Feeling guilty about not taking the kids

Rose23

Epcot Fan
Joined
Oct 1, 2007
By investing time in your marriage you are investing in them, the alone time is important and don't feel guilty you chose Disney as the place to enjoy it. 10 years is an accomplishment so don't let that be overshadowed by guilt. Can you plan something really fun for them at home while you're away? I know my kids absolutely love time with my Mother so when she comes to watch them they could care less where we go.

I also agree with planning another trip in the future that they can look forward to. Could be Disney or another place they enjoy.
Well said!
:thumbsup2
 

seagodess

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 15, 2012
There will always be some people in real life and online who don't understand or don't care how their choice of words affect others. Its too bad though because this does tend to be a very positive forum even when people disagree. Many of us slip up and write something too-harsh sounding occasionally but when we realize it we edit or apologize.

There are several other posters above who expressed an opinion that said they wouldn't/couldn't do what the OP is doing and they managed to do it in a polite way without harsh judgement.
I agree. I visit other message boards often and a lot of times everyone belittles everyone for not having the same opinions. The board is very positive and its refreshing to see so many helpful positive people.
 

crystal1313

DIS Veteran
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Don't feel guilty at all! We have gone a couple of times without our kids, once to DLR and once to WDW, and we had the most wonderful time! It was awesome for us to be able to play together and have fun just like big kids the WHOLE time. No crankies or emergency potty runs, no strollers, no "IIIII'MMM HUUUUNGRYYY", you get the picture? It is pure bliss and it is really great for your marriage! Think of it like that. You sort of ARE doing this for the kids because it strengthens the bond between you and your husband, and that makes for a happier family all around! Bring them back some fun things and promise to take them next time! Enjoy!! :thumbsup2
:thumbsup2

We've taken several adults trips to DL. Usually only for the day. Did I feel guilty? Sure. We thought and talked about the boys the entire time we were there, but we still had a great time and enjoyed each others company. We go 4-5 times a year with our boys, so it helps us to justify going on a one day trip alone, knowing that we had just been there with our boys or we will be going again soon with them. As a parent, I think we all need an occasional break from the norm, and why not head to a place that you love and act like a kid again! Congrats on 10 years of marriage and go and have a great time!
 

disfanTN

Earning My Ears
Joined
Jan 13, 2014
Don't feel guilty!! DH and I went one year for my birthday and had so much fun! Our kids are younger, so it was so nice to be able to go on any attraction we wanted, to just sit on a bench and relax and to go have some adult drinks at night. This trip will have you seeing DL in a whole different way and you will love it! I still look back on that trip as one of the best memories in our marriage so far. But like others have said, I'm sure the kiddos won't turn down a couple fun treats you picked out just for them! :)
 

Virtucomp

DIS Veteran
Joined
Dec 27, 2009
While family is very important to us there still has to be time for Mom and Dad to be just a Husband and Wife. As a Mom you probably spend most of your time making sure the kids have everything they need, planning their day, getting them to places they need to go....

Once or twice a year it is very important to spend time as a couple enjoying time without having to tend to the kids needs. You said you brought them to WDW last June. So your not being a mean Mom by leaving them home. You and your husband have earned the time to be without them once in a while.

When you go you will have fun. Going to the parks is totally different when you can do the things you want to do. The guilt will go away. You'll still miss the kids. When you get home they will be happy to see you.

Enjoy the trip.
 

DarthMole

DIS Veteran
Joined
May 17, 2012
While I'm not sure I agree with how forward these comments come across, I tend to agree with pretty much everything you're saying here. Nobody I know with grown kids says "I wish we took more couples trips when the kids were little." Especially trips to places that are geared toward kids even if it's a place that adults enjoy too. Even if we wanted to go alone, I can't imagine what that would do to our kids. I've heard people say "the kids will get over it". That seems a tad irresponsible to make such an assumption. For me, while the kids are young, I would never leave them behind for a trip to DL unless I was in the area alone on business and could sneak in one afternoon/evening. I wouldn't dream of leaving them behind for an extended stay. They're too much fun to have around anyway. Right now if we were to take a couples trip, I'd go somewhere guilt free, where the kids would be bored or have shown no interest in going. In 10 short years, we'll take a couples trip to DL and enjoy the parks at our pace while reminiscing about all the good times we had with the kids when they were young. There will be plenty of time for that down the road.
 

