Gearing myself up for a battle -- won't be pretty

[Marseeya]

I'm just in a state of dread right now.

This should have been handled yesterday, but we didn't and it just is what it is.

Friday night, DS went out with some friends to a local hangout -- it's a pool hall, but it's frequented by teens. It's right across the street from the police station and I feel pretty good about that place. He'd told me ahead of time that he would be spending the night with his friend and I was okay with that. Well, Saturday morning, I woke up really early and got on my computer. A little before 6 a.m., I heard someone at the back door trying to get in. It scared the bejesus out of me! It ended up being DS, so I asked him what he was doing home so early from his friend's and he told me that his friend had an eye doctor's appointment at 7 a.m.

7 a.m.? On a Saturday? What rock was I born under?

DH and I talked it through and we decided to just wait it out and see if he busted himself. Well, I read his AIM logs and found out that he'd been at a party that night at someone's house and then spent the rest of the night in the woods.

I'm stuck in my usual position of not being able to tell him where I found out the information, but still grounding his butt. DH and I decided to call the other parent, which we SHOULD have done yesterday (anyone want to kick me for it? I'm already kicking myself, so join the club).

I'm just waiting for DS to wake up and DH to get home from church. It's not going to be a good day.

 

[kristen821]

Good luck! I am not looking forward to teenage days. My friend and I used to pull that with our parents all the time. We never go caught, but it is so dangerous.

 

[daisyduck123]

Oh my goodness...I'm not sure what I would have done. I'm sorry this has happened to you. You always have some kind of excitement going on at your house don't you? Let us know what happens.

 

[Marseeya]

Good luck! I am not looking forward to teenage days. My friend and I used to pull that with our parents all the time. We never go caught, but it is so dangerous.

I hear you. My friends and I were the exact same way and I think back about how naive (or DUMB) my parents were. Although, I made up better lies than my DS does.

I don't know why he doesn't get that we're always going to check up on him.

 

[OhMari]

At our h.s. all grades can attend Prom. When my dd was a freshman myself and another mom did driving to the eating place and then we dropped them off at the Prom. 2 other moms were suppose to pick them up from Post Prom. Well the boys in the party were having a sleep over and they called the mom to pick them up early because they were bored. This mom decided to get her 10th grade nephew to bring my dd home at 5:00 a.m. I was so mad at this mom for shucking her duties.

In the end, the boys that were bored, spent the nite outside in her camper and got drunk. So she was more on a rampage about that. When I confronted her about my dd, she said she wasn't ready to go home at midnite from Post Prom. I felt this mom at least could have called me.

 

[Marseeya]

Oh my goodness...I'm not sure what I would have done. I'm sorry this has happened to you. You always have some kind of excitement going on at your house don't you? Let us know what happens.

I'll update later today when the you-know-what hits the fan. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet right now.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Good Luck...I know you didn't ask for advice, but unsolicited, I'll tell you what my dad told me when I was a rebellious teen, I wanted to stay out all night after my prom and he said no....we butted heads for a week over this issue until he finally sat me down and told me the following words (that have stuck with me for over 20 years)

It would break my heart to have to identify you in a police morgue

Took the fight right out of my self-righteous teenattitude.

Good luck today

 

[Marseeya]

At our h.s. all grades can attend Prom. When my dd was a freshman myself and another mom did driving to the eating place and then we dropped them off at the Prom. 2 other moms were suppose to pick them up from Post Prom. Well the boys in the party were having a sleep over and they called the mom to pick them up early because they were bored. This mom decided to get her 10th grade nephew to bring my dd home at 5:00 a.m. I was so mad at this mom for shucking her duties.

In the end, the boys that were bored, spent the nite outside in her camper and got drunk. So she was more on a rampage about that. When I confronted her about my dd, she said she wasn't ready to go home at midnite from Post Prom. I felt this mom at least could have called me.

OMG, that's even worse having a mother doing something like that! She definitely should have called you. I'm sure you would have rather got her yourself than let her ride with a young teen.

 

[Marseeya]

Good Luck...I know you didn't ask for advice, but unsolicited, I'll tell you what my dad told me when I was a rebellious teen, I wanted to stay out all night after my prom and he said no....we butted heads for a week over this issue until he finally sat me down and told me the following words (that have stuck with me for over 20 years)

It would break my heart to have to identify you in a policy morgue

Took the fight right out of my self-righteous teenattitude.

Good luck today

Awww, what a good dad.

I could tell my son something like that and he just won't care. That's what's breaking my heart the most about him, is his total apathy toward his and everybody else's lives. Anger, depression, rage, I can handle. But how do you battle apathy?

 

[kmp1191]

Good luck and hang in there!!

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I used to do stupid stuff like that.

I'd tell my parents that I was spending the night at a certain friend's house and she'd tell her parents that she was spending the night at mine. Then, we'd run around all night, or sleep over at a friend's house, where there were no parents.

I was also doing other, much more dangerous things. Let's just say I didn't straighten up until I was brought home by an undercover narcotics officer and leave it at that.

Look at this website: http://teenswithproblems.com/home_contract.html

I know someone who has done this, at the urging of a counselor. I myself, don't have problem teens. My issue is with one lazy one, and I'm going to be filling one of these out myself tonight.

