Ex Not Paying child support!! LONG POST

[bunny]

I agree. Don't fault the children, they still deserve to have a life again

Unfortunately it is not realistic to expect the children to maintain the same lifestyle. The household income must now be used to support two separate households. The financial ramifications might be that the money for extras is now gone and the former SAHM might be forced to work a full time job.

 

[soonerfan2008]

For all of you who quoted the poster who was horrified by me, did you not read any of my response? Did you not see where I stated that the court's calculation of both parents' incomes says that the children need $3200 of support, of which we pay half (in addition to 50% of travel, medical and dental)? Did you not read that the only activities the kids do are those WE take them to and WE pay for?

Can anyone honestly argue that, should mom ever get out of the club or mall long enough to take an interest in their extracurricular opportunities, we should fork over additional money for those activities?

Really, all dads are not deadbeats and all moms are not sweet, meek little women sacrificing for their kids.

 

[allison443]

For all of you who quoted the poster who was horrified by me, did you not read any of my response? Did you not see where I stated that the court's calculation of both parents' incomes says that the children need $3200 of support, of which we pay half (in addition to 50% of travel, medical and dental)? Did you not read that the only activities the kids do are those WE take them to and WE pay for?

Can anyone honestly argue that, should mom ever get out of the club or mall long enough to take an interest in their extracurricular opportunities, we should fork over additional money for those activities?

Really, all dads are not deadbeats and all moms are not sweet, meek little women sacrificing for their kids.

If the kids' dad and mom are splitting everything 50/50, not including any extracurriculars at this time, then if extracurriculars are added, why shouldn't the cost be split 50/50?
Wouldn't you be happy the mom was "out of the club or mall" enough to take your husband's children to activities?

 

[bunny]

If the kids' dad and mom are splitting everything 50/50, not including any extracurriculars at this time, then if extracurriculars are added, why shouldn't the cost be split 50/50?
Wouldn't you be happy the mom was "out of the club or mall" enough to take your husband's children to activities?

On the flip side, can you honestly argue it costs $1600 a month to support two children? It sounds like the mom is living on the money and not working. Well, why not? She should be financially responsible too. I personally think that is a lot of money.

 

[allison443]

On the flip side, can you honestly argue it costs $1600 a month to support two children? It sounds like the mom is living on the money and not working. Well, why not? She should be financially responsible too. I personally think that is a lot of money.

No, read the post, it sounds like the mom is working. That poster said the mom provides half the support and the dad provides half the support, and medical, travel expenses, etc. are split 50/50. It sounds like each parent provides half of the expenses. So why not the extracurriculars to.
I agree both parents should support the kids! But if the agreement is 50/50 why should some expenses be different?

 

[soonerfan2008]

No, read the post, it sounds like the mom is working. That poster said the mom provides half the support and the dad provides half the support, and medical, travel expenses, etc. are split 50/50. It sounds like each parent provides half of the expenses. So why not the extracurriculars to.
I agree both parents should support the kids! But if the agreement is 50/50 why should some expenses be different?

You're right. $3200 a month is just enough for their basic needs, including afterschool care. Clearly that amount cannot possibly cover any classes. Oh wait. It doesn't. We spend about $1200 a year on extra classes and activities for the kids, over and above the $1600 we send their mom every month. Maybe you all think she owes us money?

And I am sure she is chipping in her $1600 a month on their needs. Because it is clearly reasonable that two children in an average cost of living area absolutely take $3200 a month to clothe, feed, and shelter (since child support is only supposed to cover basic needs). If they want to take karate, that would put them over $3200 a month and we should send some extra. Maybe we should start sending extra on the rare occasion she takes them to a movie, right?

 

[JB2K]

Two things though: Why would he pay additional money (outside the child support) for extracurricular activities? My husband pays a huge chunk of money in c/s (on time or early each month), and I would be shocked if his ex-wife actually thought she was entitled to more $$ because the kids wanted to do karate/sports/dance, etc.

And to njmom47-why wouldn't child support end when your youngest turns 18?

