Embarrassing comment!!

[disneybound31]

It IS hard to hear a crying/fussing child non-stop for an extended time- it is HARDER to be the parent of said child and to know you are irritating every one around you....and most people would surely try to comfort and quiet their child. If those in OPs situation were not then that is IMHO neglectful.

 

[KirstenB]

I suspect that if you were walking in those shoes, you might make other decisions. Its easy to say what you would do if......its much harder to live up to it when you have to. Since you, thank God, apparently don't have a child prone to screaming for four hours, I'd just be thankful you don't really need to make those choices. But hey, its easy to say what I would do if I were you. Since I'm not you, I don't have to make hard decisions like showing tolerance for other people's difficult realities.

Crisi, thanks for your kindness. Over the years, I've seen you on the budget boards, and DVC boards. We were such a normal family til our younger dd was dx'd wtih autism at 20 mths old. I have grieved for 2 yrs and am slowly coming out of it. We drive to WDW. Our last visit, in June, was okay. 2 good days, 3 not so good. The worst was our hotel stay in Darlington SC on the way home. I don't know what wound up our little girl, but she screamed from 10 pm to 2 pm (or maybe later, the rest of us fell asleep due to exhaustion). Our next trip, I'm packing Benadryl, just in case.

We may wind up selling our DVC which we've owned since 93, if this trip next summer doesn't go well for her. There's a point where you just have to move on, and try something else. Anyway, thanks for your kindness. Autism is a complex, and misunderstood disorder, and it takes a perceptive person to acknowledge how tricky it is. Our dd is a complete mystery to us, and very few people understand how painful that is.

 

[taximomfor4]

as the parent of a child with SN, especially sensory issues, we tried our best to calm our screaming child when in a new situation. Sometimes nothing worked, but we TRIED. Even if it meant doing her joint compressions or brush therapy right in front of everyone. In some situations, nothing worked. THose were the things we avoided doing unless absolutely necessary. DD didn't go on a plane again until she was 7 yrs old. We didn't go as a family to my favorite restaurant for years, because it set her off EVERY TIME.

I will say, if we had HAD to fly before I felt dd could handle it (funeral or something), I would have been prepared to try something to calm her. Multiple somethings. I don't know that special needs would excuse just allowing the child to cry it out for more than a few minutes. The ATTEMPTS to stop it might garner understanding and even sympathy. Would anyone here (child with SN or not) just ignore their screaming child on a plane, with no attempts (even if futile) at distraction?

KirstenB, I really feel for you!! I sincerely hope that like my dd, yours will be able to handle your vacations. We make a lot of accomodations, do things slowly and only a little each day, but we all have a lovely time on trips now. I wish the same for you! You sound like a lovely, conscientious mother!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Now we don't use any aides other then the person who is his attending. He love his Ipod and watches movies. I pack food, toys and fun.

All VERY reasonable and sensible - but that doesn't appear to be the OP's experience. Sure, the father can say, "Sometimes it's not always that easy" - but it's a heck of a lot harder when you're ignoring the child!!!! Special needs or not, successful or not - the parent has an obligation to that child.

 

[Hannathy]

All VERY reasonable and sensible - but that doesn't appear to be the OP's experience. Sure, the father can say, "Sometimes it's not always that easy" - but it's a heck of a lot harder when you're ignoring the child!!!! Special needs or not, successful or not - the parent has an obligation to that child.

And to the rest of the plane!!!!!

If you know your child can not handle a situation without causing a continuous and loud disturbance to a crowd of strangers then you as the parents need to avoid those situations until your child can handle them, be it flying, dining in a nice restaurant, or at a movie or play. That is what being a responsible parent is, accepting the inconvenience yourself not demanding everyone else deal with it.

 

[KirstenB]

Thanks Taximom of 4!!! I hope she's able to handle WDW this summer, but if not, it's cool, we can move on. We took her to the beach after our WDW trip this year, and she did amazingly well, so we have a plan B.

 

[LWatson]

OH I felt horrible for the people on our flight up to Orlando. We were on the plane for 6hrs (we had 2 stops but didnt debark). Most of them were very understanding and actually tried to help. Our oldest was really great the entire trip pretty much. BUT, our youngest was only behaved the first 3hrs. Then the heck broke loose. When we landed at the last "stop" he was just done w/ being on the plane and wanted to get off right then. He cried from there to Orlando. We tried everything. We had sat in the back of the plane on purpose (to try to avoid peeving off other passengers) and it was nowhere near full, we tried his fav toys, tried games/dvds/colors and passing him back and forth. Nothing worked and he was deff tired and his ears hurt (we are seeing an ENT for treatments of chronic ear pain after tubes). We had another lady just get pissy at me and say "DO something about him please we are getting really annoyed and you are ignoring him." We were 30min from landing so, we had strapped him back into his Cares harness and that didnt help at all either. I was so peeved at her because I was doing my darndest to make him happy and I was on the verge of tears. I did respond and not in a nice way. We kept appologizing to the FAs and they said they completely understood. One actually told me she would have given up an hour into the crying, and was shocked I kept trying to make it better...that and to ignore other people's comments esp since they didnt know he had been an excellent pass. for the first 3hrs of the trip since they boarded at the stop where he was already crying.

