Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[bookwormde]

It is funny I never get tired of my child, it is just all the effort to overcome the discrimination against his evolutionary genetics which do not match with neurotypical expectations and structures, when he is in an aspie friendly enviroment, his gifts are so obvious it is amazing.

bookwormde

 

[mommatomase]

Hi, everyone. I just wanted to say that I feel your pain and I totally get this thread. My DS, 16, has been diagnosed with ASD since he was 3. Nowadays, after years of therapy, tutoring and other interventions, he is a solid high school student who "blends," though he is still quite shy and only has a handful of friends. But, I remember the days when I was so exhausted from driving from therapy to therapy,working full-time, worrying about everything helping with his homework and filling out insurance appeals that I would stop at a red light and think, "This looks like a good place for a quick nap." I was tired and sick all the time. Stay strong. You are doing some of the hardest work there is. The rewards are sometimes so small and so far apart that it seems tough, but we all know it is so worth it!

Thank you for your wonderful words... It is not often that we get a true pat on the back to keep going... sincerity means sooooo much!!!

 

[iwrbnd]

It is funny I never get tired of my child, it is just all the effort to overcome the discrimination against his evolutionary genetics which do not match with neurotypical expectations and structures, when he is in an aspie friendly enviroment, his gifts are so obvious it is amazing.

bookwormde

You have a great attitude! I hope to be there someday! In the meantime, I just want my smart aspie-lite kid to turn in his *&^% homework without a million reminders! (I actually think I'm more frustrated with his ADD symptoms than anything else!)

What are your child's gifts? He sounds remarkable, with an amazing mom!...oops, I mean DAD!!!

 

[kampfirekim]

I see my nephews really care and be aware of others...THAT'S what I want. For example, I remember once I was throwing up and my asd boy (about 7 at the time) stuck his head next to mine and asked if a friend could come over, completely oblivious to my needs! A few minutes later my non-asd boy (about 4) came to me with a towel and asked if I needed anything else! It's that kind of stuff I want for my asd boys and it's just not natural and it makes me sad. They are "nice and rule-following" but the natural instinct to care for others...well, it's hard! Does anybody understand what I'm trying to say or is this just a problem for us? I guess I thought by the time they were teens and tweens they would have caught on, instead it's gotten worse! Maybe that's to be expected since teens go through an egocentric stage anyway. You just can't discipline compassion into a kid, though, can you?

I know my frustrations are minor and maybe I just need to get over it! Thanks for letting me rant!

A lack of empathy is def a spectrum thing. They may learn to pick up on cues over time, but if not, remember it's part of the disorder. My DS will pull my hair and when I say "Stop that hurts!" he will erupt in laughter and say "No pull hair!". Drives me CRRAAZZYY! (Yes, he is disciplined for that type of behavior.)

I can never relax with my 2 year old pdd son. He is constantly on the go and a "jetter" I never let my guard down with him.EVER. It's like im in a constant state of anxiousness /nervousness. I have faith that things will get better with time. I have faith that my kids will grow up and go to college and have families of thier own someday.

Boy are we on the same page here! We've been on red alert since he started walking....even before we "knew". DS is now 5 1/2 and is stronger AND faster. I should be the skinniest mom in Schmolland! I too have faith that he will be able to enjoy the normal things in life one day....even if it is with a few quirks.

Hi, everyone. I just wanted to say that I feel your pain and I totally get this thread.... But, I remember the days when I was so exhausted from driving from therapy to therapy,working full-time, worrying about everything helping with his homework and filling out insurance appeals that I would stop at a red light and think, "This looks like a good place for a quick nap." I was tired and sick all the time. Stay strong. You are doing some of the hardest work there is. The rewards are sometimes so small and so far apart that it seems tough, but we all know it is so worth it!

Welcome! Thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement! I thought a red light was a great place for a nap too. Is that wrong? The rewards are def worth it! My little schmutch boy has taught me to appreciate the very smallest of things. There are sooo many things I no longer take for granted!

(I actually think I'm more frustrated with his ADD symptoms than anything else!)

What are your child's gifts? He sounds remarkable, with an amazing mom!

I don't know how many times I've said the exact same thing. Sometimes I don't know which is harder to cope with the Autism or the ADHD! Both my boys have ADHD! That stuff will drive you nuts! See! there I go! At least I'm going nuts in a red convertible!

(BTW, Bookwormde is a dad and an aspie. What amazing insight he can give us!)