As someone who has a little experience with this...

OP mentioned her daughter was 16 -- if that daughter wants to do "extra" stuff, that's what the money the daughter earns from the p/t job should be going-towards. Plain and simple.

As for "when" child support ends - that varies from state to state. Some go as low as age 18 and others up to age 22.

Also, let's keep in mind the new health care rules are going to impact this quite a bit -- namely, our (I am speaking of us at the Budget Board - collectively) children will now require continuous health care coverage until they turn age 26 (or until they are able to procure their own health care coverage through their employer). That's going to be an additional one-two punch, regardless of which parent pays...

Really, all dads are not deadbeats and all moms are not sweet, meek little women sacrificing for their kids.

That's true...very true...

 

[Kay1]

As someone who has a little experience with this...


Also, let's keep in mind the new health care rules are going to impact this quite a bit -- namely, our (I am speaking of us at the Budget Board - collectively) children will now require continuous health care coverage until they turn age 26 (or until they are able to procure their own health care coverage through their employer). That's going to be an additional one-two punch, regardless of which parent pays...



That's true...very true...

Actually, you don't have to provide health insurance to your children under 26, it's simply an option. Google: new heath care law 26 and you'll find plenty of information about that.

 

[growinupdisney]

As someone who has a little experience with this...

OP mentioned her daughter was 16 -- if that daughter wants to do "extra" stuff, that's what the money the daughter earns from the p/t job should be going-towards. Plain and simple.

OP HERE! Yes, my dd is 16 and has a job and pays for car insurance and spending $$. I also have a 13 son too with him. My dd16 is acompetitive cheerleader she was when we separated so that's where the extra comes in but he does not pay for this...He has NEVER helped pay for school supplies, clothes or anything else including half of medical and my dd16 has hd 2 surgeries in the past 2 years.

I went to child services today and found out that it had slipped by them that he had quit is job and was no longer having it garnished. They now have sent a letter to his new employer stating the issue. Plus have sent a letter out informing him that he is 60 days past due now. Also, i need to check back in 2 weeks because by then he should start having everything garnisheed again also by this time if I still have not recieved any proof of insurance they will notifiy him of court date to show just cause.


Lucky for my ex he slipped by the system and that didn't even realize it wasn't being garnished and me going in today got the ball rolling. I work, he is paying less than the state says he had to because I did not push for an extradinary amount of support. Just what I thought was fair. I am not a gold digger. People should see that based on the amount of support I get alone.
At the $11 a day for each child that barely covers their lunch for school which is $5 a day, so when I add in gas to and from school this exceeds what I get for the kids. Not even touching there share of food,clothing, shelter etc. expenses.

 

[Colleen27]

I hate to be the voice of gloom and doom, but from my experience and from reading the experiences of many, many others... if he doesn't want to pay, and he's willing to quit jobs to get out of it, there's almost nothing you can do to make him. Go ahead and take him to court if you have the finances and time to do so, but go in with low expectations. Personally, I've given up. IF my ex ever makes money on the books, it'll be garnished, but I don't count on it; I live within my own financial means because I can't count on child support being there. No, it's not easy, but a lot less stress than wondering how I'll pay for things my son needs when child support goes missing.

Same here. My ex is now a "SAHD" to the child he has with his current girlfriend. Before that, he quit his on-the-books job to work odd jobs for cash to avoid the garnishment order. He's over 10K in arrears on a $50/week order, and it is a good thing I learned a long time ago not to count on child support because we'd be in trouble if we'd been expecting those checks to come.

On the bright side, if social security is still around when we hit retirement age I might see some of that money... My mom has recently started getting back child support payments from my father, not because he's working but because they're taking part of his SS checks now that he's collecting!

 

[torinsmom]

As someone who has a little experience with this...

OP mentioned her daughter was 16 -- if that daughter wants to do "extra" stuff, that's what the money the daughter earns from the p/t job should be going-towards. Plain and simple.