I hated that my kid was crying and I could do nothing to help and he was disturbing others, but sometimes there really is nothing you can do.

 

[seashoreCM]

Children who start crying incessantly partway into ascent after takeoff or descent for landing very likely have ear discomfort.

>>> The parents ignored it and did nothing to try to stop the screaming. They didn't give the child a snack, or talk to it, or read to it, or give it toys, or do anything else to attempt to get the child to stop disturbing the other passengers. Instead they left it strapped into a car seat and listened to their music and played computer games.

To the parents: Take off your park guest hat, your photographer's hat, your sleeping cap, etc. and put on your parent's hat.

Question to ponder, should other passengers "butt in" or "offer their two cents' worth" or "play instant pediatrician"?

 

[AJKMOM]

We just got back from WDW last Friday, and I noticed a lot of "thirty-something" parents who were ignoring their children. Saw a dad drag a screaming little boy onto the POC, and then didn't even let him sit in the middle where he might feel safer. Poor kid cried for the whole ride.

Saw a woman shopping, talking to a sales clerk while her toddler was screaming and trying to get out of the stroller. This went on for at least 3 minutes while the woman ignored the baby.


Saw a couple with three kids running around hitting each other and bumping onto other visitors while the parents held hands and onnly talked to each other.

Saw a lot of kids who were under about age 13 walking alone thru the parks. It seemed like the parents were on vacation and someone else was supposed to be taking care of their kids.

 

[seashoreCM]

Saw a lot of kids who were under about age 13 walking alone thru the parks. It seemed like the parents were on vacation and someone else was supposed to be taking care of their kids.

Maybe the kids wanted to go off on their own, like I did at that age.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP- As a parent I too would have been annoyed. Not because the child was crying - heck we've all been there- but because the parents were doing NOTHING!!!!!!!
If you are trying to make your child better and nothing is working that is one thing. If you are sitting there taking a nap or reading a magazine ignoring them then you are an idiot. It makes me was to say "Let me hold your child and try to comfort them because you are being cruel!" Parents like that are morons and I too would be beyond annnoyed.

 

[maxiesmom]

And to the rest of the plane!!!!!

If you know your child can not handle a situation without causing a continuous and loud disturbance to a crowd of strangers then you as the parents need to avoid those situations until your child can handle them, be it flying, dining in a nice restaurant, or at a movie or play. That is what being a responsible parent is, accepting the inconvenience yourself not demanding everyone else deal with it.

I agree 100%!!!!!!!!!

 

[waltskids]

And to the rest of the plane!!!!!

If you know your child can not handle a situation without causing a continuous and loud disturbance to a crowd of strangers then you as the parents need to avoid those situations until your child can handle them, be it flying, dining in a nice restaurant, or at a movie or play. That is what being a responsible parent is, accepting the inconvenience yourself not demanding everyone else deal with it.

Well said!!!

 

[Amy5000]

We tried everything.... We had another lady just get pissy at me and say "DO something about him please we are getting really annoyed and you are ignoring him."

Thank you for sharing that L. I really reminds be to be super careful when we judge!

And to the rest of the plane!!!!!

If you know your child can not handle a situation without causing a continuous and loud disturbance to a crowd of strangers then you as the parents need to avoid those situations until your child can handle them, be it flying, dining in a nice restaurant, or at a movie or play. That is what being a responsible parent is, accepting the inconvenience yourself not demanding everyone else deal with it.

While I totally support the idea of being considerate to others, I don't think taking a high needs child on a plane is the same thing as dining in a nice restaurant. I have a difficult child and I'm already much more limited than other parents in what I can do. At some point the more that society deems it unacceptable to bring our child to a certain place, the more it isolates an already marginalized population. We don't need to institutionalize our SN citizens, just make sure they stay home or only go to "ok" places, then all of us normal folks don't have to put up with them. I know that's not what your saying...but the slope is mighty slippery where you are standing. This was an air plane...not dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Finally, I'll say I don't always know what will set my son off. Sometimes a perfectly fine days goes bad in the blink of an eye. My son might fly 10 times without incident and then have the mother of all meltdowns. I know you'll agree that in light of this I don't have to avoid flying. I will also say that lately, trying to comfort my son does not help the situation, it only escalates it. (This is not always true, but it is true from time to time). I have to make judgments all the time on what I need to address and what I should let pass. For me, on a plane, physically bothering another passenger was a line I drew. One time when my son was small, he kept kicking the seat in front of him. I repeatedly tried to get him to stop and finally just held his legs in place. Now instead of bothering just the person in the seat in front of him he had the pleasure of annoying the whole plane. I had been trying before to engage him in things so he wouldn't kick the passenger ahead of him and it was a no go. So now that he's hysterically crying, I don't really think trying to distract him would have helped. But I bet some parent was saying...why doesn't she do anything to quiet that child down.

