Educating someone else's teen...

[foxysilver]

I don't see what the big deal is. He asked about a natural thing that happens to the female body. It's not like he asked for explicit sex information or anything. I can see how a young guy would be quite confused over the whole thing. I'd be glad that my kid had someone they trusted to ask questions if they didn't feel comfortable asking me. Rather than get misinformation on the internet or a friend uneducated on the subject. I never knew how taboo periods were until I read this thread.

 

[jme829]

You have GOT to be kidding me--first, they are probably learning about it in health class in school and there is NO WAY a 14 year old boy is going to raise his hand in class and ask these questions. Second, I am the parent of a 14 year old boy AND a 14 year old girl and they are PLENTY curious about what goes on in the bodies of the opposite sexes body right now--COMPLETELY normal. Third--talking about this over the phone was probably the least threatening way for him to get the information he is seeking.

I would hope to God that if my kids were not comfortable talking to me about someone that they would have someone like Darsa that they ARE comfortable talking to. See, this is what is WRONG with our society today--no one wants to help each other out--and no one wants help--they are my kids and by God no one better tell them something or do something for them. Back in "the day" people helped each other out and became mentors for each other. It's a VERY sad state we are in if ANYONE thinks this is wrong.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Oh, and don't forget that from the time your kids have been in preschool they have been told by every adult in their lives, except their parents I guess, that if they can't talk to their parents that they should find someone they trust to talk to about sex, drugs, whatever.

Exactly. This is drummed into every child's head repeatedly like a mantra. "Find an adult you can trust." If this boy feels like he can count on you for factual information, Darsa, then you must be doing something right.

Anyone but your GF's mother!!

I don't understand why this is so horrifying. Perhaps the boy considers the OP as a "second mother." I think it's wonderful that he has a caring adult like the OP to talk to; better that than having nobody to talk to and getting misinformation, as other posters have stated.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You have GOT to be kidding me--first, they are probably learning about it in health class in school and there is NO WAY a 14 year old boy is going to raise his hand in class and ask these questions. Second, I am the parent of a 14 year old boy AND a 14 year old girl and they are PLENTY curious about what goes on in the bodies of the opposite sexes body right now--COMPLETELY normal. Third--talking about this over the phone was probably the least threatening way for him to get the information he is seeking.

I would hope to God that if my kids were not comfortable talking to me about someone that they would have someone like Darsa that they ARE comfortable talking to. See, this is what is WRONG with our society today--no one wants to help each other out--and no one wants help--they are my kids and by God no one better tell them something or do something for them. Back in "the day" people helped each other out and became mentors for each other. It's a VERY sad state we are in if ANYONE thinks this is wrong. [/QUOTE]
There is nothing wrong with helping people etc. However, some topics people do not want their children exposed to until they deem appropriate. There are many conservative families who do not believe in discussing sex etc. with young kids. There is nothing wrong with that and it isn't anyone else's place to take it upon themselves even if they ask you. I know people who didn't allow their kids to go to the puberty talk in elementary school. For them it wasn't the way they wanted their kids to learn. If my small children asked you how babies are made it is not your place to tell them. They should be referred to their parents because what you think it appropriate for their age may not be what I think it appropriate.
"Back in the day" an adult would tell you to speak to your parents about such things because they knew that certain topics were for parents to decide about. There is nothing wrong or sad about that.
That OP has already made disparaging comments about this child's own mother. Excuse her for working. Maybe instead of being tickled that her dd's bf wants to talk menses with her she could encourage him to spend more time with his mother etc. "Back in the day" when you weren't getting along with your parents or whatever your "mentors" tried to get you to reconnect with them. Now we have so many people who are so willing to tell everyone's kids what they think no matter if it is right for a family or not. That is what the problem is. Too many friends for parents. That is not the way it was "back in the day."

OP- Sorry to go OT but while it was nice of you to answer the questions I would give his mother a heads up about it. She may want to add something to it and if not she simply should know. I would also let your dd know you had that talk too.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

OP- Sorry to go OT but while it was nice of you to answer the questions I would give his mother a heads up about it. She may want to add something to it and if not she simply should know. I would also let your dd know you had that talk too.

Agreed.

 

[happygirl]

You have GOT to be kidding me--first, they are probably learning about it in health class in school and there is NO WAY a 14 year old boy is going to raise his hand in class and ask these questions. Second, I am the parent of a 14 year old boy AND a 14 year old girl and they are PLENTY curious about what goes on in the bodies of the opposite sexes body right now--COMPLETELY normal. Third--talking about this over the phone was probably the least threatening way for him to get the information he is seeking.

