Driving off before you get into the building

[luvsJack]

15 years ago this would have made a lot more sense. These days pretty much everyone has a cell phone on them with the flashlight option. There's also keychain flashlights.

In all honesty though there's not been too many situations where a headlight would have actually made it easier to get in or find my keys because of how the light hits objects, the angle of the light, the distance of the car, etc. The headlight is not in line with my front door (and if I'm standing there I'm blocking any light), the car is too far away and would be facing my garage anyways (my garage door has a lighted key pad) and it won't help me dig into my purse to find the keys that somehow always end up at the bottom lol.

But that's in the situations I can really think of not saying it can never ever help.

ETA: Actually I can think back closer to 17+ years ago when my mom didn't have an automatic garage door and instead you had to get out and use the handle to lift. Now that would be a case where headlights would actually help.

The last time I dropped ODS off at his house after dark, I had picked him up at the airport coming in from work. He had his hands full with his bags, couldn’t really hold his phone to see by. They have a long sidewalk from the driveway to their door. The outside light is dim and doesn’t light up the sidewalk. The headlights from where I was sitting lit up the sidewalk.

YDS, same thing. We are usually coming from a wrestling show and he has his bags. No hands to hold a phone. Or if Dd and I have been shopping, she has bags of things she bought.

YDS tends to forget to turn on the porch light before he leaves and around dd’s house is pretty dark except for the porch light.

But none of that really matters. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but us. It’s what we all do. I wait for them and they wait for me. Day or night, it’s just what we do. Like I said, it’s just one of the ways we show each other we care. Not saying others don’t care if they don’t do it, it’s just something we do.

 

[C&Jx2]

House yes...mall no. I used to watch my kids until they were physically IN the building, now I just kick them to the curb.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The last time I dropped ODS off at his house after dark, I had picked him up at the airport coming in from work. He had his hands full with his bags, couldn’t really hold his phone to see by. They have a long sidewalk from the driveway to their door. The outside light is dim and doesn’t light up the sidewalk. The headlights from where I was sitting lit up the sidewalk.

YDS, same thing. We are usually coming from a wrestling show and he has his bags. No hands to hold a phone. Or if Dd and I have been shopping, she has bags of things she bought.

YDS tends to forget to turn on the porch light before he leaves and around dd’s house is pretty dark except for the porch light.

But none of that really matters. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but us. It’s what we all do. I wait for them and they wait for me. Day or night, it’s just what we do. Like I said, it’s just one of the ways we show each other we care. Not saying others don’t care if they don’t do it, it’s just something we do.

I was just specifically responding to your headlight comment.

Lighting up the sidewalk doesn't translate into lighting up the door though I can understand if that shows the way to the door it's just IME not going to help with actually getting into the house; in your words it was "my headlights tend to give them a little extra light to get in or find their keys or whatever." I'm just thinking of my experience with homes and my experience with trying to find my keys and was responding in that manner.

For instance this is my house:


The headlights aren't really illuminating the sidewalk to the front door at least not in the best way you'd need the car to be at the right distance otherwise it's bouncing off the garage door and landscaping and you'd have to be on the street facing the front door dead on for the front door to be lit and on that it would depend on how strong the headlights were but if I'm in front of the door I'm blocking any real usable light for the front door. Like I said with the garage it's got a lighted key pad.

In any case just bouncing off your comment. I wasn't calling into question whether you care about each other or not I didn't even mention that at all. But no need to reply. It's all good

 

[kaytieeldr]

We wait. For anyone. Id like to say it's just how we roll, but probably has more to do with the times we've been locked out in the pre-cell years.

Silog @indimom. That's why windows and little kids exist .

He said he needed to make sure I got in my car before he left. Not sure why but whatever.

Etiquette. It's how he was raised and apparently how he continues to behave.

 

[kaytieeldr]

The outside light is dim and doesn’t light up the sidewalk.

That sounds like a conscious design decision. But, um, how does lighting up the sidewalk help anybody unlock a house door?

