Don't call me "hun"

[GAGirlInVA]

I hate it too! Only DH can call me Hon.

 

[PrinceOfPeace]

This thread is laughable. I would think when you have love in your heart those words come out (at least from me). Love makes the world go round. . I rather have many days filled with hon's, and dear's and 'bless your hearts'...than 1 day filled with explicatives and hatred. I say pick your battles and move on!

 

[jandel]

Well I'm definitley a GRITS (girl raised in the south) and it doesn't bother me one bit if used in a friendly way. And trust me - we southern girls will know if it is or isn't.

When life hands you lemons - squeeze 'em into your sweet tea and thank God you're a southern girl

 

[southern_redhead]

in your opinion its not ok....

Like others have stated, its the culture where that is part of normal everyday living.
Are you saying that their culture is wrong?

I'm Southern, so apparently it's a part of my culture and I don't like it at all. To me terms of endearment are better left to those close to us. Using them for people you don't know well is overly familiar and I find it annoying. Fortunately I'm not alone - I actually don't know anyone who would call random people "Hun". Oddly I've mainly just encountered waitresses and little old ladies who actually do it (well, and some sarcastic younger women who are being syrupy sweet to someone they dislike), though I keep reading on message boards that all Southerners do it constantly. I have never said anything to correct anyone who calls me any of those terms, but I hate it and I'd never refer to anyone else by them unless I was close to them. I dislike it but I don't really consider it completely rude unless you are talking to someone significantly older than you. In the one case in this thread where the customer fussed at the girl, the girl was wrong even in the South. You don't ever refer a woman older than you (who you don't know) by a term of endearment if you're concerned with being polite - you call her ma'am or Mrs (or Miss) Lastname until she tells you to do otherwise.

I feel the same as Scurvy. I grew up in TN and my grandmother could have filled in for Ms. Manners. She would have given a waitress the hairy eyeball if the waitress called her "hun". My mother hates it as well. I'm not *as* opposed to it, I don't mind older women calling me "hun" or "dear" but I do think it sounds uppity when a younger woman calls me that. It sounds like she thinks I'm ready to be put out to pasture (and I'm 33 ........ ) I just think it is something that is fine for someone you are close to, but to call a stranger that is kind of off putting.

FWIW, my uncle was a college professor in the 90's and he had a class that was all women. He made the mistake of addressing the class "Well, Ladies", one of them told him he was being sexist. He jokingly said later that he was going to start saying "Well, [insert word for female dog]" and see if they liked that better. I do think some people take it a bit far. I wouldn't care if an older man called me "hun" or addressed me and my friends as "ladies".

Overall, I'm not going to lose sleep over it. I just think it's a little too familiar when the 17 year old car hop at Sonic keeps calling me "hun". I also don't think it's part of our "culture", that makes me think of the episode of Designing Women where Julia is up in arms because of a new story that depicts Southerners as eating dirt.

 

[snykymom]

I am not sure why it irks me so much but it does. One of my husbands friends always says thanks hun, or honey can you go get this. Ugh. He says it in a demeaning tone, which I think is the problem. I am not the maid and I don;t answer to hon.

Then don't respond. "Honey, can you go get this?" Silence and ignoring on your end. Repeated. Continued silence. Eventually you can respond, "Oh, were you talking to me? My name is Susan."

In this case, it is demeaning - it means that he hasn't taken the time to learn and remember the name of the wife of one of his friends.

Add me to the group that finds it offensive. I do not like it at all! And I do think it sounds condescending like you are a child or something. I am not a child I am a grown adult. I really hate it in a profeesional setting. I think it is completely unprofessional, although I do hear it at work. If my employee was calling the customers honey or the like I would be having a talk with them. Some things are ok in family and casual settings but not in public and not with people you do not know. And definately not in a place of business.

The biggest reason I find it offensive is that most frequently, it's only referring to women. You don't often hear men called "honey" or "hun" or "darlin" (I always think of JR Ewing when I hear that one!) in the workplace. But you do hear men call women those terms.

