Funny comments to doctors/nurses

[DawnCt1]

I went to an allergist a few years ago to rule out a Penicillin allergy. After the usual skin testing was complete the allergist came into the exam room and handed me 30 cc of liquid penicillin and said, "TAKE THIS" as he walked out of the room. Five minutes later he came back and said, "Where is the penicillin?" I told him I drank it. He said with a horrified look on his face, , "I told you to take it (hold it) not drink it". I got a bit of a scare until he started laughing. It was funny. It took me totally by surprise and he must have known that I had a good sense of humor. I can't imagine too many patients getting a kick out of that!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I'm sure the nurses/docs in the L/D room thought I was nuts when DS was born. I was so thrilled to hear him screaming from them cleaning him off, poking him, etc that I yelled out "That's it! Scream! Get pissed! Atta boy..."

TOV

 

[disneysteve]

Of course, there are always the folks who don't quite have a handle on medical terms. Folks are frequently telling me they don't want to take any GENETIC drugs (meaning generic). And a few weeks ago a guy came to see me because he had a LEISURE on his genitals. I think lesion is the word he was looking for.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Ah, a doc with a sense of humor. Priceless!!

I had the GREATEST gynocologist! He must of been a stand up comedian on the side, but he would have me laughing through all of my exams. Being a very young girl with lots of female problems, never having anyone near "there" before, he made an extremely stressful situation painless!

 

[VampHeartless]

Once when my doctor put me on Prozac, he said, "this might affect your labido some..."

I told him, "It's okay, sir. I don't use my labido much anymore anyways..."

 

[JAP]

Well I have one about myself... ! After my last surgery back in September, when I was coming out of the anesthesia I kept talking about how cute the surgeons were! The nurses got a big kick out of my *giggling*! I was quite embarrassed when my 2 docs came in to see me later that day!! I still blush when I think about it!!

 

[orangeblossom]

LOL at all of these

 

[Disney Doll]

There's probably not a medical professional alive who hasn't had a "I didn't recognize you with your clothes on" encounter. Mine was with a very nice GI doc(who later did my endo & colonoscopy) in an elevator with my husband and I. Kind of funny because my husband is a big tall fella (think football player). I said hi to the doc, he looked at me and goes "Oh Patty, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on" and then I intorduced my hubby. Well, the poor fella just about died, but my DH has a great SOH and laughed it off.

I had a patient once tell me that it was one of the nicest cruises she had ever been on, she was amazed at the siz eof her cabin, and I was the best cabin attendant she had ever had. Needless to say, I wasn't about to tell her she was in the hospital!

 

[DisOrBust]

My three favorites:

In the middle of a LONG episotomy repair the mom sits straight up in bed, look straight at the Doc and says, "what are you hemming a dress down there or what!"

A pt needed a Vag exam done by her ob and was obvious cringing at the thought. Dr L. without missing a beat tells her "well if you were going to the Ear doctor you would know where he's going to look so guess what..."

A very windy day around Halloween and one of the surgeons at the OR command center walks up stating"It so windy out there the wickecd witch of the West is going to fly buy. " The charge RN without ever even looking up says "No. Dr. B is aready in house doing surgery in OR 3!"

 

[nrsldy]

I work in an ER. I became sick last sept with the stomach flu.I ended up in the ER where I work because I could not stop vomiting for 3 days and a headache that would not go away. One of the DR's I work with came in and was asking me questions and the last one was "Have you been around anyone that has had the flu?" I answered "Yes here". The doc turned red and left the room. I had became sick during the last shift I had worked. Then I paged the house supervisor befor I left at 1230AM and told her that I would not be in that morning to work and she said to me couldn't you go home and sleep a couple of hours and come in(my shift started at 0700). I had to decline.

 

[rascalmom]

Since birth I have had a fairly large mole right at my swimsuit line on my bottom. Never really thought much about it.

When I was pregnant with dd#1 I was in the OB's office for the dreaded pelvic exam. There I was on the table "in position", nervous as most new moms are under the circumstances.

Dr. asks me to scoot down on the table. Shift shift. "A little more please." Shift shift. (don't you love those paper gowns). "Just a little bit more" - at this I feel like if I scoot any more south on that table, I'm gonna fall off the table (oh wait - THAT is another story). Finally I guess he has me where he wants me.

Dr. says, "Does this ever bother you?" Silent pause.

Um, well. I'm thinking - you've got to be kidding! Are there people who enjoy this? I sheepishly replied that it was a little affront to my modesty.

Turns out he was referring to my mole. That little mole is no longer with me!

 

[btass]

I'm sure the nurses/docs in the L/D room thought I was nuts when DS was born. I was so thrilled to hear him screaming from them cleaning him off, poking him, etc that I yelled out "That's it! Scream! Get pissed! Atta boy..."

I did almost the same thing!
I heard DS crying and I said "That's it baby! Let them know you're here!!!!"

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

Well in retrosepct this is funny. I get a call from my husband one day asking where a particular local hospital is located (we had our own hosp close) and when I ask why he will not tell me only that he has to go to the er. Now of course I am in the car and on a cell phone and I am imagining all sorts of scary things since he is a diabetic. I rush home and he finally admits that he has a urinary tract infection. I say how do you know and the "genius" replies I saw it in the Greenmile.
Well his regular doctor was only reachable on the phone. He calls him and tells him this same thing and the stupid idiot orders bactrum w/out even seeing him. I tell him I am NOT going to fill it and that we will go to the ER and I will take him. Just before going into the er triage I beg him NOT to tell them he has a urinary tract infection and that he knows that is what it is because he saw it in the GreenMile. Of course you can probably tell he does not comply with my wishes. He walks in and tells them exactly that. Of course I am cringing. They take him out back somewhere and I am left to wait, and wait, and wait, andwait for three hours in the waiting room. By this time I have him either dead or in need of a kidney transplant. He finally comes out smiling and tells me he is fine it was just a kidney stone. What an idiot. Oh and then he tells me that he and the nurses and doctors were looking at the kidney stone and they all decided it looked just like an armadillo!
We no longer have the same primary care I dumped him after I called and screached at his nurse (he was not there). I asked her what the heck were we paying him for if he could prescribe over the phone when someone does self diagnosis using a Steven King movie as a reference. The anti-biotic was the sort that can crystalize in the kidney....not the best thing for someone prone to kidney stones. Maybe this doctor should watch ER more often so he could keep up on his diagnostic techniques.

 

[Hillbeans]

At an OB-GYN exam in January, while I had my legs in the stirrups and he was "down there" starting my exam, my Doctor asked me "Have you lost weight since I saw you last??"......

Not quite sure why he picked that time to ask me, however I laughed pretty hard at that one.

 

[crz4mm2]

At an OB-GYN exam in January, while I had my legs in the stirrups and he was "down there" starting my exam, my Doctor asked me "Have you lost weight since I saw you last??"......

Not quite sure why he picked that time to ask me, however I laughed pretty hard at that one.

And everyone thinks it shows in your face first......

Cathy

 

[mermaidlady]

When I worked at the ped's office a 16 yr old boy came in for a sports physical. When the exam was down he asked the doc if he needed a UA and the doc told him no. He showed the doc his bottle of apple juice and asked if he couldn't have one anyway. The doc loves to play practical jokes so he agreed, came out of the room and told the nurse to give the boy a cup. The boy went into the bathroom and came out with the "sample" The doc took it looked at it then drank it, then said seems fine to me. We all nearly died when he did that.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Right after my niece was born and the doctor laid her on my sister's chest, my sister yelled out, "Oh my God, it's a baby!"

 

[RachelEllen]

No patient related ones come to mind, but we did play a great joke on one of the older attendings once. One of the other residents took an infant sized dummy and swaddled it in baby blankets. I stopped the attending just outside the nursery and was asking her some questions. She was facing into the nursery at the time. Meanwhile, the other residents walks along inside the nursery, just on the other side of the glass (where she can see him). He mimes tripping, an outrageous fall, and lets the 'baby' fly out of his arms and accross the room! The look on her face was priceless.


R

 

[MamaLema]

Me and DH were in the waiting room at the hospital when we overheard 2 doctors talking about a man (something about S.O.B.) We were horrified that doctors talk about patients like that until we figured out S.O.B. stands for short of breath and not son of a *****

 

[torianne31]

Can't believe I'm gonna tell y'all this one:

I was in the hospital delivering my second son by VBAC (******l birth after c-section). It was an extremely LONG and difficult labor. I was in the labor room for a few shift changes and saw many different faces coming in to examine me. The new people would come in, introduce themselves, ask me to assume the position and then invade the nether regions of my body to check on my DS's "progression". Well around the 23rd hour of hard labor, and about the time for another shift change, a new face came into my room carrying equipment and looking official. I assumed it was yet ANOTHER examiner coming to invade the nether regions and check on DSs progression so I got into the proper position without being asked, baring EVERYTHING for this poor guy to see. He quickly covered his eyes and said "Lady I don't need to see THAT, I'm just here to stock the supplies in your room". I wanted to die. DH will NOT let me live that down to this day. He tells everyone I don't have a modest bone in my body.