Gas $$$ for DD boyfriend

[brockash]

DD17 has a boyfriend w/ his own car, parents bought it and pay for his gas he doesn't work. With the price of gas going up, up, up I give him money for gas now and then. My thinking is: She is my responsibility, if he didn't have a car we would share driving w/ his parents and it is so nice not having to drive her all over.

I got some push back on this issue from my family yesterday at dinner. Mostly things like "the boy should pay" "I wouldn't expect my son's girlfriend to pay for gas" etc.

What have you all done, or think about this issue.

I guess it depends, but I really doubt I ever would. If there was something I asked him to take her to, then I would, but otherwise, it's like they're getting paid to have fun

I don't think it's a huge deal either way, but I do find it a little odd.

I also agree, that I find it odd, that neither of them work, or make any kind of money to pay for their own gas. To me, if you don't have money for gas, then you probably shouldn't be driving to begin with.

 

[brymolmom]

Honestly, I don't think the parents of either a 17 year old boy OR girl should be paying for the gas (unless they are doing a bunch of errands for the house/parents). They should be earning the money to pay for their own gas (even if it involves cleaning out my garage and basement, etc.)

But in general I agree with you - the girl should throw in some money too if he drives all the time, especially if he is doing things like driving her to school events, etc and not just on 'dates'.

 

[shaylyn]

I think your DD should be working (and so should the boyfriend!) and then she can help pay for the gas money...or better yet, get her own car so she does not need to rely on him

My 18yo works, has a car and pays her own gas and insurance.

My 17yo does not work, so we will not get him a car. When he finds a job, we will buy him a (cheap) car and he will be responsible for gas and insurance.

IMO, if a teen is not working, they don't need to be driving!

 

[manning]

I think your DD should be working (and so should the boyfriend!) and then she can help pay for the gas money...or better yet, get her own car so she does not need to rely on him

My 18yo works, has a car and pays her own gas and insurance.

My 17yo does not work, so we will not get him a car. When he finds a job, we will buy him a (cheap) car and he will be responsible for gas and insurance.

IMO, if a teen is not working, they don't need to be driving!

Shame on you, you are teaching him responsibility. He's entitled to those things.

 

[NVDisMom]

If I didn't trust him with my money, you can bet your life I wouldn't be trusting him with my daughter!

Amen!

 

[JennSaint]

I think it's a very nice gesture. Does he not work because he is involved with alot of afterschool activiites like sports etc? My 16 yr old wants to get a part time job but with practices after school everyday and homework etc I keep telling him he has enough on his plate already.
But if your DD's boyfriend isn't involved with an extra curricular activities then maybe it is time for the part-time job. I always worked part-time in highschool but I didn't play any sports etc.

But anyway I do think it's nice of you to do that however I would probably be buying him gas cards.

 

[manhattan]

My son is a freshman at college, with a girlfriend still in high school. I would love to have her mom help out with gas sometimes. Her mom is a nurse and works weird hours, so DS girlfriend spends tons of time at our home and eats most meals at our home (her mom doesn't cook). He takes her to school and picks her up. My son works part time, but he knows that school is his priority, so I ask him not to work too many hours. The other day he said that his whole paycheck went to gas. He pays for practically anything she wants and when she is with us, we pick up the tab as well, so if her Mom would like to help us out every once in a while, I would appreciate that!

 

[MickeyManiac]

I think it's a very nice gesture. Does he not work because he is involved with alot of afterschool activiites like sports etc? My 16 yr old wants to get a part time job but with practices after school everyday and homework etc I keep telling him he has enough on his plate already.
But if your DD's boyfriend isn't involved with an extra curricular activities then maybe it is time for the part-time job. I always worked part-time in highschool but I didn't play any sports etc.

But anyway I do think it's nice of you to do that however I would probably be buying him gas cards.

As the mother of a nearly 17 y/o boy with a car, I think it's very kind of you to offer gas money.

My DS plays baseball for his high school. They literally play 10 months out of the year. I have not pushed him to get a job because he just doesn't have the time. I tell him his job is to get good grades (3.96 GPA). As long as he's not taking advantage of his driving priveledge or allowing himself to be taken advantage of...(driving friends around) I'm more than happy to supply gas money.

 

[JennSaint]

As the mother of a nearly 17 y/o boy with a car, I think it's very kind of you to offer gas money.

My DS plays baseball for his high school. They literally play 10 months out of the year. I have not pushed him to get a job because he just doesn't have the time. I tell him his job is to get good grades (3.96 GPA). As long as he's not taking advantage of his driving priveledge or allowing himself to be taken advantage of...(driving friends around) I'm more than happy to supply gas money.

That's how I feel! He gets good grades(takes all honor classes) plays football in the fall and runs track in winter and spring. 3 nights a week year round he works out with the football team too. So I'd rather him keep up with his grades than have a job. I tell him "don't you worry you will plenty years to work" lol

 

[Hannathy]

That's how I feel! He gets good grades(takes all honor classes) plays football in the fall and runs track in winter and spring. 3 nights a week year round he works out with the football team too. So I'd rather him keep up with his grades than have a job. I tell him "don't you worry you will plenty years to work" lol

That's the way we felt with our DD also. she did work in the summer and picked up babysitting jobs etc but School was her job and believe me the money she saved by taking 3-4 AP classes a year and taking classes at the University when she had topped out at High school is saving us far more in tuition when you think of it at $30,000 a year than the few thousand she could have made working at a min. wage job in high school. She also would not have received the academic scholarship she did without these classes and her extra curriculars. I'll gladly put gas in the car to save nearly a year of courses at $30,000.

