think I can hold my own against most of them ;) . It is also easy to kind of let yourself go once you get married. That happened to me a little but then I realized I needed to pick myself up for my own sake. I'm not sure I'm making any sense here or making you feel any better. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all have times of self-doubt. Try to find the time to do something good for yourself and hopefully that will change your perspective. Sending hugs.


Found him!
Jul 23, 2000
I think self-esteem is important - regardless if you are married or not. I have a exercise tape with Elle McPherson (Ms. Beautiful herself) called "Your Personal Best". I like the philosophy behind that title. No one is perfect, but we can all strive to be our "personal best". I was in a very unhappy and lonely marriage and gained 30 pounds. I am so much happier without him and without the excess weight. My "personal best" is good enough for me. I'm not quite there, but I am much closer than before. :D


DIS Veteran
Sep 7, 1999
That depends on what you consider "older"...

I have to admit in my thirties I felt somewhat inadequate, always comparing myself to others and unsure if I'm where I'm supposed to be at my age, as I entered my forties that seemed to disappear.

As I rapidly approach my fifties I find that I truly LOVE myself and who I am and wish I knew this back in my insecure 20s and 30s.

Like my Dad always said, if you don't like where you are right now, KEEP ON LIVING! :teeth:


<font color=darkorchid>If they say "That's interes
May 11, 2003
I am finding that as I get older, I feel better about myself. The big change came when I turned forty. I figure that I have alot of knowledge, experience in my work, years raising my family, and have accomplished alot. I am not beautiful by any means and definately pooh shaped but I have learned to like the real me. Look at where you have been and how far you have gotten and how much you have accomplished.


Mary Jo
Jan 14, 2001
Just be yourself, who cares how old you are. Just because your older you don't have to act like it.:p :teeth:


<font color=blue>Saucy Pants!<br><font color=red>W
Mar 3, 2002
Count me among the ones who feels older me = better me. I wouldn't want to be the younger me for anything.


<font color=green>Has a thing for the Swiss Family
Apr 6, 2002
I am really enjoying the "older and wiser" me. I do what I can to look my best, but I don't go overboard. I figure every crow's foot around my eyes means I've lived a little more and know a little more. Sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's good, but whatever it is, it sure beats the alternative!;)

Hope this helps you - just remember, there are LOTS of us in the same boat as you.:D

Snoozan's twin

Earning My Ears
Jan 25, 2002
I think my self-esteem only gets better with age! I wish I had as much as I do at 45 when I was in my 20's!


<font color=blue>"MIS-ter Garibaldi!"<br><font col
Mar 2, 2000
I have come to believe in the saying: "Youth is Wasted on the Young".

pnelson - Married or not, self worth (be it in looks, self-confidence or security) ALWAYS matter, IMO.

You ask, "what methods do you use to feel good about yourself?" and I have been pondering that question for a bit. The immediate answer that comes to my mind is my DH, he is always showing me and telling me how much he appreciates me, and over the years he has done a lot to boost my self-esteem. That helps alot, to have a supporting spouse. But there has to be more to it. Something has to come from within yourself.

We have all been guilty of playing down a compliment received. Someone says something nice about us and we deny it. Could be because of humility or because we really don't believe we deserve the compliment. However, we do!

Our lives are so full of doing things for others between work and family, that we NEED to take time out for ourselves. Treat yourself to a new outfit, hair style or something materialistic (sexy underwear does it for me). Take time out and read a book, escape to the beach or park for some alone time. Spend special time with your spouse.

I believe we also go through cycles of security and insecurity. I think the most important thing to do, however, is in private conversation with oneself, always talk UP about yourself. I try to privately praise myself for something everyday. Sounds silly maybe.... but it works for me. Hope you find something that works for you.


AKA Papa
Jun 9, 2002
Well I realize it can get pretty ripe at our age (47 personally)!!! But "Don't let it bring you down..." what matters is realizing why you were put on this earth! Find that and everything else seems to fall into place!


