Dumb joke thread

[jennyl772003]

A man went to his doctor and said, "When I got up this morning I instinctively put on a pair of white gloves and called my wife Minnie. On the way to work I couldn't help singing 'Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go'. And at the office I called my boss Grumpy. What's the matter with me?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the doctor said. "You're having Disney spells."

I think I know where you got that joke from...

 

[ford family]

Santa Claus was walking down the street with a rich lawyer and a poor lawyer.
They spotted a $20 bill lying on the ground.
Who picked it up?




The rich lawyer of course, the other two are figments of your imagination.

ford family

 

[TigerCheer2009]

I love this thread!!! I even have 2 jokes to go with it!

How and where do Bibletimes men make coffee?



He brews (Hebrews? Get it?)

What is black, white, red and lost?



A penguin in Australia

 

[L107ANGEL]

Santa Claus was walking down the street with a rich lawyer and a poor lawyer.
They spotted a $20 bill lying on the ground.
Who picked it up?




The rich lawyer of course, the other two are figments of your imagination.

ford family

I will have to use that one tomorrow!

 

[3gr8kids]

Why didn't Cinderella's softball team win any games?



Because her coach was a pumpkin.



~ Karla

 

[dcentity2000]

What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes.

What's white and can't climb a tree?
A fridge.

What's white and can't use a bus?
A fridge.

Why did the man fall off the bike?
He got hit by a fridge.



Rich::

 

[dis_danny]

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
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Pilgrims.

 

[Phrebert]

PG-13 or TV-14 Joke:
A man comes home to find his wife packing a suitcase. He asks her why, and she says: Did you know that prostitutes in Las Vegas get $400 for what we do together so I figure I can get rich.
Later as the wife is leaving she sees that her husband also has a suitcase. She asks what he is doing and he says, I want to see you live on $800 a year.

 

[disneymom3]

Okay, the one aobut the grasshopper going into the bar is my all time favorite joke!! Here are a couple others:

DesCartes is sitting in a bar and has just finished his beer. Bartender says, "Care for another? DesCartes says, "I think not." and he disapears!!

A rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve ropes in here!!" Rope goes outside, ties a knot in himself and ruffles up the top of his head. Walks back into the bar. Bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that rope that was in here?" Rope says, "Nope. Frayed knot."

Okay, a $1 bill and a $20 bill meet in the recycling room at the mint. The $20 bill reminisces about all the fun times he has had. Going to the theater, out to dinner, to the movies etc etc. The $1 bill just sighs and says, "Oh you had such a great life. All I ever did was go to church, go to church, go to church."

 

[mick67]

A hooker came up to me and said "I'll do anything you want for $50!"


I said "Go paint my house."

 

[HTH]

Q. What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have incommon?
A.50-year-old meat on 12-year-old buns!

 

[dcentity2000]

Q. What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have incommon?
A.50-year-old meat on 12-year-old buns!

Rich::

 

[mtblujeans]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, I've lost my electron. The other says, Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I'm positive...

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, Does this taste funny to you?

Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of home.' The doctor replies, That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome. Is that common? asks the man.
Says the doc, It's Not Unusual.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

 

[ckret01]

Why was Tigger jumping in and out of the toilet?





















A: He was trying to find Pooh

 

[Boo'sMom]

a tad long, but my all time favorite joke:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan.

She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," And he produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. It's bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager. She finds the manager and reports: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you, and he wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

So the bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

[KingKobra]

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. Its raining."

She responded, "I don't think so, dear. I think its snowing."

But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let's step outside and we'll find out."

Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. Rudolph turns to his wife and replies, "Ha! I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

 

[Cyndiu]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit annoyed, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says: "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

 

[Poohnatic]

This was told to me because my son has ADHD...ya gotta laugh at the situation sometimes...

How many ADHD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Let's go ride bikes!

 

[mtblujeans]

 

[gshanny]

I love reading these.
ok, mine...
90 yo man gets dressed in best and goes to the local bar. He walks up to a little 90 yo woman all dressed in her best, sits next to her and says, "so, do I come here often?"