Educating someone else's teen...

[Mouse House Mama]

While I don't think it is a big deal to explain it to him I do not think it is remotely normal for any 14 year old boy to ask his girlfriend's mother about periods. I don't care if he sees you as a mother figure or not. It is simply not something that any young boy I have ever encountered would ever even consider discussing with someone's Mom and probably not even their own at that age. Why didn't he just google it?
I am glad it worked out for you but I still would be concerned why he asked you and not your dd if he really had a burning desire to know about menses.
YMMV.

 

[Angelhalo]

I am glad that he is very sweet but they are still young kids. I am not trying to sound cynical but it really is strange to have her boyfriend ask you questions like that. I don't care how smart and curious he is.
Good luck.

If he is more comfortable with this adult than with his mother then I really don't find it that baffling

 

[Angelhalo]

While I don't think it is a big deal to explain it to him I do not think it is remotely normal for any 14 year old boy to ask his girlfriend's mother about periods. I don't care if he sees you as a mother figure or not. It is simply not something that any young boy I have ever encountered would ever even consider discussing with someone's Mom and probably not even their own at that age. Why didn't he just google it?
I am glad it worked out for you but I still would be concerned why he asked you and not your dd if he really had a burning desire to know about menses.
YMMV.

I truly can't understand why the situation seems so outrageous. I have a friend who has a teenage boy and I could see him asking me about it rather than her and I am just an adult friend of his mother. Sometimes it is less embarrassing than asking your girlfriend or your mom.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If he is more comfortable with this adult than with his mother then I really don't find it that baffling

You really think it is normal that a 14 year old boy wants to talk about menstruation? Really? Then to top it off he wants to talk about it with his girlfriend's Mom? Sorry but I have yet to meet any young man who has a deep seated interest in a girl's time of the month. So yes, I do find that very strange.

 

[Angelhalo]

You really think it is normal that a 14 year old boy wants to talk about menstruation? Really? Then to top it off he wants to talk about it with his girlfriend's Mom? Sorry but I have yet to meet any young man who has a deep seated interest in a girl's time of the month. So yes, I do find that very strange.

No I really do not find it strange at all. Maybe I just know a different brand of teen than you do but the ones I know are all very open with the adults around them. But, do sometimes have a hard time asking "embarrassing" questions of their own parents. I honestly do not find it even the tiniest bit strange.

 

[Took]

I'm sorry you find it strange; I'm only grateful I was able to give him actual answers rather than gossip and speculation that most of the kids his age seem to go with. DD is very educated regarding all of this, by the way; my thoughts are that it's best to be armored with knowledge.

I'm not sure why he asked me instead of DD, other than maybe it has more merit coming from a "parent-type-person".

I am glad that the general concensus is that it's okay; I thought it was, I mean I didn't go into any kind of graphic detail, use any crass or inappropriate language, or give him my ethical/moral standpoint. Just gave him information. He also asked me what "noble" meant (apparently he had to have a meeting with a school counselor, who used this word to describe him) and I had to kind of explain that as well. I also told him to look it up on dictionary.com, in case I just confused him.

I think it's entirely appropriate that a boy asks an adult he trusts about these things. Thank goodness you answered him honestly and truthfully.

As a cc instructor, I am amazed at the things kids DON'T know about sex, in spite of "trusted" parents and sex ed courses. I think many folks (perhaps not the ones here although I'm not so sure) are fooling themselves about their "honest" relationships with their kids. Kids rarely want to ask adults and fake knowing much more than they do.

Flame away. I know whereof I speak.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

In my homeschool circle, I'd be lynched if I did that. Only b/c the parents have a vested interest in their children and will educate them on various subject matter when they deem appropriate. So if one of their children asked me, I would have to defer as I would be overstepping boundaries and the parents would be upset if I took it upon myself to answer an inquiry of that nature.


I'm on the fence of whether it was wrong or not as I noticed you said this was your dd's boyfriend. I guess it would depend on the questions and the circumstances. But likely, I personally would not have answered.

Dating status aside, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with what you did. It is very unusual that a guy would be so interested in feminine biological functions and hygeine.

I mean--I had an accident at school my first year of my period--middle school of all places. I spotted and it was a boy who kindly and gently informed me of what I did not know. I was able to discreetly get excused from class. And unless he skipped a grade, he was probably a year younger than the boy that asked you questions and already knew what had happened. So I'm surprised that the boy didn't know anything and at least he got the correct information.

 

[Va-bear]

I'd rather that information come from the me (parent), health teacher, or an adult friend (you), rather than the 14 yr old that sits beside him on the school bus who thinks he knows everything but actually doesn't know jack crap!!!!

So, no, I don't think children HAVE to talk exclusively to parents about these things. They just need to talk with someone they trust and who has their facts straight!

I agree 100%

For whatever reason he felt he could talk to you - yay! And I dont think the questions are THAT weird for that age boy...most just arent brave enough, or have the right person, to ask. I think you did fine.

 

[Frantasmic]

Does your daughter know you had this discussion with him? My own 15-year old daughter, no matter how impersonal/factual/scientific/matter-of-fact tone such a discussion may have occurred, would be very upset with me. Whether she was discussed or not or if the talk occurred in generic or general terms, it would be construed as a conversation about her.

 

[ginna74]

I agree.. As the "mom" of his GF, I don't think it was appropriate at all - and especially at 14! I can't even begin to imagine why he would approach this subject with his GF's mother..

I tend to agree....

 

[PlainJane]

I'd rather that information come from the me (parent), health teacher, or an adult friend (you), rather than the 14 yr old that sits beside him on the school bus who thinks he knows everything but actually doesn't know jack crap!!!!

So, no, I don't think children HAVE to talk exclusively to parents about these things. They just need to talk with someone they trust and who has their facts straight!

