Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[ireland_nicole]

I've already cried and yelled about it but I need to know how to deal with this.

DS10 was supposed to be eating his breakfast this morning but when I came downstairs he was still sitting there with the bowl in front of him and no food in the bowl (this was about 20 minutes after I sent him to do it while I took a shower). I fussed and made him eat and asked him if he got into anything. He swore he hadn't. So I went about my business and finished getting ready for work and prodding him along.

just before we left I bent down to pick something up off the floor and discovered there was money under the kitchen table in the school supplies box. I took it out and it was $11 in cash. I asked DS where he got it from he said it was under his bed. I asked how it got under his bed? He said it was just there. Right then and there I knew he had stolen it but I didn't know from who. So I'm getting frustrated and asking him where he got it. According to him it just showed up under his bed. (man would I love to have a bed that makes money!)

I put the money on our bulletin board and said i was going to figure out whose it was because I knew it wasn't his. This isn't the first time he has stolen something from someone in his family or at school (never money at school just candy...but that's bad enough). I came back in the kitchen and he was taking the money back down. I put it back, scolded him again, and then went to get my stuff to leave. Big mistake on my part.

I get to work and don't think anything about it. At lunch time I grab my wallet and head out to go buy some lunch. Open my wallet and notice and my cash is gone. The little @#$% took my money and I hadn't even thought to look in my own wallet. So I was so angry knowing that he did it to me.

He apparently took the money, took it to school, bought snacks at lunch and then the lunch lady put the rest of the money in his "snack" account. I don't let him buy snacks because he eats so poorly I know he would buy the snacks and not eat any lunch.

When confronted with it he said he wanted to buy a snack but he knew I would say no, so he just took my money and used it. He knew it was wrong but he did it anyway. He was upset when confronted and cried but I don't know if he cried because he was caught or because he was sorry for what he did.

So I'm so upset that we have worked on the stealing, we have talked about it, he's been punished, he's been told he could end up in juvenile hall or in the school for the bad kids if he does it in school, or worse he could end up in jail. I close my eyes and have visions of my son going to prison for stealing things in stores.

I'm so upset and depressed because of this. I didn't want to come home and face him tonight because I'm so upset. Anyone BTDT?

Daisy

No help. but we've definitely BTDT- heck, we're there now. DD only steals pencils, pens, erasers, pencil sharpeners- her current obsession; previously she stole rocks and leaves. That was her collection. Here are the things we've done so far. We limit her to one pencil going to and from school. No boxes or bags to hide stuff in. We got her a clear backpack- also makes it a whole lot harder to hide stuff. We also keep a chart, if she goes 21 days without taking anything, she gets a pen from her therapist with rhinestones on it- the ultimate in the eyes of my ASD Diva. We actually pat her down over her pockets before she leaves the house or a store, just to check. She does seem to do it more when she's stressing too, I'm pushing the school to add the behavior to her BIP. It IS getting better. She intellectually seems to understand that taking things that belong to others is wrong, but that soooo doesn't connect in the moment. She thinks of it, I think, as "collecting" or "borrowing" it. It's a work in progress.

Had a moment this morning; started to meltdown in Hobby Lobby and managed to get her scooped up and into the car before she hit, kicked or bit me. It's a small accomplishment, but I'm taking it anyway

 

[kampfirekim]

All I can say is ....it's been a DOOZY of a day today. Feet hit the floor running. Had to rush out to buy a Birthday gift. Got home and got boys ready for B'Day party. Got to party 10 min. late. Found out party started 1 hour later than I thought, so I was 50 min. early. Little Schmutch boy was doing great for a little over an hour. Then that's when it hit the fan! Complete and utter meltdown supreme super sized! The party was at a local County Park so I had to drag DS literally kicking, screaming and flinging himself on the ground from the party, past a familiy reunion, up a hill past the playground area and through the parking lot.....glad I'm not easy to embarass! Left DS w/DH, went back to the party where I left my other DS. Had a nice time at the remainder of the party. Got home, showered and off to my parents to drop of the boys so DH and I could have a "Date Night". KFK has just discovered that dinner w/hubby in an actual restaurant w/waiters and dim lighting is AWESOME! Hope all of you had a nice Saturday!

