Enchantment Or Frustration?

[SanFranciscan]

I think I may have been offensive to someone recently with my views on Valentine's Day because she is a big fan of the holiday. I have no problem whatsoever with the stated idea of Valentine's Day, just as I have no problem with the romanticized version of the Christmas season. However, just as Christmas can bring out the worst in people, I am saddened by how often Valentine's brings out greed and disappointment in women and guilt and resentment in men. How can this be good for gender relations?

What do you think?

 

[pearlieq]

I think it's too bad when things that started out as good take a wrong turn.

I'm looking forward to valentine's day this year. We're watching a friend's kids while their mom & dad take a cruise. I'm looking forward to wearing red, and making heart pancakes for breakfast, sending them off for a fun day at school, hearing about their parties, making a heart-shaped cake for dessert that night and enjoying it with heart-shaped pizza (not particularly heart-healthy, I suppose ) and just enjoying the fun of the day!

I got DH a card and a marshmallow heart. I'm expecting a card from him, and that's about it. There won't be much of a "couple" celebration with the kids in the house but it will just be a fun, sweet day and I hope everyone else gets to enjoy the same.

 

[lilyv]

I think I may have been offensive to someone recently with my views on Valentine's Day because she is a big fan of the holiday. I have no problem whatsoever with the stated idea of Valentine's Day, just as I have no problem with the romanticized version of the Christmas season. However, just as Christmas can bring out the worst in people, I am saddened by how often Valentine's brings out greed and disappointment in women and guilt and resentment in men. How can this be good for gender relations?

What do you think?

Do you really want to know what I think? OK, here goes. I think you should celebrate the way you want, and be cautious about appearing to judge others. (I've learned this the hard way...I used to be far more judgemental.)

I'm not big into a dozen roses and a huge box of candy, (the former is really expensive, and the latter...well, I don't need the temptation.)

But, I didn't make a big deal about what I didn't want. Instead, last night I made and gave DH a little valentine's invitation ...to the hockey game! We both love sports, and that would be a fun night out for us. (He was really pleased with my idea. )

See where I'm going with this? If you want to be non-traditional, go for it. You'll have a great time planning what you want to do, rather than trying to analyze what others do.

 

[WDSearcher]

It's not the fault of Valentine's Day, it's the fault of the people who turn greedy or resentful. If it wasn't Feb 14, it would be birthday, anniversary, whatever. Greedy people are greedy people; resentful people are resentful people. Valentine's Day has nothing to do with it.

That said ... if someone likes celebrating a holiday -- if they go all out or if they have a partner / spouse / friend who enjoys it with them, then that's great!

But if someone allows Valentine's Day to cause "gender relation" problems, it's my belief that those problems were there anyway, and Valentine's Day has no bearing on it at all.

 

[Beth76]

I personally think it's a silly Hallmark holiday. Why do people need a special day to show thier loved ones that they are loved?

We have friends who don't go out on Valentines Day because everything is always crowded and lovey dovey. So they celebrate Groundhog Day.

 

[mselly13]

When I was single and working in an office I hated Vday...it was awful to watch everyone else get flowers and I felt left out and alone.

Now that I am married...we try to keep it plain and simple. I like to make him his favorite dinner....something Chinese...he usually gets me a card and chocolate...
Neither of us are the type to go spend an extreme amount of money just to say I love you...we know it and can find cheaper ways to say it.

I do feel sorry for those women who expect a whole lot...I personally think they must have some insecurities that they have to be told in such a big way.

 

[EthansMom]

We aren't big gift givers for Valentine's Day. Nor do DH and I even attempt to go out together for a nice dinner on Valentine's Day... waaaaay too crowded.

Usually, we give the kids some little gift. This year, each of the two kids is getting a card, a big Hershey's kiss (like 8 oz. or so), and a new spring jacket (something they each needed anyway). I got DH a card and will probably get him a Cadbury Fruit and Nut candybar (his fave).

The kids are doing Valentine's cards with small fruit roll-ups for each classmate. Both kids are also doing Valentine's parties at school, so I'm making heart-shaped cupcakes for that.

Lets see, here are my expenses:

cupcake tins $3
V-day cards $5.50 (including the kids' boxed ones for school)
2 bags of small fruit roll-ups, with leftover for DD's upcoming b-day $10
cupcake mix and frosting $6
candy $7
gift bags for my kids $2
fleece LandsEnd jackets $70

Excluding the kids' jackets, which they'd get anyway, but I figured would make good Valentine's gifts when I realized I'd ordered one pink and one red jacket, I'm out less than $35. DH will probably pick me up a bunch of flowers from the grocery store for $10 or soish.

Likewise, for Easter, we don't do a big celebration and the kids' baskets have a mix of fun stuff (chocolate bunny, video game) and useable stuff (new sandals, sunglasses, swim goggles).

 

[Tazicket]

I personally think it's a silly Hallmark holiday. Why do people need a special day to show thier loved ones that they are loved?

We have friends who don't go out on Valentines Day because everything is always crowded and lovey dovey. So they celebrate Groundhog Day.

We celebrate our Valentine's Day on the day after. I still get the same chocolate and/or stuffed bear for at least 50% off and we can go out to restaurants and they won't be crowded! What's not to love?

 

[Arielle22]

My sister bought a flower shop a few years ago. After the first year, dh stopped giving me flowers. I told him the romance when gone when I was the one who had to process the roses for the sale.

He will give me a box of chocolates. He likes to since he knows it makes me happy.

We have celebrated in a big way (bought him a tv) and small ways (with just a card).

