Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[iwrbnd]

(toodycat)Are there rooms he's more likely to soil than others? Perhaps you should tarp or dropcloth your carpets for a while and see if that makes a difference in his interest in going on the floor. Just tell everyone you're painting...

Good idea but he's pretty much baptizing the whole house!

We have 2 stray cats who've been with us over 10 years. They've been spayed/neutered and gotten immunizations but I still refer to them as strays! So when do they become "our" cats?

Anyway, they've always used our doggie doors so I've never gotten a litter box. Now, all of a sudden, my house is a large litterbox! What's up with that? Can I tarp my whole house? Can I hire an ABA therapist for my cat?

BTW, I love your baby powder story!

 

[kirstenb1]

KFK, I'm sorry. Zoe used to take her diaper off and smear it around her crib til she was about 3. I'd put footy pj's on her backwards, then zip them up. That's probably not an option for your Schmutcher. She's nearly 5, and still not potty-trained. But at least she leaves her pull up alone.

I do think you've invented a cool new phrase that I'll be stealing from time to time.

 

[BreTyPres87]

Why in the name of all things Schmutch is this happening!? I know I'm in trouble when I hear NT/DS shout "MOM, he's naked.......and I think I smell something!" Schmollandite DS has decided to poop in the floor, somewhere, once each day. Somebody grab my ankles as I go over the edge! I don't know if I'm running a household or a kennel! It's a coin toss! I love the smell of a freshly shampooed carpet as much as the next person, but EVERYDAY! REALLY!? I keep that shampooer locked and loaded. Ready for action! If I have to clean up one more snicker bar off my floor, I will surely be seen running the streets of Schmolland naked, screaming and pulling out my hair! ADVICE PLEEEAAASSEEE!

Now we're off to DS6's T-Ball game. Lord give me strength and let the Clonidine knock the little schmutch boy out cold! (I mean let it calm him down a bit....yes that's what I meant.)

my son did this when he was 1 and I pray that it never returns he was fingerpainting on our walls for a good 4 months, a few months ago I woke up to a diaperless boy and the smell of poop. he had pooped on my head -4 am- I had to give him a bath and shower myself as well as scour my bed yucky
I have no idea how to get them to stop but I understand your pain!!

 

[kampfirekim]

I don't have any advice except you are still cracking me up! It may be quiet today at everyone's houses but I should have known there was action at kampfirekim's house! Sorry for the poop issues, though! My cat has decided to pee in my house after 10 years if that makes you feel any better! And there is nothing worse than cat pee!

Yep, always action in the KFK household, or rather kennel. Think I'll start calling my house the kampfirekennel. In fact after the incident was all cleaned up and "RESOLVE-ed" I kept smelling a lovely vanilla fragrance. I was at the kitchen table, so I knew he hadn't gotten into the vanilla. Upon an investigation, I found that he had gotten my Wilton Merenge Powder out of my bag. I'd taken it to mom's and forgot it was in there. It was all over him, of course he'd been licking his fingers and then rubbing it all over himself, so the powder was like cement all over him. It was all over the fireplace, in my freshly shampooed carpet and I was not happy. At least it had a nice scent, unlike other things he's been spreading around lately.

You have a valid point. Picking up a "snicker bar" in a giant wad of tissue isn't as bad as cat pee. You poor thing.

Are there rooms he's more likely to soil than others? ...

The cat or the kid? (Only in Schmolland could this possibly be in question!)

KFK, I'm sorry. Zoe used to take her diaper off and smear it around her crib til she was about 3. I'd put footy pj's on her backwards, then zip them up. That's probably not an option for your Schmutcher. She's nearly 5, and still not potty-trained. But at least she leaves her pull up alone.

I do think you've invented a cool new phrase that I'll be stealing from time to time.

I can't even get him to wear more than underwear, footy pj's will never work with him. He would go completely insane. This has just started happening this week. He can't potty all by himself, but he's always come to me and let me know when the urge strikes. I don't know what's going on, but I feel like there is some reason for it. Just gotta figure it out.

Which cool phrase are you referring to? I don't think I've ever invented a cool phrase before.

my son did this when he was 1 and I pray that it never returns he was fingerpainting on our walls for a good 4 months, a few months ago I woke up to a diaperless boy and the smell of poop. he had pooped on my head -4 am- I had to give him a bath and shower myself as well as scour my bed yucky
I have no idea how to get them to stop but I understand your pain!!

