Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[mommatomase]

We use the stove timer and we have a special timer that we use for everything... it works!

The whole homework issue is a big part of why we cyber school... school is done at 2:30 pm and then we get to be a kid!! It has made a big difference in school attitude... still take 30 minutes to write 20 words some days...

The last few weeks I let him decide how long it should take to do an assignment and he has done really well with getting them done in HIS alotted time... and he is very reasonable with his time I might add...

Lolligag Syndrome I am sure is in the Schmolland Handbook...

 

[iwrbnd]

We have extreme Lolligag Syndrome here, too! I remember when my son was first doing homework. The work would be soooo easy but he would doodle, daydream, talk, etc..., and it would take FOREVER! I was a teacher and had never wanted to take a ruler and smack a kid's hands before to keep him focused until my son! I didn't do it but I'm tellin' ya it was tempting!

We never modified his work either until high school. I didn't want to do it but the kid knew the material and was so frustrated he was ready to quit school. They cut back on the "busy work" since he saw no need to do it and...well, you know how that goes with an aspie! He doesn't get easier work, just less of it.

 

[kampfirekim]

After reading your post, I completely agree! We're either twins or your raising my son!

My son's add is not the hyperactive type. (Although, if he gets overstimulated he will swing to the hyper end...he doesn't regulate well). He's inattentive ADD and actually has such low energy I've often said he needs a fire lit under him! It comes in handy when you're somewhere quiet like restaurants or church but not so much when you need him to accomplish something in life, like school!

Make that triplets....sounds like my neurotypical! He has ADHD and has lower energy/lack of focus on certain things. He doesn't bounce off the walls very often, but fidgets, rolls around etc. He meets all standard and has always been on the A/B honor roll, but he drove me, 5K and 1st grade teacher crazy in the process. Meds really helped him at school! Getting ready for school before the meds kick in is an entirely different matter!

My neurochallenged/ADHD kiddo is in a ball park all his own! Imagine the SJFT on speed! Good gravy! Sometimes he's like a really fast cartoon character that has the blurry lines trailing behind him! We started Buddy Soccer today.....very interesting......very interesting indeed! All of the other kids ran back and forth between the goals. Did my kid do that? NOOOOOOOOO! He decided it would be more fun to run back and forth crossways! His buddy stayed on one side and I on the other. We just sent him back and forth while weaving through the kids actually playing soccer. He did bolt once or ....four or five times, but after chasing him the first time, I decided that's what the buddies are there for. So KFK just sat back and watched. Was that wrong?

We have extreme Lolligag Syndrome here, too! I remember when my son was first doing homework. The work would be soooo easy but he would doodle, daydream, talk, etc..., and it would take FOREVER! I was a teacher and had never wanted to take a ruler and smack a kid's hands before to keep him focused until my son! I didn't do it but I'm tellin' ya it was tempting!

I understand........that's my NT/DS! I used to just wanna shake him until his teeth rattled! Now I just use a few motivators, works well for him.

 

[iwrbnd]

kampfirekim, did you know my DH and I look forward to laying in bed at night and reading your posts out loud? We get such a good laugh! You REALLY should write a book! It could be comedic relief for all parents w/kids on the spectrum! Really, you seriously should!

 

[bookwormde]

If you have not been to Kidani before your are going to love it, Get a room near the pool and you can use the back way to the pool, it is my aspies favorite resort. We are on our off year for our 2 out of 3 years WDW schedule so I am surviving though all your experainces.

EF issues and attention are where the biggest advances are being made in Autism. Most of our kids actually have attention capabilities way beyong that of neurotypicals, but not for areas of "outside" direction. Once you understnd the "why" of why they do not attend typcially, developing supports and skills (within what is practical for their neurology) is actually reasonably easy. The trick is to let go of NT expetations and to get inside your child's mind and perceive the world from that point of view (easy for me as an aspie). NTs attned and make things important because of genetic social programming, Aspies make things important because of logic and personal value, you are not going to change that. If it takes a structure to get homework to come home or to get handed in then it is just putting it in place, even if it is that he has a secratry at school to accomplish it, and to work on independant structures as practical. I know lots of successful aspies and they all have "aids" (secrataries, spouses stc) that help them with the "unimportant" NT expectations of the world, so do not expect your child to every be NT style attentive, if it were to happen then one of the greatest gifts our kids hove would go away.