 

[iwrbnd]

Oh, KFK, I can just picture you trying to get back to your car with a tantruming child! I've BTDT! I try to just smile back at all the people staring at me! I'm glad you had a nice date, though. My DH and I went out last night, too, and it's soooo nice to get away for a night, isn't it? We saw Date Night and it was great! On the way home we were laughing how stressed the parents were with just two NT kids! My Dh said "Throw in a couple more and make them on the spectrum and THEN I'll feel sorry for you!" We also laughed that the parents needed a crazy night to spark their marriage and how having ASD kids makes our life crazy enough, we don't need any more sparks!

Have a great day everyone!

 

[Daisy&Max]

Good morning Schmolland. I hope everyone had a good weekend and is starting the new week out on a positive note. I know I'm trying my hardest to put last week behind me and start fresh!

Have a great day all!

Daisy

 

[kampfirekim]

Oh, KFK, I can just picture you trying to get back to your car with a tantruming child! I've BTDT! I try to just smile back at all the people staring at me! I'm glad you had a nice date, though. My DH and I went out last night, too, and it's soooo nice to get away for a night, isn't it? We saw Date Night and it was great! On the way home we were laughing how stressed the parents were with just two NT kids! My Dh said "Throw in a couple more and make them on the spectrum and THEN I'll feel sorry for you!" We also laughed that the parents needed a crazy night to spark their marriage and how having ASD kids makes our life crazy enough, we don't need any more sparks!

Have a great day everyone!

Thank you, we did have a nice date night! Glad you had one too! The kids were sound alseep when we picked up the kids at mom's. Yea!!!! However, the little schmutch boy woke up around 11:30p.m. and did not....I repeat, did NOT go back to sleep! He did the SJFT all night long. Side note: New song for the playlist of Schmolland...."I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night". After speaking to mom and checking the bag I sent, I realized that instead of Clonidine, I sent 5 mg of ADDERALL. HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN? No wonder he was like the Tazmanian Devil all night!.....My bad. It only cost us a full nights sleep. Who needs sleep anyway!? Very overrated!

Positive note: DS slept like a log all night last night! Whoop! Whoop! Raise the roof in Schmolland! (Maybe sleep ISN'T overrated afterall.)

I left the keys in the front door all night last night. Found them as I was leaving. My bad again. This morning went to a convenience store and put my bankcard and driver's liscense on top of my pullout cup holder. I heard them fall as I backed out of the parking space and decided to pick them up when I arrived at DS' school. Fast forward....they could not be found! Not on the floor, under the seat, on the seat...they were gone! After a full scale investigation, I discovered they had slipped through a very thin crack where the cup holder slides in and out and was trapped behind some sort of panel! Good grief, Charlie Brown! Can anything ever just be simple!? I just had one BFF after another didn't I?

Good morning Schmolland. I hope everyone had a good weekend and is starting the new week out on a positive note. I know I'm trying my hardest to put last week behind me and start fresh!

Have a great day all!

Daisy

Yes, DandM, it is a new week in Schmolland. Here's my positive note: We've been snicker bar free for 1 1/2 days in the KFK household!

 

[mommatomase]

Hi all... our weekend was pretty uneventful... had to build a chicken run for our new little ones... DS had the job of keeping the big girls together all day... my chicken herding boy...

Today, he and I took the little ones outside in their new run to start getting used to the big girls... general directions just DON'T work... specific, specific, specific... I was TOTALLY exhausted from giving soooo many directions for a two minute job... it took 30 minutes to do!!!

However, the new babies are in their yard and everyone is doing ok... so far...

It is only Monday and I am mentally exhausted already......

 

[toodycat]

Yes, DandM, it is a new week in Schmolland. Here's my positive note: We've been snicker bar free for 1 1/2 days in the KFK household!

That is awesome news! Did anything in particular make him stop?

All quiet here chez Toodycat. I've been home from work for another two weeks with a broken foot and the doctor just sentenced me to another two weeks in a hard cast. Luckily, DH is very supportive, my mom is chauffeuring DS around and DS, although ASD, is fairly self-sufficient at 16. Ten years ago, this incident would have given me a meltdown. Now, I am not stressing so much.


Have a good week, everyone.

 

[kampfirekim]

. Here's my positive note: We've been snicker bar free for 1 1/2 days in the KFK household!