I would hope to God that if my kids were not comfortable talking to me about someone that they would have someone like Darsa that they ARE comfortable talking to. See, this is what is WRONG with our society today--no one wants to help each other out--and no one wants help--they are my kids and by God no one better tell them something or do something for them. Back in "the day" people helped each other out and became mentors for each other. It's a VERY sad state we are in if ANYONE thinks this is wrong. [/QUOTE]
There is nothing wrong with helping people etc. However, some topics people do not want their children exposed to until they deem appropriate. There are many conservative families who do not believe in discussing sex etc. with young kids. There is nothing wrong with that and it isn't anyone else's place to take it upon themselves even if they ask you. I know people who didn't allow their kids to go to the puberty talk in elementary school. For them it wasn't the way they wanted their kids to learn. If my small children asked you how babies are made it is not your place to tell them. They should be referred to their parents because what you think it appropriate for their age may not be what I think it appropriate.
"Back in the day" an adult would tell you to speak to your parents about such things because they knew that certain topics were for parents to decide about. There is nothing wrong or sad about that.
That OP has already made disparaging comments about this child's own mother. Excuse her for working. Maybe instead of being tickled that her dd's bf wants to talk menses with her she could encourage him to spend more time with his mother etc. "Back in the day" when you weren't getting along with your parents or whatever your "mentors" tried to get you to reconnect with them. Now we have so many people who are so willing to tell everyone's kids what they think no matter if it is right for a family or not. That is what the problem is. Too many friends for parents. That is not the way it was "back in the day."

OP- Sorry to go OT but while it was nice of you to answer the questions I would give his mother a heads up about it. She may want to add something to it and if not she simply should know. I would also let your dd know you had that talk too.

I agree with this,

 

[Cinderelli16]

I find it really sweet that he was comfortable enough to discuss that with you.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

:I would hope to God that if my kids were not comfortable talking to me about someone that they would have someone like Darsa that they ARE comfortable talking to. See, this is what is WRONG with our society today--no one wants to help each other out--and no one wants help--they are my kids and by God no one better tell them something or do something for them. Back in "the day" people helped each other out and became mentors for each other. It's a VERY sad state we are in if ANYONE thinks this is wrong.

Back in the day, I wonder what Mrs. Cleaver's reaction would be if Eddie Haskel has some important questions to ask.

Darsa really hasn't told us what the questions were and I personally don't wish to know them--but each situation is different and she wanted our thoughts on the subject. It's hard to pat someone on the back or condemn someone based on simplistic information and everyone is just offering their POV.

It isn't that it is wrong--but that it does strike some people as odd and is likely a topic to tread lightly.

MouseHouseMama - Does it matter why he asked? The thread isn't "is it normal for my DD's bf to ask about these things?"

The OP posted:

So, without flaming me, should I have told the kid to go ask his own mom (who he doesn't have a great relationship with) for the answers, or do you think it's okay to answer possibly "sensitive" questions like that myself

For some people it does matter in order to properly answer her question. We don't know the kid and we don't know what he was inquiring about in regards to the TOM.

I don't think MHM is in the wrong nor do I believe anyone elses responses to Darsa are in the wrong and at this point, we're just getting into the "who's the better parent argument" b/c folks have to condemn other people's responses they disagree with.

 

[JerseyJanice]

So, without flaming me, should I have told the kid to go ask his own mom (who he doesn't have a great relationship with) for the answers, or do you think it's okay to answer possibly "sensitive" questions like that myself?

Thanks

To answer your question, yes, I do think it's O.K. to answer a teen's "sensitive" questions, even if the kid is not your own, as long as you answer in a clinical and truthful manner.

I must say you are a better woman than I am because I probably would have told him to ask his own parent. I'm not especially comfortable discussing this topic with my own kid, but I do my best because I want him to come to me with that kind of question, even though it makes me squirm. It's bad enough talking to him about the reproductive system; another teenaged boy? No way! I'm not going there!

 

[mjkacmom]

It wouldn't bother me in the least - it's not sex, it's a bodily function. I'm surprised he had questions - here in the 8th grade, they do the reverse puberty talk for the boys and the girls, plus sex education (including a childbirth video).

OP, this boy sounds a little quirky (and very sweet). Could he have aspergers? He seems to get on well with adults, and you say he's very bright.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't understand why this is so horrifying. Perhaps the boy considers the OP as a "second mother." I think it's wonderful that he has a caring adult like the OP to talk to; better that than having nobody to talk to and getting misinformation, as other posters have stated.

The boy in question is 14 yrs. old.. By this time I'm sure he has had the "health class" - that many schools start when the kids are 10..