 

[mommatomase]

I don't know how many times I've said the exact same thing. Sometimes I don't know which is harder to cope with the Autism or the ADHD! Both my boys have ADHD! That stuff will drive you nuts! See! there I go! At least I'm going nuts in a red convertible!

For what it is worth... you ladies have it MUCH tougher with ADHD than the Aspie stuff...

Mase is a very calm child that just can't focus on things that don't interest him. He gets "stimmied" up sometimes but that is very different from the "wildness" of an ADHD kiddo.

Mase says and does things that blow me away and doesn't do some things I think should be a "no brainer." He is impulsive when he is UP, but most of the time he is mild.

Now... this is my sensory avoider... not all Aspies are that either...

Bill Gates will never admit he is Aspie, he has no reason too! other than to help our kiddos out....

 

[Daisy&Max]

Checking in to Schmolland from the land of ASD exhaustion. irwbend and I could be twins. I feel the same way you do.

I went with my younger ds on a field trip yesterday. It was a kindergarten trip to the zoo. It wasn't as bad as i was afraid it would be, but it bugs me how the adults around my ds keep telling me "oh there's nothing wrong with him, he so normal and wonderful." Yeah by wonderful he follows every rule to perfection, he never talks, and he doesn't interact with the other students. So as far as a student goes, he is perfect but as a human being, not so much. I mean I'm glad he is a good kid but a typical kindergartner does not sit silently through 3 hours of school. It feels like people think I'm making stuff up to make them feel sorry for me or my kid. He does talk to the teacher when she asks him questions, he will volunteer answers, and he can read WAY above a kindgergarten level...but socially he is way too different.

good vibes to everyone here today!

Daisy

 

[iwrbnd]

(Daisy&Max)irwbend and I could be twins.

After reading your post, I completely agree! We're either twins or your raising my son!

My son's add is not the hyperactive type. (Although, if he gets overstimulated he will swing to the hyper end...he doesn't regulate well). He's inattentive ADD and actually has such low energy I've often said he needs a fire lit under him! It comes in handy when you're somewhere quiet like restaurants or church but not so much when you need him to accomplish something in life, like school!

 

[BreTyPres87]

Just stopping in to say hello!

We got a trampoline today for P--he loves to jump-- happy day for him but even happier day for me because it was F-R-E-E-!!!!! his OT at school went to a yard sale over the weekend found it and thought of us I offered to reimburse her and she said no.. don't have to tell me twice even though I was very surprised, so nice of her I love that school!!!
P is doing really well with the liquid melatonin even though i've had to get more creative with it last night I painted a marshmallow with it (can't say I ever imagined myself doing that one! )

 

[iwrbnd]

Just stopping in to say hello!

We got a trampoline today for P--he loves to jump-- happy day for him but even happier day for me because it was F-R-E-E-!!!!! his OT at school went to a yard sale over the weekend found it and thought of us I offered to reimburse her and she said no.. don't have to tell me twice even though I was very surprised, so nice of her I love that school!!!
P is doing really well with the liquid melatonin even though i've had to get more creative with it last night I painted a marshmallow with it (can't say I ever imagined myself doing that one! )

YEAH!!!Jump away!

 

[mommatomase]

After reading your post, I completely agree! We're either twins or your raising my son!

My son's add is not the hyperactive type. (Although, if he gets overstimulated he will swing to the hyper end...he doesn't regulate well). He's inattentive ADD and actually has such low energy I've often said he needs a fire lit under him! It comes in handy when you're somewhere quiet like restaurants or church but not so much when you need him to accomplish something in life, like school!

Like five days to complete a five paragraph essay??? Or 1/2 hour to put on shoes? Or one hour to write 20 spelling words one time each???

 

[mommatomase]

One-hundred fifteen days to go... Kidani, here we come!!

I just booked our park and fly hotel.. saved $100!!!

And I just found out that the space shuttle lauch is Sept. 16 and we'll be there!!!

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!! One more great therapy session for Mase!!!

 

[iwrbnd]

Like five days to complete a five paragraph essay??? Or 1/2 hour to put on shoes? Or one hour to write 20 spelling words one time each???

You are definately raising my son!!! Does he have inattentive ADD, too?

 

[iwrbnd]

One-hundred fifteen days to go... Kidani, here we come!!

I just booked our park and fly hotel.. saved $100!!!

And I just found out that the space shuttle lauch is Sept. 16 and we'll be there!!!

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!! One more great therapy session for Mase!!!

We're going to be there, too!!! We should meet up! How are you viewing the shuttle? Causeway? Beach? WDW?

 

[BreTyPres87]

One-hundred fifteen days to go... Kidani, here we come!!