NEVERMIND!

Hi all... our weekend was pretty uneventful... had to build a chicken run for our new little ones... DS had the job of keeping the big girls together all day... my chicken herding boy...

Today, he and I took the little ones outside in their new run to start getting used to the big girls... general directions just DON'T work... specific, specific, specific... I was TOTALLY exhausted from giving soooo many directions for a two minute job... it took 30 minutes to do!!!

However, the new babies are in their yard and everyone is doing ok... so far...

It is only Monday and I am mentally exhausted already......

Chickens, how cool! At least you got it done, even if it did take 30 min. Just kidding. I hope it was a fun project, even if it was tiring with all the directions.

All quiet here chez Toodycat. I've been home from work for another two weeks with a broken foot and the doctor just sentenced me to another two weeks in a hard cast. Luckily, DH is very supportive, my mom is chauffeuring DS around and DS, although ASD, is fairly self-sufficient at 16. Ten years ago, this incident would have given me a meltdown. Now, I am not stressing so much.


Have a good week, everyone.

Sorry about your foot. How did I miss that! Hope you're up and running soon! Glad you've got so much love and support.

 

[ireland_nicole]

Yes, DandM, it is a new week in Schmolland. Here's my positive note: We've been snicker bar free for 1 1/2 days in the KFK household!

That is awesome news! Did anything in particular make him stop?

All quiet here chez Toodycat. I've been home from work for another two weeks with a broken foot and the doctor just sentenced me to another two weeks in a hard cast. Luckily, DH is very supportive, my mom is chauffeuring DS around and DS, although ASD, is fairly self-sufficient at 16. Ten years ago, this incident would have given me a meltdown. Now, I am not stressing so much.


Have a good week, everyone.

How sad is it that right on the heels of the expected, compassionate response (so sorry about your foot, sending pixie dust it heals quickly) was this thought:
VACATION

 

[Kat77]

Well, it is obviously Schmutch Pride week here... my older son, the one without an official dx because he usually operates off the radar, is flying his flag high! He had quite a few odd meltdowns over the weekend, which totally suprised me... He will be 13 this summer, so I assume this is puberty induced schmutch regression... please someone tell me they saw this in their preteens and that it is somewhat temporary!
Today DS12 got into a fight at lunch and managed to get himself a 3 day in-school-suspension for cursing (this also happened last year). Another kid involved was suspended for 3 days (for punching my son) and a third child received 1 day ISS for squirting juice (?) on everyone. The office secretary asssured me it was in the air and they had a ton of kids in and out all day for behavior issues . I guess I can now tell myself that no matter what I have dealt with in Schmolland, at the end of the day, the middle school principal can probably one up me!

 

[toodycat]

Thanks for the kind thoughts re: my foot. I am getting caught up on my reading and DVD watching.

For the last two hours, I've been sitting in my rented wheelchair helping DS study the Middle East for a review test of last year's material. The problem is that DS doesn't remember stuff from 9th grade. I know most kids don't remember last year's work, but, in this case, last year the doctor had him on strattera. I know it works for some kids, but for my DS i was lucky that he remembered he went to school during that period. I fear we are going to have to fill in some BIG knowledge gaps before the Regents exams...

 

[BreTyPres87]

Yes, DandM, it is a new week in Schmolland. Here's my positive note: We've been snicker bar free for 1 1/2 days in the KFK household!

That is awesome news! Did anything in particular make him stop?

All quiet here chez Toodycat. I've been home from work for another two weeks with a broken foot and the doctor just sentenced me to another two weeks in a hard cast. Luckily, DH is very supportive, my mom is chauffeuring DS around and DS, although ASD, is fairly self-sufficient at 16. Ten years ago, this incident would have given me a meltdown. Now, I am not stressing so much.


Have a good week, everyone.

