Educating someone else's teen...

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Oh and my other thought is why should darsa have to tell her DD they had this conversation?
I don't get that either. It isn't like darsa told him what her DD's period are like--she gave him general info and answered questions. I really don't think her DD needs to know about this conversation. In fact, I think because he trusted her, she shouldn't tell her.

I would have died if my BIL had told my sister anything I told him. Just died. And I know he didn't and never would. He doesn't tell anything. I know that isn't the same as telling her DD but I didn't want Michael telling anyone, period.

Maybe someone can tell me why the dd needs to know about this conversation. Then, maybe I'll understand why people have said that so much on this thread.

She doesn't.

However, from my point of view--I do believe she should have taken her dd's feelings into consideration since this is her boyfriend. I personally would have been mortified if I was her dd and ever found out that my parent had a discussion with my boyfriend of that nature.

Telling her would *could* cause a problem with her dd trusting her. But some kids are not as sensitive to that topic as I was when I was a teen and maybe it wouldn't bother her either way.

 

[Buckalew11]

She doesn't.

However, from my point of view--I do believe she should have taken her dd's feelings into consideration since this is her boyfriend. I personally would have been mortified if I was her dd and ever found out that my parent had a discussion with my boyfriend of that nature.

Telling her would *could* cause a problem with her dd trusting her. But some kids are not as sensitive to that topic as I was when I was a teen and maybe it wouldn't bother her either way.

Well, you say she doesn't and I say she doesn't and Judy says she doesn't but plenty of other people have said she should tell her DD she had this conversation with the boyfriend. I'm just wondering why?

 

[angwill]

Having a teen boy I would be ok with another adult answering questions with facts if he asks them. In my opinion it is a health question no biggie. If the adult felt uncomfortable I would like them to say that question makes me uncomfortable and I think it would be better answered by your mother. Like someone else said at least he will get the correct info from you rather than the wrong info from another kid who likes to act like they know everything.

 

[Bluestars]

I guess I don't see how "that time of the month" could come up in a conversation with a 14 year old boy and the mother of his girlfriend. That just sounds odd. I mean, how in the world does that come up in their conversation? Also, it's strange that a 14 yr old boy would ask his girlfriend's mother about such things.

I have a 14 year old son and I have talked to him about those things when the topic comes up, but I can't imagine him ever bringing up the topic with a girlfriend's mother. It just seems so strange. I'm sure he would google it on the internet before he would bring it up with his girlfriend's mother.

 

[Becky2005]

Well, you say she doesn't and I say she doesn't and Judy says she doesn't but plenty of other people have said she should tell her DD she had this conversation with the boyfriend. I'm just wondering why?

I have no idea but I'm thinking at some point the boy might say "You're mom said...." when she's being cranky or who knows for whatever reason(since for whatever reason females can't possibly be cranky unless it's that time of the month... ).

Can you imagine how mad the DD would be if that slips out of his mouth & she has no clue about it? She's going to instantly think the conversation was directly about HER and not a general one.

 

[PlainJane]

Back in the day, no one told my grandmother ANYTHING about her body. She thought she was DYING when she had her first period, and told no one. She was horrified, terrified, concerned....

My poor mother thought she was dying too. For months she hid it, that is until her sister came to visit and figured out what was going on. She told me when I was eight to prevent the same thing happening to me.

And YOU were homeschooled!!

I know, they should really take away my membership card.

 

[Judy from Boise]

To kind of echo what Bumbershoot said, a couple times a year when I floated to work on the post partum unit (which wasn't more than maybe monthly) I would have a mommy who through conversation about how to take care of her episiotomy vs her hemmoroids vs her uretha ( watching out for urinary problems).....it would become obvious they didn't even have a clue that there were 3 seperate "areas". I had one mom that when we got into further discussion thought the baby came out of her rectum.No lie.
It is amazing the level of ignorance out there. The Dean of the nursing program where i taught ( a Nazarene University) was a very conservative former missionary, but her speciality was Maternity, and I remember her telling me that a big hand mirror was an essential educational tool for a post partum nurse!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

So, you wouldn't want your sons to know the mechanics of menstruation? Because if they came to me, it would mean they wouldn't be comfortable coming to you in the first place. Trust me, they've heard about it (my dd13 asked me about "boy periods" that she heard about in school when she was 11 - I had to explain that what she heard about was ejaculation, not a period). Unfortunately, we tend to be too secretive with boys, so they just make it up as they go along.

