family restrooms?

[ArwenMarie]

This thread seems to dodge around the real issues - people believing that everyone else is looking at them, watching them, going to hurt them (or their children). Relax - the world is full of great human beings, not creepy people trying to hurt you or your family. If you are worried about the safety of your healthy 9 year old son in a public bathroom, you should ask yourself why you feel that way. If the answer is that he might be assaulted in that bathroom, you are dealing with an irrational fear - like the fear of flying.

The world is full of great people, and unfortunately a few creeps. It's not an irrational fear unfortunately, and everyone has to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with. Goes for everything in parenting.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

The world is full of great people, and unfortunately a few creeps. It's not an irrational fear unfortunately, and everyone has to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with. Goes for everything in parenting.

The harsh reality - if your child is going to be assaulted in a restroom (or anywhere else), it will be by someone that you trusted to send in with them to protect them from the "creeps" that you are worried about. (the royal you, not you personally)

 

[Richard M Nixon]

This thread has made me aware of the diverse feelings towards restroom culture that will clash together with the tens of thousands of people in a theme park.

I'm curious, how would the posters in this thread feel about genderqueer people using the facilities that match their gender but not their sex? Someone with a masculine body who identifies as female, possibly even transitioning, but they can't pass very well. Would you be accepting without question, or would there be screams of 'pervert, get out!' and a very uncomfortable explanation? With all the talk about respecting and not questioning people with dsiabilities which can't be visibly discerned (not to imply that anything in the GLBTQA realm is a disability), I'm now curious about this situation.

I assume it does happen at a park with such a diverse user base. Any experiences to share in the thread?

 

[ArwenMarie]

The harsh reality - if your child is going to be assaulted in a restroom (or anywhere else), it will be by someone that you trusted to send in with them to protect them from the "creeps" that you are worried about. (the royal you, not you personally)

Incidents can happen in public restrooms. Statistically speaking is the risk something to be concerned about? That's up to each parent to decide for their own families. That's my only point.

 

[Altoqueenkelly]

This thread has made me aware of the diverse feelings towards restroom culture that will clash together with the tens of thousands of people in a theme park.

I'm curious, how would the posters in this thread feel about genderqueer people using the facilities that match their gender but not their sex? Someone with a masculine body who identifies as female, possibly even transitioning, but they can't pass very well. Would you be accepting without question, or would there be screams of 'pervert, get out!' and a very uncomfortable explanation? With all the talk about respecting and not questioning people with dsiabilities which can't be visibly discerned (not to imply that anything in the GLBTQA realm is a disability), I'm now curious about this situation.

I assume it does happen at a park with such a diverse user base. Any experiences to share in the thread?

That would probably be a very hot topic. I, personally would have no problems with non cisgender people using bathrooms that pertain to the gender that they associate with. Gender is a hot issue, and the bathroom is something that has been discussed in depth in many of my GSEX (Gender, Sexuality & Women's Studies) Classes. The notion of male/female only bathrooms leads to a "majority" and helps to perpetuate a "social norm" that biological sex is also associated with gender. Eek, too complex to even begin discussing on a message board. lol. Also, with no offense meant to anyone, I would take any opinions here with a grain of salt, unfortunately our society isn't very knowledgeable about queer issues and still have a lot of room to go/grow before the "mainstream" understands the complexities of social issues...

regardless, I identify as an LGBTQIA Ally and I wouldn't have a problem whatsoever. However I am sure some would.

 

[AndreaA]

This thread seems to dodge around the real issues - people believing that everyone else is looking at them, watching them, going to hurt them (or their children). Relax - the world is full of great human beings, not creepy people trying to hurt you or your family.

If you are worried about the safety of your healthy 9 year old son in a public bathroom, you should ask yourself why you feel that way. If the answer is that he might be assaulted in that bathroom, you are dealing with an irrational fear - like the fear of flying.

Yes, everyone does seem to think everyone else is looking at them, including women/girls who think a boy-child is staring at them in the restroom just because he's there.

My boys are 5 and there is now way in heck I would send them in alone or allow them to wait outside alone at this age. It remains to be seen how old they'll need to be before that happens, but if it's age 9, oh well, they'll be trooping in with me.

And nope, I don't have a problem having them in the handicap stall with me. They are well aware of what a human body looks like and I'm raising them not to be embarrassed or ashamed of themselves or of seeing anyone else. My family was somewhat nudist and I have a healthier attitude towards the opposite sex and a better body image than 99% of the people I know.

 

[Mrsjvb]

This thread has made me aware of the diverse feelings towards restroom culture that will clash together with the tens of thousands of people in a theme park.

I'm curious, how would the posters in this thread feel about genderqueer people using the facilities that match their gender but not their sex? Someone with a masculine body who identifies as female, possibly even transitioning, but they can't pass very well. Would you be accepting without question, or would there be screams of 'pervert, get out!' and a very uncomfortable explanation? With all the talk about respecting and not questioning people with dsiabilities which can't be visibly discerned (not to imply that anything in the GLBTQA realm is a disability), I'm now curious about this situation.