Misinformation should not be a problem either.. We live in the world of internet search engines.. There are appropriate sites out there for teens with these types of questions.. He "should" have already learned the basics in "the class"..

I find it very difficult to believe that there are NO other females in this boys life that he trusts enough to address these questions to.. If there aren't, that's an even bigger problem..

If there is something he doesn't understand, there are many other adults he could approach - and they wouldn't even necessarily have to be female.. How about his dad? His grandfather? An uncle? An older brother? A coach?

It would be appropriate for him to address these questions and concerns with them - not his GF's mother.. That is my issue..

I simply don't believe that there are no other trustworthy adults in his life that he is "less" comfortable talking with then he is with his GF's "mother".. If that is truly the situation, I'd be wary of this entire "relationship".. Something "isn't right"..

But - just my opinion..

 

[babytrees]

I'd rather that information come from the me (parent), health teacher, or an adult friend (you), rather than the 14 yr old that sits beside him on the school bus who thinks he knows everything but actually doesn't know jack crap!!!!

So, no, I don't think children HAVE to talk exclusively to parents about these things. They just need to talk with someone they trust and who has their facts straight!

My thoughts exactly!!

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

The boy in question is 14 yrs. old.. By this time I'm sure he has had the "health class" - that many schools start when the kids are 10..

Yes, but from what I remember, that atmosphere is truly not a comfortable place to ask questions. My health class had a very "listen-to-this-presentation-so-it-can-be-over-with-as-soon-as-possible" vibe. No open discussion. Sad, but true.

Misinformation should not be a problem either.. We live in the world of internet search engines.. There are appropriate sites out there for teens with these types of questions.. He "should" have already learned the basics in "the class"..

I find it very difficult to believe that there are NO other females in this boys life that he trusts enough to address these questions to.. If there aren't, that's an even bigger problem..

I don't find this hard to believe at all, based solely on the information we've been given by the OP. I never had any close female relatives; only my mother. Perhaps this boy doesn't either. It is what it is. I'm not out to judge his situation, I'm just working with what's been presented in the OP.

If there is something he doesn't understand, there are many other adults he could approach - and they wouldn't even necessarily have to be female.. How about his dad? His grandfather? An uncle? An older brother? A coach?

He could have approached anybody...but he didn't. He chose to approach his girlfriend's mother. Like I said, maybe he views her as a "second mother." Out of all these hypothetical people, he obviously has an exceptional level of trust and comfort with the OP, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

But - just my opinion..

Same here.

 

[sbell111]

... So, without flaming me, should I have told the kid to go ask his own mom (who he doesn't have a great relationship with) for the answers, or do you think it's okay to answer possibly "sensitive" questions like that myself?

Thanks

You should have told him to ask his mom (or dad).

 

[Va-bear]

You have GOT to be kidding me--first, they are probably learning about it in health class in school and there is NO WAY a 14 year old boy is going to raise his hand in class and ask these questions. Second, I am the parent of a 14 year old boy AND a 14 year old girl and they are PLENTY curious about what goes on in the bodies of the opposite sexes body right now--COMPLETELY normal. Third--talking about this over the phone was probably the least threatening way for him to get the information he is seeking.

I would hope to God that if my kids were not comfortable talking to me about someone that they would have someone like Darsa that they ARE comfortable talking to. See, this is what is WRONG with our society today--no one wants to help each other out--and no one wants help--they are my kids and by God no one better tell them something or do something for them. Back in "the day" people helped each other out and became mentors for each other. It's a VERY sad state we are in if ANYONE thinks this is wrong.

I'll throw in a too. Any of you out there that my kids come to with questions, especially about the human body, please answer them honestly and kindly like the OP did.

I find it very difficult to believe that there are NO other females in this boys life that he trusts enough to address these questions to.. If there aren't, that's an even bigger problem..

But WHY???? Why shouldnt he trust her? And how can we say he 'shouldnt' when he just DOES? At least he trusts someone!

I know when I was a teenager and there was a series of assults and molestations on my school bus NONE of us felt ok about telling our parents. Crazy, huh? I adored my parents, felt - and still feel - close to them, and yet it was 'embarrassing'. NOW I know that was ridiculous - they needed to be told right away!!!! But, teenagers are weird.....really....

SO, I told my girl scout leader....she called the police and my parents and things were taken care of - thank goodness. And, thankfully, my parents were just happy I'd told someone, anyone..... They didnt question WHY I didnt come to them - they didnt ask WHY did you pick Mrs. Smith and not us? They just supported me. The only one who was mad was my good friend - because it was her mom I told.

So many dont seem to want to accept that telling/asking our parents 'sensitive' things (which varies from person to person a LOT) is not necessarily easy. Even as an adult, it can be easier sometimes to tell a stranger something than someone whose opinion you care about....