Phoenixrising

Mouseketeer
Joined
Mar 11, 2013
As someone who's done solo trip to DL without my kids I do disagree with your statement. My kids accept and respect my decisions to travel solo without them. I disagree that it's irresponsible of me to go on a trip without the kids and the fact my kids won't forgive me when I do go. This has not happened to me, and while my kids may not like it, they do forgive me, and are OK with my rare solo trips without the family. It's the same when one of us have to go away on business trips without the family. The kids may not like the DH has to go away, but they respect the reasons behind the trip, and welcome him home with open arms when he does return. It comes down with that you are comfortable doing as a couple, and if you are comfortable with leaving your kids with a safe and reliable caregiver, then there's nothing wrong with doing so. I comes down to a matter of personal choice, and there's no right or wrong way to go about this. I comes down to what you as a parent are comfortable with. I disagree with your opinion, but I also respect it as everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
 
  • Pinup Mommy

    Making everyday a Dapper Day!!
    Joined
    Aug 12, 2012
    While I'm not sure I agree with how forward these comments come across, I tend to agree with pretty much everything you're saying here. Nobody I know with grown kids says "I wish we took more couples trips when the kids were little." Especially trips to places that are geared toward kids even if it's a place that adults enjoy too. Even if we wanted to go alone, I can't imagine what that would do to our kids. I've heard people say "the kids will get over it". That seems a tad irresponsible to make such an assumption. For me, while the kids are young, I would never leave them behind for a trip to DL unless I was in the area alone on business and could sneak in one afternoon/evening. I wouldn't dream of leaving them behind for an extended stay. They're too much fun to have around anyway. Right now if we were to take a couples trip, I'd go somewhere guilt free, where the kids would be bored or have shown no interest in going. In 10 short years, we'll take a couples trip to DL and enjoy the parks at our pace while reminiscing about all the good times we had with the kids when they were young. There will be plenty of time for that down the road.

    My father worked very hard 6 days a week to provide for his family, my mother a SAHM was always there for my brother and I.... EVERYDAY!

    Every couple of years my parents would disappear for a few days while Nana kept us kids company. Did we notice they were gone? Yes. Did we miss them? Yes. Did we suffer? NO!!!

    I am proud to announce mom & dad are going on 44 years of marriage. They are currently planning a trip to Cancun in May and I am jealous I can't come along LOL, but I understand. Now as a mother and wife myself I know how important these trips are for a husband and wife.

    OP: Go and have a fabulous time. I can assure you your kids will be fine :-)
     

    DarthMole

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 17, 2012
    As someone who's done solo trip to DL without my kids I do disagree with your statement. My kids accept and respect my decisions to travel solo without them. I disagree that it's irresponsible of me to go on a trip without the kids and the fact my kids won't forgive me when I do go. This has not happened to me, and while my kids may not like it, they do forgive me, and are OK with my rare solo trips without the family. It's the same when one of us have to go away on business trips without the family. The kids may not like the DH has to go away, but they respect the reasons behind the trip, and welcome him home with open arms when he does return. It comes down with that you are comfortable doing as a couple, and if you are comfortable with leaving your kids with a safe and reliable caregiver, then there's nothing wrong with doing so. I comes down to a matter of personal choice, and there's no right or wrong way to go about this. I comes down to what you as a parent are comfortable with. I disagree with your opinion, but I also respect it as everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
    I'm not sure if this was in response to my comment, but let me clarify one thing. I wasn't saying anyone was irresponsible for going. What I believe is irresponsible is the blanket statement some people make when they say "the kids will get over it". Every kid is different and to assume they will all process the situation the same is what I find irresponsible.