The headlights from where I was sitting lit up the sidewalk.

YDS, same thing. We are usually coming from a wrestling show and he has his bags. No hands to hold a phone. Or if Dd and I have been shopping, she has bags of things she bought.

Oh. Interesting. Nobody puts bag straps on their shoulder, or slips shopping bag handles onto their wrists, or considers putting a bag or bags down momentarily to free up a hand?

 

[luvsJack]

I was just specifically responding to your headlight comment.

Lighting up the sidewalk doesn't translate into lighting up the door though I can understand if that shows the way to the door it's just IME not going to help with actually getting into the house; in your words it was "my headlights tend to give them a little extra light to get in or find their keys or whatever." I'm just thinking of my experience with homes and my experience with trying to find my keys and was responding in that manner.

For instance this is my house:
View attachment 445329

The headlights aren't really illuminating the sidewalk to the front door at least not in the best way you'd need the car to be at the right distance otherwise it's bouncing off the garage door and landscaping and you'd have to be on the street facing the front door dead on for the front door to be lit and on that it would depend on how strong the headlights were but if I'm in front of the door I'm blocking any real usable light for the front door. Like I said with the garage it's got a lighted key pad.

In any case just bouncing off your comment. I wasn't calling into question whether you care about each other or not I didn't even mention that at all. But no need to reply. It's all good

Oh my. I was not implying that you were calling anything into question. I was just explaining how ime it does help light up the way. Of course all houses are different. Layouts are different. Driveways are different.

And you said something about the extra light would have made sense 15 years ago and my respond is that it’s ok if it doesn’t make sense to you or anyone else. It’s just what we do.

It’s all good. No answer or debate needed.

 

[pezgirlroy]

I am a woman and definitely do not need to be watched. Maybe because we never have cause to drop each other off anywhere that it would matter. I routinely walk around outside by myself in any of the places I can imagine ever being dropped off at, so what difference would it make for DH (or anyone else) to watch me go inside? He could watch to make sure I get into the house okay, but then 5 minutes later I may walk outside to go down the street and get the mail. No one is watching me then. And if he happens to drop me off somewhere else, it's likely that it's a place I would normally have driven myself to anyway, again with no one looking out for me. I suppose if either of us was dropping the other off in a sketchy neighborhood late at night, it might be wise to wait. But I can't imagine a scenario when we would be doing that. If it were to happen, I don't see the gender being a determining factor. Either you are someplace safe, or you are not.

I guess I really just feel like it is common courtesy.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Oh my. I was not implying that you were calling anything into question. I was just explaining how ime it does help light up the way. Of course all houses are different. Layouts are different. Driveways are different.

And you said something about the extra light would have made sense 15 years ago and my respond is that it’s ok if it doesn’t make sense to you or anyone else. It’s just what we do.

It’s all good. No answer or debate needed.

Your last paragraph certainly spoke to something. It wasn't part of my response to you. But whatevs. Again like I said no need to respond. It's all good.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am a man and I always stay and watch my wife enter a building, but would not expect her to stay around and watch me. I also open every door for her, car, restaurant, whatever. Guess I'm old-fashioned but I don't care. I asked my wife if she feels this is patronizing and she said "not in the least". I am her protector and that's how I was raised.

I don't necessarily find it patronizing. Actually I've never really associated it with gender probably because anyone who has done it to me has been of both sexes and vice versa if I've done it for them.

On the other hand I was raised to hold the door open for anyone regardless of gender or age. Car doors not so much it just wasn't really a thing if you will.

But I guess for my husband and I if we associated it with something we would probably say we're each other's protectors. We look out for each other. However, waiting for us to enter a building would like I mentioned just depend. He doesn't need 'protection' at all going into his office building for instance.

 

[tzolkin]

I cannot fathom feeling patronized or that the other person thought I was incompetent and needed to be watched. I would just think they are being polite.

Yes, most people have cell phones now so if they were locked out they could call for assistance, but why drive off and then drive back when I could just wait the two seconds to make sure all was good? And if the person forgot their phone in my car it would be even more effort for them to get a hold of me after I had driven off.

