Don't call me "hun"

[snarlingcoyote]

I'm a nurse in an urban hospital.
Being called "Hun" is the least of my worries.
I've been called things where I had to ask the person "Just exactly where on my body is that located?".

 

[miralys]

I get called these sorts of things a lot. Hun, darling, sweetie, etc. Males and females do it. Part of it is because I look much younger than I really am and part of it is because it is just the culture around here, especially working in construction. I don't even notice it anymore and it certainly doesn't bother me.

If it gets insulting or condescending, that's not cool, but insults are made clear by the tone of the conversation, not the choice of words.

 

[krcit]

Nope, just strangers.

I saw the funniest thing last week. I was in a women's clothing store and the salesperson was calling everyone hun. She was MAYBE 20 years old, and the women she was talking to were all much older. One of them finally turned to her and said "I am NOT your "hun". Do not refer to me as that. It is condescending and insulting and it makes you look like a fool". I had to walk away because I wanted to laugh. The look on the girl's face was priceless!

I think that's disgusting. The poor girl was doing her job and trying to be friendly. If it bothered the woman that much, she could have nicely said to the girl "Please don't call me hun..only my husband can do that.' Or something like that. No reason to be rude to the girl. I swear sometimes I think people sit at home and try to think of ways to be offended. Gak, life's too short AND there are plenty of real problems in the world.

 

[PaulaSB12]

The only thing that I don't like being called is MS I am Miss not Ms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[crashbb]

I think that's disgusting. The poor girl was doing her job and trying to be friendly. If it bothered the woman that much, she could have nicely said to the girl "Please don't call me hun..only my husband can do that.' Or something like that. No reason to be rude to the girl. I swear sometimes I think people sit at home and try to think of ways to be offended. Gak, life's too short AND there are plenty of real problems in the world.

I agree. The woman in story is the one who looked like a fool (well, and the PP who seems to thing that the women's response was hysterical, rather than shameful.

 

[doxdogy]

Amen - I actually got in trouble with a former employer for opening the door for a female employee (I was absolved, but still ). Amazing the things that people will get upset about today.

Please tell me you are kidding?

Another one that just doesn't understand the fuss. I grew up in the south and I hear it all the time. I use dear (except my bosses and they are ma'am and sir) at work and no one seems to get upset. Then again some of them are young enough to be my kid.

 

[Adipoo]

It boggles my mind, that people have enough time to allow themselves to be offended by such nonsense. Please don't come to the Baltimore area, my goodness, they even use the term in local commercials, hun. Don't go down south or you'll be darlin'ed, chere'd, or hon'ed...a lot. And definitely don't spend too much time in West Hollywood!!

I myself favor chere, it can always put a smile on my face.

 

[eliza61]

It always sceeves me out when people I do not know call me "hon" or "honey". That did not happen at all where I grew up so when I moved South it really got under my skin. I find it creepy. My husband thinks it means the waitress likes him. I keep trying to tell him they call everyone that.

So let me ask you, if they call every one that, what's "sceeving" about it?

 

[snapppyd]

It all depends on so many things. I'm "of a certain age" and would not like to be called hun or honey or sweetie by someone younger than me. I also think it's inappropriate in a business setting.

I once heard my DH calling someone 'dear' on the phone and I got mad at him, he didn't get it

I guess age, tone of voice, setting, etc. all come into play here. I personally never call anyone by those names. If an "older" person said it to me in a non-condescending way I probably wouldn't mind. It's all very subjective.

 

[Ceila]

I completely understand that some people don't care to be called hon, sweetie, etc. Everyone has a right to prefer some things and not care for others.

What bothers me is that some of those who don't care for it seem to assign a nefarious intent behind it, despite being told by many on this thread and others that there really is (usually) nothing behind it except a way of talking. It's not said to be condescending, it's not meant to offend. It's just a way to refer to someone when you don't know their name, and it's often cultural. If you don't care for it when someone addresses you in that manner, you can just politely ask the person to use your name or whatever your preference is (ma'am, sir, etc.). I'm sure that most anyone you say that to would be more than happy to accommodate your request!

 

[MIGrandma]

For all of you that don't like it, can you explain why?

To me those names are "terms of endearment", meant for close family to say to each other, not some stranger or employee/customer setting. And I really see no need for a perfect stranger to call someone they don't even know those names. If it's a server in a restaurant all that is necessary are things like "are you ready to order?", "is everything all right here?", "would you like a refill on your drink?", "did you want to order dessert tonight?", etc. No need to tack on "honey, sweetie, darlin' or dear to any of those questions. Same for retail, "can I help you?", "would you like to try those on?", or in the check out lane "did you find everything okay?", "how are you today?" and "have a nice day" is enough. Personally, I don't "get" why someone would even want to call a total stranger a name like that.

