Doreen's New Way of Life (comments are welcome)

[DoeWDW]

24 carbs earlier
S - cashews - 7 c
D - ground beef w/ taco seasonings (leftovers) - 4 c
S - 2 Dove dark chocolate promises - 10 c
Today's total = 45 carbs

Pedometer so far today = 6100, including 1 mile at lunchtime

Erin, the Dr Phil book is an interesting but tough read so far. He really makes you think deeply about your self-image and about your relationship to food. I guess I'm being forced to face things about myself that are not positive and will need to change. It's not just another fluff diet book - "eat this, don't eat that, weigh once a week". Granted I'm only through the first couple chapters but I'm finding that I don't want to read more than a few pages at a time. If you're ready for some serious self-examination, then this is the book for you!

Feeling down today and would LOVE to binge but I'm going to post this and then do something that is not compatible with eating - don't know what it will be yet - maybe WATP. That would boost my steps for the day AND keep me from eating!

Edit: 9:15 PM
I did one of the older WATP 2 mile walks (before Leslie discovered weights ).

Now my pedometer reads 9800 steps for the day - YIPPEE!!

 

[lulu201]

Doreen, you sure inspire me. Thinking through your desire to binge and deciding to do something "incompatible with eating"--what a healthy way to re-direct yourself! I was telling DH tonight that now that I'm 18 days on the other side of a binge, I realize how self-destructive and how totally psychological most of my eating has been in the past. I also believe that around the TOM that hormones can really lead me down the wrong path if I'm not careful!

Dr. Phil. . .hmmmm. It seems to me that you have a good handle on this book--taking it in small doses so that it doesn't overstimulate you, so that you can process it in bits and pieces. Sometimes it's better to take things like personal inventories and self-examination slowly.

We just got home from DD's trip with a girlfriend to the mall; I'm ready to hit the sack and she's ready to pull an all nighter! What's happened to me?!

Good night, Doreen,
Erin

PS Meant to ask you, what instruments do your kids play? What about you and DH? Are you musicians, too?

 

[DoeWDW]

Revisions to yesterday:
1. Pedometer at bedtime = 10,300 steps
2. Never did eat the Dove chocolates for my evening snack so total carbs yesterday = 35 g

Erin, would love to take credit for the idea of doing something incompatible with eating but that was a Dr Phil idea from his show a couple Friday evenings ago. I thought it made a lot of sense and after exercising, I really didn't have the desire to eat.

DS 15 plays the alto and baritone saxophones. DD 14 plays the clarinet. I like to sing and can play the flute. DH likes to listen - claims he has no musical ability

I'm feeling good about my choices lately. Even when I've wanted so badly to binge, I've recognized the emotional element driving it and have spent time examining those emotions without medicating with food. Will I always succeed at this - probably not. But I know I've saved myself from 6-7 binges in the last two weeks where previously I'd have eaten some VERY unhealthy stuff!

 

[lulu201]

Gosh, Doreen, look at you--23 days cheat free now. Over three weeks!!! Here's a bounce a week: What a terrific accomplishment. I hope as you go through today you'll be able to celebrate all the wonderful things--the exercise, the good food choices, the journaling--that you're doing for yourself. You're a great example for your kids and for all of us here.

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

It was a good Saturday!

My son was playing with the high school pep band at the local goat races, so of course hubby and I had to go along and see! Only in small town America can you get thousands of people together to watch goat races.

After that, we stopped at the local farm market and I bought WAY TOO MANY apples! They were seconds - Hurricane Isabel was pretty rough on the local crop so there are LOTS of seconds for cheap! I spent the rest of the day making applesauce. I don't use any sweeteners - just apples, water and cinnamon. I only got half of them done today, so we all know what I'll be doing tomorrow! My family loves homemade applesauce for holidays, birthdays and very special occasions!

Despite walking at the goat races and being on my feet doing applesauce, I did not have many steps in for the day, so I just got back from walking the puppy. Even so, my pedometer only says 6200 steps but I know I expended LOTS of energy so I'm not worried about it.

Today:
B - hot dog, 1 tbsp sauerkraut
L - Atkins bar
S - a fresh peach - YUM and worth the 11 carbs!
D - 1/2 sandwich, turkey, mayo, bread & butter pickles and 2 Dove dark chocolate promises
Fitday says all this adds up to 50 carbs but I was sweating when I was entering it all - I thought sure I was over 60! I was very relieved to see I get to keep my cheat free clippie!!