I think kids are going to push the boundaries, if they don't know the consequences. This contract eliminates that. They sign it - they help create it - they know.

And BTW, I've always told my kids that I would respect their privacy, as long as I felt they were doing nothing that could harm them, or anything illegal. If I suspected otherwise, all bets were off and I'd snoop until I felt better. Fortunately, I've never felt I had to resort to it, but in your case, I'd be doing it in a heartbeat.

Good luck to you!

 

[Sugardimples]

My last eye doctor's appointment was at 7am on a Saturday.

 

[Cindyluwho]

You'll very seldom see me say good things about my mother (a whole 'nother topic) but this one particular situation she handled perfectly, at least in my opinion.
When I was in junior high school my mother found out that my older brother had been smoking weed. I think he was about 16 or 17 at the time. She let me know about her suspisions and together we searched his room until we found a baggie of the stuff. So my mom sends me down to the neighbor's barn to grab some timothy hay, it's the same color as marijuana. She removes half - 3/4 of the weed from the baggie, replaces it with crushed up timothy hay and puts it back in his hiding spot. Sure enough a few days later after he'd been out late the night before, we listen in on his phone conversation with the guy who sold it to him. Keep in mind this was a very small town, we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt who he got it from, basically the only source in town. You should have heard that conversation! My brother was so POed! "That stuff you sold me was #$%@". I'm gonna tell everybody how you ripped me off!".
After a couple days of my brother running around town telling every other kid in town about the rip off of being sold bad weed, my Mother finally told him the truth. Once again he was so angry! Not only had my mom caught him, but he'd totally made a fool of himself to all of his peers. He paid for that one for a while. tee hee And it also gave the kid who was selling a bad rep. Gotta love it!

 

[OhMari]

OMG, that's even worse having a mother doing something like that! She definitely should have called you. I'm sure you would have rather got her yourself than let her ride with a young teen.

My dd is a sophmore now and the only good punishment that would get through to her, "She had to be home after the dance for homecoming, winterfest and now Prom in 2 weeks." She had a cell phone and she could have called me but she used the excuse it was dead. I didn't buy it for a second. I really think she felt she was in h.s. and she could stay out all night. We even discussed all the arrangements. I think it went in one ear and out the other. She has her license now and it is really killing her that she can't go out after Prom. I'm sticking to my punishment. (I know this isn't an excuse, but she is the youngest of 4 kids and the older ones are in college and I think she felt she was finally old enough to be partying all nite.

 

[robsmom]

Good Luck...I know you didn't ask for advice, but unsolicited, I'll tell you what my dad told me when I was a rebellious teen, I wanted to stay out all night after my prom and he said no....we butted heads for a week over this issue until he finally sat me down and told me the following words (that have stuck with me for over 20 years)

It would break my heart to have to identify you in a police morgue

Took the fight right out of my self-righteous teenattitude.

Good luck today

This reminds me so much of a conversation with my Dad when I was about 19. There was a very unfortunate series of deaths of about 5 or 6 teens over the course of a few years including one of my brothers best friends and the son of good friends of my parents. This particular evening I was home from college to attend the funeral of a friend who had died in a car accident when he was speeding. I went into my parents room to borrow something from my mother and heard my Dad in the bathroom crying. I had hardly ever seen my Dad cry. I knocked and he came out and told me "you are not suppossed to bury your kids - I can't watch one more parent do this". It really made me stop and think and not do so many stupid things anymore.

 

[Sparx]

Ugh. Good luck.

One of my friends, Dana, Shes sixteen and has a car and a drivers license, but every time she spends the night at someones house, her mom drops her off. So she doesn't pull something like this. (she never has, but her mom's not giving her the chance)

 

[kristen821]

Ugh. Good luck.

One of my friends, Dana, Shes sixteen and has a car and a drivers license, but every time she spends the night at someones house, her mom drops her off. So she doesn't pull something like this. (she never has, but her mom's not giving her the chance)

That's a good idea

 

[Sparx]

That's a good idea

yeah. Maybe the OP will do this if her son is ever allowed to see the light of day agani.

 

[Marseeya]

Well, it went easier than I thought it would! I gave him an opportunity to come clean before I called his friend's mom and he did. He started out being kind of defiant about it and I basically said that we were trying to be reasonable, but if he wanted it to turn into a drama to bring it on. He calmed down and started behaving like a human.

We went easy on him this time for telling the truth. In the past, he has denied any actions and we had to move heaven and earth to find out the truth. He's grounded for a week and we're going to be seriously monitoring his activities until he earns our trust back again. DH and I discussed it and we decided that we're still going to talk to his friend's mother when we can get hold of her.

What really bothers me, and I need to find a way to stress this to DS without him thinking his behavior is acceptable, is that he didn't feel that he could come home, and was stuck outside in what could have been a dangerous situation. I'd like to find a way to tell him that if he ever finds himself in that situation again (I'll kick his butt), that he can call us to come get him or just come home where he'll be safe.

 

[Stacerita]

Ugh. Good luck.

One of my friends, Dana, Shes sixteen and has a car and a drivers license, but every time she spends the night at someones house, her mom drops her off. So she doesn't pull something like this. (she never has, but her mom's not giving her the chance)

Thats a great idea. I will have to remember to use this one when the sweetpea gets that age.