Feeling guilty about not taking the kids

BensWife

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jul 8, 2010
DH and I are having our 10th anniversary this coming September and have planned a DL vacation since we love all things Disney. We have rented DVC points and have a studio at the Grand Californian. Being it is our 10th anniversary trip, we are going just the 2 of us. I think we are going to have a grand time. No naps or cranky tired kids to deal with, and really the freedom to do grownup things - like stay late and have a drink or two! That being said, the Mom in me is feeling terribly guilty for not taking our boys. We did just take them to Disney World this past June, so they did just go, but they both keep asking when we are going back because they both want to go back so badly. They know we are going and my 6 year old keeps asking if we would "pleeeese" take him. I feel so selfish since I know they both really want to go. I'm a softy when it comes to the kids (I guess that is why I am a teacher). DH, on the other hand, really doesn't want to take them and wants to have some time to really enjoy the parks in a way we can't really do with the kids there. I keep telling myself that we wouldn't take the kids with us if we were going somewhere else like Vegas or one of those Sandals places, so it shouldn't matter where we are going. We are going to celebrate "us" and 10 years of marriage which in this day and age is a pretty good accomplishment. It would add quite a bit of cost to take them since then we would need 2 more plane tickets, 2 more park tickets, and more money spent on food and other incidentals, etc. We might be able to save up and take them at Christmas in 2016, but that seems so far off. They would be 9 and 7 then. Ugh, don't know what to do. I feeling like a big ol' meanie!
 

TheChapman6

DIS Veteran
Joined
Aug 25, 2006
DH and I are having our 10th anniversary this coming September and have planned a DL vacation since we love all things Disney. We have rented DVC points and have a studio at the Grand Californian. Being it is our 10th anniversary trip, we are going just the 2 of us. I think we are going to have a grand time. No naps or cranky tired kids to deal with, and really the freedom to do grownup things - like stay late and have a drink or two! That being said, the Mom in me is feeling terribly guilty for not taking our boys. We did just take them to Disney World this past June, so they did just go, but they both keep asking when we are going back because they both want to go back so badly. They know we are going and my 6 year old keeps asking if we would "pleeeese" take him. I feel so selfish since I know they both really want to go. I'm a softy when it comes to the kids (I guess that is why I am a teacher). DH, on the other hand, really doesn't want to take them and wants to have some time to really enjoy the parks in a way we can't really do with the kids there. I keep telling myself that we wouldn't take the kids with us if we were going somewhere else like Vegas or one of those Sandals places, so it shouldn't matter where we are going. We are going to celebrate "us" and 10 years of marriage which in this day and age is a pretty good accomplishment. It would add quite a bit of cost to take them since then we would need 2 more plane tickets, 2 more park tickets, and more money spent on food and other incidentals, etc. We might be able to save up and take them at Christmas in 2016, but that seems so far off. They would be 9 and 7 then. Ugh, don't know what to do. I feeling like a big ol' meanie!
Buy them a couple neat presents to bring home. Don't tell them where you're going just that you're going on a trip to celebrate. You deserve it......
 

seagodess

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 15, 2012
Dont feel guilty. Take this time to focus on you and your DH. All parents need a little time away without the kids, and what better time to do it than on a very special occasion like your 10th anniversary. Congrats on that by the way. Enjoy the parks stress free. Have a nice dinner. Have some adult fun time in your hotel room.
Explain to your kids that this trip is just for mommy and daddy and they can go next time.
One thing you can do is start a Disneyland jar to start saving. Get them involved so they can help, get excited about it and realize how much it is. We did this with our son for our first DL trip. He would put he extra change in and we would put some money in. After our first trip he was so excited to go again, he took a chunk of his money he had been saving for a special toy and started a new DL jar for the next trip. He also started asking family for bottles and cans to return to put towards it.
 

awdsmama

DIS Veteran
Joined
Nov 9, 2011
You are exactly right, you wouldn't feel bad not taking them to Vegas, so try and brush that guilt off! I understand wanting to give your kids what they want, fun experiences etc, but this is your ANNIVERSARY which is about you and hubby. I don't think you need to hide it from them. I think it's good for kids to see 1) life isn't always "fair" 2) not everything revolves around them and 3) I think it's great for them to see parents taking well deserved "me time"
 

sherilaine

DIS Veteran
Joined
Feb 22, 2013
Have you made up your mind 100% you are not taking them? Is this an on the fence kind of thing? Do you think you will miss them when you get there or once you are there you will really enjoy it just being the two of you?

That is how I like to make decisions, which of the two option will I regret more? Going without them or taking them?

I personally would not be able to do a DLR anniversary vacation - not until the kids are maybe out of high school. The place would just remind me of the kids too much. But we could totally do a vacation without the kids, just more of an adult destination, like a ski vacation.

If you think once you get there you will have a great time celebrating your anniversary knowing your kids will most certainly be fine without coming with you, cause they will, then relax and stop beating yourself up.

If you think once you get there you will experience guilt that will ruin your trip - then that is another story.