I am not a big fan of all the cards. It used to be cards just for your romantic partner. Now there is a card for everyone (last year I saw one "to my stepmom ")

I don't think the day is what causes the greed or heartbreak. The day is merely what brings it to the surface.

 

[mickeyfan2]

DH and I love Valentine's Day and always have a great time together. No need to go all out just to go out together.

 

[Art Vandalay]

I see Valentine's Day as a great opportunity to take my daughter somewhere that would normally be swamped with kids

 

[DVCLiz]

I think I may have been offensive to someone recently with my views on Valentine's Day because she is a big fan of the holiday. I have no problem whatsoever with the stated idea of Valentine's Day, just as I have no problem with the romanticized version of the Christmas season. However, just as Christmas can bring out the worst in people, I am saddened by how often Valentine's brings out greed and disappointment in women and guilt and resentment in men. How can this be good for gender relations?

What do you think?

I think you'd better be planning to send her a dozen roses (delivered, NOT just a bunch in a box), a big box of chocolates, and a great big old mushy card in which you have (HANDWRITTEN) a special sweet note that tells her how much you love her.

These are the bare minimum that will get you out of the Valentine's doghouse....

Seriously, here's what I think about all holidays when two people are celebrating them together:

It's the sign of a caring partner to make it his or her business to find out what the other person's expectations are, and to meet them. It doesn't take a lot of work to ask someone how her birthday was celebrated as a child, and how she liked or didn't like them. What she wanted for Christmas and if she got it. How she would like to celebrate New Year's, or Valentine's or Halloween. And then to do it that way. The same goes for a female asking a male.

It just seems logical to me that you would want to please your partner, and making him or her agree with you is fruitless. I had a lot of unhappy holidays when I was married because exDH came from a family that never made a fuss, and he didn't see the "need" to get Valentine's cards, or birthday gifts, or much of a Chirstmas, etc. It was one of the things that really came into our relationship after a while - it just always seemed like such a slap in my face. It wouldn't have taken much to make me happy - after a while it was clear he was doing it on purpose to make me upset.

So I say get the flowers ordered and the card signed and the heart candy ready to serve!!!!

Gee, I had no idea I had such strong feelings about this!!!!!

 

[Kies99]

For Valentine's Day, my wife and I don't do squat.

IF we happen to be somewhere they sell cards, we pick one out for each other, let each other read them and then put them back.

It's all a conspiracy perpetuated by the evil greeting card companies. All of it being controlled by HALLMARK!!!

 

[DVCLiz]

For Valentine's Day, my wife and I don't do squat.

IF we happen to be somewhere they sell cards, we pick one out for each other, let each other read them and then put them back.

It's all a conspiracy perpetuated by the evil greeting card companies. All of it being controlled by HALLMARK!!!

And that's wonderful if both of you are in agreement (and I realize your post is meant to be tongue in cheek!!)

BUT - if you felt that way and your wife really wanted a mushy card and a box of candy, it would be the right thing to do to get them for her, and to resist the temptation to point out your "Hallmark conspiracy theory."

 

[Kies99]

And that's wonderful if both of you are in agreement (and I realize your post is meant to be tongue in cheek!!)

BUT - if you felt that way and your wife really wanted a mushy card and a box of candy, it would be the right thing to do to get them for her, and to resist the temptation to point out your "Hallmark conspiracy theory."

Actually...SHHHHHH!! DON'T TELL!! I'm taking her to The Lion King on Feb. 15 + dinner and a night at a hotel without the kids! SHHHHHH!!! KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!!!

 

[HOGFAN]

I would just as soon ignore the day. along with Mothers Day and Fathers Day.

 

[DVCLiz]

Actually...SHHHHHH!! DON'T TELL!! I'm taking her to The Lion King on Feb. 15 + dinner and a night at a hotel without the kids! SHHHHHH!!! KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!!!

Oh, that's so sweet!!! Your wife is a very lucky woman.....

 

[crzyred]

I personally think it's a silly Hallmark holiday. Why do people need a special day to show thier loved ones that they are loved?

That's what I've always wondered. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you on a random Thursday.

I have never liked Valentine's Day. I don't necessarily think it's all a "Hallmark" holiday...(I think "Sweetest Day" takes the cake for that one), but yet, rather pointless.

 

[Aunt Michelle]

I don't mind the Holiday so much. When we were children (all girls) I remember my Dad used to give us giant heart shaped lollipops. My sister will make her children (she's a SAHM) pink heart shaped pancakes for breakfast. That kind of stuff is cute and fun.

It is during the next two weeks that I love my Tivo the most because I do not have to watch commercial after commercial implying that your sweetie will only be happy on Valentine's Day if you buy them diamond jewlery or a Lexus??

I think it is a sign of the times. OT example: "Push" presents?? I feel bad for the men who don't get it "right."

 

[sunlver]

When I was single and working in an office I hated Vday...it was awful to watch everyone else get flowers and I felt left out and alone.

.

OMG... I was just going to post the same thing. I have been married for 14 yrs, and we dont really celebrate it. Heck the man doesnt even remember my birthday on most yrs.

Anyways, I remember being single and working. I use to dread that day. It was so sad and lonely seeing all the dozen roses being delivered. It wasnt the fact I was jealous of the roses, just jealous that I wish I had a boyfriend/spouse to spend me something special. Heck, I wished I had a boyfriend who would at least bring a red carnation from the 7-11

I guess its become such a huge Hallmark holiday that if people are not in a relationship, it really puts a bad feeling for those who are single.