Found out 2 8th graders at DD's middle school are pregnant

[grlpwrd]

Good heavens. If it were my 8th grader - quiet abortion, and the school district would never have known a thing, and I hope that it would be a terrifying wake-up call for my daughter. Those two girls are now outcasts for the rest of high school - they will never be pursued by quality guys, they will never have "good girl" friends - the stigma is so strong.

Ummm... what about the boy that did this?

 

[Cindy B]

Well, I work at an affluent, mostly Jewish suburban middle school. The demographic is about 85% white, and about even split with the remainder with African American/Asian.

So we are talking about rich white suburban kids.

I have overhead conversation of some of my students.. (females) talking about buying "personal massage devices", can I say the vib word? They were talking about which one they liked better.

I have to tell you we need to have a bathroom patrol during school dances because of oral sex that happens. We need to police and patrol the bathrooms between/during classes as well.


So, for all of you, don' t be shocked by this.

 

[bananiem]

You know, the kids probably had been well educated re. sex, but they just don't care about the ramificatios. The maturity is just nnot there.

I agree with this too. I knew a girl in COLLEGE that found herself accidently pregnant. She didn't know how it happened because "nobody gets pregnant under a pool table."

 

[Caradana]

Ummm... what about the boy that did this?

Great point. The boy who did this gets off scot-free, doesn't he. But he's not my problem or my concern, when it's my daughter who's pregnant.
Guys generally get off scot-free in cases of teen pregnancy. I mean, what is he going to do, pay child support from the ninth grade? He dates, he doesn't have to get up for the midnight feedings, he doesn't usually wind up having to sacrifice higher education, he's not the "school slut" ... it's the girl who takes most of the punishment.
MrsKreamer - forcing her to have the baby to teach her the consequences - that's a quarter penalty for a nickel crime, as the saying goes. Having a baby at 13 will effectively ruin a girl's life, especially if she wasn't especially emotionally strong in the first place. Her body is traumatized (at 13, she wasn't even all the way through puberty), her friendships are changed, and she'll get a lifetime of worrying about "what happened to my baby." (could most of us put a baby up for adoption and not feel slightly haunted by the experience?) I'm not willing to penalize my daughter for life for an extremely poor decision made in the backseat of some guy's car. I'd be looking at her going: why? What happened here? Where did her self esteem go? And how can I help her fix this?

 

[sha_lyn]

Wouldn't you just feel terrible if there were complications and she ended up dying?

And your point is? I Are trying to say that abortion is the only option because it eliminates death from complications at birth?

 

[Shutterbug]

maybe this boy was an FWB with these girls?

 

[bananiem]

(could most of us put a baby up for adoption and not feel slightly haunted by the experience?)

I know some women that are haunted by abortions and what could have been.
I don't know what I would do with a 13 year old in that situation. I can only pray she always has a good head on her shoulders and we keep the lines of communication open. For that matter, I hope the same for our son.

 

[sha_lyn]

Her body is traumatized (at 13, she wasn't even all the way through puberty), her friendships are changed, and she'll get a lifetime of worrying about "what happened to my baby." (could most of us put a baby up for adoption and not feel slightly haunted by the experience?)

Dana...Do you serious believe that abortion isn't traumatizing to the body. Do you really think that no one has ever thought "''where would my baby be if I han't had an abortion". Do you believe that on one has ever been haunted by the experience of an abortion?

forcing her to have the baby to teach her the consequences - that's a quarter penalty for a nickel crime, as the saying goes.

An abortion is the death penality for a baby that didn't do anything wrong.

 

[MrsKreamer]

i'm assuming you wouldn't take the same action of the sex was not consentual?

OH of course, I was speaking of consensual sex.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Wouldn't you just feel terrible if there were complications and she ended up dying?

Yes I would feel terrible. Yet, pregnancy is a possible result of sex....complications are possible in any pregnancy and so is death.

 

[Caradana]

Dana...Do you serious believe that abortion isn't traumatizing to the body.

Medically speaking, an abortion is nowhere near as traumatizing to the body as is pregnancy, childbirth and recovery. And from my POV, an abortion, to an immature 13 year old, is not as emotionally traumatizing as giving up a baby. I understand where opponents of abortion feel differently about that.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Great point. The boy who did this gets off scot-free, doesn't he. But he's not my problem or my concern, when it's my daughter who's pregnant.
Guys generally get off scot-free in cases of teen pregnancy. I mean, what is he going to do, pay child support from the ninth grade? He dates, he doesn't have to get up for the midnight feedings, he doesn't usually wind up having to sacrifice higher education, he's not the "school slut" ... it's the girl who takes most of the punishment.
MrsKreamer - forcing her to have the baby to teach her the consequences - that's a quarter penalty for a nickel crime, as the saying goes. Having a baby at 13 will effectively ruin a girl's life, especially if she wasn't especially emotionally strong in the first place. Her body is traumatized (at 13, she wasn't even all the way through puberty), her friendships are changed, and she'll get a lifetime of worrying about "what happened to my baby." (could most of us put a baby up for adoption and not feel slightly haunted by the experience?) I'm not willing to penalize my daughter for life for an extremely poor decision made in the backseat of some guy's car. I'd be looking at her going: why? What happened here? Where did her self esteem go? And how can I help her fix this?