Good to know that your household is working around your injury!! I can't imagine what would happen in mine if I was unable to get out of bed, we may just all bunker down with cheetos some koolaid and the tv for that 2 weeks

 

[BreTyPres87]

Question:
Does anyone have NT children who are jealous because your ASD children get a different kind of attention?
Last night my oldest son (5, NT)came in my room wanting to sleep in my bed which is fine he does that some nights, my 3 year old sleeps in my bed every night and last night my 5 year old decided he wanted to sleep next to me instead of my 3 year old but instead of asking or gently moving him he pushed him HARD onto the floor, which made him wake up of course and he was up for the night.. I told him he wouldn't be allowed in my room for the rest of the week because of that but I wonder if maybe I am now giving him enough attention because of his brother :/

 

[ireland_nicole]

Question:
Does anyone have NT children who are jealous because your ASD children get a different kind of attention?
Last night my oldest son (5, NT)came in my room wanting to sleep in my bed which is fine he does that some nights, my 3 year old sleeps in my bed every night and last night my 5 year old decided he wanted to sleep next to me instead of my 3 year old but instead of asking or gently moving him he pushed him HARD onto the floor, which made him wake up of course and he was up for the night.. I told him he wouldn't be allowed in my room for the rest of the week because of that but I wonder if maybe I am now giving him enough attention because of his brother :/

I don't have any answers for you b/c both my kids are um, unique; but
I would think that some jealousy would be normal for an older sibling anyway, and probably compounded when the sibling gets what's perceived as more attention. Does your area have any sibling groups? Are there opportunities for you to have 1:1 time with him? He's probably old enough to start reading some basic picture books about ASD too; to understand why little brother gets "extra" attention, and maybe doesn't act the way he's expected to, etc.

 

[bookwormde]

We are lucky in our area that many of the programs have recognized the importance of including siblings, our NT DS7 also has had a councilor since the age of 4 so that helps a lot.

bookwormde

 

[kirstenb1]

Question:
Does anyone have NT children who are jealous because your ASD children get a different kind of attention?
Last night my oldest son (5, NT)came in my room wanting to sleep in my bed which is fine he does that some nights, my 3 year old sleeps in my bed every night and last night my 5 year old decided he wanted to sleep next to me instead of my 3 year old but instead of asking or gently moving him he pushed him HARD onto the floor, which made him wake up of course and he was up for the night.. I told him he wouldn't be allowed in my room for the rest of the week because of that but I wonder if maybe I am now giving him enough attention because of his brother :/

Yes, our older dd is 12. Our solution has been to spoil both kids!

Actually most of the time our older dd is fine. She does realize that her younger sister does not have it easy. Earlier this year, she was getting a little jealous. She and I had just finished watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off. She said she felt like Ferris's sister. I was like, oh yeah, what's her name again?

She has a pretty busy social life, and is active with swim team and church, which helps

The last week has been pretty decent here. DH and I are in the midst of a book called The Challenging Child, by STanley Greenspan. We also are working on The Difficult Child by Stanley Turecki. Both books encourage you to see your child in a different, more positive light. We've been working really hard on implementing the strategies, and Zoe has done pretty well, other than the usual setbacks (ie, she went to a birthday party Saturday, but was in meltdown mode that night, and on Sunday, in response).

 

[ireland_nicole]

I am sooooooo not enjoying the landscape in Schmolland today. First of all, our not so little artist was at work in the bathroom again last night (after pretty much none for a year), plus 2 waterworks "accidents" in the last 24 hours; took two adults to get her teeth brushed (how long can you go without brushing your teeth and not loose them?) and 1/2 to get her out of the car and into the academic "pod". Made 2 run attempts toward traffic- but at least I don't have to go to the gym today now. Then tried to return a whole bunch of library books to the school library only to be told sternly that none of them had been checked out and lectured about the "problem." In my not finest moment I told them that it was Their job to supervise Their library, and that they were welcome. I reminded them that I was actually bringing the books back and that a little gratitude might be more appropriate than a lecture. Then I went to the school cafeteria because I'd gotten a bill- which is interesting, since I don't put any money in their school lunch account, and don't allow them to eat school food. The supervisor checked her accound and said, don't worry- it's fine! She has a 3 dollar credit after bringing in that $20 last week eek: um, crud, what $20?)
Please tell me this is an end of school thing; I don't think I can take any more. My DH is threatening not to go on our WDW trip that we've been planning for two years because of her behavior. I am so grateful for all she can do, but sometimes I get sick and tired of people assuming she's neurotypical and I'm just a bad mom just because she looks so "normal". Why can't the school tell those who need to know that my kid has disabilities and isn't going to meet all the social/behavioral expectations? It would mean less of these conversations at least- maybe.

