Doreen's New Way of Life (comments are welcome)

[DoeWDW]

The bad news is....I'm at work. The good news is....everything else in life is coming up roses!

I guess being at work should be a joyful thing too - I'll try to work on my attitude on this. I'm in the D-Zone and my attitude is much tougher to change at this time of month.

Goals for today:
1. Just took my meds, vitamins out for lunch
2. I have mugs of water and hot mint green tea on my desk - am working on both.
3. Splenda for my tea (1 carb). Egg custard (3 carbs). 1 oz sunflower seeds (6 carbs). Total so far = 10 carbs. I have tuna salad for lunch and lots of snack food (nuts, string cheese, honey roasted sunflower seeds) to get me through the day. I'm going to roast a chicken for dinner tonight.
4. I brought my special jock athlete shoes for my lunch-time walk! I may try to get 3 miles in but I'll at least do 2 miles.

Off to another cheat free day!

Edit: 9:15 AM
OK, I've been trying to deny this, even to myself, but it's time to confess - I'm cranky today!! I'm feeling unfocused and not concentrating well. I'm feeling overwhelmed at work and would like to crawl into a corner somewhere and hide. I have a lot to do for many different people and I don't feel like doing any of it! I wish I'd win the lottery and never have to work again! I also wish the D-Zone were a thing of the past for me, as I'm sure that's the biggest cause of these feelings!

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'm going to start on the first thing on my prioritized work list - an update for our Bureau Director that's due before noon today. I'm going to use my journal to keep me on track, so beware the mundane updates! It's the only way I know to keep my sanity and help me focus on baby steps.

Edit: 9:40 AM
Well, the first thing is marked off my list. Now I'm on to something I've been putting off for way too long. Baby steps will get me through even the most dreaded tasks!! I've got to believe that! I know when it's done, I'll feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!!

Edit: 10:20 AM
My second item (new dates for a project I'm on) is finished enough to satisfy the people who will be at my 11 AM meeting. The rest will wait. The worst is finished and I'll feel so much better after this meeting is over!

I'm making real progress, and in a short amount of time. Why was I feeling so overwhelmed? I'm feeling a little better now. Must be those PMS hormones messin' with my mind, my attitude, my confidence....

On to my third item - finalizing the critical reports list and emailing it to Kirsten. I can do this! (I'm trying to convince myself!). I've got the munchies so I'm going to eat my tuna salad as I work.

 

[ZerasPride]

Hi Doe,

I just wanted to check in with you. Your day seems really busy. Please remember to take some time out for yourself so you don't get overwhelmed.

I hope you can chase away that munchie monster. I am feeling really hungry today for some reason too. Strange. I'm going to lunch a bit earlier than usual. I think when you mentioned your tuna, it sent me over the edge! I'll check on you later. Take care!

 

[DoeWDW]

Lisa, you're right! I WILL take some time for me! My DS 16 is getting a routine physical tonight (one for school, one for his driver's learner permit). DH is taking him but I've been feeling guilty, like I should go along. There's nothing I can DO there - he's 16 and DH is going in with him (no Mom allowed, according to DS and I understand). So, I'll send DS and DH and I'll stay home to have a little slower pace to my evening! Thanks for helping me shed my Superwoman cape, even if only for one evening!

It's 1:40 now. My 11 AM meeting went long and I'm just finishing my lunch hour. The meeting went well - better than I expected. I walked 2 miles during lunch hour around the inside of the Capitol building. I lunched on tuna salad (4 carbs), took my vitamin, snacked on 1 oz of sunflower seeds (6 carbs) and will chew some Trident to keep the Munchie Monster at bay. Total so far today = 20 carbs.

I'm ready for the afternoon. I still have to finish that third thing on my list - the critical reports list for Kirsten. I NEED to get this out today so I'm off to complete it.

Edit: 2:45 PM
OK, the critical reports list has been refined and sent out!! That's 3 things off my list!! The Munchie Monster is lurking about but I'm off to get a string cheese (1 carb) to stave him off! Total today = 21 carbs.

Next is the report status spreadsheet. This is another thing I've put off way longer than I should have. I'll do at least 30 lines.

Edit: 4 PM
My workday is finished. Didn't get far on my spreadsheet but I got a lot done today - I feel very pleased!! Hopefully I won't dread coming in as much tomorrow, now that I got a few things off the "to-do" list.

Honey roasted sunflower seeds are evil! I need to measure out the portions and only bring one serving a day with me. 1 oz sunflower seeds (6 carbs) - total so far = 27 carbs.

 

[septbride2002]

Way to go on having a great day despite the munchie monster!

