Empty Nesters--Tell me it gets better

[Jaya]

I've been an empty-nester for about 25 years now. I'd have to say I got used to it...oh....about 24 years,11 months and 3 weeks ago.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We are recent semi empty nesters. Youngest dd has been gone to college since Aug. 15th.

It is hard for me to be sad because I am happy and proud that my dd's are doing well .

I call and text the kids and sometimes they respond.

I was at the grocery store this evening getting some dinner for dh and I. I had the little cart and only a few items. It was liberating!

 

[momtosam]

We finished moving in 3 of our 4 kids to college yesterday. I'm really struggling with my emotions this morning. I know this sounds dramatic especially since I have Dd12 still at home, but I'm feeling like the best part of my life is over with I've loved being a mom and having a full house of kids. I'm not ready to transition into a new phase of my life. Feeling so so sad

Hugs to you! I am years away and already dreading it :-(

 

[TLSnell1981]

It gets a better in a few years, after the grandbabies arrive. We are expecting #9 in the spring. There's never a dull moment.

 

[jerseygal]

It gets a better in a few years, after the grandbabies arrive. We are expecting #9 in the spring. There's never a dull moment.

WOW, #9! EXCITING!

 

[gwynne]

It's an adjustment, but it's been a happy adjustment. I wanted the kids to grow up, finish their educations, get jobs, and live on their own. Do I miss them? Sure.
But we've found ways to communicate that work. It's mostly text, with a phone call here and there. I have to say, I enjoy our regular text messages. We visit when we can. It will be easier to visit when we're retired, we will move closer.

As in most things, it's what you make of it.

 

[MickeySP]

There is that! My 39 y/o dd is moving home for four months to save money for a move. Maybe being an empty nester wouldn't be so bad!!

I did this to my parents - divorced & pregnant. They were sooo happy! I told mine once out take all your stuff you ain't coming back(ok I would let them back if I had to.

Empty Nester for about 10 yrs now. We love it!! You get over the quiet & realize I can walk out of my shower and down the hall without a towel I can greet DSO at the door anyway I want

Really it is like being married before kids but with more resources, knowledge & sense of yourself. We can plan & go on a trip when we want. No more worrying about who has to be where, when & how are they getting home.

It really does get better.

 

[winterman]

When our youngest headed off to college, I was really worried that DH and I might not do well by ourselves. Turned out to be just the opposite. We both loved having an empty nest.

 

[NewRVLady]

when we became empty nesters-we were in that midlife crisis period also

DH traded in my safe boring white SUV for a red two seater sports car...we started going on drives on the weekends to cute towns-have lunch ,go antiquing, go look at historical buildings....it was great-and started our love of travel.

 

[SC Minnie]

DD is an only child and to be honest it wasn't a huge adjustment when we left for college. Her last 2 years of HS she was rarely home. Between working, school, friends, church, etc she was gone a lot. We were happy that she found a school where she fit in and wanted to be. She was happy so we were happy. She came back home her first summer but has stayed at school during the summer since. I doubt very seriously she will move back to this area when she graduates in May.

I guess when she went to college I had the mindset that we raised her to be independent and she was doing what we hoped she would. Now when she comes home for 3 or 4 days it kind of disrupts the house. Her stuff ends up everywhere!

 

[Wishing on a star]

My son is almost grown... So, I am seeing this coming sooner than later!
I love my son, and have been just so devoted to him!

But, I wonder if anyone else here would admit to mixed feelings. I am an older parent, and DS has been kind of challenging special needs kid. So, parenting has sometimes been very physically and emotionally demanding. I am kind of looking forward to the next chapter.

 

[ckay87]

I often think that there's something wrong with me that I don't feel this way at all. I don't miss the baby days, the little kid days, etc. I love my boys like nothing else, but am excited to see them move on (and out!) with their lives and to do more with my own. Over the years, I've made new friends of my own, started to do many things on my own, etc. So perhaps I've been weaning myself? lol

 

[KimR]

My youngest will be going off to college in 4 years and I am dreading it. I really have no idea what I'll do with my life from that point on. I do have a job that I enjoy but that only takes up so much of my time. I know I should probably start now to get involved in activities I enjoy, but I'm not social, athletic, or creative so that narrows my options. I love animals so maybe it will be time for us to get a dog.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Buy one of those new zero to 60 in nothing flat Teslas. To pay for it, take it to the drag strip and take all the kid's money.