While My ds has lots of "interface" challenges he is amazing and happy when he is in an enviroment that understand he is not NT and appriciates his gift. He is very kind, intellegent and creative. He develops "worlds" in his mind the are so complex and creative that most people can not begin to understand them and draws them all the time. He decided at 5YO that aminals whould not have to be killed for him to eat so he has been a vegiterian ever since (of course he does not eat vegatable). He has a very high lever of social justice and equity and is deeply affected by anything he percieve a being unjust or unfair (to a greater extent for thing happing to others) which puts him at risk in our society. He has an ability to hyperfocus that is amazing. I am one of the rare parents who would have been dissapointed if I had not had a child with Autism genetics since I know the amazin gifts that come along with it. When our children are well supported and you list their positive traits, it reads like every NT parents wish list. Our kids ar not superficial about anything.

bookwormde

 

[bookwormde]

NJmoma,

Giving a child with an EF disabilty detention for tardiness, is punishing them for their disabilty, and the school should know better, this is one of the msost damaging things that can be done to our kids

bookworwmde

 

[mommatomase]

If you have not been to Kidani before your are going to love it, Get a room near the pool and you can use the back way to the pool, it is my aspies favorite resort. We are on our off year for our 2 out of 3 years WDW schedule so I am surviving though all your experainces.

EF issues and attention are where the biggest advances are being made in Autism. Most of our kids actually have attention capabilities way beyong that of neurotypicals, but not for areas of "outside" direction. Once you understnd the "why" of why they do not attend typcially, developing supports and skills (within what is practical for their neurology) is actually reasonably easy. The trick is to let go of NT expetations and to get inside your child's mind and perceive the world from that point of view (easy for me as an aspie). NTs attned and make things important because of genetic social programming, Aspies make things important because of logic and personal value, you are not going to change that. If it takes a structure to get homework to come home or to get handed in then it is just putting it in place, even if it is that he has a secratry at school to accomplish it, and to work on independant structures as practical. I know lots of successful aspies and they all have "aids" (secrataries, spouses stc) that help them with the "unimportant" NT expectations of the world, so do not expect your child to every be NT style attentive, if it were to happen then one of the greatest gifts our kids hove would go away.

While My ds has lots of "interface" challenges he is amazing and happy when he is in an enviroment that understand he is not NT and appriciates his gift. He is very kind, intellegent and creative. He develops "worlds" in his mind the are so complex and creative that most people can not begin to understand them and draws them all the time. He decided at 5YO that aminals whould not have to be killed for him to eat so he has been a vegiterian ever since (of course he does not eat vegatable). He has a very high lever of social justice and equity and is deeply affected by anything he percieve a being unjust or unfair (to a greater extent for thing happing to others) which puts him at risk in our society. He has an ability to hyperfocus that is amazing. I am one of the rare parents who would have been dissapointed if I had not had a child with Autism genetics since I know the amazin gifts that come along with it. When our children are well supported and you list their positive traits, it reads like every NT parents wish list. Our kids ar not superficial about anything.

bookwormde

Our home resort is Kidani... we LOVE it!!!

You describe my DS to a "T" in your description. We often talk about the "fluff" in life and what society expects from EVERYONE.

I have been living life through Mase's eyes for nine years. Before he arrived Dh and I decided to slow down our lives and learn from our child... the experience has been amazing... seeing the world in a different perspective is challenging and rewarding.

I am not disappointed with the gift I have been given... I thank God for him everyday... even on the stimmy days... Some days I wonder if I am not on the spectrum too... I can relate, so many times to what he says and does, from when I was a child and the challenges I had growing up.