No- I don't want a stranger telling my son the mechanics of any bodily functions. The quote below best answers what I am trying to say.

Nobody said he didn't know where babies come from.

I just meant that this topic could be a springboard to any number of other topics which may lead the adult who's answering to give their opinions(rather than just the facts) on certain subjects. I might or might not be ok with that depending on where the other adult stands on these issues and whether our views mesh with each other.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I did want to add for those who seem hellbent on thinking that I would not educate my child that that is not the case. I don't think it is for YOU to do. Especially now that I have seen how some of you seem to be on some sort of bodily function/fertility brigade. I want the information given to my children is certain ways and that is for me to decide.

I still have yet to meet a 14 year old boy who wants to talk about periods with his girlfriend's mother. I don't care how close they are the subject simply is not at the forefront. Odd.

 

[Darsa]

Yeesh, dentist appointment and Christmas decorating later, and this has become more than I ever expected it to!

That OP has already made disparaging comments about this child's own mother. Excuse her for working. Maybe instead of being tickled that her dd's bf wants to talk menses with her she could encourage him to spend more time with his mother etc. "Back in the day" when you weren't getting along with your parents or whatever your "mentors" tried to get you to reconnect with them. Now we have so many people who are so willing to tell everyone's kids what they think no matter if it is right for a family or not. That is what the problem is. Too many friends for parents. That is not the way it was "back in the day."

Oh, thank you for the "rolling eyes" smiley, I don't think I've ever gotten one of those before! I would like to understand, please, how I made disparaging comments about the fact that his mom works? *I* work full time, for crying out loud, and I don't believe there was anything disparaging about my mentioning that. It was just a "lead up" bit of information.

In regards to the questions, they were along the lines of "how much blood?" and "how long usually does it last?" and "does it really hurt that much all that time?" and "Why does it make girls act so cranky?" And I'm thinking that the reason he mentioned it at all was because DD was on her period at that point and being a bit of a crank.

And my DD does know we had that conversation. I've had conversations with her and my 14YO neice about BOY'S bodily functions as well. The more you know...

Lastly, they HAVE had general "sex-ed" classes; I'm 100% positive that these kids would not raise their hands in the middle of class and ask questions like "so is it, like, BUCKETS of blood every month?". Really, in front of 20-something other kids their age, you expect them to ask these things?

Oh, and thank you to those who've defended me; I *felt* like it was the right thing, and it's good to know that others agree. I plan to talk with his mom but I have yet to find a time when I can talk to her for any length of time!

 

[Tink888]

I did want to add for those who seem hellbent on thinking that I would not educate my child that that is not the case. I don't think it is for YOU to do. Especially now that I have seen how some of you seem to be on some sort of bodily function/fertility brigade. I want the information given to my children is certain ways and that is for me to decide.

I still have yet to meet a 14 year old boy who wants to talk about periods with his girlfriend's mother. I don't care how close they are the subject simply is not at the forefront. Odd.

I can completely understand your point of view of YOU wanting to be the person who educates your child. I don't understand why you find that the boy asked the OP odd though. Not odd at all.

My 14 year old who would NEVER ask those types of questions....gets a little embarrassed when he and I have discussions about type of thing, sex, etc. Now, my 12 year old absolutely would have questions and has asked me about it, even at an earlier age. I've answered him. Of both of my son's friends, there are 3 off hand that I could imagine sitting in my living room and after seeing a commercial for PMS or tampons bringing the subject up and having questions. Two minutes later, they'd probably be talking about video games and raiding my fridge. All perfectly normal, average boys.

That the OP is the boy's GF's mom doesn't make it odd either. First and foremost, she's a woman, and he feels comfortable around her.

OP - I don't see anything wrong with what you did. I wouldn't have a problem with another adult answering questions my kids had but I would also want them referred back to me afterward, only because I'd want to make sure the information my kids were given was correct.

