Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I understand what you are saying and to a large degree I agree. My concern is not about a childhood friendship, that has a small percent of chance in todays world of being a lasting one. What I am concerned about is that the child would inevitably come in contact with the parents and if they act the way those in the story did around your child I'm thinking that nothing happy will result. If they use your child and their friendship as leverage to get you involved or forgiving of the debt owed, how can that be a good thing and why don't you think it is a possibility. It might be upsetting for a short time but over time it would be much better for both sides if it is just stopped before something worse happens.

I hear ya but at the same time you can't do that for every single situation and frankly the greatest risk of things is at school around peers something of which you have very little control over and thus need to lean more into what you teach your child. My point was really for something like this it's a really good opportunity for the child of the OP IF they were even to have something to be able to have the agency to know what to do maybe that is as simple as you saying let me know if there is anything kinda out of the ordinary said to you by the parent. Yanking the child away from the friend who hasn't done anything does what exactly for the child of the OP to understand for future situations, what does the child then learn to do when they may be faced with individuals like this, and is that even the right decision to do that when the child hasn't done anything to show they even know about their parents behavior much less would agree with their parents behavior, etc

I think this is even more the case to not go overboard like was suggested when we know most friendships don't last or aren't super strong as time goes on so would this even be something that is a certainty to happen? It's just not serious enough of a situation to take such extreme precautions and when your parent goes overboard like that you can adopt that behavior in a negative way. Thinking for yourself is not something youth of today have been able to use nearly as much as they should and countless studies have shown kids as they get older struggle when their parents exert too much control on their abilities to make decisions including just who they can be friends with. To me the threshold for going protective parent to the Nth degree is not met at this point in time based on solely what the OP has said.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I wouldn't have a problem with my kid still being friends with their kid, but I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kid in the care of people like that - so school, sports, hanging out after school... all of that is fine. But if my kid got invited to a sleepover at their house, I'm quite sure we'd be busy that day.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I'm quite sure we'd be busy that day.

OMG, yes! These people actually seem dangerous to me.

If they try and play mind games with adults, imagine what they would do to a child?

 

[gsdweller]

The responses to this thread are making me loose hope for the goodness of humanity.

 

[Pink Partridge]

In my experience, it is probably something much more awful for her. Like perhaps her husband has blown all their money and she is trying to keep her head above water and not let anyone know her life is totally falling apart. Either way you will not get your money back, but if you really like her, you could perhaps be a support when things get really ugly and she kicks him out.

I 100% do not believe this is the case. I believe the nasty woman and her husband are scammers.

 

[Pink Partridge]

The responses to this thread are making me loose hope for the goodness of humanity.

This has me curious.

Do you think the OP should be kind to the thief? Do you believe the thief deserves the goodness of others?

To be honest, the OP is way nicer than I would be in this matter.

 

[Gracedis1]

It's hard to imagine people doing this. This is why I have few friends.

 

[Pink Partridge]

It's hard to imagine people doing this. This is why I have few friends.

Well, I would rather have a few good friends that I could trust than a large circle that has bad eggs in it like the dinner thieves. So I think you are better off just having a just few friends.

 

[gsdweller]

This has me curious.

Do you think the OP should be kind to the thief? Do you believe the thief deserves the goodness of others?

To be honest, the OP is way nicer than I would be in this matter.

I just think the vindictiveness of the replies are a bit over the top.

 

[longboard55]

What is really wrong about this is if your intention is not to pay why spend $200. My wife go out a lot, we never spend that much.

 

[Magical2017]

I just think the vindictiveness of the replies are a bit over the top.

