Educating someone else's teen...

[cruisnfamily]

TBH, I don't know what values and morals would've come up with him asking about the process, or what the girl is going through. I've explained to all of my kids (even the 6 and 8 year olds - they asked) that the blood is actually the lining of the uterus, which builds up every month, and a woman produces an egg every month, and if it's not fertilized, the lining sheds, and it takes about a week. Girls/woman might have a stomach ache, but it's not too bad, and not scary, and not like real blood. If the egg is fertilized, the baby gets it's nutrients from the lining.

There really are no values I could see being discussed when talking about menstruation. Once it's explained, there is no mystery, nothing to be frightened of (I think a lot of kids get freaked out about it, because they don't understand it).

You really can't see any questions coming up here which might relate to values? See what I bolded above.

Also, as I said, we don't know what he asked so we really don't know if it was a factual discussion or not?

In addition, I know many adult women who might present a different picture of their monthly event as far as severity, pain, ability to function, etc than I would. For example, I wouldn't be happy with somebody telling my DD(or DS for that matter) that it's ok to skip school on the first day of your period every month. Not saying Darsa said this, just saying there's lots of room in any discussion on any subject for people to state their opinions and state them as if they are accepted facts. Depending on how closely my views match with those of "random adult" I may or may not want them having this conversation with my teen.

 

[disykat]

I can't believe people think health class covers ALL of the questions one might have. One of my good friends has an older sister so we used to ask her questions. Some of the kinds of questions were things like "does it stop at night?" "how do you know when to change a tampon?" etc. Funny enough, years later in college when we would get into these kinds of weird in-debth discussions those were the same kinds of questions guys had.

 

[Buckalew11]

I really don't see how a discussion on periods has anything to morals and values.

 

[C.Ann]

I can't believe people think health class covers ALL of the questions one might have.

Granted, I didn't read all of the responses here (I belong over on that other thread - LOL) - but in what I have read, I haven't seen one person claim that "health classes cover ALL of the questions one might have"..

 

[Mouse House Mama]

TBH, I don't know what values and morals would've come up with him asking about the process, or what the girl is going through. I've explained to all of my kids (even the 6 and 8 year olds - they asked) that the blood is actually the lining of the uterus, which builds up every month, and a woman produces an egg every month, and if it's not fertilized, the lining sheds, and it takes about a week. Girls/woman might have a stomach ache, but it's not too bad, and not scary, and not like real blood. If the egg is fertilized, the baby gets it's nutrients from the lining.

There really are no values I could see being discussed when talking about menstruation. Once it's explained, there is no mystery, nothing to be frightened of (I think a lot of kids get freaked out about it, because they don't understand it).

See now if my kid was 6 and asked you about it for whatever reason I would not want you to give them this explanation. I don't care if we were close friends or not. That would be my job to explain it to my child. I also would not give such in depth information to a 6 year old. I am not saying it is wrong, I just don't feel it is something they need to know to that extent.
That is where it comes in that some conversations are not appropriate to be having with other people's kids.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I really don't see how a discussion on periods has anything to morals and values.

I really don't see why any 14 year old boy would have an in depth conversation about periods with his girlfriend's mother.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I am curious about the questions. Scientific questions could be answered simply and factually. Questions about side effects, emotions, fertility, etc are a different matter.

I guess I'm more concerned for the daughter. Like I said before, I wonder how she views this exchange.

True--even though what Darsa did might have been good for the boy, I much preferred in that boys didn't know what was going on in my body each month in middle school or high school.

If they need to know anything--just that it happens is sufficient. But as a teen, I would have personally been mortified if my mother had a detailed discussion about "that" with a boy I knew let alone my boyfriend.

Granted, my family wasn't very respectful of that anyway. I recall when my stepfather would embarrass me in a store when we had to go get more maxi pads. So the less other boys knew about it the better. Even if they were gentlemen about it.

Regardless of how normal a bodily function is--I preferred pretending it was me and only me suffering.

 

[mjkacmom]

See now if my kid was 6 and asked you about it for whatever reason I would not want you to give them this explanation. I don't care if we were close friends or not. That would be my job to explain it to my child. I also would not give such in depth information to a 6 year old. I am not saying it is wrong, I just don't feel it is something they need to know to that extent.
That is where it comes in that some conversations are not appropriate to be having with other people's kids.

I certainly wouldn't explain this to another 6 year old who wasn't my child, but at 14 1/2?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I certainly wouldn't explain this to another 6 year old who wasn't my child, but at 14 1/2?

At 14 I wouldn't see a need for this type of conversation as it would have already been covered with most girls. I would not want you having that conversation with my sons either at any age.

 

[mjkacmom]

You really can't see any questions coming up here which might relate to values? See what I bolded above.

.

If a 14 year old typically functioning boy doesn't know that babies come from a fertilized egg, and how that egg is fertilized, I'd be glad he would come asking questions! Especially if he was dating my daughter!

 

[3jsmommy]

I really don't see why any 14 year old boy would have an in depth conversation about periods with his girlfriend's mother.

