Found out 2 8th graders at DD's middle school are pregnant

[christineann]

I agree with VA32h completely. I'm tired of being told that we need to accept that kids are doing drugs, having sex, etc. I do NOT have to accept it any more than my parents did and any more than their parents did. Why should we hold our kids to lower standards and expect less of them than our parents did for us?

 

[Bill_Sykes]

Abstinence-only programs have a higher level of pregancy and a higher level of sexually transmitted diseases. Abstinence-only talk can backfire

Repeated studies have found that abstinence-only programs are ineffective in either delaying sexual experience among teens or protecting them from disease

To the contrary, several studies link the programs to higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases among teens. A study in the April issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, for example, found that teens who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are more likely than others to engage in oral and anal sex, which increases their risks of sexually transmitted diseases. Teens taking the pledges were also less likely to use condoms during their first sexual experience or undergo testing for diseases once sexually active.

Unfortunately, scientific data about the failure of abstinence-only education have yet to sink in with the Bush administration, which is pouring $131 million into such programs this year. Choosing the Best, for example, received a three-year federal grant for nearly $1.5 million in 2001 and won another three-year grant for $2.4 million last year to serve eight Georgia districts, including DeKalb.

That also flies in the face of the data coming out of Texas, President Bush's home state. An evaluation by Texas A&M University professors found that students in almost every high school grade engaged in more sex after abstinence education. For example, the number of 10th-grade boys having sex rose from 24 percent before the abstinence course to 39 percent afterward. While abstinence education probably didn't prompt the kids to have sex, it apparently didn't dissuade them, either.

Parents don't want their 16-year-olds having sex, and parents and teachers should strongly counsel teenagers against it.

However, they also don't want teenagers to become pregnant or come down with venereal disease or AIDS. Failing to teach adolescents how to take precautions doesn't safeguard them; it endangers them.

Abstinence only programs actually encourage teenager to engage in risky froms of oral and othe sex without protection because the kids believe that this is safer than intercourse. If we do not provide the kids with proper sex education which includes knowledge about birth control and protection from diseases, then you can not blame the kids.

 

[tiggerdog]

Where are the parents...it is not the govenments place to teach my kids about sex. That is my job. Besides even if they do get the education they just don't care.

Where are the parents? Not watching their children.

While you know that teaching your child about sex is your job, there is a large percentage of the population in this country that doesn't agree with you. Many feel that it is not their job to educate their child - it's the school's job.

Teachers now have to teach children to brush their teeth, comb their hair, even use the bathroom correctly. We even feed the children two meals a day now. Many parents are no longer taking on these basic responsibilities. Do we really think they are going to take on responsibility of teaching their child about sex? Do we even want to trust these parents with teaching thier child about sex?

 

[Setianarchist]

Clearly, conservatives are all for taking responsibility for their kids when it comes to sex education, but when it comes to sheltering them from sex and violence on television, well, Hell, they're practically sucking Big Brother's toes for a lil' help.

 

[Cindy B]

But isn't that part of the problem? That sex among CHILDREN is so commonplace that the best we can do is shrug and say "it happens".

This should be shocking.

I don't know what the solution is, but if we have come to a point where sexual activity and pregnancy among 8th graders is just another day, something has gone horribly wrong with our society.

I'm not talking 8th graders, I'm talking 6th graders. The media has a lot to blame with this. Videos,commercials, magazines, all glare sexuality.

You can't have a kid live in a bubble. Even if you prevent MTV and such from your home, they hear it at school. Even "appropriate" magazines, have very sexual images.. we keep the Teen, Teen Vogue, and Jane behind the counter in my schools library. (Dont' get me started on the approiateness of Teen and Teen Vogue available at the school library)

I do my best and educate my children, but they have to make thier own choices. That is where I need to have faith in my kids.

 

[golfgal]

Unfortunatly this isn't a new problem. Kids have been having sex for hundreds of years. When I was pregnant with our oldest, there was a 13 year old that was due the same time I was and often saw her at the Dr's office. It was really sad (especially when she had a 12 pound baby ). It is frightning to see this. Parents DO need to take responsibility for talking with their children, making them understand the consequences of their behavior and suppying birth control if necessary. Yes, by giving your kids birth control, they will probably have sex, but it is easier to do that then to care for the child of a 13 year old!

 

[Nancy]

I agree with VA32h completely. I'm tired of being told that we need to accept that kids are doing drugs, having sex, etc. I do NOT have to accept it any more than my parents did and any more than their parents did. Why should we hold our kids to lower standards and expect less of them than our parents did for us?