I'm feeling strong and after peeking at the scale this morning, I think I'm going to be happy with weigh-in tomorrow!

 

[lulu201]

Hey, Doreen! Looks like we both had the same idea on this Saturday night, and after reading your journal, it looks like we both enjoyed a good day.

Homemade applesauce--yum! I'm headed to our local produce market tomorrow after church and now I know what I'm going to try tomorrow afternoon. I've never made it, but my mother always did it just like you--just the basics, no sugar.

Goat races. I grew up in Tioga County, PA--very small. One of our claims to fame is that we're the hosts of the PA Laurel Festival. Does your local HS march there? Or have you ever been to the Grand Canyon of PA? That's another famous landmark. Oh, anyway, in a nearby town they have a yearly rattlesnake hunt where everyone gathers to look at a pit full of snakes that have been captured! Me? I'd take the goat races any day!

It sounds like you had a good day eating-wise, too. I'll be thinking of you as you bravely face the scale tomorrow morning. It's hard to believe another week has gone by so quickly. . .

Good night,
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Official Weigh-In and Measure Day Results:
Weight: 134 -1 from last week, -8 from start WOW!
Bust: 38 -.5 from last week, -1.5 from start
Chest: 32 -1, -1.5
Waist: 31 -.75, -3
Hips: 39.25 same, -.75
Thighs: 39.5 -1, -1.5

I'm really happy that I set an official day each week to weigh and measure. These measurements are keeping me going! Am I losing fast - probably not - but am I seeing results - OH YEAH!! I've been doing this for about a month now and having those weights and measurements to look back on proves to me that what I'm doing is working!

Erin, Tioga county sounds like fun! We've driven through there (up route 15) on our way to Niagara Falls a few years ago, but have never stopped to admire the scenery. The Grand Canyon of PA sounds neat, but I think I'll skip the rattlesnake hunt in the adjacent county...

Today I have to process the rest of the apples into applesauce. I got about 6 quarts out of 1 bag of apples, so I've got the same amount to do today. I have also not touched the housework in ages! It's time to get down to business!

 

[Desiree]

Wow Doreen! What an inspiration you are! Keep up the good work!!!!

Applesauce.. yum!!!

How do you prepare it?

Des

 

[lulu201]

HURRAY FOR DOE-DOE! I'm doing the ONE POUND HAPPY DANCE for you!






All those inches that you can see disappearing. . .wow! Have you seen a size difference? You must!

What was I thinking last night when I said I wanted to make applesauce?! What I meant was I want to EAT applesauce!!
My head is spinning with all I want to get done today, so I'd better forget my culinary experiments and get to the laundry.

Congratulations again, Doreen. You're doing a terrific job at treating yourself with TLC!

Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Well, I fell off the wagon. The whole situation conspired against me. I won't go into details but let's just say it involved about 150 carbs that I knew I didn't need but I ate them anyway. My cheat free clippie has disappeared until I have a cheat free day. I am going to do my best to make that day tomorrow.

Oh well, it's in the past and there's no changing it. I'm disappointed in myself but I'll think about the situation and try to figure out how to keep it from happening again. It was definitely emotional eating, which I've been doing well with avoiding. I won't beat myself up over it, though, unless it starts happening again on a regular basis. Of course, that's what I just wrote, while inside my head, I can hear that internal voice berating myself for how stupid I was to give in, etc. etc. Stopping that internal dialog is so difficult!!! It's one of those angel-devil conversations going on again. How do I quiet those voices????

I'm sorry I let myself down and I feel like I let all my WISH friends down also. Maybe I'll have a good cry and then try to move on.

 

[lulu201]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs for you, Doreen}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
and if I could send one, a tissue, too. I know that you're disappointed in yourself, but try not to beat yourself up too much--there's too much to learn in the situation.

First of all, you know it was emotional eating. Hey, it's going to happen. What you have to celebrate is that it hasn't happened for TWENTY-FOUR DAYS!!! That's wonderful! Still, I know that you're hurting because you feel like you've failed in some way, but really you haven't. You haven't let any of us down--we're not expecting you to be perfect. . .but, Doreen. . . were you expecting that of yourself? I know that the rational side of yourself would say, "no, of course not, who could be perfect?" But what does your small, inner voice say? Now, make that other voice--that strong one, the one you listen to!