 

[DefLepard]

I am not sure why it irks me so much but it does. One of my husbands friends always says thanks hun, or honey can you go get this. Ugh. He says it in a demeaning tone, which I think is the problem. I am not the maid and I don;t answer to hon.

Sorry Ma'am

 

[Ceila]

To me those names are "terms of endearment", meant for close family to say to each other, not some stranger or employee/customer setting. And I really see no need for a perfect stranger to call someone they don't even know those names. If it's a server in a restaurant all that is necessary are things like "are you ready to order?", "is everything all right here?", "would you like a refill on your drink?", "did you want to order dessert tonight?", etc. No need to tack on "honey, sweetie, darlin' or dear to any of those questions. Same for retail, "can I help you?", "would you like to try those on?", or in the check out lane "did you find everything okay?", "how are you today?" and "have a nice day" is enough. Personally, I don't "get" why someone would even want to call a total stranger a name like that.

I really think this is where the regional difference shows up. To people from certain areas, those names aren't really a term of endearment so much as a friendly replacement for someone's given name, when you don't know what their name is. And, like many, many have said, it's ingrained in some cultural areas. It's like y'all, doncha know, eh, or yo

 

[Goofyluver]

You can call me hon, sweetheart, or darlin', as long as you're simply using it as a way to express friendliness.

Do NOT, on the other hand, wink at me, wiggle your eyebrows, do the shooter guns, look at my ****s instead of my eyes, check out my hind-end as I turn to grab my purse, or otherwise make yourself out to be an ***.

I also use the terms honey, hon, sweetheart, sweetie, darlin', etc. in order to be friendly. I'm not flirting with you, meaning to demean, or otherwise reducing you to the mental age of a child. I'm being nice. If you come back at me and question my motives or chastise me for using such language, I think you're showing more about your manners than you are about me as a person. Should you come at me like someone in this thread mentioned and call me a "fool" for using the terms mentioned above, I may tilt towards calling you something other than a name meant to endear. Although I probably won't say it outloud since I am a lady...but I'll certainly be thinking it as I walk away.

 

[snapppyd]

When we were in our early '20's we went out for dinner and drinks with DH's cousin and her husband.

I was horrified when she asked the waitress, who was at least 20 years her senior "sweetie, can you get me another drink?". I thought it was the height of condescension (we are from NY).

 

[bunkkinsmom]

You can call me hon, sweetheart, or darlin', as long as you're simply using it as a way to express friendliness.

Do NOT, on the other hand, wink at me, wiggle your eyebrows, do the shooter guns, look at my ****s instead of my eyes, check out my hind-end as I turn to grab my purse, or otherwise make yourself out to be an ***.

I also use the terms honey, hon, sweetheart, sweetie, darlin', etc. in order to be friendly. I'm not flirting with you, meaning to demean, or otherwise reducing you to the mental age of a child. I'm being nice. If you come back at me and question my motives or chastise me for using such language, I think you're showing more about your manners than you are about me as a person. Should you come at me like someone in this thread mentioned and call me a "fool" for using the terms mentioned above, I may tilt towards calling you something other than a name meant to endear. Although I probably won't say it outloud since I am a lady...but I'll certainly be thinking it as I walk away.

THIS!

 

[kirstenb1]

I use this term subconciously, when no one can even hear me!! In the parking lot of our grocery store, I always wave pedestrians across, saying, "go ahead hon", with the windows rolled up!!! Does it count if no one can hear you?

 

[Mama Who]

Doesn't bother me which is a good thing since a lot of people say it around here. (southern IL) I really love it when I hear "Bless your heart" don't know why but that is so nice. I hear that often also.

Oh... it isn't really all THAT nice. (That statement is frequently code for "F off and die.")

 

[Lanshark]

I took my 25 year old DD to IHOP today and our server, who is probably younger than DD, called us both HUN. I have definitely been called worse things but thought it funny DD didn't care as long as she got her funnel cakes.

 

[disfan07]

I don't mind hon, sweetie, dear....depending on who it is coming from.

I routinely hear things like this from my doctors and nurses. My nurses are always calling me sweetie.

I hate "bless your heart"...I'm sorry, but I have never heard that phrase in a way that is not meant to be mean. It is just a way for those who use it to seem like they are being polite.