OP HERE! Yes, my dd is 16 and has a job and pays for car insurance and spending $$. I also have a 13 son too with him. My dd16 is acompetitive cheerleader she was when we separated so that's where the extra comes in but he does not pay for this...He has NEVER helped pay for school supplies, clothes or anything else including half of medical and my dd16 has hd 2 surgeries in the past 2 years.

I went to child services today and found out that it had slipped by them that he had quit is job and was no longer having it garnished. They now have sent a letter to his new employer stating the issue. Plus have sent a letter out informing him that he is 60 days past due now. Also, i need to check back in 2 weeks because by then he should start having everything garnisheed again also by this time if I still have not recieved any proof of insurance they will notifiy him of court date to show just cause.


Lucky for my ex he slipped by the system and that didn't even realize it wasn't being garnished and me going in today got the ball rolling. I work, he is paying less than the state says he had to because I did not push for an extradinary amount of support. Just what I thought was fair. I am not a gold digger. People should see that based on the amount of support I get alone.
At the $11 a day for each child that barely covers their lunch for school which is $5 a day, so when I add in gas to and from school this exceeds what I get for the kids. Not even touching there share of food,clothing, shelter etc. expenses.

Glad you went and got the ball rolling. I'm sorry, but it is downright WRONG that he changed jobs and didn't either notify CSE himself or pay OOP until the garnishment started again. I have taken note, and if my ex changes jobs with my knowledge, I will be proactive and make sure CSE knows. Luckily for me, he has had the same job for 17 years now and I don't think he will quit it before my son hits 18.

You are better than me, because if my ex did what yours has done, I would ask for the court to reevaluate support. If they say you should get a certain amount to care for the kids, that's what you should get. As kids gets older, it costs more to clothe and feed them.

 

[Ericandjenng]

On the bright side, if social security is still around when we hit retirement age I might see some of that money... My mom has recently started getting back child support payments from my father, not because he's working but because they're taking part of his SS checks now that he's collecting!

My DM is in the same boat. When my father started collecting social security several years ago, she started getting a small (very small) check each month. She also got his $250 that they sent the ss recipients last year (year before--I can't remember when it was). We (3 kids) are now 43, 40 and 38. It's amazing what some people will do to simply get out of the responsibility of supporting their kids.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

For all of you who quoted the poster who was horrified by me, did you not read any of my response? Did you not see where I stated that the court's calculation of both parents' incomes says that the children need $3200 of support, of which we pay half (in addition to 50% of travel, medical and dental)? Did you not read that the only activities the kids do are those WE take them to and WE pay for?

Can anyone honestly argue that, should mom ever get out of the club or mall long enough to take an interest in their extracurricular opportunities, we should fork over additional money for those activities?

Really, all dads are not deadbeats and all moms are not sweet, meek little women sacrificing for their kids.

We should compare notes sometime - your DH's ex sounds a lot like my DH's ex! I'll just forewarn you that anytime a "new" wife vents about the child support their DH pays they get blasted on the DIS. Save your breath - it is falling on deaf ears around here. If you want to vent, feel free to PM me.

OP - I am glad you got the ball rolling. Your ex should NOT have fallen behind on payments. Good luck to you! I would honestly take him back for more support - check out one of the free child support calculators online to get a ballpark idea of what you should be getting.

Singleminnie - good luck to you as well.

 

[ccgirl]

My DM is in the same boat. When my father started collecting social security several years ago, she started getting a small (very small) check each month. She also got his $250 that they sent the ss recipients last year (year before--I can't remember when it was). We (3 kids) are now 43, 40 and 38. It's amazing what some people will do to simply get out of the responsibility of supporting their kids.

Very interested in this. Do you know if this holds true if the dad is deceased as well? My dad passed away about 15 years ago. He was way in arrears. Is my mom entitled to his social security then up to the amount he owed? Who should she contact?

OP - glad you got the ball rolling. Sounds like I wouldn't count on that money though. Doesn't sound like it is much of a priority to him, sadly. This just really gets my blood boiling.