I just booked our park and fly hotel.. saved $100!!!

And I just found out that the space shuttle lauch is Sept. 16 and we'll be there!!!

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!! One more great therapy session for Mase!!!

YAY!!!

 

[mommatomase]

You are definately raising my son!!! Does he have inattentive ADD, too?

Nope, he has Lolligag Syndrome. He can get the job done when he is focused. It all has to do with SPD in his case... I like to call it Lolligag Syndrome though. He can not follow more than two directions at a time and we have lots of lists around the house so he knows what to do next. All this with a "high above average IQ"...

I think he is a direct decendant of Albert Einstein... he couldn't tie his shoes!

 

[mommatomase]

We're going to be there, too!!! We should meet up! How are you viewing the shuttle? Causeway? Beach? WDW?

We will be at Animal Kingdom that morning so we may skip out or watch it from there... AK is not my favorite park but we are taking my sister (her 1st time at Disney) so we may not leave...

This will be the 3rd time we are there for a shuttle lift off... without planning it!

Are you doing Typhoon Lagoon????

 

[iwrbnd]

We will be at Animal Kingdom that morning so we may skip out or watch it from there... AK is not my favorite park but we are taking my sister (her 1st time at Disney) so we may not leave...

This will be the 3rd time we are there for a shuttle lift off... without planning it!

Are you doing Typhoon Lagoon????

You are so lucky! This is our 3rd time to plan a trip around a shuttle launch and have yet to see one! Where did you watch the others from? We probably won't do Typhoon Lagoon since we're staying at Beach Club Villas.

 

[itradehilton]

I understand about the shoe thing. Last year my DS said Mom the OT taught me how to tie my shoe tight. Thank goodness for OT services.

 

[Daisy&Max]

After reading your post, I completely agree! We're either twins or your raising my son!

My son's add is not the hyperactive type. (Although, if he gets overstimulated he will swing to the hyper end...he doesn't regulate well). He's inattentive ADD and actually has such low energy I've often said he needs a fire lit under him! It comes in handy when you're somewhere quiet like restaurants or church but not so much when you need him to accomplish something in life, like school!

I wish my son didn't have the H part of it. He also has the impulsivity thing too. He does things and I end up looking at him and shaking my head like "what the heck were you thinking?"

In restaurants he was always pretty good when he was younger...he hid under the table. I would try to get him out from under the table and he would refuse. I used to fuss, cajole, and other bad parenting techniques to get him out. Once we realized he was autistic we just let him stay under the table when we were out. He would have to sit at the table to eat, but otherwise he could hang out on the floor.

Like five days to complete a five paragraph essay??? Or 1/2 hour to put on shoes? Or one hour to write 20 spelling words one time each???

OMG! My son is related to your son! Homework that takes most kids 30 minutes to do takes him almost 2 hours. Its a constant prodding to get things done. But I've never let him the teachers modify his assignments, i'll modify if I think he needs it, but I make him do the same amount of work as the other kids. I want him to live up to the same standards as his NT peers.
But it is a fight some nights!

I understand about the shoe thing. Last year my DS said Mom the OT taught me how to tie my shoe tight. Thank goodness for OT services.

I wish we had an OT that would do that. The school OT would only work on handwriting. I finally got him to do it himself but he is slower than molasses going up hill in December. So I end up doing it when we're in a hurry.

I have a migraine so I'm going to bed, might even take the kids meds so I can sleep! hehehehe

good night all,

Daisy

 

[NJMomma]

OMG! My son is related to your son! Homework that takes most kids 30 minutes to do takes him almost 2 hours. Its a constant prodding to get things done. But I've never let him the teachers modify his assignments, i'll modify if I think he needs it, but I make him do the same amount of work as the other kids. I want him to live up to the same standards as his NT peers.
But it is a fight some nights

OMG!!! Where you at my house tonight?

My DS also suffers from "Lolligag Syndrome". Big Time. In fact, they time his bathroom trips at school due to the extreme lolligagging. There is no physical reason why he needs to take 10+ minutes EVERY SINGLE blessed time he goes to the bathroom, but he does. Also, he gets marked tardy at school frequently, despite the fact he gets dropped off approx. 10 minutes before school starts. He meanders around, is frequently spotted going in the wrong direction (His case worker tells me she sees him going to the wrong floor - Hello??? STOP him!). In fact the school was ready to give him central detention for tardiness, but I complained and made a fuss, and asked which aide would be attending detention with him . Can we add Lolligag Syndrome to the DSM?