I don't know what emotional issues you were dealing with, but I do know that it's Sunday, and from our few weeks together, I know that Sundays can be rough for you what with the work week coming and all. Maybe you need to cut yourself some slack on Sundays? Maybe since you weigh in in the morning, you could give yourself permission to go off track a bit if you feel like it later in the day? Not that every weekend should be a major carb fest of nachos and popcorn (oh, those are MY favorites--lol), but surely you could relax your standards a bit if you wanted and get back on track on Monday. . .

This is real life and a very long haul. We cannot deny ourselves and be so strict and rigid that we set ourselves up for failure and negative feelings. Look at all that you've accomplished this last month--those pounds, those inches, the walk you've organized, the pedometer walking, the positive attitude you've been trying to establish at work--huge steps in an upward direction. Heck, and you went through a hurricane besides!! Don't let guilt or disappointment or negative feelings touch all the good that you've done for yourself.

More hugs {{{{{{{{{{{{Doreen}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and a sympathetic tear for a friend in need.

Tomorrow is a new day--everything is new with the morning.

Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Erin, thank you so much for being my "voice of reason". Somehow, you seem to write just what I need to hear. I can tell myself all the same things, but it doesn't make the same impact until I hear it from someone else.

You are right, of course, in everything you wrote, especially the part about some part of me expecting me to be perfect. Why is it that I can easily understand and support everyone else through their small bumps in the road, but I have such a hard time cutting myself some slack and admitting that I'm less than perfect???? Part of me totally understands and tells myself all those things that you wrote - look at the 24 days I didn't cheat and all the wonderful changes I've made and how much better I'm feeling. Then that OTHER voice kicks in - why do I even listen to it??? Dr. Phil talks about this in his book and this was one of the parts that was hardest for me to read, because I knew it was one of my weak areas. Obviously, I need to go back and reread it and do some work in this area. I'm not treating myself in a loving way when I listen to that negative voice and let it negate all the good things that I've done.

Yesterday's pedometer was only 4200 steps but I was on my feet most of the day and was VERY tired last night, so I expended more energy than the pedometer showed.

Carbs for the day yesterday:
B - scrambled eggs with bacon, onion, green pepper - no more than 10 carbs
L - EAS AdvantEdge bar - 4 carbs
D - 6 chocolate chip cookies - 150+ carbs

I really set myself up for this cheat. I had not taken the time to eat a proper dinner, which meant that I was very tired, hungry and vulnerable. Actually, I should probably be happy that I stopped when I did.

Today will be better! I'll be walking at lunch and taking the puppy for a walk tonight to get my steps in.

My food plan for today:
B - Carb Solutions bar - 3 carbs
L - whole wheat tortilla with ham, cheese, mustard - 25 carbs
D - pork roast that I put in the crock pot this morning and green beans - probably no more than 15 carbs
S - sf jello and whipped cream - 0 carbs

I've been watching MeMe eat the sf jello & whipped cream and have never tried it so this will be a LEGAL treat for me!

I WILL make good choices today!!

 

[lulu201]

Doreen, you're back in the game already! Your plan for today is inspiring me to do the same--will have to sit down and think about what I'm going to eat, because it's going to be a run around kind of day.

I think your insights about how you set yourself up were right on the money--your lite lunch and missing dinner put you on the path for falling under the cookies' mysterious powers!

Here's a thought, take it or leave it. What about planning for your next "cheat"? Here's what I'm thinking: I know that I'm not going to be On Program while I'm on vacation, so I'm working to stay cheat free until then. In order to help myself get back on track, I'm planning to have 10/10--my first full day back, be my first new cheat free day. I hope to go cheat free until my birthday and then I'll have something I totally love--like chicken wings or nachos, something with so many points I can't count 'em. In my opinion, this is kind of me giving myself that permission to not be perfect while at the same time I have lots of short-term goals. For example, after my birthday, I want to make it to Thanksgiving. I don't know if this kind of thinking will work for you, but I just wanted to share what I'm hoping will work for me!

OK, I've written two weeks worth of lesson plans this a.m. and now have to move away from the computer and out into this gorgeous day.

Hang in there, Doreen.

 

[tlgoblue]

I WILL make good choices today!!

I know you can Doreen. If you feel tempted, just think of your friends here. Instead of grabbing your sin food, grab a keyboard and visit. Someone will rescue you! I'm going to keep busy today, but will be checking in periodically for anyone who needs some support. After all, it is Monday , the most difficult day of the week. We all need a little boost, even if we did well over the weekend.