 

[Bec3b1g]

Buy one of those new zero to 60 in nothing flat Teslas. To pay for it, take it to the drag strip and take all the kid's money.

Lol! At 140k it might take me a few races to pay for it

 

[Deb & Bill]

I'm adjusting to my husband being retired. I've been retired for 2.5 years and he retired Monday. I've enjoyed my days alone. Now I have to adjust to him being home, too. We love each other to death, but it's good we have multiple televisions and rooms, plus a hot tub for him. Our son graduated in May and has a full time job already. He's been away from home almost since he left for college and spent summers working or going to school at his school (the apartment was already paid for). It'll be fine, but it winter might be hard.

 

[TrvlLin]

I honestly thought I would lose my mind when my youngest two sons flew the coop several years ago now. I alphabetized the canned goods in my pantry, cleaned my house obsessively, and spent ever more hours at work rather than stay at home in my empty nest! I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and medication has helped. My husband's reaction was much less intense and he handled it well. Grandchildren have helped, sure, and I have discovered new things that interest me and above all, learned how to enjoy being with myself, alone. Now, I have been retired for three years, and my husband is moving into semi-retirement (he's self employed.) This is a more gradual change but just as much a shock to the system! Like Deb and Bill above, I love him dearly but bless his man cave and giant screen TV! I now have a hard time accomplishing anything when he's in and out all the time but I'm working on it. What I do love is the independence now - we do what we want at the drop of a hat, and sometimes forget to tell our children that we'll be gone. I think I am mostly at peace now with the way things are, and I can tell you, it DOES get better, it just takes time!

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

DH & I have one child - DD is 18 and a college freshman. She still lives at home and commutes to school.

My DD has been dating her BF for 3 years (he's currently a junior at the same college) and he is over at our house all of the time; I sometimes feel like I have 2 kids! (He even went to WDW with us in 2014) They are both homebodies/old souls and like to spend the weekends at our house with us cooking dinner, watching movies, playing games (Risk, Apples-to-Apples), or playing Euchre with our neighbors. We try to give them money and tell them to go out but they'd rather stay in.

They like to travel and were in Europe for 2 week this summer. At first it was hard not having DD around but then I got used to it after a few days and it was nice having the house to just DH & myself. When I cleaned and organized things stayed that way! But I always knew she'd be home soon. Once she moves out permanently I'm sure it will be much harder!

Good Luck OP!

 

[McDISer]

I honestly thought I would lose my mind when my youngest two sons flew the coop several years ago now. I alphabetized the canned goods in my pantry, cleaned my house obsessively, and spent ever more hours at work rather than stay at home in my empty nest! I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and medication has helped. My husband's reaction was much less intense and he handled it well. Grandchildren have helped, sure, and I have discovered new things that interest me and above all, learned how to enjoy being with myself, alone. Now, I have been retired for three years, and my husband is moving into semi-retirement (he's self employed.) This is a more gradual change but just as much a shock to the system! Like Deb and Bill above, I love him dearly but bless his man cave and giant screen TV! I now have a hard time accomplishing anything when he's in and out all the time but I'm working on it. What I do love is the independence now - we do what we want at the drop of a hat, and sometimes forget to tell our children that we'll be gone. I think I am mostly at peace now with the way things are, and I can tell you, it DOES get better, it just takes time!

I know I am depressed, ai just can't get the gumption to call my doctor. We are doing big yard projects and as long as I stay busy and keep my mind off of missing everyone, I am fine. I just wish we wouldn't have moved 21 miles from our old home, it is hard making new friends, in a very quiet subdivision.

 

[Bec3b1g]

Two weeks in and I've adjusted to my quiet and clean house No more sadness, though I do still miss them.