Gearing myself up for a battle -- won't be pretty

[dmslush]

What really bothers me, and I need to find a way to stress this to DS without him thinking his behavior is acceptable, is that he didn't feel that he could come home, and was stuck outside in what could have been a dangerous situation. I'd like to find a way to tell him that if he ever finds himself in that situation again (I'll kick his butt), that he can call us to come get him or just come home where he'll be safe.

Sparx has a free pass when it comes to something like this. Our deal is that when and if she finds herself in a dangerous situation.... drug use, alcohol, fights, sex, out in the elements, etc.. she can call us. We will pick her up and she will not be punished. Events at that age spiral out of control very fast, and kids get caught up in the moment and then are afraid to call for help. So, if she takes our offer and calls us to come and get her, I won't punish. I figure her having to tell me that she is in a dangerous situation is punishment enough. Good luck, these teen years are making me gray before my time!!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

Good Luck...I know you didn't ask for advice, but unsolicited, I'll tell you what my dad told me when I was a rebellious teen, I wanted to stay out all night after my prom and he said no....we butted heads for a week over this issue until he finally sat me down and told me the following words (that have stuck with me for over 20 years)

It would break my heart to have to identify you in a police morgue

Took the fight right out of my self-righteous teenattitude.

Good luck today

My friend DID get killed on prom nite. She was 17. In 1981. I told my kids about it and any of their friends that wanted to listen. We have talked about it more than once over the years.

 

[Marseeya]

Sparx has a free pass when it comes to something like this. Our deal is that when and if she finds herself in a dangerous situation.... drug use, alcohol, fights, sex, out in the elements, etc.. she can call us. We will pick her up and she will not be punished. Events at that age spiral out of control very fast, and kids get caught up in the moment and then are afraid to call for help. So, if she takes our offer and calls us to come and get her, I won't punish. I figure her having to tell me that she is in a dangerous situation is punishment enough. Good luck, these teen years are making me gray before my time!!

You're so right about things getting out of control so quickly for kids.

I know what you mean about the gray hair! I don't know about you, but I always thought I'd be such a "cool" mom before I ever had kids. Turns out, I'm so much more vigilant than my own mother was. Problem with her was she relied on shame and accusations to keep us in line -- yeah right, as if that would work!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Sorry I missed this yesterday, Marseeya. I will be sending good thoughts your way PM me if I can do anything for you, even if you just want to !@#$%^@#$%^&#$%^&&&*

You don't really need any advice but I was going to suggest letting him hang himself before you confront him with your knowledge, which sounds like what you did anyway. It worked for my mom!! "Is there anything you want to tell me before we have a discussion??"

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Well, it went easier than I thought it would! I gave him an opportunity to come clean before I called his friend's mom and he did. He started out being kind of defiant about it and I basically said that we were trying to be reasonable, but if he wanted it to turn into a drama to bring it on. He calmed down and started behaving like a human.

We went easy on him this time for telling the truth. In the past, he has denied any actions and we had to move heaven and earth to find out the truth. He's grounded for a week and we're going to be seriously monitoring his activities until he earns our trust back again. DH and I discussed it and we decided that we're still going to talk to his friend's mother when we can get hold of her.

What really bothers me, and I need to find a way to stress this to DS without him thinking his behavior is acceptable, is that he didn't feel that he could come home, and was stuck outside in what could have been a dangerous situation. I'd like to find a way to tell him that if he ever finds himself in that situation again (I'll kick his butt), that he can call us to come get him or just come home where he'll be safe.

In HS my Brother spent the night in a cornfield. I think he thought it was part of the 'fun' until it got cold and uncomfortable.

 

[auntpolly]

I'm stuck in my usual position of not being able to tell him where I found out the information,

Oh, what a sweet position to be in!!!!

DD still asks me how I found stuff out (usually it happened quite by accident) and I would never tell her just to keep her on her toes. I would just say, "Oh, I have my spies!" She told me a couple of months ago that she now realizes it was brilliant parenting!

 

[Marseeya]

Oh, what a sweet position to be in!!!!

DD still asks me how I found stuff out (usually it happened quite by accident) and I would never tell her just to keep her on her toes. I would just say, "Oh, I have my spies!" She told me a couple of months ago that she now realizes it was brilliant parenting!

Isn't it hilarious???

A year or so ago, he'd written in his logs a story about how he and his friends were on the local college campus (the town's park is in the middle of campus). They were skateboarding and went out of the park at one point, so the college security guards started chasing them. I used to work on the college campus, so I told him that my old friend from the bookstore told me she saw him being chased by the guards. Gotta love life in a small town. I always tell him about my friends, "You might not see them, but they see you!"

 

[justjulie]

We have the same "free ride" policy at our house. If you are ever in an uncomfortable situation all you have to do is call home and say four words "come and get me". I will go and get him - no questions asked. I'd rather be safe then sorry and any "get together" with teens can easily turn on a dime.