Ex Not Paying child support!! LONG POST

[growinupdisney]

I'm sorry you're dealing with an unreliable ex. Divorce doesn't get easier after the papers are signed.

A couple of questions. Is he only behind one month so far. I'm not making little of the fact that he should have given you the money before now. It's just that most states will not aggressively pursue back child support when it's less than a certain number of months in arrears. It may not help to go right to the state at this point. You could antagonize him and he might dig in his heals over it. Have you spoken to him about it and asked him when you can expect your check(s)?

Secondly, did he lose health insurance coverage when he switched jobs? Does he have a probabtionary period at his new employer that he needs to wait out until he can cover the kids and himself? Did he decide against COBRA coverage during the interim period? Does your state have a children's health insurance program? I'm asking since just filing for subsidized insurance benefits can spark the state into making the responsible parent do what they are supposed to be doing.The rest of the stuff...well I don't have any advice.

The last time we talked was right after he switched jobs and he said he was doing COBRA after the kids prescriptions had been coverd but today when I went to pick them up I found out that they no longer had any coverage and the prescriptions came up to $300.

The stress of all this is alot for me right now too. MY dd3 with my current dh was born without any enamel on her teeth so we just got back last week and had to pay $1600 out of pocket for her. So the last thing I need was for him to stop paying cs.

He a month past due and another payment is due Feb.1. When he did this before it was garnished from his paychecks they usually would issue a warrant when he was 30 days past due which will the Feb.1

I don't talk to the kids about any of this they don't even realize he hasn't paid. I don't talk about them around my kids I never have a and never will. He is their father and I don't want them to have hostile feelings for him. But, I know that they don't give the same respect.

 

[growinupdisney]

You can change your facebook settings so that you don't see comments by certain people.

Just took care of it thanks!

 

[dfchelbay]

My ex has not paid child support this month getting ready to go into the second. This was a problem years ago that we resolved by having him have it garnished from his paychecks. It was not that he didn't have the money he just didn't want to pay or would spend his $$ on other things.

Well, since then he has remarried, has adpoted his wifes child who is 6 she is in private school, he has taken her to WDW(not taken ours), bought a new BMW a couple of months ago, and they have a house twice the size of mine. I have a 4 br(so mine isn't tiny)

He quit his job in advertising a few months ago to go into some alarm business. Well, I guess things are going well because I haven't recieved any $ for our children. I wasn't worried around Christmas because my dd16 said her step mother wanted to know of dates thet were out of school so they could take a vacation(first one with my kids since they have been married and that has been 5 years)

Now today I just found out that they aren't covered under any insurance which is part of the court order along with the child support coming out of his paycheck. But, he had told me a month or so ago to worry insurance would be taken care of and he would get child support paid himself instead of it being garnished, well i thought this would be a problem since he couldn't manage to pay it in the past.

I have absolutely no sympathy for him right now, he never helps with the kids extra curricular activities that he wants them to do, won't give $ when its his weekend to the kids if they need a b-day present(for friends party) etc, won't pay half of any medical bills that he is supposed to.

It's hard when i just saw on his wifes FB page talking about them having a party at their house( and references to alcohol) if they had $ for this why have't I recieved any $. Heck, if he gave as little $60 I could aleast see he was trying which I know he spent that in alcohol.

Not to mention his wife just got lip injections yes, I know its not her resonsibility to pay the child support but it just makes it hard to swallow when I see them doing the things they do and my children not recieving their $.

I have bills that I pay with my income but i do rely on their $ to pay their expenses. The $ he pays averages out to $11.45 a day for both children.

For those of you have children, lunch for school, gas to school and sports, is way more than that. I'm not even including their prescriptions, Public school expenses( fees, school supplies(getting ready to start new semester) and other things.

They even got mad when my dd16 worked during Christmas break for a few hours(12-2) because they didn't want it to cut into their time. My dd16 has to pay half of her insurance. They said they would pay for it if she didn't work, well that's fine and dandy but pay the child support before you offer other $$$$.

My dh glady pays the costs of the kids because we were a "package" deal but I hate that he is having to do sooo much more and my ex and his family are living the high life!

I'm also concerned that his not paying is going to cost us or DW trip. With my extra $ I earn going to the expenses uaually covered by child support I can't put any extra aside.

Sorry for the long post I just had to vent to someone! I wanted to get it out before my DH gets home for work, I don't want to take out my frustration out on him!