I assume it does happen at a park with such a diverse user base. Any experiences to share in the thread?

since part of the transition pre surgery ( aside from hormonal therapy) involves living your life in all aspects as the gender you are transitioning to I would expect them to do so at WDW or in any public restroom

Wouldn't bother me in the least. (cross dressing is other story entirely and is not actually biological.)

 

[brookmey]

I just want to say that I appreciate the OP's awareness of how others would feel if she brought her 9 year old son into the women's bathroom. There have been a lot of threads about this topic and they usually contain mothers who have the attitude of "I'm going to do what I want with my son" and girls just need to get over it.

I have one of each, so I can see both sides of the issue. When they were little and both in diapers, I did have to use the companion bathrooms at times. But once my son reached school age, I let him go into the men's room by himself. I was nervous and tense outside waiting for him, but I also had to think about the comfort level of my 8 year old daughter and she would've been mortified if her brother came into the bathroom with us. Her privacy was becoming very important to her and that needed to be respected. At the same time, I had concerns for my son's well-being and safety as well. I think it's really important to be sympathetic to both sides, which the OP is being.

Next year I'm taking my son to WDW by myself. Just us, no dad and sister. He will be 8 and will be going into the men's room by himself. He knows the rules and what to do if he's uncomfortable. I can't do much more than that while still preserving his independence and sense of himself as a boy. It's a risk I have to take, one I take everyday when I send him to school or to soccer camp or letting him ride his bike or climb trees.

My husband was molested by his uncle when he was 5 and 6. I have seen the damage that can do. But like my DH says, do we want to be overprotective and raise fearful kids or do we want to raise kids that are aware and prepared for the world? We've chosen the latter and for my son, letting him go to the bathroom by himself was a good first step.

 

[DisneyMommy9]

I have gone to WDW with just my son twice, once when he was 5 and once when he was 7. Both times he came with me into the bathroom. No one has ever said anything to me. Now if family or companion bathrooms were where we were we used those. He goes into his own stall and does his business and stays there until I am done. The. We wash hands and exit. I guess I never thought of it as a problem. Now next year he will be 9 when we are there I will prob let him use the men's room alone.

 

[LilyWDW]

I am going to say what I always say on these threads. If a parent is SO sure that their child needs to come into the opposite bathroom (neuro-typical and above the age of 7ish), then it should also be NO problem for them to go in to the same stall as the parent. So a 9 year old boy that their mother insists on taking into the women's restroom should be just fine in the same stall as the parent at the same time. If that is a problem, then they are too old to be in that bathroom.

 

[cattywampus]

I have been taking my now my 6 year old boy to Disney alone several times per year since he was one. No one is excited about having to bring their sons, nephews, etc. into the ladies room. We all wish there were better solutions, and like it or not, the companion restrooms are one of the best options that I will continue to utilize.

Likewise, I will be continue to be courteous to other visitors and particularly aware of handicapped and other guests who might need to take priority. But, I couldn't care less what someone else thinks on this board about what I should or should not do. It is my job to raise my child the way I think is best.

That being said, I will share my thoughts for anyone facing the same challenge, who might be interested in sharing ideas. I still bring my 6 yo to the ladies room with me, but we have begun to transition. Since he was about 4 or so, we introduced the concept of "privacy". When in the same stall, each of us turns toward the stall door to give the other one "privacy" while using the facilities. That solves one issue.

On more recent trips at low traffic times, I have located two ladies room stalls together and he is allowed to use his own stall. The rule is that he goes in and locks the door first, and is not allowed to come out until I finish and come back to his door and say it is ok. That way he is both safe and not wandering around the ladies room without me. I still control where he goes, and with whom he crosses paths.

Since going to school this year, I can tell he isn't super excited about using the ladies room. I'm not sure when that first visit to the men's room will happen, but I will coordinate with his dad so that he understands what to do in all situations and I would think Disney would be a likely candidate for the first time.

We are all visiting WDW for the first time this fall (DLR vets), so maybe that will be the beginning. I can tell you one thing is for sure -- it will happen when I think it is right and not based upon the opinion of others.

 

[Toffeewoffy]

He's 9! Why take him into the ladies' with you? I feel extremely uncomfortable seeing a boy as old as 9 in the ladies - especially with that ridiculous gap down the sides of the doors that you Americans seem to love!!!

In England boys go into the mens' room on their own much younger than that. But we tend not to 'baby' our children ... *ducks*

 

[TinkerElsasMom]

In England boys go into the mens' room on their own much younger than that. But we tend not to 'baby' our children ... *ducks*

LOL!! I love that you ducked expecting the flames. I agree with you that many American Moms are exceedingly over protective. But unfortunately we have a high level of criminals here that like to take advantage of young children. In fact, we have more per capita than any other country. I think some of the over protectiveness comes from that fear. However, we need to let our kids explore their world I a safe environment. We won't always be there and we need to prepare our kids for that eventuality.

 

[Toffeewoffy]

After the "incident" at that Walmart where the boy was raped by a Walmart employee, I would say that you cannot be too cautious when it comes to your young ones. His mother was waiting right outside and didn't hear a thing. I dont think she was keeping him in a bubble either. You always pray that this would never happen to your family, but we cannot control the actions of others.

