Experiences with Skipping a Grade?

[bethy]

First off, no, my kid is not a genius.

We are considering having our DD skip grade 6 mainly for social reasons. She does not fit in with the kids at her current grade level at all. She never has. She is like a mini adult in a child's body - just totally in a different world than her peers both emotionally and socially. She's not better than them, just different - a very old soul. Her very seasoned fifth grade teacher has recommended that she skip one or even two grades. She feels strongly that our DD would be able to make friends more easily with older kids and find more in common with them. As of right now, she doesn't really have any friends - only cordial aquaintances. Note; DD is tall, well groomed, athletic and on the older end of her grade level. So physical characteristics are not an issue in her case. She won't look out of place.

She is bright enough to handle the academic fallout with hard work and motivation. The most common downside to grade acceleration is that students struggle socially due to immaturity. Our DD has the opposite issue.

I am having a hard time coming up with many negatives but i want to investigate every possible angle. Without knowing my DD personally can anyone offer up any downsides or other issues we should consider? Success stories are most welcome, too.

DD has no idea at this point that the we and the school are even considering this option.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Due to a December birthday and private school my daughter started early and graduated just at 17. I would not recommend pushing her up. It may help now, but once in college the age difference was horrible for DD.

That was our experience and I am sure you will get others, but if it was me I would have her make other friends through a group outside of school that is aged with older girls for socialization. Good Luck.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

First off, no, my kid is not a genius.

We are considering having our DD skip grade 6 mainly for social reasons. She does not fit in with the kids at her current grade level at all. She never has. She is like a mini adult in a child's body - just totally in a different world than her peers both emotionally and socially. She's not better than them, just different - a very old soul. Her very seasoned fifth grade teacher has recommended that she skip one or even two grades. She feels strongly that our DD would be able to make friends more easily with older kids and find more in common with them. As of right now, she doesn't really have any friends - only cordial aquaintances. Note; DD is tall, well groomed, athletic and on the older end of her grade level. So physical characteristics are not an issue in her case. She won't look out of place.

She is bright enough to handle the academic fallout with hard work and motivation. The most common downside to grade acceleration is that students struggle socially due to immaturity. Our DD has the opposite issue.

I am having a hard time coming up with many negatives but i want to investigate every possible angle. Without knowing my DD personally can anyone offer up any downsides or other issues we should consider? Success stories are most welcome, too.

DD has no idea at this point that the we and the school are even considering this option.

My sister, who also has a December birthday, was skipped between 2nd & 3rd grade. Academically, she did fine, until she got into college. She went directly to college from HS (at age 17). She just couldn't keep up with the whole "being an almost adult" thing. Roommates, rent, schoolwork, job . She dropped out for a year, and tried again. A much better fit.

 

[tcufrog]

My dh went to college and lived in the dorms when he was 14. He did fine but he's in the minority. He doesn't want our kids to go to college early. Your daughter might be in the minority. Have you looked at finding extracurricular activities where she can connect with kids who are more along her wavelength? Is you daughter also academically ahead? If not you might regret having her skip a grade when she gets older and she has the opportunity to take honors and AP classes?

 

[Schmeck]

I'd question any teacher who suggests a child skipping a grade for social reasons. Social skills (and learning to deal with not 'fitting in' is a social skill!) can be worked on in school, and missing two years of curriculum can hurt her socially too. Group projects, field trips, and other events help connect a class.

Have you talked to her pediatrician about her issues? Not relating to peers, and feeling more comfortable with adults is a part of the autism spectrum.

 

[anniemae]

I have no advice to offer, but I was curious about something. What about academically? If she skips a grade or two, how will she be able to do the work expected of her? If someone is at a 5th grade level, then finds themselves in 7th grade, they will struggle academically, it seems she would miss so much learning-wise. I am curious because I have never heard of skipping grades for social reasons.

 

[kate_wdw]

I also find the teacher's recommendation surprising. To me it doesn't make much sense. We're talking about kids going through puberty, who are going to be changing a great deal in the coming years. Also, I doubt there are very many old souls or mini adults in 7th or 8th grades either.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I can see how at this time, it looks like a really good idea.
However, given a little time, developmentally, all kids catch up and it evens out.

