Funny comments to doctors/nurses

[MamaLema]

Can't believe I'm gonna tell y'all this one:

I was in the hospital delivering my second son by VBAC (******l birth after c-section). It was an extremely LONG and difficult labor. I was in the labor room for a few shift changes and saw many different faces coming in to examine me. The new people would come in, introduce themselves, ask me to assume the position and then invade the nether regions of my body to check on my DS's "progression". Well around the 23rd hour of hard labor, and about the time for another shift change, a new face came into my room carrying equipment and looking official. I assumed it was yet ANOTHER examiner coming to invade the nether regions and check on DSs progression so I got into the proper position without being asked, baring EVERYTHING for this poor guy to see. He quickly covered his eyes and said "Lady I don't need to see THAT, I'm just here to stock the supplies in your room". I wanted to die. DH will NOT let me live that down to this day. He tells everyone I don't have a modest bone in my body.

Aw, don't feel bad. Honestly after 23 hours of labour I wouldn't care less either. In fact, during labour my hospital gown slipped off completely from all the changing of positions. My DH tried to politely point it out to me but I screamed "I don't care!Just get the baby out!"

 

[MickeyFlirt]

I am a nurse. Well one day it was my turn to take care of a pt. we had gotten a couple days before. This women was perfectly sane just a little onary(sp?) and demanding. Well I walk into the room and she had gotten some alum. foil from who nows where and put it on her head. Than she had one of the tops that come off hosp. ice cream taped to her eye. when I asked her about this she stated her "hat" was made to keep the cell phone rays from going to her brain and the eye patch was b/c she had a eye infectionwhich we found out she didn't. I couldn't get out of that room fast enough mainly b/c of how she looked.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

My BIL is an anesthesiologist. Once he had a elderly patient that needed drugs administered. She explained to him that drugs were against her religion but she trusted her doctor.

Once the drugs kicked in, she told my BIL, "Oh my, that is some GOOD STUFF! Oh yes, I like it!"

Lori

 

[huey duey & luey]

Throughout my pregnancy we were told that we were having 3 boys. When it came time to deliver baby A came out and my Dr told us it was a girl. My dh said to put her back because she wasn't finished

 

[Pin Wizard]

Several years back I had an arthroscopy on my knee. They started a drip and I felt a bit more relaxed. They took me to the OR, scooted the bed next to the table, and had me do that get on the table thing. As I was getting settled, a brilliant nurse said...How are you doing? I said...well, I haven't jumped off the table yet!

 

[goofygirl]

Me and DH were in the waiting room at the hospital when we overheard 2 doctors talking about a man (something about S.O.B.) We were horrified that doctors talk about patients like that until we figured out S.O.B. stands for short of breath and not son of a *****

Likewise, in the medical field "F.U." means "follow up", and not the other thing!

 

[goofygirl]

A friend of mine was new to the healthcare field and she said she kept seeing tons of patient charts that had under the "Allergies" section a medicine called NKDA. She wanted to know what the heck was NKDA and why are so many people allergic to it.

NKDA means No Known Drug Allergies!!

 

[dbenlee]

When I finished x-ray school, I worked for a couple of years in a small rural clinic. I used to get a kick out of some of the "butchered" medical terminology used by patients. There were quite a few cases of chicken "pops". We had a few people worried about a spouse or elderly parent having "oldtimers" disease. And my personal favorite was the female patient who didn't want to drive the 20 miles to see her OB/GYN and wanted to know if the clinic Dr. would do her annual "pop quiz".

 

[laurie31]

I had the umm...experience... of talking to a woman who called our hosptial at 11:30 at night. She just wanted some advice about her child and didn't want to bother her ped. Of course we can't give out medical advice over the phone but I asked her what was the problem. At least I could advise her to call her doc right away or come in to the ER, etc.

She replied he had trouble with his ???. I couldn't understand the word she said. I thought maybe she said "bowels." I wondered if he was constipated or having diarrhea, so I asked her about those things. She said, "No, not his *bowels,* his BALLS! His nut sack is empty!" OMGosh, I about died trying to suppress my laughter. I managed to reassure her this was not uncommon and she could call her ped in the morning about it. The child was 2 years old and she had noticed this for months. Suddenly at midnight it's an emergency?