If it's a server or clerk or someone in that type of business calling me that, I don't mind - they don't know my name and have no reason to. But if it's someone (other than a loved one) who should know my name but refuses to use it, then yes, I am offended.

 

[KimR]

I live in the South and I almost never hear this. I say almost never because we were in a restaurant a few months ago and the waitress called me 'hun'. I was taken aback and thought it was very weird. She was around 20 years old. I didn't like it but I didn't make a big deal about it either. It was in a rural area, so maybe that's the difference?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...The biggest reason I find it offensive is that most frequently, it's only referring to women. You don't often hear men called "honey" or "hun" or "darlin" (I always think of JR Ewing when I hear that one!) in the workplace. But you do hear men call women those terms...

Not true at all. I have been called all of those things, and more, growing up in the South.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I live in the South and I almost never hear this. I say almost never because we were in a restaurant a few months ago and the waitress called me 'hun'. I was taken aback and thought it was very weird. She was around 20 years old. I didn't like it but I didn't make a big deal about it either. It was in a rural area, so maybe that's the difference?

Yeah, few people consider Atlanta to be part of Georgia.

The reason - its culture has changed so much as the population has exploded over the last 20 years. Most of the growth came from people relocating from places outside of the South.

Don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of southerners in Atlanta, but the overall culture more closely aligns with the northeast.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

Not true at all. I have been called all of those things, and more, growing up in the South.

I think maybe I've called you those things!

As a southerner and a former bartender, I've called lots of men "Hun, sugar, darlin", and not in a dirty cut off shirt bartender sort of way. More in a "Sugar did you see that fumble?" restaurant bar on a Sunday sort of way.

 

[crashbb]

You can call me hon, sweetheart, or darlin', as long as you're simply using it as a way to express friendliness.

Do NOT, on the other hand, wink at me, wiggle your eyebrows, do the shooter guns, look at my ****s instead of my eyes, check out my hind-end as I turn to grab my purse, or otherwise make yourself out to be an ***.

I also use the terms honey, hon, sweetheart, sweetie, darlin', etc. in order to be friendly. I'm not flirting with you, meaning to demean, or otherwise reducing you to the mental age of a child. I'm being nice. If you come back at me and question my motives or chastise me for using such language, I think you're showing more about your manners than you are about me as a person. Should you come at me like someone in this thread mentioned and call me a "fool" for using the terms mentioned above, I may tilt towards calling you something other than a name meant to endear. Although I probably won't say it outloud since I am a lady...but I'll certainly be thinking it as I walk away.

I agree that the manner it was addressed by the woman was totally wrong, but what if someone politely told you that they preferred not to addresses as "honey, hon, sweetheart, etc.". Would you still think that they were acting inappropriately?

 

[Goofyluver]

I agree that the manner it was addressed by the woman was totally wrong, but what if someone politely told you that they preferred not to addresses as "honey, hon, sweetheart, etc.". Would you still think that they were acting inappropriately?

Of course not! But to myself, I'd probably wonder what put the huge chip on their shoulder.

Though like I said above, do not question my motives for using these terms and as someone else mentioned in this thread, do not chastise me or call me a "fool" for being friendly. Those actions really speak more to you than they do to me.

 

[2girls4me]

"kiddo" bothers me. I hear it at work from one of the sales people. Kind of annoying.

 

[Ceila]

I agree that the manner it was addressed by the woman was totally wrong, but what if someone politely told you that they preferred not to addresses as "honey, hon, sweetheart, etc.". Would you still think that they were acting inappropriately?

No, of course not. The issue with the woman in that story was the way she ripped into the poor sales clerk, instead of just asking her not to speak in that manner.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

I agree that the manner it was addressed by the woman was totally wrong, but what if someone politely told you that they preferred not to addresses as "honey, hon, sweetheart, etc.". Would you still think that they were acting inappropriately?

No that's not inappropriate at all. I would probably apologize and ask what they would like to be called.

 

[crashbb]

No, of course not. The issue with the woman in that story was the way she ripped into the poor sales clerk, instead of just asking her not to speak in that manner.