Yes, I know all about the poopy piccaso's. Double YUCK! I hope he doesn't get that idea in his head!

He did what on your head! OH MY! He's accidentally peed on me but never pooped on my head. Don't mean to laugh, but I just can't help it! That one's a classic!

Even if there's no advice (I didn't really expect there to be an answer for this. Just longsuffering.), I appreciate the listening ear and understanding heart.

 

[iwrbnd]

I could be wrong kampfire kim because you have so many great quotes but I thing they were talking about this one...

Originally Posted by kampfirekim
Why in the name of all things Schmutch is this happening!?

So funny! I think I'll have to use it, too! It should be our official phrase! We don't have one yet, do we?

 

[bookwormde]

Toileting issues are one of the more common manefestations, even for the highest functioning kids. It appears to be a combinatin of sensory differences and a reduced social impetus to " do the standard thing". Also there cna be a "fear" thing about te toilet. The sensory part can range all over the place as to source and takes a lot of investgation to discover all the components. Some people even lack the internal sensory capabilty to know when they need to go.

As with all things with our kids the typcial social component needs to be repalaced with a practical (logical) one. The are picture books and videos about toileting which have been helpful (remember that "telling our kids" about complex things for the most part is a waste of time, all things by non linear means).



So dealing with one of the 2 components without the other is prablematic so coordination is important.

I hope this helps a little, and although we all have different iterations of this issue (including being "hypercapable") it is one of the most common differentials.

I think the "other place" (other planet) nature of this thread that what makes it so much fun (and the great writing).

bookwormde

 

[kirstenb1]

iwrbnd has it exactly right. That's the new quote I'm stealing!!!

 

[toodycat]

I do think that the urge to go can be somewhat dietary. My DS got the hang of toileting appropriately a lot faster once fruit juice and heavy refined grain products, such as bagels were removed from his diet. (DH gave him a bagel and a Yoohoo once for breakfast---not my idea of the nutritional breakfast of champions, but my husband was trying to give DS a special treat. The poor kid veritably exploded.) I also had an ASD student in his teens who would poop his pants in my class sometimes. He ate a lot of refined carbs and dairy. If your son has just started the indiscriminate excretion, i would just check and see if there is a new food product introduced in your home in the same time frame. Something in it may be cutting down your son's time lapse between understanding the urge to go and telling you about it.

 

[mommatomase]

Oh my goodness ladies... I have just the opposite... Mase WON'T poop! We have been struggling with this forever... We would schedule toilet sitting time and read books, sing songs and anything else possible to get him to relax and go...
We still have to make him sit on the toilet each day but now he can read a book by himself and in 1/2 hour or so, he'll go...
The differences in Schmollandites... is it a north south thing there too????

 

[Daisy&Max]

I have the problem with my two goons that they will poop but they won't clean up afterwards. I have wet wipes in the bathroom for them and plenty of TP but they still refuse to wipe. I get so frustrated with them becasue they come to me and complain because it hurts. Well, DUH! I'm running out of patience for this. I tell them that if they dont' want it to hurt then they need to do what is necessary to keep it from hurting.

Daisy

 

[Daisy&Max]

I've already cried and yelled about it but I need to know how to deal with this.

DS10 was supposed to be eating his breakfast this morning but when I came downstairs he was still sitting there with the bowl in front of him and no food in the bowl (this was about 20 minutes after I sent him to do it while I took a shower). I fussed and made him eat and asked him if he got into anything. He swore he hadn't. So I went about my business and finished getting ready for work and prodding him along.

just before we left I bent down to pick something up off the floor and discovered there was money under the kitchen table in the school supplies box. I took it out and it was $11 in cash. I asked DS where he got it from he said it was under his bed. I asked how it got under his bed? He said it was just there. Right then and there I knew he had stolen it but I didn't know from who. So I'm getting frustrated and asking him where he got it. According to him it just showed up under his bed. (man would I love to have a bed that makes money!)

I put the money on our bulletin board and said i was going to figure out whose it was because I knew it wasn't his. This isn't the first time he has stolen something from someone in his family or at school (never money at school just candy...but that's bad enough). I came back in the kitchen and he was taking the money back down. I put it back, scolded him again, and then went to get my stuff to leave. Big mistake on my part.

I get to work and don't think anything about it. At lunch time I grab my wallet and head out to go buy some lunch. Open my wallet and notice and my cash is gone. The little @#$% took my money and I hadn't even thought to look in my own wallet. So I was so angry knowing that he did it to me.

