GP I would gladly pay a "walk the plank" fee if I could get out of ever firing another employee.
The company I work for is a great place, very generous to its employees. I sometimes think that my staff just becomes complacent after time and takes advantage of the generosity found here.
The ones I have fired this year
1) Accountant who spent all day reading personal books (she kept them on her lap under her desk) and texting; she continued to do it after I told her not to. Her way to stop me from finding out was she placed a mirror on the wall outside of her office so that she could see me coming down the hallway. I fired her for sending an email to a huge customer rep, telling the rep she was "STOOPID".
2) Receptionist who had been late 83 days this year. After being warned, she began falsifying her time records because she thought I was too dumb to notice.
3) HR Manager who revealed "sensitive" personal information about an executive here.
4) Accounts payable who only worked one 40 hour week this entire year; she called in sick at least one day every week.
5) Customer service who came to work high on drugs (she was not drinking--she's had several DUI's and gave up alcohol).
In this economy, I would not be reading books under my desk, showing up late every day, coming in stoned, etc.
But my favorite all time firing here was the guy who came to work with his fighting rooster tied to his back under his shirt. It was noticed that blood was seeping through his shirt and when asked, he said he hadn't had time to go home after the fights. DUH, we are a FOOD manufacturing company, we can't exactly have BLOOD on the production floors here.
Shoulder pads looked great in the 80's, made my waist look even smaller, but common, at my size now, I'd need a pillow on each shoulder to make my waist look thinner. 
