Does your child go to college but live at home?

[disneyismyname]

Honestly, I'm shocked at the amount of kids (in this thread) who still live with their parents and go to college.

And we wonder why kids don't ever want to grow up?

Living with us as a college student is not an option. You go to college, you live there. I'm not interested in having a 13th grader living in my house.

My best friend in college lived off campus (I went to UW-RF and she lived in Stillwater) and commuted every day.

She missed SO much and she hated it. After the first year, she finally moved to campus and LOVED it.

Living at home and going to college is just like high school. You miss out on so much.

Actually, on second thought, after being around the Dis for a while, I'm not shocked at all the kids that still live at home and go to college.

My college doesn't have dorms, would you prefer me living in a parking lot?
Or if I did live in an apartment, I would need assistance from the government because I don't make enough money to support myself. I wouldn't do that. I enjoy living with my parents and they enjoy me being here. I don't live off them. I still do chores because I like a clean house and being an adult, I know what is expected of me. Its not like I'm 12 years old and telling them "I don't want to clean my room!". I even buy and make a few meals a week.
Like I said in a past post, I tried the "real college life", it wasn't my taste. So I came home, got a job, and commuted to a school near my city. And I don't want to paying Sallie Mae money for the rest of my life. My sister (stayed on campus for 2 years, off campus for the rest) has been out of college for 7 years and is still paying her loans.

 

[jodifla]

I'm glad to hear that she's happier now I just really don't think I would enjoy dorm life either. So far commuting is working out really well for me and I love it



It's completely different from high school. For one thing I'm going to school with a ton of people I don't know instead of the same group of kids I've been with for 12 years. It's a whole new, unfamiliar place. Just because I'm not living there doesn't mean it's not an adventure for the 7-8 hours a day I'm on campus. It's a whole new experience even if I'm living at home.

And I'm also factoring in the fact that it costs over $10,000 a year to live on campus, not including the meal plan.

To me, being someplace 7 or 8 hours a day is nothing like being there 24/7.

I chose not to live in the dorms, either. Instead I got a very cheap apartment near campus and split a 1 bedroom with another girl. Cooked my own meals, bought my own food, paid my own utility bills, got my own checking account and handled all my own financial affairs, did my own laundry, joined campus organizations, handled my classes, studying time and a job.

Now, I did have the advantage of going many, many moons ago. As people have pointed out, the costs are different today. But it would have been a completely different experience to live at home and go to college -- which I did, for one summer semester. It was nothing like being away at school.

 

[mom2rtk]

My college doesn't have dorms, would you prefer me living in a parking lot?
Or if I did live in an apartment, I would need assistance from the government because I don't make enough money to support myself. I wouldn't do that. I enjoy living with my parents and they enjoy me being here. I don't live off them. I still do chores because I like a clean house and being an adult, I know what is expected of me. Its not like I'm 12 years old and telling them "I don't want to clean my room!". I even buy and make a few meals a week.
Like I said in a past post, I tried the "real college life", it wasn't my taste. So I came home, got a job, and commuted to a school near my city. And I don't want to paying Sallie Mae money for the rest of my life. My sister (stayed on campus for 2 years, off campus for the rest) has been out of college for 7 years and is still paying her loans.

You sound like a very mature and smart young lady.

I think you're learning more about real life than you ever could living in a dorm.

 

[jodifla]

Wow, this thread is funny! I never thought I'd read where people have negative opinions of kids who stay home and go to college.

I live in a big city, went to the university in the city and had a job. Lived at home.
I could make a movie about my "adventures". And they had nothing to do with college. Oh, I'm 37.

Thank god my parents had the sense to strongly suggest I attend the college at home. At 17/18 they knew much better than I did that I was not mature enough to go away to school. I hated school, (still do), and needed the constant threat of my dad.

The stuff I did while living at home during college, I can't imagine if I went away. Within two months of graduating I had my first job, a little less than a year after that, had my first apartment.

I won't be having children, but if I did, I would have no problem with them staying home and going to school. Maybe it's different if you live in rural areas?