<font color=000099>Tomorrow is ME day<br><font col
Dec 14, 2003
Loosing that 42lbs definately helped boost the self-esteem.
My weight hasnt been this low since before DS was born almost 12yrs ago


<font color=green>DVC @ The Boardwalk</font><br><f
Feb 17, 2000
Something I started about two years ago that has really helped is journaling. Nothing formal just a spiral notebook that I can write down thoughts in. When I'm feeling down I spell it out on paper. Then I follow it up with counting out my blessings on paper as well. What I've accomplished, what I have, etc. It really put things in perspective for me.

I use a two subject notebook and use the other part of it for trip planning. The fact that we have had some wonderful trips in our past and others in the planning stages or just dreaming stages helps as well.

I wrote something for my 25th High School reunion program. I said that I knew I was never the prettiest or the most popular, but that I had learned to love myself for who I was. Easy words for someone who wasn't going to the reunion. The next year my grammer school was having our 30th reunion and since it was much smaller and more informal I went. Well someone came up to me and told me they had read what I wrote nad how much it impressed them. Made me feel good.:D


Aug 18, 1999
WDWLVR said it all when she "learned to love myself for who I am".

I think that is the key to the whole thing.

You don't have to be the prettiest or the most handsome or the thinest or the funniest, etc. to have self esteem.

I have never been the thinest (or even thin), and I am "over the hill", but I have always had self esteem.


<font color=blue>Stumped for 2005<br><font color=r
Oct 26, 2001
You just have to be happy with who you are. I never felt any significant difference in how I felt until I turned 50. Now that I'm getting closer to 60 I have come to accept that there are some things I just can't do like I did when I was younger. That's okay, though. I can say I've done a lot of things that younger men have yet to do. Sort of a "been there, done that" attitude that can be rather satisfying.


SAHG: Stay At Home Grandfather
Dec 5, 2000
Hang around more people a LOT younger than you. Yeah, they look pretty good, but most of 'em aren't nearly as cool :cool:


<font color=green>Okay, I already am 40, but if I
Jul 1, 2003
How do you keep your self esteem up? By not believing a word my preteen says about me! :rolleyes:


DIS Veteran
Feb 28, 2003
How do I keep my self-esteem up? With a sense of humor!:D

And trying not to take to heart everything my teenagers tell me. I remember last year, (when I was 47, my oldest daughter was 18, and my youngest daughter was 12), the three of us were putting on bathing suits to visit the hotel pool. I made some comment about how I refused to walk to the pool area without first covering my bathing suit up with a full set of clothes. I said something about how awful I looked in a bathing suit. My 12 year old chimed in with, "It's okay, Mom. Nobody will be looking at you anyway. You'll be walking with us." :rolleyes:

Another time, we were trying on bathing suits, (I'm a sucker for punishment), and I made some comment like, "Holy Cow! I look awful in this suit!" My oldest daughter looked at herself in the mirror and said, "Well, I don't look very good either." Then my youngest daughter checks herself out in the mirror and proclaims, "Well, at least I look good!" Now there's some healthy self-esteem!:rolleyes:


<font color=red>Sanita clogs are fabulous<br><font
Dec 22, 2000
I think your self esteem will be greatly improved once you stop thinking in terms that you would rather be "mean than fat" (as you mentioned in another thread). Or that fat people are gross. Right there is a dead give away why you feel the way you do. I think once a person starts putting weight/looks/material things before values and kindness, they are setting themself up for some major self esteem issues.

I must mention this........It is important that certain people (ones that would rather be "mean than fat") do not teach their children these awful values. Or else they will be raising children that will have self esteem problems once they gain a few pounds or don't live up to society's notions of what is beautiful.


Tea Please

Welcomed Guest<br><font color=blue>Tag please, for
Feb 20, 2003
Originally posted by pnelson
Now, I'm married, so it shouldn't matter, but somehow, it does.

I don't know what being married has to do with self esteem. I never placed my self worth on what a man (husband or not) thinks.

I seem to have more self esteem and confidence the older I get. For me, it all boils down to how I treat others. I know how I like to be treated, and I try my darndest to treat others, with respect, courtesy, and compassion. It seems the nicer I am to others the better I feel about myself, thus improving my self esteem.

I hope you find what you are looking for.


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