~Amanda

 

[DoeWDW]

Well, Amanda, you spoke too soon! I'll be taking down my cheat free bear. I've had 95 carbs today - some of it healthy, and some of it not. I don't know why - I just have had a bad attitude all day and I got sick of fighting it. The funny thing is, I really don't feel that bad about it. I feel a little bad, but not as bad as I probably should feel.

So tomorrow will be another cheat free day, but today was not. In the big picture, 95 carbs is way less than most people eat so I figure I'm still ahead of the game. I'll drink extra water tomorrow and try to work on my attitude. The other good thing is that I made it for 2 weeks without a cheat.

Onward and downward tomorrow!

 

[DoeWDW]

I made it to work. I'm tired but I can't afford to keep taking days off. Mentally I feel better since I got some tasks finished at work yesterday. Physically, I'm barely functioning. Gotta finish my research on PMDD and visit the doctor to see if we can find a way to make this better.

Food may be a struggle today. I'll be relying on protein bars, which isn't great but is easy.

The goal is to just get through the day and be easy on myself.
1. Meds and vitamins out to be taken.
2. Water and tea on my desk.
3. B = protein bar (3 carbs), and Splenda for my tea (1 carb). I have some legal snacks around but no set plans for lunch or dinner.
4. No exercise today. Sunday was my long walk. I made a mistake by walking another 2 miles yesterday - should've been a rest day. So today will be my rest day.

I'm moving slow but I'm going to make the most of today. It's a gift from God that should not be taken for granted or wasted. He has a plan for my day and will give me the strength for it, if I just listen carefully for His voice.

 

[lulu201]

and more for you, dear Doreen. Today is a day to be slow. As you said, the goal is to just make it through, being easy on yourself. A friend of mine one told me that we (women) would all be OK if we could just take a couple of days off a month to lie on the couch, baby ourselves, and REST when our bodies needed it. Sadly, we can't often do that, so give yourself the mental rest that you need. Like you're doing already--keep your expectations of yourself low. Just get through. No attitude, rather a peaceful one--kind of like you're just going to let yourself drift through the day listening, as you said, for God's direction and message. Sometimes we're so active and sure of ourselves we forget that we have Him to rely on. Sometimes when I'm at my slowest I can see the most blessings around me.

I know yesterday was tough, and I know that cranky feeling didn't help things (I affectionately call that time The Blue Meanies when I'm feeling that way--sounds friendly ). Sometimes I think I get that way because I'm annoyed with the expectations around me--some from other people, some from myself. The expectations to be perfect or to accomplish when I'm just plain not physically up to it. Maybe that's why you didn't mind the cheat last night? It was your way to just give in to the situation at hand--to cut yourself some slack at a time when you needed it. We all need to give ourselves a break.

So with another gentle , I'll wish you well on your day today. You've accomplished a lot--14 Days Cheat Free is amazing! Celebrate your strength, accept your vulnerability, and relax into the arms of God. He'll carry you through the day.

Love,
Erin

 

[ibouncetoo]

Surprise! a new visitor to your journal

I figured this would be a good time to pop in as we finally 'met' last night in chat. I just wanted to say THANKS for being you. I consider you one of the most helpful, thoughtful people here and have found your posts enlightening and encouraging. I think we all need to remember that when we respond to one person here we can actually be affecting/helping countless others......and you do that every day!

Oh, and don't be so hard on yourself for that 95 carb day.....may turn out that it gave your metabolisim a jolt and will help start a loss cycle (eating more for one or two days has been a plateau buster for me)!

God bless!

 

[septbride2002]

Okay everyone Group Hug around Doreen!

Now Miss Doreen why did you take you bear down? Put him back up! You went 14 days cheat free and you think you can just take him down. No Ma'am put him back up there! Just don't roll over your day from yesterday. I want to see that Bear back by tomorrow.

I know how you feel. I didn't feel horrible about cheating the day of the party even though I knew that I should feel something. I still think that you did pretty good despite how you were feeling. Women can be so hard on ourselves. You still probably made better choices yesterday then you would have before. And 95 carbs is still considerably low for one day. Now do what you said and move forward today with the determination to stay with in 60 carbs and drink lots of water. Take care of yourself and do something for you. If there has been a book you've been wanting for awhile - go and buy it. Feel like laying around the house tonight and watch a movie - then do it. Need to go shopping for some new clothes - do it.

Stop being so down on yourself - 14 days cheat free is nothing to sneeze at! You can do it sweetie! Now I am going to try my best to be cheat free until our vacation because I am going to enjoy one of those Casey's Hotdogs with the bun and everything when we meet on the 7th that is my motivation. Come on girlie I want you eating there with me!