Forcing her to have an abortion could most likely have the same affects. Let me ask you this question...What if your 13 y/o is against abortions and thinks they are murder. Would you still force her to do it? That could be very traumatizing.
Oh, and for what it's worth...My son would paying the price for getting a girl pregnant. He would be paying some type of support, obviously based on what his age is. He would be helping with night feedings. He would be outcast. Actions have consequences.

 

[Bill_Sykes]

Instead of blaming the kids, maybe we should look at what is really is at fault here and what is clearly has been a failure- the current policy on sex education.Abstinence-Only "Sex" Education

Fewer than half of public schools in the U.S. now offer information on how to obtain birth control, and only a third include discussion of abortion and sexual orientation in their curricula. A large, nationally representative survey of middle school and high school teachers published in Family Planning Perspectives reported that 23 percent of teachers in 1999 taught abstinence as the only means of reducing the risk of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy, compared with two percent in 1988. The study's authors attributed the change to the heavy promotion of abstinence — not sound educational principles (Darroch, et al., 2000; Wilgoren, 1999). Currently, 35 percent of public school districts require abstinence to be taught as the only option for unmarried people and either prohibit the discussion of contraception or limit discussion to its ineffectiveness (AGI, 2003a).

Abstinence-only sexuality education doesn't work. There is little evidence that teens who participate in abstinence-only programs abstain from intercourse longer than others. It is known, however that when they do become sexually active, teens who received abstinence-only education often fail to use condoms or other contraceptives. In fact, 88 percent of students who pledged virginity in middle school and high school still engage in premarital sex. The students who break this pledge are less likely to use contraception at first intercourse, and they have similar rates of sexually transmitted infections as non-pledgers (Walters, 2005; Bearman and Brueckner, 2001). Meanwhile, students in comprehensive sexuality education classes do not engage in sexual activity more often or earlier, but do use contraception and practice safer sex more consistently when they become sexually active (AGI, 2003a; Jemmott, et al., 1998; Kirby, 1999; Kirby, 2000; NARAL, 1998).

The U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the developed world, and American adolescents are contracting HIV faster than almost any other demographic group. The teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. is at least twice that in Canada, England, France, and Sweden, and 10 times that in the Netherlands. Experts cite restrictions on teens' access to comprehensive sexuality education, contraception, and condoms in the U.S., along with the widespread American attitude that a healthy adolescence should exclude sex. By contrast, the "European approach to teenage sexual activity, expressed in the form of widespread provision of confidential and accessible contraceptive services to adolescents, is . . . a central factor in explaining the more rapid declines in teenage childbearing in northern and western European countries" (Singh & Darroch, 2000). California, the only state that has not accepted federal abstinence-only money, has seen declines in teenage pregnancy similar to those seen in European countries. Over the last decade, the teenage pregnancy rate in California has dropped more than 40 percent ("California reduces...," 2004).

Every reputable sexuality education organization in the U.S., as well as prominent health organizations including the American Medical Association, have denounced abstinence-only sexuality education. And a 1997 consensus statement from the National Institutes of Health concluded that legislation discouraging condom use on the grounds that condoms are ineffective "places policy in direct conflict with science because it ignores overwhelming evidence . . . Abstinence-only programs cannot be justified in the face of effective programs and given the fact that we face an international emergency in the AIDS epidemic" (NIH, 1997).

If something is wrong, maybe we should look at the cause. Abstinence-only programs have been a failure.

 

[MrsKreamer]

nstead of blaming the kids, maybe we should look at what is really is at fault here and what is clearly has been a failure- the current policy on sex education.Abstinence-Only "Sex" Education

Ah that's right we should never blame the kids for anything! It's never their fault...must've been the TF that left those girls a bun in the oven.

 

[chadfromdallas]

And your point is? I Are trying to say that abortion is the only option because it eliminates death from complications at birth?

No, I wasn't saying much, except that no one should be forced to have a kid, no matter what age.

 

[Bill_Sykes]

Ah that's right we should never blame the kids for anything! It's never their fault...must've been the TF that left those girls a bun in the oven.

No, it was ignorance. If you do not teach anything but stupidity then you have to expect the kids to make mistakes.

 

[MrsKreamer]

No, it was ignorance. If you do not teach anything but stupidity then you have to expect the kids to make mistakes.

Where are the parents...it is not the govenments place to teach my kids about sex. That is my job. Besides even if they do get the education they just don't care.

 

[Bill_Sykes]

Besides even if they do get the education they just don't care.

The only education that most children in public school has been exposed to is Abstinence-only sexuality education which does not work. If we do not provide the information to these children, then we can complain when nature takes its course. The cure to ignorance is education.

Other countries have a completely different approach to sex education and guess what, that approach works a great deal better than hoping that a parent provides their own version of the needed information. American is last in the developed world on teenage pregnancies for a reason.

 

[Caradana]

What if your 13 y/o is against abortions and thinks they are murder. Would you still force her to do it? That could be very traumatizing.

Now THAT is a fantastic debate topic, a good question, and I hope you post it. My answer: yes. I am the mom, she's 13, my decision is the decision.

 

[va32h]

So, for all of you, don' t be shocked by this.

But isn't that part of the problem? That sex among CHILDREN is so commonplace that the best we can do is shrug and say "it happens".

This should be shocking.

I don't know what the solution is, but if we have come to a point where sexual activity and pregnancy among 8th graders is just another day, something has gone horribly wrong with our society.