Many posted on this thread have simply said to let it go, but for OP to not put herself in that position again. Based on the "friend" also blocking OP and gaslighting her,I would be cautious about putting my child in that person's care. That is not vindictive. It is protecting your family from those who might not have your best interest at heart. I don't have friends who would ever treat me the way this woman has treated OP. I think somewhere in the thread OP has said she was going to let it go.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

OP here. DS came home from school yesterday saying his friend (son of the couple who owe us money) told him he’s not allowed to come over to our house anymore because we’re “not nice people”. So if they want to hang out it has to be at his house. DS asked me why they think we’re not nice people and I just told him that there were adult issues happening but he knows that we’re nice people and that sometimes people can be upset at you even though you didn’t do anything wrong.

As for my son going to their house to play, I’m not very comfortable with that at the moment, so for now they’ll see each other at school and maybe at the house of a mutual friend or at the local park.

Still haven’t heard anything from the couple since they blocked me everywhere and I don’t expect to. I have heard from a mutual acquaintance that the wife was telling people to stay away from us but everyone knows what really happened. The same acquaintance also has known this woman much longer than me and said she’s always creating some kind of drama and that everyone takes everything she says with a grain of salt.

I’ve never experienced this kind of behavior and I’m still shocked by it. Not just the money but how she acted when I asked for it back. Judging from how they purposely ordered expensive food and drinks after they both “forgot their wallets” I’m thinking this was done purposely and it’s probably not the first time they’ve done it. Hopefully they don’t do it to someone else.

 

[Magical2017]

OP here. DS came home from school yesterday saying his friend (son of the couple who owe us money) told him he’s not allowed to come over to our house anymore because we’re “not nice people”.

OMG, how awful! I think you handled it nicely with your son. So sorry this happened to you.

You might want to put "Update on page 8" in your title or original post.

 

[Pink Partridge]

What is really wrong about this is if your intention is not to pay why spend $200.

Because their intention was to steal as much as they could from OP.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I just think the vindictiveness of the replies are a bit over the top.

The thief has now told her son that his friend's parents "are not nice people". Talk about vindictive!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

DS came home from school yesterday saying his friend (son of the couple who owe us money) told him he’s not allowed to come over to our house anymore because we’re “not nice people”.

That's exactly why I didn't agree with people saying to stop the friendship. You would be doing the exact same thing that they just did to your son even though your son did nothing wrong. But because you rightfully feel like you did nothing wrong it's the other parents who are looked at poorly but the basic thing would have still remained the same two parents feuding who seemingly don't like each other taking it out on their kids, which is a shame.

As for my son going to their house to play, I’m not very comfortable with that at the moment, so for now they’ll see each other at school and maybe at the house of a mutual friend or at the local park.

I think that would have been perfectly fine regardless of your update, making them stop being friends, bad mouthing their parents to your son and all the other stuff was and still is IMO over the top.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I think that would have been perfectly fine regardless of your update, making them stop being friends, bad mouthing their parents to your son and all the other stuff was and still is IMO over the top.

I would not bad mouth, but I most certainly warn my child of bad people. Always.

 

[Disneylover99]

As for my son going to their house to play, I’m not very comfortable with that at the moment, so for now they’ll see each other at school and maybe at the house of a mutual friend or at the local park.

Based on what they told their own child, I would never send my child to these people’s house. Seeing the other child at school or someone else’s house seems reasonable.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I would not bad mouth, but I most certainly warn my child of bad people. Always.

Warning comes in many forms and bad people comes in many forms or should I say severity levels not to mention a label of bad people, at some point if you (general you) describe everyone as bad persons then everyone in someone's life would end up being called bad person rather than certain behaviors are not admirable and instead just an overly vague way and far too wide of a descriptor of viewing individuals. Kids both don't observe the things that happen between adults and yet at the same time do. But in any case I was speaking towards the several comments made where people said they would blast the couple for all to hear including on social media as well as prematurely and to the Nth degree to the son.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Warning comes in many forms and bad people comes in many forms or should I say severity levels not to mention a label of bad people, at some point if you (general you) describe everyone as bad persons then everyone in someone's life would end up being called bad person...

But nobody is describing everyone as bad.