ITA

I also don't find it at all odd that he had the questions to begin with. From my personal experience, a lot of guys have questions like that, they just don't know who to ask or are too embarrassed to.

 

[xCourxCorex]

I truly can't understand why the situation seems so outrageous. I have a friend who has a teenage boy and I could see him asking me about it rather than her and I am just an adult friend of his mother. Sometimes it is less embarrassing than asking your girlfriend or your mom.

I agree, maybe he wanted the facts and would be less embarrassed to ask OP or another adult.

MouseHouseMama - Does it matter why he asked? The thread isn't "is it normal for my DD's bf to ask about these things?"

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I agree, maybe he wanted the facts and would be less embarrassed to ask OP or another adult.

MouseHouseMama - Does it matter why he asked? The thread isn't "is it normal for my DD's bf to ask about these things?"

Sorry but yeah, as a parent I would be concerned with why my dd's bf wanted to know all about periods. Do I think it was wrong of the OP to discuss it, well I am on the fence there. If it was basic information then no. If she went into depth etc. I would not ba happy. I also think she should inform the kid's mother (if they are so close) that she gave him info about it. You don't know how she would feel about it. Having a family farm I would imagine the kid knows more about all that stuff than the average kid.

 

[C.Ann]

You really think it is normal that a 14 year old boy wants to talk about menstruation? Really? Then to top it off he wants to talk about it with his girlfriend's Mom? Sorry but I have yet to meet any young man who has a deep seated interest in a girl's time of the month. So yes, I do find that very strange.

Not to mention that a 14 yr. old boy can google how to make a bomb on the internet - yet not find an age-appropriate web site that would answer these questions correctly..

Bad relationship with mom? How about an aunt? Older sister? Grandmother? Anyone but your GF's mother!!

Also - at 14 he hasn't had this health class yet? DGD had it last year - when she was 10 - and yes, they discussed both sexes..

 

[marciemi]

I agree, maybe he wanted the facts and would be less embarrassed to ask OP or another adult.

MouseHouseMama - Does it matter why he asked? The thread isn't "is it normal for my DD's bf to ask about these things?"

I agree - some kids are more curious than others. I know my oldest son at age 10 wanted to know EVERYTHING there was about health, sex, babies, etc. Guess it shouldn't have surprised me since when I was pregnant with my youngest (and he wasn't even 3 yet) he was fascinated with all my baby books and wanted all the technical knowledge. But he's been this way about everything in the world that he develops an interest in - wants all the details. I'm glad I had/have a good relationship with him and that he could ask me at 10 - but I don't think he would have at 14. I think it's great that he has someone else to ask. Meanwhile I have two younger sons (one 14 now) who I can't imagine ever asking me (let alone anyone else) about anything like this. So I'd say it depends on the kid and it sounds like your DD's BF is one of the curious ones!

My guess on what happened is that at school someone made some kind of comment (maybe something like a girl couldn't do PE because of her period) and some guys gave him some completely off the wall information and it just got his mind to thinking about it and he figured you were the person to ask to clear it up.

I will agree though that it could truly mortify your daughter. I'd make sure she knows what you told him, so it doesn't come as a shock to her if she hears it from him. I know my guys would kill me if I said anything about anything like this to their GF's!

 

[tasha99]

I don't think it's all that weird that he asked, and I would have answered, too. Maybe his family isn't very open about that kind of thing.

 

[golfgal]

My son is a little older, but I consider his girlfriend's parents to be in the category of "adults he trusts" so I would have no problem with him having personal or even private discussions with them. I figure the broader the "adults he trusts" category is, the better.

I hope when my other son, who is 14, starts dating that he will be fortunate enough to date someone whose parents would fall in the "adults he trusts" categories. For some reason I don't think my younger son has as many adults in his life in this category.

You really think it is normal that a 14 year old boy wants to talk about menstruation? Really? Then to top it off he wants to talk about it with his girlfriend's Mom? Sorry but I have yet to meet any young man who has a deep seated interest in a girl's time of the month. So yes, I do find that very strange.

You have GOT to be kidding me--first, they are probably learning about it in health class in school and there is NO WAY a 14 year old boy is going to raise his hand in class and ask these questions. Second, I am the parent of a 14 year old boy AND a 14 year old girl and they are PLENTY curious about what goes on in the bodies of the opposite sexes body right now--COMPLETELY normal. Third--talking about this over the phone was probably the least threatening way for him to get the information he is seeking.

I would hope to God that if my kids were not comfortable talking to me about someone that they would have someone like Darsa that they ARE comfortable talking to. See, this is what is WRONG with our society today--no one wants to help each other out--and no one wants help--they are my kids and by God no one better tell them something or do something for them. Back in "the day" people helped each other out and became mentors for each other. It's a VERY sad state we are in if ANYONE thinks this is wrong.

 

[golfgal]

Oh, and don't forget that from the time your kids have been in preschool they have been told by every adult in their lives, except their parents I guess, that if they can't talk to their parents that they should find someone they trust to talk to about sex, drugs, whatever.

 

[justhat]

My guess on what happened is that at school someone made some kind of comment (maybe something like a girl couldn't do PE because of her period) and some guys gave him some completely off the wall information and it just got his mind to thinking about it and he figured you were the person to ask to clear it up.

This was what I was thinking, as to why it came up at all.

Regarding appropriate, honestly, I wouldn't care if he were my son. Sure I would like to think he could ask me, or maybe one of his sisters, any girly kind of questions, but I know there's a good chance that as a teen he will not want to come near those topics with people like his own family so I would hope there's another adult who could give him factual info. Much better than a bunch of teen boys coming up with their own answers!

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I personally would not have answered, but that is me. OP did you at least call the boy's parents and let them know that he asked and you answered? I would think that would be the responsible thing to do.