Empty Nesters--Tell me it gets better

[Bec3b1g]

We finished moving in 3 of our 4 kids to college yesterday. I'm really struggling with my emotions this morning. I know this sounds dramatic especially since I have Dd12 still at home, but I'm feeling like the best part of my life is over with I've loved being a mom and having a full house of kids. I'm not ready to transition into a new phase of my life. Feeling so so sad

 

[mamacatnv]

My kids are almost 10 years apart. When DS went off to college I felt just like you and yet, DD was only 10. The issue was DS was so much like me and I had spent so many days/hours wrapped up in him and his activities, DD was kind of foreign to me. I know that sounds strange but she is my hubby's kid LOL they are thick as thieves, they get each other and I still don't get her .

I am happy to report that 7 years later, DD is now 17, a Jr in high school and while that first year of DS being away at college was tough, it gave me an opportunity to really get to know DD. It was almost like having two only children. I will say, DS and I are still close, he is almost done with grad school and I still look forward to him coming home. After being away for 5 years for his undergrad, he technically lives with us for grad school but is at his girlfriends way more than he is here.

So yes, to answer your question, the dynamics change but it does get better. Now don't ask me what the heck I am going to do in two years when DD leaves for college

 

[disneyfanatic60]

My children are both married. My daughter got married in May, 2014. I still am adjusting and it is not easy. It is me and the dog. I am use to there being lots of activity in my home. The kids friends seem to always be here. There are days the silence is deafening. On the flip side, I don't miss the mess

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Once my wife and I started to adjust to empty nesting along came the grandkids. It gets better.

 

[ols386]

I remember being worried about being an empty-nester, when the time came for my adult kids to leave home.

I loved raising my kids, some of the best times of my life.

After they were gone though, I quickly realized that another amazing part of my life had just begun.

My relationship with my adult children is wonderful. It's different than when they were growing up, but absolutely fantastic.

Then came my grandson a few years later….and even MORE amazing times.

Op, it WILL get better for you, but definitely an adjustment. Hang-in there.

 

[FINFAN]

my biggest struggle has been seeing my DS miss his sister. He had just turned 13 when she went to college 1100 miles away~then moved even further to San Francisco upon graduation. DD is now 25 and DS 21 and I know being an only child for the most part was not on his wish list. It is a double whammy missing DD(who has basically been gone since 18) and seeing DS miss her desperately as well. I always wonder how different things may have been if they had more formative years together. DS plans to move to CO or AZ, I hope, hope, hope that the two of them can see each other more when that happens. I will trade my empty-nester woes in a heartbeat for them to have that. Not sure if it gets better, I can say a kid with an extremely busy career, long commute, 2 hour time difference definitely wreaks havoc with being able to talk often, making it very hard to deal with.

 

[minniecarousel]

My two sons were two years apart in school. When the oldest went away to college, he hated it and moved back home & did jr. college. So then they both left at the same time when younger one moved onto his campus. That was the hardest time of my life! We arranged to have my mom move in with us since I was driving 25 miles almost weekly to take her to apps. She was a great distraction. She lived with us for the last 9 years of her life. I worked a half-time job, but had plenty of quality time with her.

Now we are in a new fantastic time of our lives! I watch our 16 month grandson 4 days a week. What a joy that boy is....I feel so privileged that I am able to be such a big part of his life. (We have a six-month old grandson on the opposite coast)

Looking back, when younger son graduated from HS, we were at a loss since he played sports year round. We floundered on weekends, not knowing what to do! We now have weekend season tix for A's games and a plan for every other Sharks hockey games.

Hang in there empty nesters and almost empty nesters - it does get better!

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm dealing with it in a big way at the moment. I had my youngest dd after my second marriage. When I had her, my ds was 18 and a sophomore in college, and other dd was a senior in high school. So when they left home, it was no big deal...I had Kate at home. Well, now she is going to be a senior in college. I put her on a plane for 3 months study abroad in London this Thursday. I'm going over to visit her in Nov but we're so used to seeing her every few weeks at college in some show or such, that it's going to be really hard this fall!
She's been working at a Six Flags all summer and living with her boyfriend's family since they live just 25 mins away, vs our 90 mins away!! So, she hasn't been her much this summer either. This time next year, we'll hopefully be packing her up for Florida and the Disney College Program. Then, she's pretty much gone...since that's where she wants to work for the foreseeable future.
It's soooo hard to wrap my head around the fact that she's an adult now, and needs to live her own life. In other words....Mom butt out!!!
So, good luck to all you other parents out there going through this.....I'm hoping it gets better. At least I've been gradually used to it over the summer.