 

[iwrbnd]

Wow! I'm learning more from this thread than any book I've read! The thing I'm most realizing is what makes me most exhausted with my son isn't his asperger traits but his poor executive function and attention skills! My 3rd son who is more on the spectrum doesn't struggle with these and he's much easier to raise!

Are poor EF/attention skills a symptom of aspergers or is that only in ADHD, which aspies also tend to have?

 

[persimmondeb]

Near as I can tell, all of this stuff seems to turn up together, but not always in predictable ways. DS is actually suspected of having a relatively benign chromosomal disorder (Soto's), but I come from a long line of people who have various "quirks", sensory issues, ADD, executive functioning issues, co-ordination issues, but are not autistic.

DS, on the other hand, is social and cuddly, EXTREMELY quirky (to the point that not only do people notice, quite a few of them recognize it as a developmental disability), lots of sensory issues, ADHD, significant co-ordination problems (to the point that they affect his speech), and pretty good executive function skills. Probably as good as mine or better. He's certainly much more efficient about homework than I ever was.

 

[Daisy&Max]

Here's a question for all you aspie experts. I need you to tell me if this is an obnoxious boy thing or an aspie thing.

Today DS10 was putzing around and no amount of pushing moved him. He took 45 minutes to eat a bowl of cereal. That's not the problem. LOL The problem is I had to take him to school instead of him riding the bus and I was fussing at him for making me late for work for the 2nd day in a row. So on the way to school I'm irritated and letting him know how it was going to affect my day. So he starts saying things like.."well your students aren't there yet, you time." "Just do it later." "just tell the kids to wait while you do it." and a few other *helpful* hints. He says this all matter of factly.

So of course I'm more ticked off and mad because he doesn't understand or care about my job and what I need to do. I was so angry at him for being so insensitive.

So after I drove off and I'm still fuming over this I start questioning myself as to how I could have raised a kid who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Then I started calming down and wondering if this is a product of Aspie-dom. Is this nature or nurture? I find myself wanting to say it is the autisim but then I feel like i'm making excuses for him and I know that isn't good.

So I need someone to point me in the right direction.

thanks,
Daisy

 

[kampfirekim]

kampfirekim, did you know my DH and I look forward to laying in bed at night and reading your posts out loud? We get such a good laugh! You REALLY should write a book! It could be comedic relief for all parents w/kids on the spectrum! Really, you seriously should!

No, I wasn't entirely sure if you and your DH read my posts in bed at night, but I highly suspected it! Do you use character voices? What about renactments? I warned you once not to encourage me...only makes me worse.

So after I drove off and I'm still fuming over this I start questioning myself as to how I could have raised a kid who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Then I started calming down and wondering if this is a product of Aspie-dom. Is this nature or nurture? I find myself wanting to say it is the autisim but then I feel like i'm making excuses for him and I know that isn't good.

So I need someone to point me in the right direction.

thanks,
Daisy

Not only is a lack of empathy part of Aspie-dom, it is part of Schmolland-dom. This is very common for those on the spectrum. It is absolutely nothing that you have done wrong! My DS will laugh at the peril of others. He can hit me, pull my hair and roll with laughter. One of my close friends has a DS6 w/autism also and faces the same problem. We were discussing this very thing just yesterday evening as her DS ran right over the top of a fallen fellow soccer player. It is frustrating, but I don't know how to deal with it other than traditional discipline tactics. I don't know that discipline would work for just a lack of empathy. I only discipline the outward behaviors. I would love to hear Bookwormde's view on this one.

 

[preschoolmom]

My extended family, on the other hand, is a smorgasbord of asd behavior. A psychiatrist could have a heyday at our family get togethers! Seven out of 10 nieces/nephews are on the spectrum! So, I guess we know which branch our kids hit when they fell out of the family tree! MINE!!!

Hi, I just have to say that this quote really just says it all for me! My mom and I find genetics so fascinating - we're always sharing new things we learn about genetics with each other.