Do not forget that no matter how much she seems mature, and might be an 'old soul'.... Somewhere in there, yes, there is still a little girl in many different aspects.

I am not sure that I would want to move her up.

When it comes to high school, and the demands, and her being 14/15 with older guys, teenagers with cars, etc... And, then the real demands of life..

Just proceed with caution and be sure that you have really thought this thru.

 

[caitlinsmom]

I wouldn't consider it unless she is very ahead academically. Even then I'd be leery of putting her in class with kids that are emotionally and physically at a level that she is not yet.

 

[Longsx3]

Here is my D's story. In 2nd grade the school wanted to move her to 3rd grade mid year, after some discussion we declined because we just could not be sure of the outcome. Academically she was light yrs ahead of her peers, socially she had friends but did not really relate and consistently preferred to socialize with teachers.This remains the same even today. Fast Forward to 8th grade, D was taking a HS class online to keep her challenged. In 9th grade she took an extra course as well, beginning in 10th grade (last yr) she was taking Dual Enrollment courses at the Community College. Mid yr she had enough credits to become a JR, we spent Christmas break discussing whether early graduation we the best option...she doesn't like anything about the High School and decided College was a much better option. By the Summer D was a senior. Honestly I don't think Double promoting her in 2nd grade would have changed a thing, I don't think she would have related any better to the kids a yr ahead of her and academically she would have still been ahead. If I had to do it all over again I would still wait until high school to let her skip a grade. BTW D is 16 and will not be 17 until August.

 

[Buckalew11]

So similar...

I sat here reading these stories aloud to DD who is home from college on break. I had to laugh because as I was reading some of the sentences, I had to say, "I swear, I did not write this!"

So yeah, I can relate. DD begged the guidance counselor to be moved up from 8th grade. The guidance counselor called me and we talked and she was very insightful about what was going on.

Anyway, we decided not to move her up a grade but we did homeschool and she also did dual credit. No regrets.

I have to say OP, that the way you describe your daughter is so much like my daughter was. To read people doubt you, rubs me the wrong way but, oh well... I do know what you are talking about.

Good luck!

 

[modisneychick]

My ds skipped 4th grade. It was a transition from 3rd-5th, but he picked up quite fine. He is academically gifted and was an "old soul" too.

Academically, it has been fine. Socially it has been fine. However, having the maturity to deal with tough situations/adults/etc. has been challenging at times. He is still a year younger (he actually has a January birthday, so almost 1.5 years younger) and has had to work harder at communicating with teachers etc. at the level most of his peers would. However, those things happen, no matter the child.

He is currently a high school sophomore and will finally get his permit in January. Everyone in his class now has a full license. He is interested in dating, but has the awkwardness of Mom having to drive them or asking the date to drive. He actually doesn't really care, but a lot of kids would. I think this gap will be noticeable again in college should he choose to live away from home.

I think it can be done, but you have to know your child. If I had to do it all over again, I think I would have done the same, but I might also have looked at a different school to see if other schools could have offered him something more.

Good luck!

 

[LoserMomma]

I skipped first and eighth grades. Was a HS grad at 16 and a college grad at 20. My take? It made me grow up too darned fast. By 16 I was out of the house for good and by 20 I was living on my own and earning my living. I didn't get to be a kid.

Do what's right for her, but remember that childhood is precious and you don't get it back.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I skipped first and eighth grades. Was a HS grad at 16 and a college grad at 20. My take? It made me grow up too darned fast. By 16 I was out of the house for good and by 20 I was living on my own and earning my living. I didn't get to be a kid.

Do what's right for her, but remember that childhood is precious and you don't get it back.

Wow impressive! Btw great advice.

Sent from my Galaxy SII

 

[pacrosby]

I skipped first and eighth grades. Was a HS grad at 16 and a college grad at 20. My take? It made me grow up too darned fast. By 16 I was out of the house for good and by 20 I was living on my own and earning my living. I didn't get to be a kid.

Do what's right for her, but remember that childhood is precious and you don't get it back.

This is great advice, not only for people thinking of having their kids skip a grade but also for those who can't seem to wait for little Suzie to start school even when they are the youngest in the class (and/or perhaps not really ready yet).

They grow up in a flash as it is. I'll never understand the desire to rush.