    I do disagree on several fronts that a vacation to DL is the same as a parent going on a business trip but there's no need to debate that. I think we can just agree to disagree and respect each others opinion.
     

    DarthMole

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 17, 2012
    Every couple of years my parents would disappear for a few days while Nana kept us kids company. Did we notice they were gone? Yes. Did we miss them? Yes. Did we suffer? NO!!!
    I'm just curious. When you were a kid, did you know where they were going in advance? Were they places like Disneyland?

    Maybe I came across wrong when I said that nobody wishes they went on more couples trips without the kids when they are older. That didn't mean people shouldn't go on couples trips. Plus, the main point is going to DL without the kids which is a key factor in the discussion. I hope I didn't detract from that too much.
     

    Pinup Mommy

    Making everyday a Dapper Day!!
    Joined
    Aug 12, 2012
    I'm just curious. When you were a kid, did you know where they were going in advance? Were they places like Disneyland? Maybe I came across wrong when I said that nobody wishes they went on more couples trips without the kids when they are older. That didn't mean people shouldn't go on couples trips. Plus, the main point is going to DL without the kids which is a key factor in the discussion. I hope I didn't detract from that too much.
    Actually they did, they went to Hawaii with out us kids, but they made up for it. We traveled as a family later.

    My brother and I were also happy we would get a break from mom and dad. We looked forward to Nana spoiling us rotten and the guilt gifts from mom :-)
     
  • Here4mydisneyfix

    Andrew Sutton, you genious man, you! She will reme
    Joined
    Jun 16, 2012
    Actually they did, they went to Hawaii with out us kids, but they made up for it. We traveled as a family later.

    My brother and I were also happy we would get a break from mom and dad. We looked forward to Nana spoiling us rotten and the guilt gifts from mom :-)
    This is the same for our kids. We have taken several trips without them, not just to DL and WDW. They always know where we are going and when we will be back, and they never care because the LOVE hanging out with Grandma!!
     

    Nintfamily

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Apr 29, 2011
    My DH and I went on a couples only trip to Disneyland for our 21st anniversary. We enjoyed it and being able to stroll through the shops that the kids weren't interested in. We had never taken a just for us vacation (even our honeymoon was 2 days at a local B&B). Our kids knew we were going to Disneyland. They understood and knew they were getting fun weeks with grandparents. We came back refreshed and closer than ever.
    Before we went, we discussed with the kids (aged 13, 12, 11) that we were going to do something special with them that summer as well and brought them back some nice souvenirs. We also made plans to go again in the future so they knew we'd go again, and we are this summer...they just don't know it yet. ;) We do a lot as a family and for our family this is what worked for us.

    Every family makes their own choices. It's okay to do what works for you. Just remember every has opinions and it is just that THEIRS. Whatever you decide to do will be okay, because it is YOUR family.
     

    Astylla

    Disney Fanatic
    Joined
    Oct 27, 2011
    This is always going to be a very conflicted subject where our personal life experiences likely will factor into our feelings on it.

    I will preface this by saying , NO I DON'T HAVE KIDS.

    I will also say that I think it's perfectly normal to feel guilty about it however I don't think sacrificing everything is always the way to go. If you will still enjoy yourself alone , then go for it. If you feel it would be too much a burden on your emotions and feelings of your children then maybe an alternative location in California or locally ?

    This isn't a topic that anyone will ever agree upon as there are far too many variables and personal feelings , especially when it comes to their own families and children. What is good for one is not the best for you or vice versa.

    It's a VERY PERSONAL CHOICE. And it does not make you any less a good parent for either choice you choose.

    It also doesn't make you selfish , it's makes you human.

    Whatever you choose I hope you a fantastic time and enjoy many more years together !
     

    DisneyJamieCA

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 21, 2007
    The biggest question would be can you go to Disneyland and have a good time and not feel guilty about it? If so, then go and have a great time! You have nothing to feel guilty about. If you're going to feel bad about leaving them at home, then I'd suggest going some place else because you won't enjoy this trip.