To the stepmom talking about her DH that makes good on his child support. I will agree there are bad apples on both sides. My BiL's girlfriend is one of them. He is never late (has his wages garnished) yet she comes over with basically rags on, dirty, complains she doesn't eat, is in no extracurricular activities. Meanwhile, mom is working as a hairdresser making a lot of money under the table (not claiming tips). She makes about 3 times him but it's not on the books.

 

[Butterx3]

My sympathies to the poster. I have an ex who is a seasonal worker, so whenever he goes on unemployment I don't get CS for about 4~6 weeks. He doesn't notify anyone, but when it gets far enough into arrears, then someone from the county eventually notices. I have come to the conclusion that I couldn't count on him financially when we were married, why would I now that we aren't . So if I get child support its a nice perk, but I never count on it. We haven't lived together for over 3 years, I have had primary custody of our 3 children, and each year he moves somewhere new. This past year he moved almost an hour away, and after losing his liscense from a DUI charge, could only see the kids when I drove them. Which tends to be every other weekend. That is on my dime as far as gas, and wear and tear on my car and also equals 4 hours of my time for the drop off and pick up. We went back to court for a modification, and his support went up because the amount of time he saw the kids went down. "So once he gets his liscense back in April, he is moving back to my city, and will get to see the kids more and not have to pay child support". Those were his exact words to me. He is renting the basement from a friend who just got divorced. So technically he will have one bedroom, a bathroom and a living room. He thinks that merits 50/50 parenting. Where will our kids sleep, on a couch and a floor? He hasn't lived near our kids for 3 years, so I hope a judge will see that when we go back to court. I cover our children insurance wise, and he has to reimburse me back 40% of the cost, which goes into the CS. He doesn't help with the EC activities, and even though our order states he is to pay 50% of medical and dental, I just do it, because he wouldn't anyways. It is frustrating to deal with finances and ex's. Thank goodness for garnishments is all I have to say. I'm glad you told your county about his new job, you should be getting back on track soon. But the one bit of advice I give to anyone in this situation is "Never count on child support, to get by". Because you can never REALLY count on it.

 

[J&GMom]

Growinupdisney,

I usuually don't post, but being another NC girl made me want to. Become friends with your county child support office. Your taxes pay their salaries! You really do need to consider modifying your child support agreement. I know you want to keep things civil, but you shouldn't have to cover all of the extra-curricular activities and out-of-pocket medical expenses. Go to ncchildsupport.com and click on CSE Guidelines. You can plug in salaries for both you and your ex and get an idea of what the court considers acceptable support. Even if you don't know what he makes, you can experiment with different amounts.

Good luck with everything!

 

[torinsmom]

On the flip side, can you honestly argue it costs $1600 a month to support two children? It sounds like the mom is living on the money and not working. Well, why not? She should be financially responsible too. I personally think that is a lot of money.

Depends on the children's lifestyle BEFORE the divorce. I know in NC, they take into account the total income for the family before the split. So, if the combined income was $100,000, they look at a chart that says that families making that much money spend X amount on their kids needs and wants.Let's say that amount is $2000/month(this includes part of the mortgage, utilities, transportation, clothing, groceries, etc). If mom makes $30,000 of that $100,000, she would be expected to provide 30% of the child(ren)'s support, or $600, leaving the dad's responsibility as the other 70% or $1400. If the dad carries the kids on his insurance, what ever that amount is is subtracted from his obligation. Of course, this is assuming the mother has primary physical custody, and the dad has visitation. The idea is to not lower the children's standard of living, because it is not their fault their parents got divorced.

I think NC's system is more fair than the states that say that 20%(or whatever) of the dad's income goes to the custodial parent.

 

[Tink-aholic]

I have not read all of the responses, but OP needs to learn how to not rely on the child support. Do not depend on it, because clearly, it is not dependable.

I haven't received CS in nearly 8 years and am owed enough to buy a nice condo outright. Will I ever see it? Probably not. But if I waited around for it and depended on it, my son would never have the things he needs.