He apparently took the money, took it to school, bought snacks at lunch and then the lunch lady put the rest of the money in his "snack" account. I don't let him buy snacks because he eats so poorly I know he would buy the snacks and not eat any lunch.

When confronted with it he said he wanted to buy a snack but he knew I would say no, so he just took my money and used it. He knew it was wrong but he did it anyway. He was upset when confronted and cried but I don't know if he cried because he was caught or because he was sorry for what he did.

So I'm so upset that we have worked on the stealing, we have talked about it, he's been punished, he's been told he could end up in juvenile hall or in the school for the bad kids if he does it in school, or worse he could end up in jail. I close my eyes and have visions of my son going to prison for stealing things in stores.

I'm so upset and depressed because of this. I didn't want to come home and face him tonight because I'm so upset. Anyone BTDT?

Daisy

 

[kampfirekim]

iwrbnd has it exactly right. That's the new quote I'm stealing!!!

It's not stealing....I don't mind sharing. Use it all you like. I didn't realize it at the time I wrote it, but it does kinda sum things up.

Due to my recent rennovations, turning my home into a kennel....I have decided the phrase "Different Day, Different Stuff" will be temporarily changed in my Schmutch home to "Different Day, Same $%#!" Now I don't normally talk like that, but I've had quite enough! Good think the shampooer is still ready for action! I picked up the little nuggets in question and shut the door. I just couln't deal....now I've gotta go shampoo the rug! Calgon take me away....far, far away! KFK will now officially be running naked, screaming and pulling out her hair in the streets of Schmolland! We need a smiley for that!

(DH gave him a bagel and a Yoohoo once for breakfast---not my idea of the nutritional breakfast of champions, but my husband was trying to give DS a special treat. The poor kid veritably exploded.)

Oh mercy! Yoohoo can be used to unclog drains! A surefire way to guarantee a blow out!

I've already cried and yelled about it but I need to know how to deal with this.

Daisy

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I haven't BTDT, but I wish I could reach right through my computer screen and give you a great big hug right now! I really wish I had the magic words to make it all better. Hopefully someone will reply who has some insight on this one.


I want to thank everyone who has responded to my potty plight! I don't know of any change in diet. He actually did "go" on the potty a couple of hours ago, so I am really at a loss here. DS has been coming to get me to take him to potty for a couple of years now, so I don't know why we're having regression in this area. He doesn't regress in any other areas. Sometimes, when I hear parents complain about their NT kids, I just want to scream..."At least they can go to the potty on their own!" Sorry for the outburst there, I am getting frustrated b/cause I really don't know what to do, except maybe start back sitting my little prince on the throne every hour on the hour like when I was first potty training him.

 

[mommatomase]

I want to thank everyone who has responded to my potty plight! I don't know of any change in diet. He actually did "go" on the potty a couple of hours ago, so I am really at a loss here. DS has been coming to get me to take him to potty for a couple of years now, so I don't know why we're having regression in this area. He doesn't regress in any other areas. Sometimes, when I hear parents complain about their NT kids, I just want to scream..."At least they can go to the potty on their own!" Sorry for the outburst there, I am getting frustrated b/cause I really don't know what to do, except maybe start back sitting my little prince on the throne every hour on the hour like when I was first potty training him.

Sounds like a plan to me... is there a new stresser in his life? has there been a change in his routine, even minute? Oh KFK I feel so bad for you!!! Potty issues are so frustrating but even worse when they leave the bathroom!!! HUGS!!!

Daisy... no answers but I too shall send cyber hugs your way!!!

 

[kampfirekim]

Sounds like a plan to me... is there a new stresser in his life? has there been a change in his routine, even minute? Oh KFK I feel so bad for you!!! Potty issues are so frustrating but even worse when they leave the bathroom!!! HUGS!!!

Daisy... no answers but I too shall send cyber hugs your way!!!

I don't know of anything different going on. I really don't have a clue. I have been a little busy lately, maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe I'll try giving him a little extra of my time....who knows? Potty issues are definitely frustrating, especially when they leave the bathroom, and it's even worse when it's a 45 lb+ , 5 1/2 yr old. Thought I ran out of carpet cleaner for my shampooer, but I found just enough for another go around if necessary. Hallelujah! Hope I don't need it, but better safe than sorry!

I was trying to stay logged out for the rest of the night, but I got an e-mail notification of your post and I just had to drop back in to let you know...hug is received! Thanks, that was just what I needed.