Hi, I guess I'm living in Schmolland, too. My son is diagnosed PDD-NOS. He is on two medications - one to treat anxiety/OCD symptoms and one (we just started last week) for ADHD symptoms. He is very, very smart - with what I think is a somewhat photographic memory. He learned to read at two (on his own). Once he sees a word, it is locked in, and he never forgets it.

He is seven right now, mainstreamed in a first grade class - but has difficulty with the social aspects of school (the lunch room, recess, after school). He doesn't transition well and acts silly a LOT (we think the sillyness is a coping mechanism). Just wanted to introduce myself a little.

This thread has become such a haven for me over the last week, as we dealt with new side effects from this new medication - and just really felt like we were swimming in the lake in Schmolland, instead of visiting the lake house.

I also loved learning about executive functioning - I had never heard of it - and while I'm not sure my son struggles with that so much, my MIL is like the poster child for executive functioning disorder (is that what it is called? We never knew what it was called, but when I read a sample story of a person with that type of issue - it screamed her name - even my DH couldn't believe how well it described her!).

Anyway - Laughing and crying right along with all of you here in the midwest!

 

[bookwormde]

Pushing does not work with Apsies since it has a social basis, it just generates anxiety, one of the things that I "teach" is the difference between encouraging and pushing.
Try talking about how it makes you feel, not about your day, it often has a much better impact (of course unless he is mad and then you just have to wait).
The lack of empathy thing (in the boarder sense of not caring) is actually an item that is leaving the clinical area, our kids often have no clue as to how others feel, but when they become aware are many times more effected by it than NTs (although they may not have the social skills to show their concern typically).

bookwormde

 

[iwrbnd]

Here's a question for all you aspie experts. I need you to tell me if this is an obnoxious boy thing or an aspie thing.

Today DS10 was putzing around and no amount of pushing moved him. He took 45 minutes to eat a bowl of cereal. That's not the problem. LOL The problem is I had to take him to school instead of him riding the bus and I was fussing at him for making me late for work for the 2nd day in a row. So on the way to school I'm irritated and letting him know how it was going to affect my day. So he starts saying things like.."well your students aren't there yet, you time." "Just do it later." "just tell the kids to wait while you do it." and a few other *helpful* hints. He says this all matter of factly.

So of course I'm more ticked off and mad because he doesn't understand or care about my job and what I need to do. I was so angry at him for being so insensitive.

So after I drove off and I'm still fuming over this I start questioning myself as to how I could have raised a kid who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Then I started calming down and wondering if this is a product of Aspie-dom. Is this nature or nurture? I find myself wanting to say it is the autisim but then I feel like i'm making excuses for him and I know that isn't good.

So I need someone to point me in the right direction.

thanks,
Daisy

This is EXACTLY what I've been questioning the most in my life lately! I'm so glad you asked this and you've also described my son perfectly! Sometimes I blame it on his issues, sometimes I blame it on my parenting and sometimes I just blame it on him!

And welcome "preschoolmom"! I'm so glad you're here and sharing your story! I've found this thread has been a life-saver for me!

Bookwormde, thanks for your insight! I'm going to try your idea of saying exactly how I feel and see if that helps! I didn't know they were taking away the empathy part for asd!

kampfirekim, my DH and I don't reenact the scenes from your posts...at least not yet!

 

[Daisy&Max]

Thanks gals. I guess I need to stop myself and think about what he is saying and then explain to him why his thinking doesn't fit societal norms. Maybe this would be a good time to practice how he should respond.

I feel better knowing that its a trait of our Schmuctch kids and not poor parenting. Although, now I feel even worse for getting upset with him. He can't help it and I'm fussing at him for it.

thanks guys!

Daisy

 

[kampfirekim]

to Schmolland preschoolmom! Glad to have you aboard! This is one of the funnest threads on the Disboards! (I know that sounds strange all things considered, but trust me...you'll see!)

kampfirekim, my DH and I don't reenact the scenes from your posts...at least not yet!

