DS's Principal Really Annoyed Me

[kilee]

My son (who is in HS) got into a fight yesterday at school. We have a zero tolerance policy, and I do agree w/ it. The other kid started the verbal and then physical portion of the fight, but in our school both kids get suspended if they fight. I do not have a problem w/ that rule.

HOWEVER, yesterday when my son was in the principals office....he told my son he'd have to call home. I guess he had my son's contact sheet on his desk and started to give my son a hard time about the fact he could not reach me. My son suggested he try his step-fathers #. Well, my husband was unreachable too. So he then suggested he call his father from the list. I guess the principal then started questioning my son about the dynamics of his family......because me, my son, and his father all have different last names. Was my son lying to him about who was who. First, it's really none of his business to question it. Secondly, in this day and age, it happens. I guess he kept insisting my son was trying to pull a fast one w/ who to contact because he could not get a hold of me--- and he HAD to being pulling a fast one about the real relation of "these people". My son has my maiden name, I never married his biological father. I then did get married and took my husbands last name. Therefore, my son has my maiden name, I have my husbands last name, and his dad- well he has his own last name.

It's not that uncommon. I guess he was then trying to make small talk w/ my son while they were waiting for his dad to arrive. He asked my son what his father "does". My son told him he's a musician and he travels a lot. My son then went on to mention that his dad just got home this week from playing in the opening band for Toby Keith the last several months. The principal then told him that sounds a little over the top, and all he wants is the truth, to be friends they have to tell the truth.....ect.

He told my son he didn't know what he was trying to pull w/ giving different last names and lying about what his dad does, but that he has no respect for liars.

I am FUMING!! First, we all do have different last names and why does it matter. Second, his dad is a musician and he did spend the last 5 months on that tour. Why oh why would the principal go on like that? None of it was relevant to why my son was in his office in the first place. He's new to our area and our district and I'm thinking that he and I are going to need to chat soon.

 

[tiggger1]

OK, that makes me mad just reading it... I would be fuming too..

 

[RitaZ.]

Time to have that chat.

 

[DisneyMom81]

My son (who is in HS) got into a fight yesterday at school. We have a zero tolerance policy, and I do agree w/ it. The other kid started the verbal and then physical portion of the fight, but in our school both kids get suspended if they fight. I do not have a problem w/ that rule.

HOWEVER, yesterday when my son was in the principals office....he told my son he'd have to call home. I guess he had my son's contact sheet on his desk and started to give my son a hard time about the fact he could not reach me. My son suggested he try his step-fathers #. Well, my husband was unreachable too. So he then suggested he call his father from the list. I guess the principal then started questioning my son about the dynamics of his family......because me, my son, and his father all have different last names. Was my son lying to him about who was who. First, it's really none of his business to question it. Secondly, in this day and age, it happens. I guess he kept insisting my son was trying to pull a fast one w/ who to contact because he could not get a hold of me--- and he HAD to being pulling a fast one about the real relation of "these people". My son has my maiden name, I never married his biological father. I then did get married and took my husbands last name. Therefore, my son has my maiden name, I have my husbands last name, and his dad- well he has his own last name.

It's not that uncommon. I guess he was then trying to make small talk w/ my son while they were waiting for his dad to arrive. He asked my son what his father "does". My son told him he's a musician and he travels a lot. My son then went on to mention that his dad just got home this week from playing in the opening band for Toby Keith the last several months. The principal then told him that sounds a little over the top, and all he wants is the truth, to be friends they have to tell the truth.....ect.

He told my son he didn't know what he was trying to pull w/ giving different last names and lying about what his dad does, but that he has no respect for liars.

I am FUMING!! First, we all do have different last names and why does it matter. Second, his dad is a musician and he did spend the last 5 months on that tour. Why oh why would the principal go on like that? None of it was relevant to why my son was in his office in the first place. He's new to our area and our district and I'm thinking that he and I are going to need to chat soon.

I hear all that you are saying, but truthfully, it would seem really wierd to me to have a student that doesn't have the same last name as any of his parents or step parents or whatever. Is that really common?? I've never seen it before personally.
If I were the principal, and I had this kid that I probably didn't really know (I'm sure there are several houndred kids in the school) who just got into a fight, he may not be the best kid (I'm sure your son is great, I'm just saying what it may seem like to someone whos just stepping into the situation) in the school. Now he has a contact sheet with people that don't have his last name, and hes telling me that his father is a famous rock star...... I mean, truthfully, I don't know you or your son, or this principal, but I can see where he (the principal) is coming from. Though, on the other hand, I would have a hard time believing that a HS studen would make up the rock star thing. A middle school kid, yeah, but HS, probably not. Anyway, feel better!