This is exactly what the court is for. It's called friend of the Court here. Notify them and they handle all the paperwork. He is already in violation of a court order, i.e. child support. The court will file a show cause against him. Then it is up to him to either pay it, or explain to the court why he hasn't paid it and it will be up to the Court to decide whether his reason is valid. You should have an Order for Child Support in effect from this day forward, if you don't already. When he violates what the Court has ordered him to pay for, such as support, out of pocket expenses, etc for his children, then the Court will take care of him...removing the burden from you. When he decides to jump from job to job, it is mandatory that he inform the court of his new employment, then the court will take child support out of his paycheck from the new job. Bottom line is he doesn't give a crap about you and how you feel, or how his kids feel...so why should you give a crap about whether or not to let the court actively go after him.

 

[Leajess99]

OP - I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would take his sorry butt back to court for more in child support as well as him being in contempt by not following the divorce decree/child support order. You may be able to just contact Child Support enforcement for help.

I would also go apply for the children's health insurance program if you need to so they can get insurance on them. I know here if they are placed on state insurance than the state will go after the child support for the parent as well as force them to carry insurance.

My ex is similar to your ex and mine is almost $4,000 behind. Every month he is late paying his child support and he never pays half the medical/dental bills. My ex makes almost twice as much as I do and has blown at least $10,000 at the casino. He also has the money to buy stocks and party all the time.

He told my middle daughter that college is not important nor is her getting braces (we let him know that she will be getting braces in about a year so he could save up his half of the cost) even though she has a crossbite and really needs them. He has also known since she was 8 that she would need them as she went through a small set on top to fix her two top middle teeth and I paid that at 100%.

This is a man that also will not help out with any extras for the kids nor does he do for Christmas or birthdays. He told our kids that their Christmas present was his coming to visit them. He told our son that he would not help with paying half his senior trip cost (my ex pays about $9 a day for 3 kids) cause that is what child support is for. My son is not going on his senior trip as the funds just were not there but he will be going on another trip at Spring break.

 

[dis-happy]

OP you can't let the health insurance lapse. Take him to court (or tell him you are taking him to court) to get that handled asap. What if your child breaks an arm on the playground, needs emergency surgery for appendicitis, etc? Plus, if there is a 2 month lapse and something chronic crops up, future insurance won't cover it. (although not sure how this stacks up with the new Obamacare).

Send him a polite note. Mention the $11. per day. And tell him you're contacting your attorney on Monday morning if he doesn't get the health insurance handled. Then do it. He's the bad guy, not you.

Good luck!

 

[shortbun]

I'd get the insurance thing worked out right away; that is simply unacceptable. Call your attorney. Call the sherrif. Print those Facebook pages if you can. He's playing fast and loose with your/his daughter's life.

 

[momof1princess]

ok, as a child of divorce whose dad didn't pay squat, and a former legal secretary, men who don't fulfill their obligations to their children and to the law burn my behind! OP, you need to see an attorney ASAP and go after his sorry hide for contempt of court-both for non-payment of child support and failure to provide medical insurance. also, in your paperwork, you need to request that he pay your attorney's fees and court costs, and make sure to request that support be paid by income withholding order (this is an order of the court that requires CS be paid straight from his pay, before he even gets it) from now on. if i were you, i would also put in there that he pay 1/2 of extra curriculars (this is very common) and any out-of-pocket medical expenses (this is also very common).

if you want to be nice about it, you can go to an attorney and pay them a few bucks to write a letter for you, saying that if he doesn't cough up the child support and the money for extra curriculars and medical expenses, AND provide you with proof of medical insurance within 10 days, paperwork will be filed to hold him in contempt of court. however, the time to be nice may have passed.
best of luck i hate guys like this...my dad was one of them. got remarried and treated his step-kids better than his own. but, karma has a way of evening the score-when step-mom realized dad was cheating on her, step-brothers turned on him and testified for her in divorce court. he alienated his own kids and was left with nothing. she cleaned him out.

 

[riley2008]

Just something to add - to the original poster, if your ex's job is now more self employeed, you may in for some big problems, especially if he can claim income as his new wife's and not his. (This happened to a friend. Her ex incorporated a family business. So in essence, "he" wasn't making anything. His company owned the house, cars, etc and paid for vacations. His child support ended up being less than $100/month. He did end up buying his DD a new BMW and paid the insurance when she got her license - well, the business did anyway.)