No that's not inappropriate at all. I would probably apologize and ask what they would like to be called.

Just to point out that I was specifically asking a PP, based on something in her post. She has clarified (though it appears that she would, in fact, think less of someone who asked not be called those names).

 

[MIGrandma]

Of course not! But to myself, I'd probably wonder what put the huge chip on their shoulder.

Though like I said above, do not question my motives for using these terms and as someone else mentioned in this thread, do not chastise me or call me a "fool" for being friendly. Those actions really speak more to you than they do to me.

Just because someone doesn't like being called those names by a total stranger doesn't mean they "have a chip on their shoulder." It just means they don't like being called those names by a total stranger. Why is that so difficult to understand?

We all have things we like or don't like. I'm sure there are things you don't like that wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but I wouldn't say you "have a chip on your shoulder" because of it.

 

[snapppyd]

This seems to be a cultural thing, like giving money vs. a gift at a wedding.

*ducks and runs*

 

[Scurvy]

Just because someone doesn't like being called those names by a total stranger doesn't mean they "have a chip on their shoulder." It just means they don't like being called those names by a total stranger. Why is that so difficult to understand?

We all have things we like or don't like. I'm sure there are things you don't like that wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but I wouldn't say you "have a chip on your shoulder" because of it.

Honestly, the "chip on their shoulder" comment is exactly why I have never asked anyone not to use "Hon" or "Dear" or any other endearment to refer to me. I've seen this come up on other boards and I'm always shocked by the reactions from the people who use (or at least don't mind) those terms when they discover some people don't feel it's appropriate to use them for strangers. People get very irritated or defensive when they find out some people don't like it. They never think they might be wrong for using the terms. Instead they think the people who don't want to be referred to that way have a problem.

I sort of see it as being similar to when you introduce yourself as "Katherine", and some random person you've just met calls you "Kat" instead. Most people will understand if you aren't comfortable with that. Most people would not take it on themselves to call someone by a nickname when they don't even know them. Those who do go straight to a nickname aren't going to understand why they shouldn't. They are just going to think that the person is being old fashioned or overly formal or stuck up to prefer that you use their real name. For many people, going straight to an endearment is just as inappropriate. (And that's even in the South, in my experience, unless the person you are talking to is a child.) But those who like to use the terms are just going to think you have a chip on your shoulder if you correct them, and if they start using your name or ma'am instead it's going to be because they are humoring you (often with a heavy dose of eye rolling and sarcasm) and not because they actually understand why you were uncomfortable with them referring to you that way.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...Honestly, the "chip on their shoulder" comment is exactly why I have never asked anyone not to use "Hon" or "Dear" or any other endearment to refer to me. I've seen this come up on other boards and I'm always shocked by the reactions from the people who use (or at least don't mind) those terms when they discover some people don't feel it's appropriate to use them for strangers. People get very irritated or defensive when they find out some people don't like it. They never think they might be wrong for using the terms. Instead they think the people who don't want to be referred to that way have a problem...

I really think that it comes down to the way that it is communicated. I stopped using the terms because women in the Northeast are offended by them. I don't use them at all anymore. But, when I first moved up here, I got some very nasty remarks from people when I used them. Those people did have a problem. Not because they didn't want to be referred to in such a manner, but because they were jerks. Run into enough of these jerks and you can't help but to begin to paint with too broad a brush, kwim?

 

[crashbb]

I really think that it comes down to the way that it is communicated. I stopped using the terms because women in the Northeast are offended by them. I don't use them at all anymore. But, when I first moved up here, I got some very nasty remarks from people when I used them. Those people did have a problem. Not because they didn't want to be referred to in such a manner, but because they were jerks. Run into enough of these jerks and you can't help but to begin to paint with too broad a brush, kwim?

I agree that people can be jerks (see the post about the woman in store); hower, the comment about thinking that they had a chip on their shoulder was specifically in reference to people who, politely, informed the PP that they'd prefer not to called "Hun" (or whatever). It specifically excluded those who were jerks about it.