~Amanda

 

[DoeWDW]

Erin, thank you so much for your words of comfort and encouragment. I wiped tears from my eyes as I read. Thanks for all you do to lift me up on those days when I need it most. I'm hanging onto that picture of the icon - calm, peaceful and centered in God's love and grace. I must admit I laughed about the Blue Meanies and wondered if I should be using the icon - not to show fear, but to show the changing mood and the yelling I occasionally want to do on those days.

Jackie, thanks for stopping in! It was great to meet you also in chat last night and I'm so excited to meet you in person next January!! I also appreciate your encouragement. Thanks for the plateau busting idea too - I have another WISH friend who may want to try this!

Amanda, you've got me thinking about the cheat free bear. In the past, we've used the bear to show how many consecutive days we've been cheat free. If we had a cheat, we'd start over. It sounds like you're using the bear to show how many cheat free days you had in January - you're just not counting cheat days. I had not considered using our little bear buddy this way.

Thoughts, anyone?? Do I use the bear to count all cheat free days in January or is he for consecutive cheat free days? Hmmm, I'll think about this and take ideas if anyone's got any.

Amanda, I also am excited about our meeting at Casey's on 2/7, but I really don't enjoy hot dog buns that much. I'll have my hot dog straight up, but I may endulge in some ice cream from the ice cream parlor or a Dole Whip for dessert! So many treats at WDW that it can be tough to choose!! Also, thanks for your encouragement!

My WISH buddies are truly the best! Each of you probably have no way to know how much I appreciate you - you'll have to take my word for it!! I'm glad we're on this journey together!

Goal checkpoint:
1. Meds & vitamins taken.
2. 52 oz down - one more mug to go to meet my goal.
3. Lunch - sunflower seeds (4 carbs) from the EVM - sometimes it has good stuff in it!! I wasn't even tempted by the bad stuff. I really am just not that hungry. Total so far = 8 carbs.
4. No exercise - been sittin' on my bum!

It's shaping up to be a calm but productive day. I'm taking it easy. I think bedtime will be early tonight - no staying up until 10:30 in WISH chat!

 

[ZerasPride]

Hi Doreen!

First, I want to join the group hug around you. Sometimes we can be our own worst critic, I know I can be guilty of doing that. I think you should cut yourself some slack. 95 carbs is way better than the average person eats in a day. You went 14 days cheat free and I don't think you can just sweep that under the rug. I miss seeing your cheat free bear. You asked for opinions about restoring it and here's what I think. I feel you should do as Amanda said. Just count your cheat free days. Isn't there a difference between the cheat free bear and the cheat free star? The bear to me symbolizes how many days you've been cheat free while the star (again imho) symbolizes the 100 day challenge with the consecutive cheat free days.

Since you have chosen to use the bear symbol, I think it's perfectly okay to put that bear back up and just don't count the day you had a little slip up.

You are doing and have done so well and I know you won't let one little bump in the road get or keep you down. Take care!

 

[LAinSEA]

OK, Monday's gone. Tuesday's almost over and Wednesday will be halfway throught the week.

You've been pushing yourself for your training and your body is going to require more energy which causes the carb cravings to start with and if you feed them, they keep on coming. You doing good going for the protein instead.

I know you can get through it!

-Laurie

 

[DoeWDW]

OK, I'm home from work. I had absolutely no cravings today - go figure!

I've just had a snack of delicious chicken waldorf salad (leftover chicken, mayo, diced apple, walnuts, diced celery) - so good!

I'm going to make it through today. My only trip up might be leftover ice cream cake from my son's birthday. If I have any, it will be a very small piece and I'll count the carbs.

Thanks to everyone for stopping in today. I could literally FEEL that group hug, as if you were all gathered around me. WISH is truly an amazing place, and it's amazing because of each of the people here. You are all amazing, even when you don't feel like it.

 

[marsh0013]

doreen, i am new to wish, and i just wanted to say that i've been reading along with your journal for a while now, and that you are such an inspiration! even though you don't know me, i just wanted to say thanks and keep up the great work!

 

[lulu201]

Hi, Doreen. Here's some and for this brand new Wednesday. Are you getting ready for some snow?
I hate to admit it, but I sure wouldn't cry if we had ourselves a little snow day tomorrow!