 

[torinsmom]

If there is a court order that he is to provide health insurance, then that needs to be reported to child support enforcement in your area. I don't know about your state, but in NC, kids have to have been without insurance for 6 months before they are eligible for the state low cost insurance.

Was his check being garnished before through child support enforcement? If so, I am not sure why it wouldn't be now, unless he is self employed.

 

[horseshowmom]

I have filled out papers for his wages to be garnished 10 years ago and it was court ordered to be done so but since he switched jobs he decided to pay it in him self instead of having it garnished which I think would be making him vilotion of a court oder.

He may not realize it, but that was a stupid move on his part. Unless he can prove he's paid his child support in the meantime, you could actually go after him for back child support. Obviously, that wouldn't be honest, and you wouldn't do it, but he's left himself open to this if he's paid in cash because he's in violation of a court order (for the lack of health insurance if nothing else).

He doesn't pay for these extras I do but when child support was put in place they were much younger and not into other activities that cost more $$ I really don't see it fair that he wants the kids in these activities and that I should pay for them and him not help when it's what he wants them to do, but I have been doing so for the last 10 years.

What he wants shouldn't factor into your decisions. If you can't afford it, you just can't. Tell him no. He can cover it if he wants it.



Contact the appropriate agency (whomever handled the garnishment) and tell them you are not getting child support. They will probably handle it for you.

 

[growinupdisney]

If there is a court order that he is to provide health insurance, then that needs to be reported to child support enforcement in your area. I don't know about your state, but in NC, kids have to have been without insurance for 6 months before they are eligible for the state low cost insurance.

Was his check being garnished before through child support enforcement? If so, I am not sure why it wouldn't be now, unless he is self employed.

Yes it was being garnished from his paycheck, then when he went with this other company it stopped coming out and he told me that he (his wife) were going to get it paid (them sending the money to the csa) because the checks were late in Nov and Dec but just a couple weeks late.

I'm from NC too! I'm the insurance has overlaped but sure for how long since I just found today when I went to get prescriptions filled that they had NO coverage.

 

[sookie]

There should be a way to file through the state. do that and they will make sure it always comes from his paychecks and will make sure that it its before he even gets the paycheck - and they will enforce the medical insurance.

For instance, in OK, if you pay the fee, it doesn't matter - the state will do all the paperwork needed and you just go in and sign for the court orders. USually they just get it taken care of so there is no court date, but they can have one if they wish.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I would simply call your lawyer and tell him everything you have told us and let him or her handle it.

The insurance thing IS a big deal. You should have your lawyer let him know that any medical expenses incurred without insurance will be 100% his. Use your lawyer, he or she will know the best way to proceed.

 

[growinupdisney]

I would simply call your lawyer and tell him everything you have told us and let him or her handle it.

The insurance thing IS a big deal. You should have your lawyer let him know that any medical expenses incurred without insurance will be 100% his. Use your lawyer, he or she will know the best way to proceed.

I'm going to have to find a new laywer mine retired.... I'm hoping this doesn't get ugly but I know it is. My dh is livid right now and he is the most laid back person I have ever met.

I just don't understand if it was court ordered for cs to be garnished from his paychecks and that when it stopped from him not working there, there were not any red flags from the child support inforcement agency

 

[torinsmom]

Yes it was being garnished from his paycheck, then when he went with this other company it stopped coming out and he told me that he (his wife) were going to get it paid (them sending the money to the csa) because the checks were late in Nov and Dec but just a couple weeks late.

I'm from NC too! I'm the insurance has overlaped but sure for how long since I just found today when I went to get prescriptions filled that they had NO coverage.

Call your child support representative and let them know what is going on. They should be able to track down his new employer and send them paperwork requiring the children to be covered and the CS to come from his check.

My ex didn't fill out some paper for insurance this past fall and the place he works deactivated my son's and his other's child's insurance. They told him it could take up to 2 months to appeal it. I called my child support person and within 2 weeks the kids were covered again. It was illegal for them to take them off without the state's commission. Supposedly they needed a birth certificate for my son, who has been on his dad's insurance since the day he was born 16 years ago AND has had a child support order requiring insurance coverage for 12.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

I'd fill out paperwork to have his wages garnished so you don't have to rely on him. It sounds like, based on his lifestyle, that his child support amount is very low (unless his wife is making the majority of the money).