I agree with your POV..having three younger brothers (who grew up in a house with three very verbal sisters) and three sons of my own, I can't imagine any of them asking a question like that.
Maybe he just wanted to see if his girlfriends mom would "go there" and answer his questions. I had a best friend growing up who's Mother who was more like a friend to all of us than a Mom & we always had conversations with her like that. If it was me I would have told him to go to the library or google it!

 

[allison443]

I really don't see why any 14 year old boy would have an in depth conversation about periods with his girlfriend's mother.

I don't either, but maybe I just don't know any 14 year old boys who are blindingly intelligent, quick thinking, and "noble" whatever that means regarding a 14 year old boy

OP I think what you did was fine, considering you seem to have a longstanding close relationship with this kid. I have been asked similar questions by a few a dd's friends when I was their scout leader.
Is your dd in high school? I find it interesting that you wouldn't let her date anyone at that age until you met this particular kid and changed you rule.

 

[Judy from Boise]

I guess my answer would be colored by the fact I don't think I "own" my child. I am privileged to be their parent......but they are autonomous beings! They have the right to seek information from anyone they chose, my job is to influence them at home.
I would gladly answer questions.

 

[mjkacmom]

At 14 I wouldn't see a need for this type of conversation as it would have already been covered with most girls. I would not want you having that conversation with my sons either at any age.

So, you wouldn't want your sons to know the mechanics of menstruation? Because if they came to me, it would mean they wouldn't be comfortable coming to you in the first place. Trust me, they've heard about it (my dd13 asked me about "boy periods" that she heard about in school when she was 11 - I had to explain that what she heard about was ejaculation, not a period). Unfortunately, we tend to be too secretive with boys, so they just make it up as they go along.

 

[cruisnfamily]

If a 14 year old typically functioning boy doesn't know that babies come from a fertilized egg, and how that egg is fertilized, I'd be glad he would come asking questions! Especially if he was dating my daughter!

Nobody said he didn't know where babies come from.

I just meant that this topic could be a springboard to any number of other topics which may lead the adult who's answering to give their opinions(rather than just the facts) on certain subjects. I might or might not be ok with that depending on where the other adult stands on these issues and whether our views mesh with each other.

 

[3jsmommy]

I guess my answer would be colored by the fact I don't think I "own" my child. I am privileged to be their parent......but they are autonomous beings! They have the right to seek information from anyone they chose, my job is to influence them at home.
I would gladly answer questions.

I don't feel that I "own" my child.
I also wouldn't feel comfortable having my husband talk to my son's teenage girlfriend about my sons reproductive system during a "fun" phone chat.
Somehow I don't think my son would appreciate it either!

 

[lillygator]

There is nothing wrong with helping people etc. However, some topics people do not want their children exposed to until they deem appropriate. There are many conservative families who do not believe in discussing sex etc. with young kids. There is nothing wrong with that and it isn't anyone else's place to take it upon themselves even if they ask you. I know people who didn't allow their kids to go to the puberty talk in elementary school. For them it wasn't the way they wanted their kids to learn. If my small children asked you how babies are made it is not your place to tell them. They should be referred to their parents because what you think it appropriate for their age may not be what I think it appropriate.
"Back in the day" an adult would tell you to speak to your parents about such things because they knew that certain topics were for parents to decide about. There is nothing wrong or sad about that.
That OP has already made disparaging comments about this child's own mother. Excuse her for working. Maybe instead of being tickled that her dd's bf wants to talk menses with her she could encourage him to spend more time with his mother etc. "Back in the day" when you weren't getting along with your parents or whatever your "mentors" tried to get you to reconnect with them. Now we have so many people who are so willing to tell everyone's kids what they think no matter if it is right for a family or not. That is what the problem is. Too many friends for parents. That is not the way it was "back in the day."

OP- Sorry to go OT but while it was nice of you to answer the questions I would give his mother a heads up about it. She may want to add something to it and if not she simply should know. I would also let your dd know you had that talk too.

14 is a "young kid", seriously, if you think a 14 year old hasn't been exposed to anything, ??? unless of course they are home schooled and mom and dad allow no interaction with other outside) kids....kids talk about sex, ech other bodies, etc earlier than 14 in school....

 

[Buckalew11]

I think you stick with facts and don't give personal opinions.

Judy, you made me lol, once again. We see this very much the same--I remember the thread you started not too long ago...

 

[Buckalew11]

14 is a "young kid", seriously, if you think a 14 year old hasn't been exposed to anything, ??? unless of course they are home schooled and mom and dad allow no interaction with other outside) kids....kids talk about sex, ech other bodies, etc earlier than 14 in school....

Oh please..."unless they are homeschooled and mom and dad allow no interaction with other outside"? The only kid who isn't exposed to all this is one who is locked in a basement.

 

[lillygator]

Oh please..."unless they are homeschooled and mom and dad allow no interaction with other outside"? The only kid who isn't exposed to all this is one who is locked in a basement.

well, proababy not the best statement to express what I was thinking, I guess I was just thinking homeschooled since not alot of interaction with being in school away from parents eyes and ears, but you're right, it would probably take being locked in a basement - or NO technology probably.