Dumb joke thread

[mtblujeans]

Man driving down road ....
Woman driving up same road ... They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, (F I L L I N B A D W O R D H E R E)!
Man rounds next curve. Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.

Thought For The Day : If only men would listen **sigh**

 

[shelbyjosh]

What's the German word for bra???

Holtzemfromfloppen

 

[donaldsgal]

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves? Russel (Rustle)

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on a wall? Art

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door? Mat

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob

What do you call a girl with no arms or legs in a railing? Peg

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in an empty glass? Philip (Fill-Up)

 

[Timster]

What goes, "clip clop clip clop... bang. clip clop clip clop...bang.

An Amish drive-by

--------------------------------
A duck walks into a convienient store and say's, give me some chap stick, and put it on my bill.

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What do you call six lepers in a hot tub?

Stew

--------------------------------

 

[SnackyStacky]

What's Irish and stays out all night?
Patio Furniture

Have you been to the thimble museum?
Yeah. It's so so.
What about zippertown?
Nope.
Why not? It's always open!

Where does the president keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

What are the tree warning signs of impending death?
1.) Relatives visit more often
2.) The bank won't let you post date a check
3.) You can't eat cream of wheat because it's too spicy

 

[chadfromdallas]

so 3 Chads walk into a church....

Preacher says...Did it just get a little holy-er in here?

k, this one has to be the worst

 

[dcentity2000]

Two elephants fall off a cliff.

Boom boom.



Rich::

 

[shep]

What do you call a 1 legged woman?

Eileen...(I lean)..

 

[DVCLiz]

so 3 Chads walk into a church....

Preacher says...Did it just get a little holy-er in here?

k, this one has to be the worst

This took me such a long time to get.....

 

[buckylarue]

Lura, the Countess of Killarney, was on a world tour with her husband, the Count. They were staying at a hotel on the edge of the Ural Mountains and were scheduled to begin an escorted horseback tour of the area early the next morning. Lura had developed a good tan a month earlier on the beach at Nice, but now she noticed that it was beginning to fade. Not having anything scheduled after lunch, she took a blanket and wandered off in search of a secluded spot where she could touch up the tan a bit. Unfortunately, Lura failed to realize that at high altitudes the rays of the sun were much more damaging than at see level. Even worse, she fell asleep! When she awoke, feeling rather uncomfortable, she dressed gingerly and limped back to the hotel to have her husband assess the damages and the prospects for the tour the next day. The Count took one look at her bright red skin and delivered his verdict....



"Tour all Ural, Lura? Too raw, Lura. Lie."

 

[MinnieM21]

so 3 Chads walk into a church....

Preacher says...Did it just get a little holy-er in here?

k, this one has to be the worst

I'm confused...

 

[cocowum]

There's a guy at a bar who's looking to pick up some chicks. The only problem is, he has a wood eye. So when he sees a girl with a harelip, he takes his chance, goes over to her, and asks her out on a date. Her ecstatic reply is, "Would I! Would I!" He shouts back angrily at her, "Harelip! Harelip!"

That's my all time fav joke!!!


Why did the football coach go to the bank?
.
.
.
To get his quarterback


Wanna hear a clean joke?

Joe took a bath with bubbles...

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles was the girl next door

 

[chadfromdallas]

I'm confused...

Think back to the 2000 elections and Florida

Now does Chad suck at jokes or what?

 

[L107ANGEL]

Mu husband got the house, the boat, and the the dog in the divorce. I sure will miss that dog!

 

[Deafmedic]

A man went to his doctor and said, "When I got up this morning I instinctively put on a pair of white gloves and called my wife Minnie. On the way to work I couldn't help singing 'Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go'. And at the office I called my boss Grumpy. What's the matter with me?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the doctor said. "You're having Disney spells."

 

[MinnieM21]

Think back to the 2000 elections and Florida

Now does Chad suck at jokes or what?

Ok that was pretty bad but really you don't suck THAT bad at jokes.
I love your jokes.

 

[Timster]

What do you call a 1 legged woman?

Eileen...(I lean)..

The same woman in China?


Irene

 

[mtblujeans]

An old man lived alone on a farm. He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help
him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and
described his predicament:


Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up
garden plots. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I
know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad


A few days later he received a letter from his son:


Dear Dad,

For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I
buried the bodies!

Love, Son


At 4:00 AM the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up
and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They
apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man
received another letter from his son:


Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.

Love, Son

 

[L107ANGEL]

An old man lived alone on a farm. He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help
him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and
described his predicament:


Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up
garden plots. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I
know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad


A few days later he received a letter from his son:


Dear Dad,

For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I
buried the bodies!

Love, Son


At 4:00 AM the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up
and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They
apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man
received another letter from his son:


Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.

Love, Son

 

[mtblujeans]

A friend just emailed me that one. I thought it was cute!