And as someone with a wonderful, but small, family I was lucky that I had one 'close' person I could tell..... my kids dont have a ton of close adult friends either. I think it's quite natural that his GF's mom might be his closest adult friend.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I am curious about the questions. Scientific questions could be answered simply and factually. Questions about side effects, emotions, fertility, etc are a different matter.

I guess I'm more concerned for the daughter. Like I said before, I wonder how she views this exchange.

Also to the PP who said that is is an example of how broken our society is, I couldn't agree with you more, but for a totally different reason. Parents need to parent and stop acting like their child's friend.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think this whole thread is just silly. Sorry, but why would anyone have issue with this? He went to a trusted adult. Some kids will ask anything. Some kids won't ask no matter what.
At that age I went to my BIL who was 10 years older than me about everything. I didn't feel comfortable talking to my parents and I had 2 older sisters. Still, I went to him. I trusted him and could ask him anything. To this day, I am glad I had him in my life at the time to learn straight facts and get perspective.

 

[princessdi81]

I think it's great that he felt comfortable talking to you about it. However, I think that is parents place to talk to him about it,


I must admit I have never heard of a boy wanting to know about a girl period

I was quite shocked to have my boyfriend ask me about periods in general - especially since he grew up with 2 sisters. Plus, wouldn't you assume a 27 year old would know about it? He mom never talked to him about that, neither did his dad. He's always been creeped out my the entire process, which is part of why I was so floored when he asked me. When I asked him why he wanted to know all of a sudden his response was this, "Well, it's something that you have to go through, and I love you. I just want to be able to understand what's going on, etc." In all honesty, I thought it was kind of sweet. He's always refused to go down "that aisle" in the store, but now he's comfortable enough to buy those items himself.

It may sound strange, but maybe he was just trying to understand so that he could be more empathetic to her needs. Or, maybe he just wanted to understand because he cares. Who knows....I give the kid props for being inquisitive and asking an adult he trusts rather than listening to all the garbage that his peers may say.

 

[cruisnfamily]

My general answer would be: If he asked for facts and you gave him facts, that's fine. If he asked for anything that has to do with values, morals and emotions and you answered him that's not fine and he should have been referred to his own mother. HOWEVER, if you and his mother know each other well, and I assume you do, and you are confident that your values and morality are similar, then it would also be fine to answer as a "trusted adult"

To boil it down to my life, and my kids, I would only want "random adult" to give facts to my kids and "friend who shares my values" is welcome to give facts, opinions, emotions, morality, etc.

So, it depends, do you think his mother considers you "random adult" or "friend who shares her values"? Did he ask for facts or did he ask for opinions?

Without knowing your relationship with his mom or knowing what he asked you, I can't say if you did right or not.

As far as him asking you, I have a DD17 and a DS14 and I'm amazed at the things the kids will randomly blurt out or discuss. So I don't think it's weird that it came up assuming it was spurred by a comment at school or some such thing and happened to be on his mind.

 

[mjkacmom]

My general answer would be: If he asked for facts and you gave him facts, that's fine. If he asked for anything that has to do with values, morals and emotions and you answered him that's not fine and he should have been referred to his own mother. HOWEVER, if you and his mother know each other well, and I assume you do, and you are confident that your values and morality are similar, then it would also be fine to answer as a "trusted adult"

To boil it down to my life, and my kids, I would only want "random adult" to give facts to my kids and "friend who shares my values" is welcome to give facts, opinions, emotions, morality, etc.

So, it depends, do you think his mother considers you "random adult" or "friend who shares her values"? Did he ask for facts or did he ask for opinions?

Without knowing your relationship with his mom or knowing what he asked you, I can't say if you did right or not.

As far as him asking you, I have a DD17 and a DS14 and I'm amazed at the things the kids will randomly blurt out or discuss. So I don't think it's weird that it came up assuming it was spurred by a comment at school or some such thing and happened to be on his mind.

TBH, I don't know what values and morals would've come up with him asking about the process, or what the girl is going through. I've explained to all of my kids (even the 6 and 8 year olds - they asked) that the blood is actually the lining of the uterus, which builds up every month, and a woman produces an egg every month, and if it's not fertilized, the lining sheds, and it takes about a week. Girls/woman might have a stomach ache, but it's not too bad, and not scary, and not like real blood. If the egg is fertilized, the baby gets it's nutrients from the lining.

There really are no values I could see being discussed when talking about menstruation. Once it's explained, there is no mystery, nothing to be frightened of (I think a lot of kids get freaked out about it, because they don't understand it).