Just be honest with your feelings, that is all I can say. Everyone is different and if you would enjoy a trip to Disney without your kids, there is nothing wrong with that!! :)
 

BayGirl22

DIS Veteran
Joined
Apr 23, 2012
By investing time in your marriage you are investing in them, the alone time is important and don't feel guilty you chose Disney as the place to enjoy it. 10 years is an accomplishment so don't let that be overshadowed by guilt. Can you plan something really fun for them at home while you're away? I know my kids absolutely love time with my Mother so when she comes to watch them they could care less where we go.

I also agree with planning another trip in the future that they can look forward to. Could be Disney or another place they enjoy.
 

lalasmama

DIS Veteran
Joined
Sep 25, 2011
I felt guilty the first time I went without DD. I felt guilt when DH and I left DD at home to go again on our honeymoon. But, as a previous poster pointed out, it does kids good to see mom and dad taking care of their marriage, and that the whole world isn't always a perfect fairy tale where they are the prince/princess and every wish is instantly fulfilled.

The relaxing and refreshment that comes from DH and my getaways are a fresh face for our whole family. And while DDs may not "get" it now, they will when they are working 50 hours, or have special needs foster kids, or even just need a break from the daily rigors of family. I know one DD gets it already-- but she's 21 with 2 toddlers ;)
 
  • YukonMommy

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 28, 2013
    Go and have a wonderful time! Bring them back some presents, but the best present you will be bringing them back is 2 parents who are more connected and refreshed!

    Since you just took them and you are planning to take them again I don't see the big deal. Leave the guilt at the door and go. Go hold hands with your hubby, laugh together, make memories together, rediscover each other. Your kids will be just fine without you!

    Have a magically romantic time
     

    Escape2Disney

    Friendly Neighborhood Disney Fanatic!
    Joined
    Feb 24, 2009
    I agree with others here - it's important for the kids to see you two taking care of your marriage. They may whine or be a little upset about it, but it's important for kids to understand that sometimes it isn't about them. If you're planning for a future trip with them, I like the suggestion above to create a savings jar. That worked well for my kids when they were young. Every time they say "mom, PLEASEEE", you can remind them that they will be able to go once there is enough money in the jar. Delayed gratification is a great lesson!

    Enjoy your trip!
     

    mom2tinkandmickey

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Nov 14, 2011
    This is why you just tell the kids the are going to "the mountains". You don't mention the mountains are Space, Splash, Matterhorn, etc. :rolleyes1 I felt a little guilty, but it turned out for the best they were not with us on that trip. We had 2 grad nights, and our experience with the seniors was not a good one.

    I did show them the pictures of "the mountains" when we got home. They thought it was pretty funny (they were 11 & 7).

    Have a magical trip and enjoy your time together!
     

    Cholula

    hot sauce!
    Joined
    Mar 24, 2013
    I would echo everyone else here and say "don't feel guilty" though I'm sure that's easier said than done! I agree, though, that you should take advantage of this trip to do the things that you may not do on a trip with the kids.

    Good luck and congrats on your 10 years! :cheer2:
     
  • Barry Browning

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    May 22, 2013
    I will offer a different perspective.My parents never took us anywhere.I swore when I married and had children we all go everywhere.I have pretty much stuck by that.I took them to Disney many times over the year and Las Vegas and several other places.The kids grow up too fast and soon they all go their own ways.My son is a CM in California and I miss him soooo much today.My friends are in the park today and I would kill to be with them and my son.

    Honestly I would take the kids and we would work in a few days in Las Vegas as well.Thats just my personal opinion.We all go or nobody goes.I realize others may disagree.But you asked.Half the fun is the adventures you have along the way together. I love my family and would not consider going without them.
     

    Dot2Vegas

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 6, 2012
    We struggle with this constantly! DH and I are dying for a grown up trip to Disneyland. There is so much that we want to do that the kids don't- mostly eating! Every time we plan a trip we back out because we feel too guilty. For us, we have decided to just wait until they are older before we take our solo Disney trip. Although I'm sure we'll keep revisiting the idea.
    I say go and enjoy! 10 years is such a milestone! Honestly I don't think you'll be 100% guilt free but I think you will have a great time. Buy some souvenirs for them while you are there and maybe even take note of things to do with them next time. Enjoy the quiet time. As parents we all know this doesn't happen often!!
     

    OnTheRoadAgain

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 2, 2008
    I would feel guilt because of their age and the fact that they Disney is one of their favorite places. I would wrack my brain to find a place dh and I wanted to visit that they didn't care about. Maybe I would have gone without them knowing. I can imagine that I would have trouble when, in the moment at DL, I saw something that reminded me of the kids.
     

    BayGirl22

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Apr 23, 2012
    I will offer a different perspective.My parents never took us anywhere.I swore when I married and had children we all go everywhere.I have pretty much stuck by that.I took them to Disney many times over the year and Las Vegas and several other places.The kids grow up too fast and soon they all go their own ways.My son is a CM in California and I miss him soooo much today.My friends are in the park today and I would kill to be with them and my son.