I think I need a hug- or even better, a hug and a margarita- it's got to be 5 o'clock somewhere, right?

 

[kampfirekim]

Well, it is obviously Schmutch Pride week here... my older son, the one without an official dx because he usually operates off the radar, is flying his flag high! He had quite a few odd meltdowns over the weekend, which totally suprised me... He will be 13 this summer, so I assume this is puberty induced schmutch regression... please someone tell me they saw this in their preteens and that it is somewhat temporary!
Today DS12 got into a fight at lunch and managed to get himself a 3 day in-school-suspension for cursing (this also happened last year). Another kid involved was suspended for 3 days (for punching my son) and a third child received 1 day ISS for squirting juice (?) on everyone. The office secretary asssured me it was in the air and they had a ton of kids in and out all day for behavior issues . I guess I can now tell myself that no matter what I have dealt with in Schmolland, at the end of the day, the middle school principal can probably one up me!

I think they all trip and fall on the spectum during puberty! I know I did! The angel appeared and said "Fear not! This too shall pass!" Three days for cursing? Sounds like my 7th grade year...which my mom still only refers to as "The Dark Year". Sounds like something out of Star Wars...like I joined the dark side of the force or something!

You're right! A middle school principal has one up on all of us! Except they get a summer break!

Thanks for the kind thoughts re: my foot. I am getting caught up on my reading and DVD watching.

For the last two hours, I've been sitting in my rented wheelchair helping DS study the Middle East for a review test of last year's material. The problem is that DS doesn't remember stuff from 9th grade. I know most kids don't remember last year's work, but, in this case, last year the doctor had him on strattera. I know it works for some kids, but for my DS i was lucky that he remembered he went to school during that period. I fear we are going to have to fill in some BIG knowledge gaps before the Regents exams...

Glad you're at least getting a break and catching up on your reading and DVD's . Just imagine, if you hadn't broken your foot this wouldn't be happening. Who'd have thought a broken bone could be a blessing in disguise....only in Schmolland!

Good to know that your household is working around your injury!! I can't imagine what would happen in mine if I was unable to get out of bed, we may just all bunker down with cheetos some koolaid and the tv for that 2 weeks

I may do that anyway! Cheetos, kookaid and TV for 2 weeks sounds like a winner to me! Let's put in on the Schmollish restaurant menu!

Question:
Does anyone have NT children who are jealous because your ASD children get a different kind of attention?
Last night my oldest son (5, NT)came in my room wanting to sleep in my bed which is fine he does that some nights, my 3 year old sleeps in my bed every night and last night my 5 year old decided he wanted to sleep next to me instead of my 3 year old but instead of asking or gently moving him he pushed him HARD onto the floor, which made him wake up of course and he was up for the night.. I told him he wouldn't be allowed in my room for the rest of the week because of that but I wonder if maybe I am now giving him enough attention because of his brother :/

BreTyPres87: Balancing time and attention between a NT and an ASD is challenging at best. We definitely face that challenge. I began telling my NT about his brother's autism when he was around 4. I've always discussed it with him, especially when things seem unfair or when behavior issues are out of control. He will be 7 this week and has more understanding of autism than most adults I've seen! I recommend carving out "special times for just the two of you or even getting a sitter for ASD kid so you can do something "normal" with your 5 yr old. We don't have a perfect system, but I think we've been able to find some semblance of balance. I will admit it is HARD and neverending making sure that balance stays in tact.

 

[kampfirekim]

I am sooooooo not enjoying the landscape in Schmolland today. First of all, our not so little artist was at work in the bathroom again last night (after pretty much none for a year), plus 2 waterworks "accidents" in the last 24 hours; took two adults to get her teeth brushed (how long can you go without brushing your teeth and not loose them?) and 1/2 to get her out of the car and into the academic "pod". Made 2 run attempts toward traffic- but at least I don't have to go to the gym today now. Then tried to return a whole bunch of library books to the school library only to be told sternly that none of them had been checked out and lectured about the "problem." In my not finest moment I told them that it was Their job to supervise Their library, and that they were welcome. I reminded them that I was actually bringing the books back and that a little gratitude might be more appropriate than a lecture. Then I went to the school cafeteria because I'd gotten a bill- which is interesting, since I don't put any money in their school lunch account, and don't allow them to eat school food. The supervisor checked her accound and said, don't worry- it's fine! She has a 3 dollar credit after bringing in that $20 last week eek: um, crud, what $20?)
Please tell me this is an end of school thing; I don't think I can take any more. My DH is threatening not to go on our WDW trip that we've been planning for two years because of her behavior. I am so grateful for all she can do, but sometimes I get sick and tired of people assuming she's neurotypical and I'm just a bad mom just because she looks so "normal". Why can't the school tell those who need to know that my kid has disabilities and isn't going to meet all the social/behavioral expectations? It would mean less of these conversations at least- maybe.