 

[meliss8599]

I speak from experience. I was double-promoted from Kindergarten to 2nd grade b/c I learned to read at the age of 3 and was very strong in everything that had to do with reading and spelling.

PROS:

• I was an exceptional reader and thus LOVED being exposed to more challenging reading experiences.
• I loved the attention I got from other kids b/c of my skipping a grade.
• I loved helping other students.
• It is something interesting about me that still garners "awe" and attention.

CONS (and I feel they outweigh the pros):

• Just skipping ONE grade, I missed CRUCIAL math skills. For example, I struggled for the longest time with "time" and basic rote memorization of math facts b/c that is all introduced in 1st grade. While you daughter is older, she may miss MANY math concepts newly introduced.
• The older I got, the more socially immature I realized I was (you say this is not the case with your daughter, but it did become more apparent the older I got.)
• I was the last to do all the "fun" things--drive, date, vote, etc. I've never been a drinker, but your daughter may not be old enough to ever drink socially in college.

Based on both my personal experience having been double-promoted and my experience as a fifth grade teacher, I would NOT recommend her being moved up. Missing key academic skills is hard to recover from. Social opportunities are available in many places aside from school.

Instead, I would consider having her join social groups/activities through things like the park district with the older children. From those, maybe she can foster new relationships socially and you can promote them through get-togethers/sleepovers/etc.

Read the advice/thoughts we all have and ponder over it, but just remember that YOU know your child best. Go with your gut and best of luck with your decision. Your daughter sounds like an amazing girl.

 

[clutter]

I have an old soul who never really fit in at her elementary school. For middle school it was a somewhat different peer group. High school, we ended up moving to the neighboring school where she knew some kids, but none from her elementary school were there. Its better, but not perfect. (But when the mom of the 'popular' group says that its a mix of girls that just didn't work that year, and a handful of other families moved around to change the mix, it really was the mix in many ways.)

Anyway, the social aspects of high school are so much more challenging. And if she didn't fit in with the girls in her current class, well, she'll have one year in high school (and not for another year!) to be apart from them. Even if you school is huge, they may still mix. And if it's huge, there will be other kids there that she doesn't yet know.

Then you run into the academic problems. If she skips, will she go to honors? I'm thinking of the mom that posted recently about her son having trouble at his new high school, and the guidance counselor's answer was to put him in honors because the kids were nicer. Some classes span a number of years. Most math classes, electives.

Honestly, if your kid is an old soul, a year or two isn't going to make it better. My dd is way too mature in many ways for high school, but she's still an old soul compared to kids two years ahead. What has helped her is for us to chart her way out. We've been to colleges (shes a sophomore), we've talked about her getting a job, about how to adjust her peer group. She isn't into the high school 'experience.' But if she was a junior or a senior right now, it wouldn't make life any better.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

I'm sort of curious about how your dd would go about getting promoted if she isn't considered a gifted child. Doesn't your school district have rules in place about such things?

My dd has a very good friend who skipped 2nd grade. She has been in classes with my dd since but is almost a full year younger. I remember talking with her parents around that time and they stated that she had to take the End of Grade testing for the grade she was testing INTO ( 3rd ) and score in the 95th percentile or above. She also had to meet with child psychologists and take several other tests that I can't recall. I remember the process being quite extensive. This child is truly gifted and was considering skipping 7th grade this year but decided on her own not to for social reasons.

 

[daisyduck123]

My DD skipped a grade.

She is coming home from college tomorrow & with this semester over, is now a college Junior at age 18yrs, 4 months.

It worked out great for us & was the perfect thing to do. We would have her do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Keep this in mind though....our DD skipped 1st grade. So she was still at that young age where she got to meet & make new friends at a time when ALL the kids were new to each other. She made friends then who are still her best friends. I don't know how it would've worked out had she skipped in middle school.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[TheSchragFamily]

We have a grade-skipper here. 2nd to 3rd, mid-year. Best decision we could have made. But we are only talking about a 2-month age difference between him and the next-youngest person in his new class (he was one of the older kids in his original cohort). He has done just fine academically and socially. In fact, he's still at the very top of his class, despite the advancement. Some kids just learn at a much faster pace. However, I never would have skipped him for social reasons alone. That just doesn't make any sense to me.