I so agree with this. Just because it happens doesn't mean we should sit back and close our eyes. There is no reason at all that children that age should be having sex. Maybe if some (notice I didn't say all) got the love and attention at home that they need and the parents weren't so wrapped up in their own lives, we wouldn't be seeing this happening at a younger and younger age.

 

[phisigprincess]

The same boy part is what scares me!!! Yikes!!!

 

[Chim Chiminy]

Well, I work at an affluent, mostly Jewish suburban middle school. The demographic is about 85% white, and about even split with the remainder with African American/Asian.

So we are talking about rich white suburban kids.

I have overhead conversation of some of my students.. (females) talking about buying "personal massage devices", can I say the vib word? They were talking about which one they liked better.

I have to tell you we need to have a bathroom patrol during school dances because of oral sex that happens. We need to police and patrol the bathrooms between/during classes as well.


So, for all of you, don' t be shocked by this.

I would much rather buy a "personal massage device" for my DD than have her engage in unprotected sex. Or protected sex for that matter.....
To me, having kids talking about such things isn't so disturbing.

As for the oral sex in bathrooms.....ugh. Do schools even address these issues? I remember my health teacher barely touched on the subject.

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

Well that boy ought to be charged with statutory rape, I hope that pregnancy is the only thing they caught. He's obviously irresponsible and promiscuous and should be punished. I know that it takes two people to make a child, but it sounds like he's playing these girls, which i'm sure want so badly to be accepted.

 

[Cindy B]

The same boy part is what scares me!!! Yikes!!!

Same boy multitude partners is apparently "vogue". There is one female student that I know (6th grade) that is well known to be active with many many 8th grade boys. Yes, that is a female, but she is active with many.

"Sharing a partner" is pretty common (from what I hear in the halls).

And for health class, I'm not sure if they talk about oral sex or not. We have some pretty young and progressive teachers so that is in thier favor. (more approachable and such) Although I'm not sure if it is the curriculum though.

 

[sha_lyn]

Now THAT is a fantastic debate topic, a good question, and I hope you post it. My answer: yes. I am the mom, she's 13, my decision is the decision.

So is it your position that if a 13 girl wanted an abortion and her parents didn't want her to have it, it should be their decision?

 

[chobie]

Forcing her to have an abortion could most likely have the same affects. Let me ask you this question...What if your 13 y/o is against abortions and thinks they are murder. Would you still force her to do it? That could be very traumatizing.
Oh, and for what it's worth...My son would paying the price for getting a girl pregnant. He would be paying some type of support, obviously based on what his age is. He would be helping with night feedings. He would be outcast. Actions have consequences.

Though having an abortion is much safer than childbirth, especially for young girls, I'm sure its not exactly a walk in the park either. I have a daughter who has reached puberty, I think dealing with either an abortion or childbirth if she got pregnant would be suffering the consequences. We can talk all we want about the boy being made to suffer consequences, but he can neither be forced to pay for an abortion or a delivery.

One way or another the girl gets punished more for having sex and that is where I think tings are *** backwards. If having sex is a punishable offense, then the punishment should be equal. The boy should be forced to have his testicles tied in a knot while his girlfriend gives birth.

The main reason I'm so vehemently pro-choice is because I believe that pro-lifers are more concerned about punishing girls for having sex , then being concerned for the welfare of children.

 

[sha_lyn]

Well that boy ought to be charged with statutory rape,

I didn't read anything that would suggest that the boy was over the age of consent or that the girls were anything less than willing to participate.

 

[chobie]

I didn't read anything that would suggest that the boy was over the age of consent or that the girls were anything less than willing to participate.

Statutory rape has nothing to do with the girls being willing to participate, it has to do with the age of consent and the age difference between the sexual partners. In some states if both parties are under the age of consent and there is a 2 year age difference between the parties, then it is statutory rape. For instance in the state of Washington, a 16 year old cannot have sex with a 14 year old, no matter how much she says she wants to.


One poster talked about a junior in high school impregnating an 8th grader. That would be statutory rape in some states and I replied to that post with that information.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Though having an abortion is much safer than childbirth, especially for young girls, I'm sure its not exactly a walk in the park either. I have a daughter who has reached puberty, I think dealing with either an abortion or childbirth if she got pregnant would be suffering the consequences. We can talk all we want about the boy being made to suffer consequences, but he can neither be forced to pay for an abortion or a delivery.

One way or another the girl gets punished more for having sex and that is where I think tings are *** backwards. If having sex is a punishable offense, then the punishment should be equal. The boy should be forced to have his testicles tied in a knot while his girlfriend gives birth.

The main reason I'm so vehemently pro-choice is because I believe that pro-lifers are more concerned about punishing girls for having sex , then being concerned for the welfare of children.