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[Castillo Mom]

Good morning Doreen! . Just wanted to let you know I'm still around and to say that you're doing great job. You have a great attitude and believe it or not, I'm learing from you. Sorry I haven't been around too much, but I'm still putting in a lot of extra hours at work and it looks like it'll be that way for the next month or so. Have a great day!

 

[Auntmeme]

OH no the attack of the chocolate chip man, where was I? You and LULU didn't invite me ( I should thank you girls )

On to another day. We all have agreed that we can have treats now and then and we will be back on focus the next day. For the record my whole vacation will NOT be cheat free, I may even have to go into the negative numbers

Well I can see you are back on track and hooking up with Dr. Phil, wahoo. Please share his insights, as all my $$ is going to the mouse.

Starting back at 1 is no big deal, I know from experience and look I'm at 7 already. So I know you can do it again maybe your next goal should be 25 days? Us women have to have chocolate every now and then, right????

 

[lulu201]

It's a brand new day, Doreen. I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts and tons of encouragement. . .best wishes as you go forward to make this a great Tuesday.

I hope to stop in tonight--
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

It's a beautiful day in Pennsylvania!! The sun is shining, the sky is so blue and the air has that crisp fall feel to it. How could I have anything but a great day???

I ate my Carb Solutions bar yesterday for breakfast and felt nauseous for the rest of the day (still am a bit sick this morning). I'm guessing something in their ingredients does not sit well with my body. So here's what I ate yesterday:
B - Carb Solutions bar - 3 carbs
L & S - 3 oz cashews - 21 carbs
D - pork roast, SF jello & whipped cream - 1 carb

I know I didn't get enough calories but I was so sick, I didn't care! The pedometer only had 5200 steps for the day.

Today is a new day and I will be feeling better soon!
B - oatmeal with about 10 raisins - 31 carbs
L - the whole wheat tortilla w/ ham, cheese & mustard that I was supposed to eat yesterday but didn't - 25 carbs
D - leftover pork roast & sf jello w/ whipped cream - 0 carbs
Total for the day = 56 carbs

This will put me close to my 60 carb limit but oatmeal is the only thing that sounds good for my sick tummy. If I don't have the raisins, I could take 6 carbs off....hmm.

Onward and downward!!

 

[lulu201]

Good morning, Doreen. Are you enjoying this fall weather? It really is great, isn't it? How are you feeling, though? Has your stomach settled down? Please take good care of yourself.

Things are hectic, as you can imagine. I'll stop in, though, before I go tomorrow night.

Take care,
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Yesterday I added 2 oz. of cashews in the afternoon and skipped the pork roast for dinner - just had sf jello. I was over my 60 carbs for the day but not by much. I was still feeling sick.

Today I'm still a bit queasy. I thought it was from the Carb Solutions bar but yesterday my son was off school because he felt terribly sick to his stomach and he still isn't feeling right. I guess I got some bug and now we're going to pass it around the family.

The pedometer had 9500 steps on it yesterday. I walked a good bit during lunch hour.

I realized yesterday that I missed 5 days of taking my antidepressant meds. Maybe that's one reason that I've been so tired lately and have been fighting a down mood. So now that's a major priority for me - to make sure I take those meds every morning.

I just ate an Atkins bar for breakfast. Now it's time to get some work done in preparation for my 10 AM meeting!

Edit: 1:45 PM
B - Atkins bar - 3 carbs
L - 1/4 lb burger, lettuce, mayo (no bun, of course) - 1 carb

I walked at lunch time, even though I didn't feel like it. Dr. Phil says that you don't have to like it, you just have to do it. He's right. Even on the days I don't feel like moving, my body still needs to move, to raise endorphins & other "feel good" hormones, to work my muscles, to burn calories, and to release stress.

I don't know what's for dinner - always dangerous.

I really wish my clothes size would change. I started out wearing my 12s even when I truly should have been in 14s. Now my 12s are comfortable, but I'm not small enough for 10s yet. I know I've made progress, but I just want to see the smaller sizes on my clothes.

I peeked at the scale this morning and it said 133, although I'm not claiming the lower weight until Sunday. At 132, I can change over to a 10 pound loss clippie. Will I get there???? More importantly, can I stay there once I do get ther???? Will I ever see 127, which is my ultimate goal? I'm on the right track, so why do I feel so down?? Maybe I'll just chalk it up to not taking my antidepressants for days and it will pass.

I will not binge!!