    Personally, I couldn't do DL or WDW without my kids (or at least until they're grown) because I know myself and I would feel guilty the entire time. However, there are plenty of places DH & I do couples trips to, that I don't feel guilty about at all!
     

    Mugglemama

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 14, 2008
    Since your kids just went to WDW...I would say that as long as you have a safe, nurturing place for them to stay while you go, you really don't have reason to feel guilty for going on a Disney anniversary trip alone with your DH.

    We have 4 kids (and all of our vacations have been family vacations which included everyone...) and while *we* wouldn't go to Disney parks without them...it has more to do with the fact that we can only afford to do a *real* vacation every couple of years (we do multiple day trips in our area in "off" years..).

    BUT, if we could take multiple vacations in a 12-month period and had JUST taken the kids somewhere amazing like WDW (and they were older than yours - I could personally not leave my kids to go on vacation when they were that little, but I know tons of people do it and I'm sure the kids are no worse the wear for it - it's a personal choice for everyone...our kids are *thankfully* great travelers and easy to deal with on vacation too, which makes vacationing with them much easier than it is in some families) I wouldn't feel guilty about heading to Disney without them (although, if they were still really little - say, 10 or under -, I would never *tell* them that's where we were going, personally...that part feels a little bit cruel to me).

    I imagine your kids will get over it and be just fine. And frankly, they are soooo young - am I reading that correctly?...they are currently 4 and 6? that they will almost certainly forget any anguish they experience over it (if they don't forget that you went altogether).

    I hope your anniversary is everything you need it to be! :)
     

    mo3bys

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Nov 20, 2007
    I had this same dilemma when my husband and I decided to go for our anniversary a few years ago. The first day or so was really hard for me because I did feel guilty for not having the kids there with us. I was bitter sweet though.... just as another person posted it was sad when we saw something that we knew our kids would enjoy or when we saw families together with their children....but it was also a relief when we saw children that were tired, throwing fits, screaming and so on...It was nice to think that for the first time we didn't have to worry about all that. It was also nice to do adult things that we normally would not do if we had the kids with us. We were able to stroll through the shops and to just enjoy walking around and riding the rides that we wanted to ride :) We also did the Walk in Walt's footsteps tour that we both really enjoyed and the Fantasmic desert viewing. There are times when we as parents need to recharge our batteries so to speak and if this is where you and your husband want to go and celebrate your anniversary then go and have a good time :) I am really glad that I was able to have this experience with my husband for our anniversary. The kids were also excited to have their surprises when we came back home as well. I hope you both have a magical trip :)
     

    MikkiandtheMouse

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 11, 2013
    You shouldn't feel guilty, it is wonderful that you and your husband both share in a love of Disney and it's so important to be able to share your anniversary together, it should be a stress free vacation no matter where you go.

    Yes, I understand the guilt factor, I have gone to Disneyland many times without my daughter and it was especially hard after I had taken her and how much she loved it, BUT this trip is about the two of you. When I leave for Disneyland, I make sure to do something a little special the weekend before and make sure they're with grandparents or friends so I know she's having a blast, I also let her know that she can call me and I tell her that I will bring her something back especially for her. It's that last part that helps, she loves seeing what fun thing I have brought back for her.

    Make sure they know that this trip is for you two, emphasize that it's important for the two of you to spend time together too. Last trip, I went to Trader Joe's for the first time and it was great. We ate at Carthay Circle and even Ariel's Grotto (where I had a drink). We stayed as late as we wanted and we rode everything we wanted. Disneyland with kids is so much different, adult only is a great and relaxing trip that you should enjoy.
     

    Amommy21

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 17, 2010
    I can't do it. Disney is all about family for us. We considered it for our 16th because we had some weird flights and were just going to do one day. In the end we didn't go and I think we would have been so sad leaving our little guy. DH and I aren't really into the solo trip thing either. BUT we only have one, so leaving him seems a lot more like he'd feel singled out and left out. If you have two maybe it's easier to explain you are going for a special anniversary, but promise to take them ______ and have a date for them to look forward to.
     

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