I agree with you, which is why I made the point of saying that I would somehow punish my son as well.

Oh and this(the part in bold) nearly made me fall out of my chair!

 

[Castlebound]

The general sex education class that they taught in my school was a joke. They didn't talk about actual sex until 8th grade. Until that point it was mostly about puberty and changes in the body. The closest they came to talking about sex was telling girls that once they had their period they could get pregnant. By 8th grade there were several kids having oral or full blown sex. In 8th grade we learned the mechanics of sex and the stages of a pregnancy. We did not learn about STDs or contraceptives. The last time I checked AIDS still kills and many STDs stay with you for life. Pregnancy is just one possible outcome of sex. In our school 96% of seniors were sexually active. That isn't very surprising at all. What was surprising was that 65% of freshmen were sexually active, and of those active 70% had been with two or more partners. We were use to seeing pregnant girls walking through the halls. That started in 8th grade and only got worse as we got older.

My mom started talking to me about sex pretty young and she didn't stop after just one talk. I was an oops baby. My parents were seventeen when I was born. I was almost two when my mom graduated high school. She told me want it was like to be up all night with me and then go to school in the morning. She and my dad went to prom but didn't get to do any of the after prom stuff because they had to pick me up from my grandparents. My mom was never given "the talk"and she was not going to make that mistake with me. She has since told told me that my teen years were the scariest time for her because she did not want me to have the hard start that she and my dad had. She also told me that no matter how much she talked to me that in the end it was still my choice to make.

These 8th graders made several bad choices! I think the big question is why. Schools and parents need to be looking at the trend of kids having sex younger and find out why. They need to use the information to help kids learn how to make better choices.

 

[WDWMom]

Hey now - not every 13-15 year old dating is having sex. Dating doesn't always equate to having sex.

Maybe not, but if kids are dating and kissing at 13, what does it leave them to do at 16?

I have a DD who is 14 (8th grade) and she is not allowed to date, talk to boys on the phone, IM them. She doesn't need the pressure and the heartbreak at 14. I want her to enjoy her friends and get a good education. Dh says she will never date, but I think waiting until she is mature enough to really understand what dating is about, she can wait. BTW, she has very little interest in boys. Has a crush on someone, but knows that we are limiting her to them so she doesn't push it. Maybe more parents should take this approach. Not that is would work for everyone.

 

[Christine]

I so agree with this. Just because it happens doesn't mean we should sit back and close our eyes. There is no reason at all that children that age should be having sex. Maybe if some (notice I didn't say all) got the love and attention at home that they need and the parents weren't so wrapped up in their own lives, we wouldn't be seeing this happening at a younger and younger age.

I don't think that in "every" case it all comes down to parenting. I have a 13-year-old daughter in the 8th grade. She is very involved in soccer, drama, music. We love her and give her plenty of attention. She has had several "sex" talks and we're very open about it. I do not let her go to homes where there are no parents, nor do I let her go anywhere yet when an adult is not present and can see her (mall, movies, skating). Yet, I think the pressure is there for her to "do" things. She is in a very uptight private school. Not that the kids are different but there is tighter control during the day and, best of all, there is no bus service. But kids will find a way.

I have read her on-line stuff when I can see it. Her and her best friend have had discussions about oral sex and the fact that they think they want to do it. It really scares me because I feel like I've done all the "right" things.

Now, I find it all a bit different then what I faced 30 years ago. Yes, I *was* doing some things in middle school. What I find different is that it was fairly private. I did not discuss it in detail with my friends. It was between me and the boy (and then, I guess, whoever he bragged to!!). Now, it seems to be some status symbol or rite of passage that I just don't get. We didn't talk about it. It wasn't a badge of honor. There is just some different type of pressure going on out there now and I'm not sure where it comes from. But this whole "image" of girls sharing one guy or a guy having a "posse" of women seems to role right down from the hip-hop, gangsta rap images on TV. I'm not trying to take the blame of parents, just really trying to understand the attitude shift in the kids.

 

[castlegazer]

Maybe if some (notice I didn't say all) got the love and attention at home that they need and the parents weren't so wrapped up in their own lives, we wouldn't be seeing this happening at a younger and younger age.

This is actually a fact. All studies on Teenage pregnancy show that it is directly corrolated, in the case of the girls, to the love and attention they have received from a father figure in their lives. Boys, I do not know, but I do know that parents of boys have a very high responsibility to teach them as dilligently and strenously as parents of girls do in trying to prevent this type of behavior. I think often times parents of boys will simply neglect this education at home, thinking, boys will be boys, or being proud of their child's pursuits. This is abhorent to me.

I am already planning, thinking, and stressing about how to raise my son to respect women and to not be promiscuous.