 

[fly girl]

Public space that we all know is open (airport, grocery store) we don't wait for each other. I cannot think of a time where we dropped the other one off at a residence or private building. In this day and age, we could just call if something happened and we couldn't get in.

Kids, different story.

My kid, or kids I am driving, I ALWAYS wait until they are inside before leaving. I want to make sure they got in safe and sound. Some of my daughter's friends (and my dd) don't have cell phones yet. It is absolutely my responsibility when I drop them off to make sure they got to wherever they are going safely.

 

[Moliphino]

Female here and do not need to be watched to make sure I get inside okay. I did have an old male friend walk me to my car after we had dinner, we drove separately and met at the restaurant. He said he needed to make sure I got in my car before he left. Not sure why but whatever.

Depending on how well you know the person, that can be downright creepy and make me feel less safe (though it sounds like that wasn't the case in your situation). But I've been in the situation where a guy was harassing me and insisted on walking me to my car as I was leaving to get away from him.

 

[luvsJack]

That sounds like a conscious design decision. But, um, how does lighting up the sidewalk help anybody unlock a house door?


Oh. Interesting. Nobody puts bag straps on their shoulder, or slips shopping bag handles onto their wrists, or considers putting a bag or bags down momentarily to free up a hand?

Why do you care? If I want to sit in the driveway until Dd gets supper cooked and sil gets home, do I really need to explain it to you?

If I choose to stay and let ds get up the walk and in the house with lights on, is it somehow affecting you? I am fairly sure his 6 ft 240 lbs of well defined muscle could handle anything in the dark but it only takes a second. But again why do you care? My goodness you need a new hobby.

For the third or fourth time, it’s what WE do. You can do whatever you do choose for whatever reason you choose.

 

[Uncle Coaster]

What if I am dropped at home but I want to collect the mail or trash cans first? Then I have to feel like I am being watched or wasting someone else's time (or I have to go in, close the door, and come back out).

Then you just say “no need to wait for me”.

 

[gina2000]

Yes. Always.

 

[smiths02]

Then you just say “no need to wait for me”.

True.

I guess I really just feel like it is common courtesy.

What courtesy does it offer?
If I am already driving another adult somewhere, I am generally doing that person a favor as it is.

I have driven my mom home from work 5 times a week for 4 years. There has never been a scenario where her safety was in question (safe neighborhood, daylight hours, etc.). I do not wait. I have been called back a few times because she left something in the car, but that is usually not realized until several minutes after she walks into the house (waiting would have made no difference in that case).
I figure I am already being pretty polite driving her for 4 years for free.

 

[disneychrista]

Depending on how well you know the person, that can be downright creepy and make me feel less safe (though it sounds like that wasn't the case in your situation). But I've been in the situation where a guy was harassing me and insisted on walking me to my car as I was leaving to get away from him.

In that case it is almost like let me get you alone in the dark parking lot. NO THANK YOU!

Thankfully that wasn't the case for me. I know he was doing it because he cared and wanted to make sure I was safe.

 

[mousefan73]

When I drop my mom off at her condo building I always wait to make sure she’s in her building. She’s older and I always worry that she might forget her key Or cant find them in her purse.

So basically when I drop anyone off at home including my kids and their friends I always wait until the doors open and they are inside

 

[Kennywood]

Waiting until the person you dropped off enters the house/building is just being respectful. That's especially true for one's spouse, child, or parent.

Is it really so difficult to wait 60 seconds to ensure that someone safely gets into the building/house?

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

When your significant other drops you off at home, work, etc., do they wait until you are in the building before they drive off?

No, because I am a big girl and walk myself into a building. He has been known to move to the inside when walking in a city with alleyways. Said it is just in case somebody is lurking in the alley, waiting for prey. LOL

I wait for my kids, when they were kids, but I don't wait for DH on purpose. Normally he drives, then gets out, and I have to reset the seat and mirrors, so I'm there until he gets in the door.