I hardly think that in a situation where the restrooms are continuously used - as they are in a busy theme park - someone would be able to do anything like that to a child. They just wouldn't get the opportunity.

 

[Toffeewoffy]

LOL!! I love that you ducked expecting the flames. I agree with you that many American Moms are exceedingly over protective. But unfortunately we have a high level of criminals here that like to take advantage of young children. In fact, we have more per capita than any other country. I think some of the over protectiveness comes from that fear. However, we need to let our kids explore their world I a safe environment. We won't always be there and we need to prepare our kids for that eventuality.

It does beg the question as to WHY you have more per capita! Men are men the world over. We rather suspect that it's more a case that these crimes get reported in the US.

I have been brought up under a culture of 'forewarned is forearmed', and better you teach your children from an early age that if ANYONE touches them in that general area who isn't immediate familly then they should scream like hell or punch and kick back! Fear is the greatest enemy. My BiL said he was going to teach his son to box quite young - not for that reason, but to work off his energy. All it takes is for that boxing to be used to his advantage against a prospective attacker.

 

[mousefan73]

Let's ask us all a new question. We are all focused on how mom feels, her feeling irrational or not

But what abput said child????? Would you say to a 9 yr old's face, who is scared or nervous to go in there alone or wait outside alone. I know most 9 yr old boys, my included would not have a issue. But my DD would and she is 8. She is very clingly and I know she would rather join her father in the mens than use the ladies alone.

She doesnt have an issue with strangers, but I think some large bathrooms with ( in her mind) 100s of same looking stalls would scare her into thinking she'd get lost / and not find her way out. Some park, stadium restrooms are really huge with turns. She also would be frightened of being locked in the stall. She is a girl, but fear is not gender biased, sure some boys feel this way.

For us, DS goes alone, DD not. Each kid is different.

 

[SDSorority]

He's 9! Why take him into the ladies' with you? I feel extremely uncomfortable seeing a boy as old as 9 in the ladies - especially with that ridiculous gap down the sides of the doors that you Americans seem to love!!!

In England boys go into the mens' room on their own much younger than that. But we tend not to 'baby' our children ... *ducks*

I have NO idea why the door gap exists. I. HATE. IT.

I actually had friends from China visit and ask me why there was a gap and why doesn't the door go all the way down to the floor. I have NO idea, and think it's silly that it doesn't!

Ok sorry, enough of my rant. Please continue as you were, y'all.

 

[Angel Ariel]

Let's ask us all a new question. We are all focused on how mom feels, her feeling irrational or not

But what abput said child????? Would you say to a 9 yr old's face, who is scared or nervous to go in there alone or wait outside alone. I know most 9 yr old boys, my included would not have a issue. But my DD would and she is 8. She is very clingly and I know she would rather join her father in the mens than use the ladies alone.

She doesnt have an issue with strangers, but I think some large bathrooms with ( in her mind) 100s of same looking stalls would scare her into thinking she'd get lost / and not find her way out. Some park, stadium restrooms are really huge with turns. She also would be frightened of being locked in the stall. She is a girl, but fear is not gender biased, sure some boys feel this way.

For us, DS goes alone, DD not. Each kid is different.

Why are the feelings of the other children/preteens in the ladies room not important to this discussion?

 

[carmelhp]

LOL!! I love that you ducked expecting the flames. I agree with you that many American Moms are exceedingly over protective. But unfortunately we have a high level of criminals here that like to take advantage of young children. In fact, we have more per capita than any other country. I think some of the over protectiveness comes from that fear. However, we need to let our kids explore their world I a safe environment. We won't always be there and we need to prepare our kids for that eventuality.

Actually, our crime rate is low compared to most of the world and only slightly higher than Western European countries. You think it's extraordinarily high due to the way the press sensationalizes everything. Most people are unaware that U.S. crime rates have plummeted in the last 20 years with homicides rates cut by over half to rates not seen since the 1940's and 50's.

I do agree that children have to be taught to cope with whatever dangers are out there, but that's an individual parental decision as to timing. We expose children to all kinds of potential dangers everyday, going to the restroom at WDW is one of the much, much lesser dangers.

 

[mousefan73]

Why are the feelings of the other children/preteens in the ladies room not important to this discussion?

Sorry but if my son age 9 had a problem with some girl close to his age in the men's room with her father, and she was there because she was too scared to go on her own. I would tell him to get over it. I would rather see consideration given to a child who is scared over one who is "not feeling comfortable" have the opposite sex in the bathroom.

I think some posters just need to get over it.. Its a bathroom NOT a LOCKEROOM with people undressing and showering. Yes the gap thing is there in the stalls, but I would hope and any exception a mother chooses to make woud be done in good taste,, anotherwards, get in, do your biz and get out... Not linger in the aisle peeking through the stalls.

I see this issue both ways.. I mom can take her DS,age 9 into a women's bathroom and if she and the kid wants to, have him go alone...I personally don't care and neither would my kids .... But this whole my privacy is being violated argument for a 9 year old CHILD is IMO ridiculous.. He is still a child for heaven's sake, It's not like the OP asked to bring a DH or Boyfriend with in the stall.