 

[rockyroad]

There aren't any rules, so if you want to slip the kid some gas money then do it.

In high school my son had a girlfriend who lived hours away.
He met her because her dad lived near us.
It was a real pain in the you know where.

Several times I had to pay for a hotel in Booneyhickville because the girl's mom was a real piece of work and would not let the boy sleep on the couch.

For her prom I had to go as the hotel would not let him stay without an adult.
Apparently they had kids tearing up the place on prom night.
They even called me from the desk to outline their behavioral expectations.
The parents of the other kids were mostly

I don't know if all small towns are like that, but it was like a trip into the Twilight Zone.

 

[NaLisa]

Wanted to add--my DDad did buy me a car and pay my insurance when I was a teen and didn't have a job. But I made great grades, picked up my stepsiblings from daycare most days, ran errands for my elderly grandparents and did a lot of the grocery shopping for our family. I also babysat most weekends and worked full time in the summer and saved up my money to buy gas for the car and pay for all my own outings.

So not all parents who buy a teenager a car are overindulgent idiots setting their children up for failure.

 

[englishteacha]

My parents gave me gas money to give to whomever was chauffering me around. Whether it was a boyfriend or a pal, if they were taking me places my parents would have had to take me, they'd give me $5-10 and say, "Give this to BF to help cover gas." I didn't have a car in college, and my boyfriend (now hubby) did. He drove me home when I needed to get home, saving my parents from having to drive all the way to school (125 miles) to get me and the 125 miles home again, and then back. They happily chipped in for gas. I had a job and usually paid my own way for dates, or we'd take turns, but the gas thing my parents insisted on. DH lived one town past us, so bringing me home was only a few miles out of the way, but it was such a convenience for my parents that they gladly helped chip in for gas. (and if it was another friend who drove me home, part of the way home, they/I would help pay for gas. It certainly was cheaper than a car payment!)

 

[Jeff_G]

Ummm how about the city bus! Wow I would have been totally embarrassed to take gas money from my gfs parents… You don’t work, you don’t drive…

 

[Philleigh]

Hope all is well in Cherry Hill, NJ, OP. I don't think boys should pay for everything, but I wouldn't just give the BF gas $$. If he is helping out by transporting DD to places you would have to take her, I like the idea of giving her some $$ or a gas card. But I think the kids should be doing something to contribute rather than parents paying for everything. When I was 17, my grandmother stopped driving and gave me her car. My parents paid insurance, but I had to pay for my own gas (it was cheaper, but minimum wage was less) and repairs. I worked a part-time during my senior year (at the Cherry Hill Mall!). The job did not affect my grades (still in top 10, AP credits for college etc.) - it just took away some of my "hanging out" time and made me manage my other time better. (Next is how I had to walk 10 miles to school in the snow ).

 

[scrapquitler]

Ummm how about the city bus!

Would be great to be able to have kids ride a city bus, but there isn't one of those everywhere.

 

[briar_rose_59]

Would be great to be able to have kids ride a city bus, but there isn't one of those everywhere.

Agreed, the city I live in has busses but the schedules leave A LOT to be desired... That said, I give my bf gas money if he needs it. I don't drive so he picks me up in Detroit (he lives in the suburbs and I live in Windsor & take the tunnel bus over) and then drives wherever we're going, drives me back to Detroit, and then drives himself back home. I'm sure that uses far more gas than he'd use otherwise so I always offer. And we're definitely not high school age anymore lol.

 

[clh2]

Ummm how about the city bus! Wow I would have been totally embarrassed to take gas money from my gfs parents… You don’t work, you don’t drive…

Sorry - not every little town has a city bus. There isn't even a city bus anywhere in the county I live in.

 

[Aliceacc]

Sorry - not every little town has a city bus. There isn't even a city bus anywhere in the county I live in.

They're kind of sparse around here as well.

And to be honest, at night, I would much prefer that my 17 year old daughter not pass through some of the local bus terminals.

I keep concentrating on the fact that it's not just about "some 17 year old boy" the OP doesn't really know, but also his or her daughter who is with him.

 

[NYEmomma]

I think it's very, very kind of you and a completely appropriate thing to do.

If the b/f's parents have a problem with it, I'd probably tell him to keep his mouth shut, lol, or do as PP's suggested and give the money to DD and have her fill up the tank while they were out, pay for some meals, etc.

DH & I started dating when I was 16. I didn't have a job, though I did have a vehicle and my parents paid for gas, insurance, etc. But my parents still felt bad that DH was always paying for ALL of our outings. So they'd constantly slip $20 bills into his coat pockets when he was at our house.

I didn't know about it & he never mentioned it until years later when we were engaged or married -- something along the lines of, "oh, I always used to find money in my coat pockets, I'm so forgetful" -- and my parents finally fessed up & said it was them doing it all along. :lol: