Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[cabanafrau]

OP here. DS came home from school yesterday saying his friend (son of the couple who owe us money) told him he’s not allowed to come over to our house anymore because we’re “not nice people”. So if they want to hang out it has to be at his house. DS asked me why they think we’re not nice people and I just told him that there were adult issues happening but he knows that we’re nice people and that sometimes people can be upset at you even though you didn’t do anything wrong.

As for my son going to their house to play, I’m not very comfortable with that at the moment, so for now they’ll see each other at school and maybe at the house of a mutual friend or at the local park.

Still haven’t heard anything from the couple since they blocked me everywhere and I don’t expect to. I have heard from a mutual acquaintance that the wife was telling people to stay away from us but everyone knows what really happened. The same acquaintance also has known this woman much longer than me and said she’s always creating some kind of drama and that everyone takes everything she says with a grain of salt.

I’ve never experienced this kind of behavior and I’m still shocked by it. Not just the money but how she acted when I asked for it back. Judging from how they purposely ordered expensive food and drinks after they both “forgot their wallets” I’m thinking this was done purposely and it’s probably not the first time they’ve done it. Hopefully they don’t do it to someone else.

Not even a little bit surprised they've resorted to behaving like a dog after it's completed its business.

 

[Robber Baron]

They won't show up for small claims court.

But I'd file for a hearing anyway.

How fun would it be to get a lien on their house over a dinner tab?

 

[cabanafrau]

They won't show up for small claims court.

But I'd file for a hearing anyway.

How fun would it be to get a lien on their house over a dinner tab?

Amusing to think about, but it's not even a given OP would win a small claims judgment over this -- let alone be granted a property lien.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Amusing to think about, but it's not even a given OP would win a small claims judgment over this -- let alone be granted a property lien.

I would say the odds are pretty good on the OP’s side, if she keeps the text messages from the thief.

 

[Tuffcookie]

They won't show up for small claims court.

But I'd file for a hearing anyway.

How fun would it be to get a lien on their house over a dinner tab?

Garnishing their wages would be what would happen, and that could happen if they don’t show up. The OP would get a default judgement. I’m shocked that so many people would walk away from filing a small claims court action against these two thieves. This is how you nip this in the bud.

 

[citruscurtis]

Huh.. isn't their a TV show about this.... like gardening in rich soil

 

[mjkacmom]

Garnishing their wages would be what would happen, and that could happen if they don’t show up. The OP would get a default judgement. I’m shocked that so many people would walk away from filing a small claims court action against these two thieves. This is how you nip this in the bud.

I’d never waste my time to try to recoup $200, and honestly don’t know anyone who would. I’d move on and not waste another thought on this couple.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I’d never waste my time to try to recoup $200, and honestly don’t know anyone who would. I’d move on and not waste another thought on this couple.

You are looking at this as one person being affected. When you chose to “move on”, if and when the thieves decide to do this again, the next person will have to make the decision to confront them or kick the can on down the road.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I’m shocked that so many people would walk away from filing a small claims court action against these two thieves.

Court would be far too much drama for me. - It would feel like I was on one of those horrible trash TV shows, and I worry it could get the OP a bad reputation with others in the friend group as a person who escalates things.

Plus, for me personally, I'd probably spend more money as a result - something to wear to court, take-out because I'd be too nervous to worry about dinner the night before (or too tired the night after) or whatever.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Court would be far too much drama for me. - It would feel like I was on one of those horrible trash TV shows, and I worry it could get the OP a bad reputation with others in the friend group as a person who escalates things.

Plus, for me personally, I'd probably spend more money as a result - something to wear to court, take-out because I'd be too nervous to worry about dinner the night before (or too tired the night after) or whatever.

LOL!

 

[longboard55]

If you go to court they will say they were invited. And the judge will not be happy anyone wasted his time with this.

 

[cabanafrau]

I would say the odds are pretty good on the OP’s side, if she keeps the text messages from the thief.

Garnishing their wages would be what would happen, and that could happen if they don’t show up. The OP would get a default judgement. I’m shocked that so many people would walk away from filing a small claims court action against these two thieves. This is how you nip this in the bud.

You are looking at this as one person being affected. When you chose to “move on”, if and when the thieves decide to do this again, the next person will have to make the decision to confront them or kick the can on down the road.

IMO it's nowhere near this cut and dried as you suggest to bring this into a courtroom. A court may well look at the text messages and listen to the claims from both sides and rule that something that was supposedly said that evening at dinner, or in the suggestion to get dinner together was OP's agreement to foot the bill. I'm not saying that is the truth, but it wouldn't prevent grifters from making the claim and a Court deciding the text messages alone aren't enough to make the grifters responsible for their tab.

It also shouldn't go unsaid that if the courts were suddenly called into action to handle every dispute like this one, even small claims, our court systems would collapse under the sheer volume. I've worked in the system almost two decades now, it's straining at the seams in many, many places.

I get not wanting to let lowlifes like this keep taking people for a ride. I shared my own experience upthread on a similar situation and how I went about trying to short circuit the scam to keep going on and balance the social aspects of adult and kid relationships. My solution ended up shutting down a particular scheme and the scammer simply came up with new ones. It's not all that different even when court judgments get involved -- vermin find a way.

Addressing other points upthread, the bar for obtaining a property lien is typically reserved for specific criteria, for good reason.

 

[White Cat]

If you go to court they will say they were invited. And the judge will not be happy anyone wasted his time with this.

Not sure what being invited and being expected to pay has to do with it.

 

[White Cat]

I guess the OP could have paid for themselves and let the other couple fight it out with the restaurant.

 

[Tuffcookie]

IMO it's nowhere near this cut and dried as you suggest to bring this into a courtroom. A court may well look at the text messages and listen to the claims from both sides and rule that something that was supposedly said that evening at dinner, or in the suggestion to get dinner together was OP's agreement to foot the bill. I'm not saying that is the truth, but it wouldn't prevent grifters from making the claim and a Court deciding the text messages alone aren't enough to make the grifters responsible for their tab.

It also shouldn't go unsaid that if the courts were suddenly called into action to handle every dispute like this one, even small claims, our court systems would collapse under the sheer volume. I've worked in the system almost two decades now, it's straining at the seams in many, many places.

I get not wanting to let lowlifes like this keep taking people for a ride. I shared my own experience upthread on a similar situation and how I went about trying to short circuit the scam to keep going on and balance the social aspects of adult and kid relationships. My solution ended up shutting down a particular scheme and the scammer simply came up with new ones. It's not all that different even when court judgments get involved -- vermin find a way.

Addressing other points upthread, the bar for obtaining a property lien is typically reserved for specific criteria, for good reason.

This is a case where we will have to agree, to disagree! Having retired from law enforcement, I got to see the court system up close. Cases like this are what small claims courts are set up for, thus they are called “small”. I would definitely not let this fly, if it happened to me.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I’d never waste my time to try to recoup $200, and honestly don’t know anyone who would. I’d move on and not waste another thought on this couple.

While I would not take them to court, it would be very difficult for me to move on with people tarnishing my name when I did absolutely nothing wrong.

If this thief would have said "Hey. So sorry. I am embarrassed. We are going through a rough time financially and we were really looking forward to a meal out with good company. We weren't honest when we said we would pay you back. We took advantage of you. We are sorry" I would 100% move on. I wouldn't associate with them ever again, but I would be able to shrug and move on.

The thief is being nasty and vicious. That is tough to move on from without defending yourself.

 

[squeezeplay101]

DH and I went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with another couple who are friends of ours last week (they chose the restaurant). When we arrived this couple said they both “forgot their wallets” and asked if we could pay and they’d Zelle or Cashapp us right back. We said of course. They ordered $216 worth of food and drink (excluding tip and tax). After dinner they said they couldn’t get into their bank app and they’d “catch up with us tomorrow”. A few days went by without hearing from them, so I texted to see if they could send the money. The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money. I texted her again and she got angry and said that she was tired of me harassing her and we should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place when they said they forgot their wallets. She said I was “obsessed” with this and said she’d send it. That was days ago and still no money. I texted her again today and she said if I valued our friendship I’d just drop it. She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them. Now I’m trying to decide if I just drop it and stay friends, drop it and not talk to her again or keep trying to get back the money. She seems weirdly sensitive about this. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not small change either. What would you do?

Based upon what you wrote, it doesn't appear they value YOUR friendship. I'd move on. Who knows, maybe they'll come around if they don't hear from you. If they don't, then they were using you.

 

[TCRAIG]

I’ve read all 10 pages and will now grace you with some old lady wisdom…LET IT GO. Don’t feed the bear - Water off a duck’s back - Don’t let these people live in your head rent free, etc. it seems like others in the neighborhood already know their reputation and are not holding any of this on you. Let your kids socialize at school and any other public setting. I think explaining to your son that it’s an adult thing is the right response. I would not bother taking them to small claims court or any other type of action against this couple. I WOULD advise any new neighbors or people who start up a social relationship with this couple that they be sure and ask if ‘everyone’ has their wallets before going into a restaurant…

 

[goofyernmost]

I was in small claim court twice. Damned if I can remember why, that would have had to be in the mid 1970's. I don't think any one filed against me, so it must have been me that filed. It was simple and nothing like an episode of Perry Mason. I'm sure it was a business thing and we were going after someone that wouldn't pay for services rendered.