 

[patsfan101]

It's reallly not that uncommon for a child to different last names as the parents - less common, certainly, that all the parents, but not unheard of. Especially to anyone who works in a school.

Sounds like the principal was being a bit jerky and sending in a letter or having a conversation is a good idea - just to let him know that your son was being honest, not trying to pull his leg, or be a "wise-guy".

 

[Disney Ella]

There are kids with that same name situation in my kids' school. It's not really that unusual. The principal sounds like a jerk for assuming that your son was lying about what his dad did. Why would he do that when his dad was coming to pick him up and could easily confirm that he was on tour? Assuming that my kid was a liar would annoy me and I would probably have to address that.

 

[diznygirl]

OP - I think you should ask for that meeting. The principal should know how wrong he got all of this, and hopefully learn from this mistake.

 

[Darcy03231]

Definitely time to go in for a chat. I'd be really peeved too.

There are 6 kids in my household and between the six of them there are three different last names.

My kids have their father's last name.

DH's kids have his last name.

The twins have their biological father's last name and are no relation to me. While they're 18 and legally on their own, they're still in high school so I'm listed at their adult contact person. I'm sure at some point during the year this is going to become an issue.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I hear all that you are saying, but truthfully, it would seem really wierd to me to have a student that doesn't have the same last name as any of his parents or step parents or whatever. Is that really common?? I've never seen it before personally.
If I were the principal, and I had this kid that I probably didn't really know (I'm sure there are several houndred kids in the school) who just got into a fight, he may not be the best kid (I'm sure your son is great, I'm just saying what it may seem like to someone whos just stepping into the situation) in the school. Now he has a contact sheet with people that don't have his last name, and hes telling me that his father is a famous rock star...... I mean, truthfully, I don't know you or your son, or this principal, but I can see where he (the principal) is coming from. Though, on the other hand, I would have a hard time believing that a HS studen would make up the rock star thing. A middle school kid, yeah, but HS, probably not. Anyway, feel better!

My adult son's have my maiden name. I legally changed their names when I got divorced. I am now remarried and have my husband's last name. My ex has no relationship with the kids and is on no list..but if it was..it would be different from my kids. So yes...makes sense to me.

The principal was rude, and should not have spoken to the OP's son in that way. OP..I would talk to that man and put him in his place ASAP!! Bring some crow with you!!

 

[vettechick99]

If you dealt with liars and sneaky kids on an hourly basis, you'd question kids too. This isn't something I'd get all bent out of shape over.

(teacher here)

 

[RadioNate]

I'm usually not for making a fuss about this sort of thing but in this case I'd ask to meet and discuss.

I would let the principal know you support the no tolerance policy but would like to clarify a few things...like the names and that your DS did not lie.

 

[monkeybug]

If you dealt with liars and sneaky kids on an hourly basis, you'd question kids too. This isn't something I'd get all bent out of shape over.

(teacher here)

But don't you think questioning and later verifying with a parent, and just assuming a kid is lying are two different things? It's one thing to raise an eyebrow when a kid tells you his dad is a rock star, it's another to flat out call him a liar. Assuming with out fact checking sets a bad example. In my opinion at least.

 

[ozarkmom]

It is not that uncommon anymore for a child to have the mother's maiden name if the parents didn't marry. It is also not uncommon for the mother to one day marry and take her husband's name. Seriously this man has never seen this before? Also I didn't see where your son said his father was a "rock star" as someone suggested. He said he was a musician and was in a band that had opended for Toby Keith (country singer) for the past 5 months. I think accusing your son of lying was out of line and I'm not one of those parents that jumps on the teachers and principals. I have too many family members and friends in education.

 

[HsvTeacher]

When I first started reading your post, I thought maybe the principal was questioning your DS for confidentiality reasons. The further I read, though, it became very clear that the principal was being a jerk. I think I would call to set up an appointment for a meeting.

 

[m&m's mom]

I honestly think anything you say regarding this will be taken as sour grapes and look like you are nitpicking because you son got in trouble. i.g You got my son in trouble- I am going to get you in trouble to paraphrase.

 

[edandcolleen1995]

If you dealt with liars and sneaky kids on an hourly basis, you'd question kids too. This isn't something I'd get all bent out of shape over.