Two things though: Why would he pay additional money (outside the child support) for extracurricular activities? My husband pays a huge chunk of money in c/s (on time or early each month), and I would be shocked if his ex-wife actually thought she was entitled to more $$ because the kids wanted to do karate/sports/dance, etc.

And to njmom47-why wouldn't child support end when your youngest turns 18?

If the kids want to take expensive classes, the parents should split the costs and responsibility, they both were there when they produced the kid, so he needs to step up too. The activties need to be a joint decision though. My ex pays an extra $120 a month for 1/2 of DD's various activities. We discussed it and agreed in advance. Child support is for the basic needs of the child not for $260 worth of classes.

Many states have these agreements written into the orders along with medical and educational expense obligations.

 

[soonerfan2008]

If the kids want to take expensive classes, the parents should split the costs and responsibility, they both were there when they produced the kid, so he needs to step up too. The activties need to be a joint decision though. My ex pays an extra $120 a month for 1/2 of DD's various activities. We discussed it and agreed in advance. Child support is for the basic needs of the child not for $260 worth of classes.

Many states have these agreements written into the orders along with medical and educational expense obligations.

If both parents agree to those classes and agree to split the cost, that is awesome. However, the agreement would be key. We would never agree to that just simply based on the amount of child support we pay. In addition, we pay for them to do art, camp and sports during our time with them, and they do none of that with their mom. It would never occur to me that she should help pay for our activitiy choices for the kids.

It is assumed (by our order) that my husband and his ex are each equally responsibile monetarily for the childrens' costs. By that logic and yours as to what child support covers, the court is assuming it costs over $3200 a month to support my husband's two children and their basic needs. I think that is crazy.

I'm glad you and your ex have a system that works for you!

 

[Redheaded Sunshine]

Well I can definitely speak from experience on this. My ex..well he's a piece of work. Our divorce was as far from amicable as you get. It drug on for more than 2 years and he attempted to fight me for custody of our children. And I was awarded full custody. He still has visitation of them every 2 weeks and for a portion of the summer.

He must, by IL law pay 28% of his income, whatever that income may be. He must also provide insurance for them and pay half of their medical bills. He must also pay for half of their school and extracurriculars. (Which I CANNOT believe that anyone would question this...they must have never had a DD in gymnastics)

Now my ex is a union worker. He tries to work only 6 months out of the year. Therefore he tries to pay as LITTLE support as possible 6 months out of the year..and for the other 6 months, pay the minimum possible. B/c he will work beaucoup overtime and he doesn't want to pay overtime support..but wants to pay unemployment support when he's NOT working. In any case, I finally took him back to court, fully knowing he was working and making a good bit of money. Please keep in mind here, that I work 2 jobs and rotate my schedule around my DP to keep both of my kids OUT of daycare. I am NOT a gold-digger. I do not depend on his support, but he MUST pay b/c it is the law and his children DESERVE what he should pay. When we went back to court, he was able to drum up "paychecks" that weren't including a majority of his pay, plus the judge allowed him to write off expenses that didn't actually exist...he didn't even have to show receipts. I was painted as a gold-digger and he was painted as some working class hero.

This is the man who told me that he wouldn't fight me to move out of state if I told him that he no longer had to pay one cent of child support for the remainder of the kids lives. Nothing about visitation...just about the money.

The moral to the story is, just be careful without a lawyer, be careful going back to court, and just be there for your kids. And hang in there...:

And stay off of your ex's wife's FB page

 

[sameyeyam]

Definitely contact your state child support enforcement division, every state has one. Once they get you registered, then it will make it much more difficult for him to not pay. In my state they will do things like not renew his state business license (for self-employed), not renew driver's license, not to mention that if he is entitled to a federal or state income tax refund...it will go to you instead if he is behind in his child support. Also, if he has an alarm business, he will most likely not be able to get any state or government contracts if he is not currently paying child support.

Also, check with your state about putting the children on a state sponsored medical plan. They may do it and bill him directly for it!

 

[Arielle22]

Depending on when your ex left his last job, he may be telling the truth about getting Cobra.

There is a deadline for the company to send him Cobra paperwork then he gets another amount of time to send in payment and enroll in Cobra. In the meantime the insurance is cancelled. When payment is received the insurance is reinstated back to the cancellation date. If you paid any medical bills or scrips during the time the insurance was cancelled you can request reimbursement from the health insurance company.