Another woman was concerned about her child having skin grafts for burns. She asked if the child would have scarring at the donor sites. Figuring she had heard about kids who develop keloids, my co-worker tried to reassure her that these were not common in white children. What he said to her was, "Sometimes African-American children do get some scarring, but usually Caucasian children do not." The woman stared at him, puzzled, then finally said, "Well...we're from Ohio." My friend's eyebrows threatened to leave his forehead as he tried not to laugh in her face. He managed to get out, "Um, I think you'll be fine, then," before hightailing it out of the room so he could bust out laughing. (No offense to any Ohioans here - we were actually relieved that other states have people like this too )

Laurie

 

[Disney Doll]

And everyone thinks it shows in your face first......

Cathy

 

[Disney Doll]

Several years back I had an arthroscopy on my knee. They started a drip and I felt a bit more relaxed. They took me to the OR, scooted the bed next to the table, and had me do that get on the table thing. As I was getting settled, a brilliant nurse said...How are you doing? I said...well, I haven't jumped off the table yet!

I'm not sure I understand the sarcasm behind the "brilliant nurse" remark. Had she not aksed you how you were doing, she would have been considered unfeeling, right?

Can't win with some folks.

 

[Disney Doll]

When I was a student nurse, during my Ob/Gyn rotation, I had to spend a day at an Ob/Gyn's office. A woman came in complaining of ******l pain.

We got her all set up in the stirrups etc, the doc came in, examined her and pulled out a set of keys!! When he showed them to her, her response was "Oh, that's where I put those"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mskanga]

This reminds me of the first time I was pregnant , I was almost full term and the doctor was doing one of the routine internal check ups. My husband was with me and I guess while the doctor was sticking his hand up you know where , from the pressure and the pain I stuck my tongue out . My husband goes "put your tongue back in your mouth" and then the doctor goes to him " well you know this doesn't feel very good " . I looked at him and said to the doctor , " and how would you know ? BTW, did anybody ever tell you you got a big hand? "

 

[S. C.]

 

[HOGFAN]

please dont say these during a mammogram, we have heard them 50 thousand times


I wish I could put my husbands *^&@ in this thing.

You dont have to tell me to hold my breath.

Have you seen that thing on the internet?......(yes we have)

Dont you get tired of looking at womens breasts all day? (yes we do)

I just put on a 'little' deodorent (you might as well as put it on an inch thick)

I hate these things! (we all do)

 

[luvtogo12]

A scared mom called me one night about her 8month old with a fever. I asked how high the fever was, but she said, "I'm not sure, I haven't checked the onion yet." Thinking that perhaps "onion" was a euphemism for something else, I asked, "the onion?" Mom said she had tied half an onion around the baby's wrist and when the onion is done you know they have a high fever. No kidding... I told her to get a rectal temp and give some tylenol "to help the onion work."

YIKES!! I don't think this Mom should be trusted with a rectal thermometer.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

please dont say these during a mammogram, we have heard them 50 thousand times


I wish I could put my husbands *^&@ in this thing.

You dont have to tell me to hold my breath.

Have you seen that thing on the internet?......(yes we have)

Dont you get tired of looking at womens breasts all day? (yes we do)

I just put on a 'little' deodorent (you might as well as put it on an inch thick)

I hate these things! (we all do)

Have you considered that maybe some women are not getting a routine breast exam done and they are being checked for something, and maybe they are scared out of their minds are just saying these "stupid" things because they are nervous and petrified??

Wow.

 

[disneysteve]

I don't think I posted this one yet.

A patient came in complaining of back pain. I asked him to describe the pain He said, "The pain is constant. I don't have it now, but its constant when I get it."

 

[minkydog]

I took my DS5 to the eye doctor for an exam...he was in the chair looking at all of the machines with mischief in his eyes....I had visions of him breaking some large piece of equipment while the doc was asking me questions so I was a tiny bit preoccupied with my little one as I was answering the docs questions.....one exchange went like this....

Doc: "Is there any history of eye disease in his family?"
Me: "Oh yes, both of my inlaws have gonorrhea" I could not find the right word, glaucoma, no matter how hard I tried...I was sooo embarassed

So, how's the treatment coming along?

 

[kdudley3]

I'm not a Dr. or nurse, but I'll fess up on my blonde moment.

I was in seeing my Dr. for my arm. I had terrible pain on my forearm near the elbow. He told me that I had "Tennis elbow", and I said....you guessed it..."But I don't play tennis"! In an instant, I realized what I said and we both started laughing!