(teacher here)

Totally agree. The principle was fine. He has a kid in his office that was in a fight. He is not having luck getting hold of a parent. Lots of names, numbers and what not. He has all the right in the world to try to figure this thing out.

At the end of the day, the OP son (and the other kid) were the ones in the wrong for getting into a fight to begin with.

It is like being mad at a cop for trying to figure out if you insurance or not after you got pulled over for speeding...

 

[Caropooh]

I hear all that you are saying, but truthfully, it would seem really wierd to me to have a student that doesn't have the same last name as any of his parents or step parents or whatever. Is that really common?? I've never seen it before personally.
If I were the principal, and I had this kid that I probably didn't really know (I'm sure there are several houndred kids in the school) who just got into a fight, he may not be the best kid (I'm sure your son is great, I'm just saying what it may seem like to someone whos just stepping into the situation) in the school. Now he has a contact sheet with people that don't have his last name, and hes telling me that his father is a famous rock star...... I mean, truthfully, I don't know you or your son, or this principal, but I can see where he (the principal) is coming from. Though, on the other hand, I would have a hard time believing that a HS studen would make up the rock star thing. A middle school kid, yeah, but HS, probably not. Anyway, feel better!

Where does it say that his father is a famous rock star? I see where it says his father was in the opening band for Toby Keith. BTW, Toby Keith is country, not rock.

OP, I think it's time you had a talk with the principal. He was out of line. While the dynamics of your family concerning last names is unusual, it's not his place to comment on it.

 

[KiminChicago]

I hear all that you are saying, but truthfully, it would seem really wierd to me to have a student that doesn't have the same last name as any of his parents or step parents or whatever. Is that really common?? I've never seen it before personally.
If I were the principal, and I had this kid that I probably didn't really know (I'm sure there are several houndred kids in the school) who just got into a fight, he may not be the best kid (I'm sure your son is great, I'm just saying what it may seem like to someone whos just stepping into the situation) in the school. Now he has a contact sheet with people that don't have his last name, and hes telling me that his father is a famous rock star...... I mean, truthfully, I don't know you or your son, or this principal, but I can see where he (the principal) is coming from. Though, on the other hand, I would have a hard time believing that a HS studen would make up the rock star thing. A middle school kid, yeah, but HS, probably not. Anyway, feel better!

I don't know how common it is, but in my Cub Scout den we had a boy whose last name was different than both his parents' last names -- he lived with both of them and they were both his birth parents. The dad explained to me how it happened: The dad had been adopted by his step-father and changed his last name. Then the dad had a falling out with his adopted father. When his son was born, the dad didn't want his son to have the same last name as the dad's adopted father, so he used his original last name. The mother had kept her maiden name, so all three of them had different last names. The mother did tell me that she hoped to someday get their (the parents') last names changed to match their childrens' last name.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If you dealt with liars and sneaky kids on an hourly basis, you'd question kids too. This isn't something I'd get all bent out of shape over.

(teacher here)

My children are homeschooled, but I moved so much as a kid to know how the registration process and beginning of the year paper work goes.

Don't mom and dad fill all that out?

Why in the world would it be the Principal's job to question the contact sheet? If they felt he lied about who was who, wouldn't the first week of school have been a more appropriate time to talk to him about that.



And as for that zero tolerance policy--I understand the need for it, but it disgusts me that a true victim of a fight gets punished the same as if they started it.

The fact then that the OP's son got to be called a liar over what is written on the contact sheet is no less than disturbing.

And for my entire educational life, I have had different names from my siblings, mom and step-dads. And my mother was married 4 times by the time I graduated high school.

Not a single teacher batted an eyelash over the various signed items I had to bring in over those 12 years.

OP--I would DEFINITELY say something. And if the principal decides to be a jerk about it, I would certainly report it to his supervisor. Abuse of power sucks!

 

[monkeybug]

Totally agree. The principle was fine. He has a kid in his office that was in a fight. He is not having luck getting hold of a parent. Lots of names, numbers and what not. He has all the right in the world to try to figure this thing out.

At the end of the day, the OP son (and the other kid) were the ones in the wrong for getting into a fight to begin with.

It is like being mad at a cop for trying to figure out if you insurance or not after you got pulled over for speeding...

Except that if I got pulled over for speeding, the cop checks for PROOF of insurance. If I don't have it, my bad. The cop doesn't get to assume that because I was speeding, and I seem like the kind of person who might lie about having insurance that I don't have it.