Finally, I know I've mentioned it before, but there have been times where letting my DS cry has been the best. Sometimes engaging him just enrages him even when I'm calmly trying to help him calm down. Sometimes it works...but it doesn't work once we are in full meltdown mode. Anyway, just my 2 cents...

Amy

 

[jms531]

As a society we've become so quick to judge and so slow to offer help. I agree with the previous posters that perhaps these parents know that once their child is melting down, throwing things in his face, Do you want this? How bout this? Want to color? Wanna watch a movie? etc. might just enrage him more and that sometimes nothing calms them down but being left to their own devices. This may have been a fluke thing. Or perhaps this was the last leg of a very long trip. In any event, no child is perfect and if we all think hard I'm sure we have an embarassing moment where our children aren't acting the way we would like them to. And there is nothing worse than getting "the look" from others.
Perhaps since OP had bags of cheerios next time she might want to offer to share to help the situation than make a snide remark.

 

[CLR4321]

You know what the sad thing is about the majority of babies and young children you see crying on planes? A large majority have plugged up ears that are sore and hurting their heads. Many parents do not think about the fact that their babies do not know to swallow, pick something up to drink or yawn to help their ears pop. So they sit there in pain. The same goes for toddlers, who people just assume are bored and cranky on the plane. Many people don't think of this when flying with young kids. If I am near the person with the crying child, I will ask if they "tried giving him something to drink to help his ears pop". I don't want to say it like "OMG I can't believe you did not think about that fact that your baby's ears get plugged up while flying too!", although I do admit I have felt like saying it.
I will say I would have been pretty embarrassed too in your shoes.

 

[NeverBeen2DW]

Children who start crying incessantly partway into ascent after takeoff or descent for landing very likely have ear discomfort.

>>> The parents ignored it and did nothing to try to stop the screaming. They didn't give the child a snack, or talk to it, or read to it, or give it toys, or do anything else to attempt to get the child to stop disturbing the other passengers. Instead they left it strapped into a car seat and listened to their music and played computer games.

To the parents: Take off your park guest hat, your photographer's hat, your sleeping cap, etc. and put on your parent's hat.

Question to ponder, should other passengers "butt in" or "offer their two cents' worth" or "play instant pediatrician"?

and this is why I always carry benadryl! For my own child - just in case AND to offer to any other screaming child on the airplane!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

and this is why I always carry benedryl! For my own child - just in case AND to offer to any other screaming child on the airplane!

Well not for nothing but if you offered me benadryl for my child it would not be met with a polite response.

 

[NeverBeen2DW]

Well not for nothing but if you offered me benadryl for my child it would not be met with a polite response.

If your child was screaming in my ear the feeling would be mutal.

 

[maxiesmom]

Thank you for sharing that L. I really reminds be to be super careful when we judge!



While I totally support the idea of being considerate to others, I don't think taking a high needs child on a plane is the same thing as dining in a nice restaurant. I have a difficult child and I'm already much more limited than other parents in what I can do. At some point the more that society deems it unacceptable to bring our child to a certain place, the more it isolates an already marginalized population. We don't need to institutionalize our SN citizens, just make sure they stay home or only go to "ok" places, then all of us normal folks don't have to put up with them. I know that's not what your saying...but the slope is mighty slippery where you are standing. This was an air plane...not dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Finally, I'll say I don't always know what will set my son off. Sometimes a perfectly fine days goes bad in the blink of an eye. My son might fly 10 times without incident and then have the mother of all meltdowns. I know you'll agree that in light of this I don't have to avoid flying. I will also say that lately, trying to comfort my son does not help the situation, it only escalates it. (This is not always true, but it is true from time to time). I have to make judgments all the time on what I need to address and what I should let pass. For me, on a plane, physically bothering another passenger was a line I drew. One time when my son was small, he kept kicking the seat in front of him. I repeatedly tried to get him to stop and finally just held his legs in place. Now instead of bothering just the person in the seat in front of him he had the pleasure of annoying the whole plane. I had been trying before to engage him in things so he wouldn't kick the passenger ahead of him and it was a no go. So now that he's hysterically crying, I don't really think trying to distract him would have helped. But I bet some parent was saying...why doesn't she do anything to quiet that child down.

Finally, I know I've mentioned it before, but there have been times where letting my DS cry has been the best. Sometimes engaging him just enrages him even when I'm calmly trying to help him calm down. Sometimes it works...but it doesn't work once we are in full meltdown mode. Anyway, just my 2 cents...

Amy

Putting on my flame proof suit.

I'm sorry, but if you know ahead of time that you child can't handle a situation, it is up to the parent to not put them in that situation. Period. And that doesn't change because you have a special needs child. It has nothing to do with isolating a child, and everything to do with having consideration for those around you. Letting your child cry it out where it bothers a few hundred people who are unable to leave is unacceptable.

I know in your post that you were trying to correct what was an unacceptable behavior, and that resulted in a melt-down. But I'm also guessing that your child didn't then cry for four hours. Most people will understand a short temper tantrum. But ignoring you child for hours on end and letting them disturb a plane full of people is not understandable.