I think I need a hug- or even better, a hug and a margarita- it's got to be 5 o'clock somewhere, right?

Oh Nicole, I'm soooo sorry today is not starting well for you! All I can say is that I feel your potty pain. I don't know how many days of no tooth brushing you can skip before losing teeth, but I fear we may find out soon! I can only get 2-4 teeth brushed at one time before DS hits me, bites me or shuts his mouth tight! He has to be put under general anesthesia just for a dental EXAM. (not joking)

As far as the library, if it had been KFK, they might've received those books "where the sun don't shine"! You're right, they should never have said one word to you except "thank you". It is their job to make sure books that leave the library are checked out. Check out at the door would mean problem solved. Not rocket science!

$20! If the cafeteria is notified in writing that DD will NOT be eating school lunch and you will NOT pay for any school lunches, that should settle that for next year. I had to put in writing that my DS was NOT to see the school nurse w/out 1 of 4 approved people present and then only if he was bleeding from the eyeballs in which case 911 should be called!

As far as staring is concerned...I saw a T-shirt that summed it up for me. It said: "Go ahead and stare, you may cure my autism and then we can work on YOUR social skills!"

Hope things start looking up real soon Nicole!

 

[iwrbnd]

to you ireland_nicole! What a day you've already had! I hope your day goes better! I had an incident with the school library 11 years ago that will be burned in my memory forever! And the brushing teeth thing, I so get that! Why is getting teeth brushed so dang hard?

Toodycat, I'm sorry about your foot! I am a little jealous you've got the perfect excuse to relax, though! Of course, I would spend the whole time watching my house be destroyed and stewing about how many days it will take me to clean it up! I call my children little rabbits that "poop" messes everywhere they go! Although on this thread I realize the poop messes could be taken literally!

Sorry to everyone still dealing with bathroom issues. My cat is getting bolder on where she pees. She sleeps with my kids and is now peeing in their beds!I'm taking her to the vet today and she better hope and pray there is a medical reason for this!!!

About dealing with siblings...Two of mine have a mild diagnosis, one is flying under the radar (I loved that expression kat77!) and one is definately NT. So, out of 4 kids I have one lone NT! Poor kid! He handles it really well but I do worry about him. He over-compensates for his siblings and works really hard to make my life easier. I think he takes a lot of the burden on him. I do worry about him but he's such a fun and happy kid that I think he's okay. I do talk to him alot and am open about our family's situation. I agree with another post that said you could start reading books about autism to your son and begin the conversation with him. I've found the worst thing we can do is ignore it or hope they don't notice. Children are very perceptive and they know something is wrong. When you don't tell them the truth they usually fill in the blanks with something far worse. I remember when the doctors wanted to tell my son he had ADD. I didn't want him to know but when we told him it was a relief to him. He thought he was stupid which was far worse than the truth. He felt much better knowing he was actually smart but just had ADD.

My friend took her NT child to a support group for siblings. She has a severely autistic brother and one NT brother. She spent the whole session complaining about her NT brother!When finally asked about her brother with autism she said "Him? Oh, he's fine!" Her mom about died! I think she instinctively knew he got a free pass! Kids are smart!

Bretypres87, it sounds like you handled your situation perfect. I'll bet your son is dealing with a little jealousy and wanted to see how far he could push the limits! In your case, literally! He got a consequence which was needed. I would just make sure he's getting attention, too, and that you talk to him about his brother. I'm sure you're already doing this, though! Hang in there!

I hope all my Schmolland neighbors have a good day and can get a glimpse of our neighboring country if just for a brief moment!