OK, I want to weigh in on the cheat free bear issue. After giving it some serious thought , I've come to some of the same conclusions as Lisa Z. The 100 day challenge is just that--a challenge of consecutive cheat free days. If you mess up on that challenge you have to turn in the star clippie. While you and I have used the bear clippie in a "consecutive days cheat free" kind of way, it really doesn't have to be like that, does it? (Or does it? What would Jody think? She designed it, didn't she?) We've been using it to reward ourselves if we're perfect--not how realistic is that?? I mean, hey, we're good, Doe-Doe, but we know we're not perfect! If we use the star to record our cheat free days for a period of time--say a month or even a year--we can actually be keeping track of the positive days we've had. We can better see the positive BIG PICTURE, if you will. What I think we need is yet another cheat free clippie (!), one that will let us say things like "(insert number here) Cheat Free Days in January" or "# of Cheat Free Days in 2004." Now you know I have zero ability to design such a thing, so I'll be using the bear instead--for the meantime. Also, if we use the bear this way, when we are in WDW or having a PMS day or having to increase carbs because of training, we're being much more realistic and kinder to ourselves. I mean, who can call eating a hot dog in Disney a "Cheat"? "Cheat" is so negative anyway! Maybe the whole "cheat free" should be questioned. Maybe we should have a bear that reads: "Leading the healthy life, ____days in January (or 2004)." Let's frame things in a more positive way! I know I'd be thrilled to have a clippie that said even "340 healthy living days in 2004!"

Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself, but those are my thoughts on the subject.

Have a great day, girlfriend. Be good to yourself, you hear?
Lulu

 

[A1A1]

Doreen, please put your clippie back, because you earned the days that were already registered on it. You earned those days! You don't have to start over. Just keep going. That is how we do this healthy living, right?! We just keep going from where we left off.

I hope you have a wonderful day. Stay warm. Thank you for all of your support in my journal. It is very much appreciated. You are a very special person.

 

[DoeWDW]

My bear has made a grand return, thanks to all of my WISH buddies and their ideas! I've added a line in my siggie to say "11 Healthy Living Days in January 2004" so everyone will know what that cute little bear means. Truth be told, I really miss him when he isn't there! I did have to set him back to 11 even though he was at 14, since some of those days were in December.

Yesterday was not cheat free, but it wasn't as bad as Monday - always baby steps in the right direction! I can't wait until that ice cream cake is GONE!! My family has strict instructions to make the rest of it disappear SOON or I'll have to trash it! I'm deep in the D-Zone and I just can't handle those kind of temptations during this time of the month! Isn't it funny how I can walk away from that stuff 2 weeks out of the month, but the other 2 weeks I'm like an addict? At least I recognize the pattern and I don't beat myself up for being weak anymore - definitely a positive change!

On to today! I'm feeling sunny and successful!
1. Meds taken, vitamins out.
2. Have already had 18 oz of water, and have another 24 oz of water and tea on my desk! No problems with hydration today!
3. B = protein bar (2 carbs) and Splenda for tea (1 carb). Lunch - I have egg custard, string cheese, sunflower seeds. I may make ham steaks with mustard sauce for dinner, in spite of the uninvited bloat fairy already making an appearance here!
4. I need to get a 3 mile walk in. My choices are - walk the indoor Capitol loop over lunch hour or get to the fitness center tonight and use the treadie (and run part of the mileage)! The running sounds like a lot more fun! DH has to take DS to the mall anyway so I'll probably have him drop me off on the way out and pick me up on the way home. Eventually I'd like to use the fitness center's strength circuit too, but I hate to pile on too much too soon.

I don't feel like I'm walking alone today. I can FEEL all you WISH buddies walking with me, like angels watching over me. I can feel your positive energy. Thanks for walking with me, and I hope you can all feel me walking with you on your daily journeys!

Onward and downward we go!

 

[A1A1]

Welcome home no-cheat bear!!!!!!! We missed you!!!!!!!!

 

[ZerasPride]

Hi Doreen,

I'm so happy to see you decided to give yourself the credit you deserve for all those cheat free days you have managed to have. Good for you!

You are right about not walking alone on this journey. We are all here to support you and yes, I can feel you and my other WISH buddies walking beside me. Thoughts of you guys actually help push me out of bed (early) in the mornings to get in my 30 minutes of exercise. So let's keep at this weight loss thing. We will be successful with our own determination and the help of our WISH buddies!

 

[DoeWDW]

Wow, it's like a party for the bear! Thanks A and Lisa! Wish we had some cool fireworks icons - I'm happy about the bear's return also!

1. Meds and vitamins taken.
2. 42 oz down and another 12 on my desk!
3. 2 strings of cheese (2 carbs). Total so far = 5 carbs.
4. I might "stroll" for a half mile at lunch, just to keep up the habit of getting away from my desk.

Edit: 2:15 PM
1. done
2. 50 oz down, working on another 12
3. 1/2 oz macadamia nuts (3 carbs). Total so far = 8 carbs.
4. Walked .5 mile at lunch. Will go to fitness center tonight.

Edit: 4 PM
2. 62 oz down - YAY!
3. 2 servings egg custard (6 carbs) so I don't walk in the house hungry and snack on stuff I shouldn't Total so far = 14 carbs.