I have told my sons that if they ever had questions about anything that they didn't feel comfortable asking DH or I about to go to another trusted adult who they did feel comfortable talking too.

Personally I think it's great that boys are curious about that those type of things and that open and honest discussions can be had about it. The more educated and comfortable boys and girls are about their own and eachother's bodies hopefully leads to better decision making, understanding and communication. IMHO

I remember being with my Dad when I got my first period and being mortified. I think he was as uncomfortable about it as I was. I don't ever want my sons to feel weird about that stuff. Eventually women are going to be a part of their lives and I'd rather periods not be a big deal to them. Talking about it early makes it less of a mystery.

 

[alexandria674]

Maybe the kid is just asking to get a rise out of the OP.

 

[Took]

OP, once again, I support what you did. I wish more adults shared your honesty about human reproduction.

 

[golfgal]

I did want to add for those who seem hellbent on thinking that I would not educate my child that that is not the case. I don't think it is for YOU to do. Especially now that I have seen how some of you seem to be on some sort of bodily function/fertility brigade. I want the information given to my children is certain ways and that is for me to decide.

I still have yet to meet a 14 year old boy who wants to talk about periods with his girlfriend's mother. I don't care how close they are the subject simply is not at the forefront. Odd.

But what if your child isn't comfortable talking to YOU about these things--who will they talk to??????

Obviously you haven't met Darsa's DD's boyfriend then.

 

[Disneyadore]

But what if your child isn't comfortable talking to YOU about these things--who will they talk to??????

Obviously you haven't met Darsa's DD's boyfriend then.

So if the14 years old girlfriend of your son calls and asks you what she would have to do to get his ....... working you would sit back and give her a full explanation or would you scratch behind your ears?

This whole story raises only red flags in my humble opinion.

 

[clovergirl5]

Darsa--I think you did the right thing. He obviously respects you and trusts you and felt it easier to come to you than his parent for whatever reasons. Kuddos to him for coming to a respected adult rather than teenage friends or the internet. In the same situation, if I knew there wasn't a close or a distant relationship between the kid and their parent, I would have done the same thing. If I didn't know the kids situation with the parents, I probably would have suggested they talk to their parent or teacher/counselor.

I have open discussions with my dd13 since she was 10 when the school started discussing boys and girls bodies. We have talked about "everything". She feels comfortable coming to me about anything and I remind her very often that she can. Some kids don't have that or feel embarrassed. Like I said, Kuddos to the kid for coming to a trusted adult

 

[mjkacmom]

No- I don't want a stranger telling my son the mechanics of any bodily functions. The quote below best answers what I am trying to say.

So Darsa is a stranger to this boy? I don't think so. Now, if I happened to be shopping in Best Buy, and a 14 year old boy approached, and asked if I could answer some questions he had about menstruation, I might just refuse... Your kids seem to be young - how many 14 year old boys are you in contact with on a regular basis?

 

[clovergirl5]

Just explaining the "another thread" comment. There's a long thread here about people who jump in and answer a question without reading all the responses before them. Since she admitted that was what she'd done, she was saying maybe she belonged on that other thread. Wasn't meant to "put down" anyone (except maybe herself!).

And I agree that when lillygator said homeschooled, it wasn't meant at all as an insult to them, just that if they were away from home at all at any school, they would have been exposed to it. We were at lunch yesterday, and my husband sent a quick text message to my 17 year old son pointing out the "plumbers' butt" on the probably 20-something girl sitting with her rear end sticking out near our table (okay, I'm sorry but probably 4 inches of "crack" was showing")! My son just looked at both of us and was like "guess you haven't been around a high school lately!"

 

[clovergirl5]

I have a friend at work that went with his daughter to the "mother"/daughter talk at school--his wife just isn't comfortable so he takes care of those topics.

What a great dad!

 

[happygirl]

I still have yet to meet a 14 year old boy who wants to talk about periods with his girlfriend's mother. I don't care how close they are the subject simply is not at the forefront. Odd.

I agree it's not a a normal convo for boy to have with anyone