    Honestly I would take the kids and we would work in a few days in Las Vegas as well.Thats just my personal opinion.We all go or nobody goes.I realize others may disagree.But you asked.Half the fun is the adventures you have along the way together. I love my family and would not consider going without them.
    I totally understand this perspective. And my parents waited until we were "old enough to appreciate" going to Disney, which for me was in 7th grade. I feel I was too old and missed age where it was still "magic", even though I had a good time and it was a quality family vacation.

    The difference in the OP's case, IMO, is that they've taken her kids to Disney and they plan to again. So it doesn't sound to me like they are skimping on family time. And if Mom and Dad are taking an adults trip they should get to choose their spot. I think for people who are lucky enough to go to Disney regularly (meaning every 2 years or more) this equation is very different than for those where any Disney trip is a once every 5 years (or lifetime) experience.

    We solve the adults only dilemma by bringing along a MIL. That at least buys us a couple nights out. But its really not the same as an adults trip and there are a few adult things I wish we could do, but I figure there will be time later.
     

    Here4mydisneyfix

    Andrew Sutton, you genious man, you! She will reme
    Joined
    Jun 16, 2012
    Don't feel guilty at all! We have gone a couple of times without our kids, once to DLR and once to WDW, and we had the most wonderful time! It was awesome for us to be able to play together and have fun just like big kids the WHOLE time. No crankies or emergency potty runs, no strollers, no "IIIII'MMM HUUUUNGRYYY", you get the picture? It is pure bliss and it is really great for your marriage! Think of it like that. You sort of ARE doing this for the kids because it strengthens the bond between you and your husband, and that makes for a happier family all around! Bring them back some fun things and promise to take them next time! Enjoy!! :thumbsup2

    ETA: Oh, yes, I completely forgot! On our kidless trip to DLR we ate at Napa Rise Chef's counter! That was one of the best experiences of our lives! We STILL talk about it all the time, even though it was 2 years ago! I'll tell you what though, if we had brought the kids, it wouldn't have been a good experience at all. They would have HATED the food and the fact that it took us three hours! Whining would have occurred the entire time. lol See, THESE are the kinds of things you get to enjoy without kids, and they really aren't missing out, because they wouldn't enjoy it very much anyway.
     

    CraftyWitch

    A sprinkle of Pixie Dust
    Joined
    Aug 26, 2013
    I hope you do decide to go on your own and enjoy your anniversary together. It is a really different trip being alone and getting to do grown up things that the kids wouldn't necessarily enjoy. You will feel guilt. That's just the reality of being a parent. And kids will always beg for something from us so that will never change. "Pleeeeease can I have a chocolate bar for dinner? Pleeeeease another 5 minutes of video games?"
    We have taken our boys 3 and 7 twice already and are going for our third trip next month. When our first son was 3 we took our first solo couple trip away to Disneyland. We didn't want to fly anywhere farther than a 3 hour trip and were only willing to leave for 3 nights. We wanted somewhere we knew and that made us happy. My first trip to Disneyland was with my husband (then boyfriend) which made it even more special. Did seeing families together pull at our heart strings? Absolutely! And we kept saying how our son would have loved this or that. But we also shared a smile every time we walked by a screaming over tired child on our way to grab a drink or get on a "grown up ride". The reality is that we love disneyland and we knew that we would be going back with our family whenever we could afford to do it. And that is exactly what happened. And our son has a fabulous "holiday" of his own with his grandparents while we were away. And we had a much needed magical vacation together!
     

    Phoenixrising

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Mar 11, 2013
    I agree with you. I also respect peoples opinions whether I agree to them or not. I say go and have a wonderful time. Being parents means that having quality alone time is rare, and elusive. Parents as a rule do sacrifice a great deal to give their kids the best possible childhood. I have taken a couple of solo trips to DL without the family. Does this make me a bad parent.....NO!! The kids know and respect my need to get away every three years and take a solo trip somewhere without the family to recharge and get a fresh prospective on the family. I come back recharged and much less stressed than before I went. Even now kids are older we still struggle to find time in our busy lives to find quality time alone as a couple to renew the bond we share as a couple separate from the kids. So I say to go and have a blast. Make sure to bring lots of little things for the kids so that they don't feel left out. You don't have to spend alot of money, just find something special for them.
     

    Elk Grove Chris

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 31, 2011
    Go and have a great time.

    My Wife and I have done this a couple of times, I have done solo trips associated with meetings/workshops in the area, and we have taken our kids multiple times. Sure we felt a little guilty, but we do so many things with them, as I am sure you do with your kids, that the guilt did not last long.

    We have explained to our kids that not every trip (not just Disneyland) is going to involve everyone in the family, but the vast majority do. We try to emphasize all of the great trips we have taken together and the many more to come, sometimes the two of you do need to have some alone time. I know we do, we enjoy the time, and then we enjoy the time with our kids when we get back home and all is normal.
     

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