 

[xlxo]

I'm really struggling with my emotions this morning.

Hmm.... what do you think about kids who stay in the house in their 40's and 50's? Housing costs are tough.

 

[NMAmy]

I love being an empty nester. Don't get me wrong--I adore my dd. But I really love this phase right now where we've become really great friends. I am no longer the boss of her and I like that.

She's married, has a baby on the way, and is living in England. We talk on the phone most every day and we visit back and forth often. Her husband is in the military so sometimes she comes to stay with us when he's deployed. That takes more getting used to than an empty house for me.

DH and I love being able to spend our free time together doing things we enjoy. We have way more time to do things that we like to do and that's brought us even closer together.

 

[jerseygal]

Allow yourself TIME for adjustment!!! It's wonderful seeing them grow emotionally and intellectually! Oldest DS is on his own out of college doing very well
and our youngest DS is a sophomore in college now. DH and I are enjoying doing things we "put on hold" during the MANY time intensive parenting years. Looking SO forward to grandchildren one day. Since your youngest is "getting" ready for high school you probably know that "they need you less" so maybe it's a great time to take some courses, volunteer, or return to work in some capacity to begin preparing emotionally! You still have probably 5 or 6 years left before your youngest goes off to college,

 

[Snowysmom]

DH and I have been empty nesters for 3 years now. I don't include younger DS's last years in college as he lived at home and commuted. It does get better and easier over time. It does take a while though. DH is still struggling a bit with not having the kids around to talk with and do things with. Now our 2 sons are married. Younger DS and DDIL just had a baby girl and we are over the moon happy with our granddaughter. DH and I are traveling more together and doing more things together in general. Next year we are heading to Disney and an Alaskan cruise for our 40th anniversary. We go to NH every Fall now. It is different but can be fun and enjoyable. Luckily both kids live nearby right now for easy visiting.

 

[JJZMgailey]

My oldest is a senior in high school this year and will be 18 next month. I've been spending too much time worrying about it, but I'll be with you soon enough. I don't know how I'll deal with it yet, but I'm here to offer online hugs in the meantime!

 

[Saphire]

I don't think you sound 'dramatic' at all. There are many people who feel the sentimentality of life...leaving for college is a big deal! I felt sad/emotional all along the way during my kids transitions. This one is so hard, because they leave an empty house where there used to be so much life and activity. Just feel the way you feel (don't feel bad about feeling bad!) and give yourself time. As with many life changes, there will be new opportunities for you. In order to embrace your future, you need to grieve your past. We are here to tell you it does get better in time, but it is ok to feel sad right now.

 

[minnie mum]

I'm in the same camp as NMAmy. We've loved being empty nesters. Yes, I missed them A LOT in the first few months, and the house was certainly quieter. But DH and I rediscovered the joy of being a couple again. Our lives changed- it wasn't better or worse without the kids. It was just different.

And it's not as if the kids are out of our lives. While they both live hours away, we email back and forth almost daily and talk on the phone almost as often. Visits, of course are always something we look forward to, especially now that we are grandparents.

So yes, it gets better. The best part of your life is only over if you don't allow yourself to be open to change.

 

[disykat]

I found the years when they started to leave but I still had one at home the hardest - both as a mom and when I was in that position as a child.

Once they're all gone life is very different - easier, less scheduling, etc. I admit though, I'd planned on not having pets after the kid's childhood dog passed - but I just couldn't do it. Too quiet!

 

[tvguy]

LOL. The reality is, some or all of them will be moving back home and you will start counting the days until they move out again!

 

[Kitty 34]

s to you. It does get better over time.

 

[goofy4tink]

Hmm.... what do you think about kids who stay in the house in their 40's and 50's? Housing costs are tough.

There is that! My 39 y/o dd is moving home for four months to save money for a move. Maybe being an empty nester wouldn't be so bad!!

 

[eliza61]

Hang in there, the best part of your life is only over if that's what you decide it to be.

I am still a mom, my kids are just adults.
I'm rediscovering all the things I put on hold to be a parent.

Lol, my neighbors kids moved back home. They cry every day now.