Sure you don't....yeah right!

Thanks gals. I guess I need to stop myself and think about what he is saying and then explain to him why his thinking doesn't fit societal norms. Maybe this would be a good time to practice how he should respond.

I feel better knowing that its a trait of our Schmuctch kids and not poor parenting. Although, now I feel even worse for getting upset with him. He can't help it and I'm fussing at him for it.

thanks guys!

Daisy

Glad you're feeling better. Parenting a kid on the spectrum is TOUGH! It is so hard to draw the line between spectrum behavior and typical behavior isn't it? At least it is for us! It is so frustrating and it's sooo hard NOT to get upset sometimes. I am afraid I'm guilty of the same thing sometimes even though my head knows he can't help it. I try to always remember, It's nobody's fault....it just is.

 

[iwrbnd]

Wow, all is quiet in Schmolland today! I just got home from work and expected to catch up on some neighborhood news! Hopefully it's all quiet because everyone's day has been super calm and wonderful!

 

[kampfirekim]

Why in the name of all things Schmutch is this happening!? I know I'm in trouble when I hear NT/DS shout "MOM, he's naked.......and I think I smell something!" Schmollandite DS has decided to poop in the floor, somewhere, once each day. Somebody grab my ankles as I go over the edge! I don't know if I'm running a household or a kennel! It's a coin toss! I love the smell of a freshly shampooed carpet as much as the next person, but EVERYDAY! REALLY!? I keep that shampooer locked and loaded. Ready for action! If I have to clean up one more snicker bar off my floor, I will surely be seen running the streets of Schmolland naked, screaming and pulling out my hair! ADVICE PLEEEAAASSEEE!

Now we're off to DS6's T-Ball game. Lord give me strength and let the Clonidine knock the little schmutch boy out cold! (I mean let it calm him down a bit....yes that's what I meant.)

 

[iwrbnd]

Why in the name of all things Schmutch is this happening!? I know I'm in trouble when I hear NT/DS shout "MOM, he's naked.......and I think I smell something!" Schmollandite DS has decided to poop in the floor, somewhere, once each day. Somebody grab my ankles as I go over the edge! I don't know if I'm running a household or a kennel! It's a coin toss! I love the smell of a freshly shampooed carpet as much as the next person, but EVERYDAY! REALLY!? I keep that shampooer locked and loaded. Ready for action! If I have to clean up one more snicker bar off my floor, I will surely be seen running the streets of Schmolland naked, screaming and pulling out my hair! ADVICE PLEEEAAASSEEE!

I don't have any advice except you are still cracking me up! It may be quiet today at everyone's houses but I should have known there was action at kampfirekim's house! Sorry for the poop issues, though! My cat has decided to pee in my house after 10 years if that makes you feel any better! And there is nothing worse than cat pee!

 

[toodycat]

Are there rooms he's more likely to soil than others? Perhaps you should tarp or dropcloth your carpets for a while and see if that makes a difference in his interest in going on the floor. Just tell everyone you're painting...

My DS didn't poop on the floor but what he did in kindergarten was go to school,hold it all day and then poop in his pants as he crossed the threshold into our home. It drove me crazy. I'd say, "If you can hold it all day, you can hold it until you get to the toilet!" One day, I lost it and I said, "That's it. NO TELEVISION!" Well, at this point, DS was still pretty non-verbal, but he certainly understood "NO TELEVISION." I was downstairs in the living room, opening the mail and he was upstairs, playing in his room. The second floor of our house has a balcony "hallway" that looks down on the living room. Suddenly, I felt something touch me. It felt like snow. I looked up and saw DS shaking a Costco-sized container of baby powder over the balcony and into the living room and laughing. I went upstairs; every room was completely saturated with baby powder. He didn't have the words to protest my NO TELEVISION dictate, but damned if he didn't figure out how to get my goat with no words at all. White clouds of baby powder poofed out of the vacuum cleaner for weeks afterwards.

Hang in there...