Family Problems - need some help. Long.

[mousefanmichelle]

I see you are taking many steps with your children's behavior.

I may have missed a post but other than counselling have you told your DH that you will not tolerate his childish behavior?

I told him - it's all or nothing - either leave 100% not just for the weekends or basically stop being an idiot and be home 100%. I told him he was stupid for doing what he did and all he should do is look at my dd to know what he is doing and the impact it is making.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Hi everybody!

Again I only have words of thanks to you all! I feel empowered by these changes I have to tell ya. My middle, the one whose door I removed, wants his door back. I said - get ready for it - NOPE! He said well Noelle slams her door all the time take her's off. I said NOPE. I told him I never thought to remove the door until the other day - and if she slams her's next then it's gone but until then it stays. He didn't like that. Too bad.

They also don't like the lock on the door to my room. I have a bathroom in my room and they said what if they have to go - I said there is the main bathroom - they said what if someone is in there - I said you will have to wait your turn just like I did growing up. We only had 1 bathroom for all of us - GASP!! Again I said TOO BAD!!! I said to them - get your business done and get out, don't sit there and play on the toilet. Have some respect for the person waiting and hurry up!

Some major changes coming at my house. I think the ground is trembleing and to be honest it's been a long time coming.

I also told them about the therapy session that is now set up for Feb 7th and they all were like - boo hoo why why why? I said - because we need help.

On a side note - you can see I live in Michigan well on the radio this morning while I was taking 2 of my 3 to school (one is home sick) they had a casting call for Nanny 911. I looked out the corner of my eye at my oldest (14) and he was just smiling - don't call them mom - really don't was the look on his face. Priceless!!!

Nanny 911 - Nanny Joe at my house what a hoot!!!! I think my kids aren't that out of control - I sure have seen worse on that show and I don't think the typical kid would qualify for that show. Ahhhh I can dream though can't I? LOL!!!

Keep it up Mom!!!

Nanny-- .
What about videoing you children's unwanted behavior for them to see how rediculous they can look???

BUT mom, 1 bathroom??? You could offer them an outhouse and cold water bucket to bathe .

 

[BeckyScott]

I've read most of the replies, so excuse me if I'm repeating anyone.

We have a milder version of this at our house.

One problem is that DH works 2nd shift with very rare days off and I am the one that does 90% of the hands-on parenting. We've always had problems with being on board together with the same approach. DH feels that, on the days he has off, he isn't a part of the family any more, he isn't around the kids that much, we have a routine set or rules in place. We've always had problems, even before, of our oldest asking me for something and I'll say no and so he'll go ask Dad and Dad will say yes, and we'll end up in a huff over what is okay and what isn't or what plans I had for the day or what had happened during the week that Dad didn't know about. Another thing he'll do is make "threats" but he isn't home to follow thru on them, and they're things I have no intention of enforcing.

By the way, my kids lost their doors a long time ago. We have a door on the bathroom and our bedroom, and that's it. Oldest DS has a sheer curtain in the doorway, which he flings closed when he's mad, which is kinda funny. But the doors have been gone for so long that they don't think anything about it.

We just started a new "behavior plan" at our house about 3 weeks ago. Their game-time is directly correlated to their behavior. As part of the initial family meeting, I made 4 lists... Things parents have to do (shelter, basic utilities, basic clothing, nutritious food, medical care, that sort of thing), things parents don't have to do (provide computers and video games and toys, junky food, chauffer 6 blocks to school, let friends come over, vacations, etc etc)... things kids have to do (be respectful, try their best at school), things kids don't have to do (get a real job, pay the utility bills). This was a real eye-opener for my boys. I told them they were more than welcome to take the lists to school and show them to the counselor or whoever, if they didn't believe me. It also made it perfectly clear to everyone at the meeting (cough cough) what was required. That was our stepping-off point. I had simplified it because my kids are younger than yours, but the idea is the same. It might be an interesting experiment, if your kids are cooperative, to make some lists like that and ask them what they think goes in all the categories.