 

[BreTyPres87]

Daisy

I haven't been through this (my son's 3) but is it possible to go to behavioral counseling with him (if you already don't)? I can imagine the thoughts you have of what could happen and its scary thinking about it, I stole money from my mom when I was younger -about 11 or 12- but I stopped after being scolded about it, with a child with Autism its just so different .. I hope you figure something else.

 

[iwrbnd]

I just wanted to give a! I've been quiet through these discussions because toilet issues and stealing haven't been something we struggle with. (I can't believe I found something that isn't an issue with at least one kid!!!)

I don't really have any great advice but my sis has a severly autistic child that I never thought would get toilet trained. She did it and this is how...every time he had an accident she said the same phrase "Oh, no! You pooped/pottied!" Then she took him to the bathroom and put him on the toilet. He had to stay sit on the toilet for about 10 minutes. If he pooped/pottied in the toilet she let him do an activity he likes...for him it was opening and shutting doors. She never let him open/shut doors any other time. It was exhausting but it worked. Oh, and I think she put him on the toilet like every 15 minutes. I'm sure you've all been doing this but I thought I would put in her success story just in case it helps somebody!

I also have a friend with a severely autistic child and she had a toilet training expert come to her house for the weekend. This person only worked with autism and promised she could do it. Well, it worked! I think it was a program through our state but I'm not sure.

The stealing thing...I'm clueless...I'll have to do some asking around and see if I can get some ideas!

Good luck everyone!

 

[iwrbnd]

Okay, I read on what some people have done with their asd child and stealing. Most were things you've already tried like explaining to them why and giving consequences. This idea is weird and I'm not sure if I agree with it but the mom said it worked so here goes...

She got a jar and put a golf ball in for every day he didn't steal. He could easily see the jar getting more full and then he got a reward when it was full. It's basically paying a child not to steal which is definately not standard practice! I don't know how I feel about this but with an asd you never know! Sometimes the most funky things work!

I'll keep asking around!

 

[bookwormde]

while stealing is not a high percentage manefestation for our kids it can be a serious issue. For some of these kids they do not really think they are stealing so finding out the "logic" behind their actions is the starting point, often it is flawed, particualarly in some social portion of the analysis. I have also seen it around items related to special areas of interest where "input" has been restricted or denied. I think sometimes it has pretty NT casuses.

bookwormde

 

[Daisy&Max]

Thank you all for the hugs and good thoughts. I'm better this morning. I know that he takes things that he wants. He sees something, thinks "I want that", and then takes it. I don't know if it is just impulsivity. I don't know if it immaturity. I don't know if it is related to stress. I just don't know.

I was talking to my SO last night (he lives in another state right now) and he pointed out that we had problems about this same time last year. We are getting ready for the end of year testing and the schedule is disrupted at school. So that might be it. Although, his teachers report him to be doing very well with the changes. He doesn't get in trouble at school, he saves it all for me. Which I suppose I should be grateful for, but at times I wish he would show it to other people so they would understand what I'm dealing with.

We are going to try to spend time together this weekend and do lots of family things and see if that will get him back on track.

I can't tell you all how much better I feel by being able to post this here and not feel judged because of my feelings about my struggles.

Thank you so much my schmolland friends!

Daisy

 

[Kat77]

For some of these kids they do not really think they are stealing so finding out the "logic" behind their actions is the starting point, often it is flawed, particualarly in some social portion of the analysis. I have also seen it around items related to special areas of interest where "input" has been restricted or denied.

bookwormde

I totally agree and I have a theory:
I suspect the kiddo really, really wanted a snack! It probably became a fixation and when he took the money it did not occur to him that was stealing (you're mom, that's where all his money comes from). He planned not to tell you about the snacks, the money part was secondary and irrelevant, it was all about keeping the snack scheme from you. I suspect he took all your cash because he does not understand money exchange very well and had no clue how much things would cost. Obviously, he was stealing but it honestly may have not registered as such.
He just really, really wanted a snack! He sees other kids getting them everyday and it became impossibly important. As an N/T child, watching my neighbors chow down on zebra cakes and dreamsicles would've driven me insane and I in turn I would have driven my parents batty until they compromised (fridays only). AS kids often lack the negotation skills to break us down, they meltdown with frustration before they can do so. This looks like a desperate attempt for a yummy sugar fix to me! I blame the school for making your baby turn to a life of crime! Seriously, they should only sell snacks on Fridays anyway.