And, um, let's talk maturity. All the recent grads who come straight from campus living to living apartment life in the city. Worst neighbors ever. Everytime. And yes I'm generalizing, but it's what I experience. They can't let go of the college "experience" and act like they still live on a campus.
Guess what, you don't. You are among people with jobs who have to get up in the morning for work, don't want to you screaming from your deck about how great your night was, dropping plants and beer bottles from your deck with your 50 closest friends at 2 in the morning on a Wednesday.

Yes, I'm bitter right now!

I worked all through college, and had my own apartment all through college. But I didn't need my dad over my shoulder as a threat; I was self-motivated.

 

[disneyismyname]

You sound like a very mature and smart young lady.

I think you're learning more about real life than you ever could living in a dorm.

Thank you!
I'd also like to mention that thanks to the commuting to college life style and a working full time, I saved enough money to take my MOTHER to Disney World in 2009 and we also went to WWOHP opening week! Just my way to say "Thank You" to her. She had never been on a plane before the 2009 trip. We never went on vacation when we were younger because with 6 of us in the house and something always need fixing...we were always making ends meat. So I wanted her to relax and have fun. She loved the Disney Cruise! I know I'm gloating but I love giving special trips and gifts to my parents! I rather go to Disney World than live in a college dorm!

 

[mom2rtk]

Thank you!
I'd also like to mention that thanks to the commuting to college life style and a working full time, I saved enough money to take my MOTHER to Disney World in 2009 and we also went to WWOHP opening week! Just my way to say "Thank You" to her. She had never been on a plane before the 2009 trip. We never went on vacation when we were younger because with 6 of us in the house and something always need fixing...we were always making ends meat. So I wanted her to relax and have fun. She loved the Disney Cruise! I know I'm gloating but I love giving special trips and gifts to my parents! I rather go to Disney World than live in a college dorm!

You go ahead and gloat. It sounds like you're doing great.

 

[pacrosby]

I'm alittle late to the party here but just felt the need to say...

All this talk about kids living at home being deprived of the opportunity to grow up and learn some responsibility makes me say "Hmmmmmmmm...." When I went to school (oh so many years ago) what I recall is witnessing and participating in alot of activities/behaviors that were anything but mature and responsible. At the age of 18, 19, even 20.......being away from home, living in a dorm, actually did a lot more to enable us to continue our adolescent antics than force us to act grow up and act responsibly. On-campus life is hardly a trial run for real life as an adult.

As I see it (and the message I am sending to my children), the primary purpose of college is to gain an education. There are plenty of other ways to grow up, learn responsibility and gain important life experience.

To be quite honest, I didn't grow up and learn the meaning of true personal responsibility until I was far away from that environment.

 

[Bilberry]

Saw this article by Professor Walter Russell Mead this morning about kids living at home for schooling and support. Thought to post. The piece is on Japan and Italy. These days nearly 80% of the young live at home here! Hopfully it is not a harbinger of things to come here in the US.

"The War Against The Young: Warning From Italy and Japan"

http://blogs.the-american-interest....ar-on-the-young-warning-from-italy-and-japan/

 

[amg35]

I worked all through college, and had my own apartment all through college. But I didn't need my dad over my shoulder as a threat; I was self-motivated.

So did two of my sisters, they went away.

I worked too, but still hated school! Don't worry too much, I spent most weekends staying at my friends apartments - and they weren't even in school!!

It's nice we are both satisfied with our choices, isn't it?

 

[pacrosby]

Saw this article by Professor Walter Russell Mead this morning about kids living at home for schooling and support. Thought to post. The piece is on Japan and Italy. These days nearly 80% of the young live at home here! Hopfully it is not a harbinger of things to come here in the US.

"The War Against The Young: Warning From Italy and Japan"

http://blogs.the-american-interest....ar-on-the-young-warning-from-italy-and-japan/

Interesting that you seem to have interpreted this article to be a case against kids living at home for schooling and support. I didn't read that at all.

Many people continue to believe that the traditional post-secondary education, obtained in the more traditional way, is THE key to a successful life. However, the skyrocketing costs associated with that education coupled with the uncertainty of today's job market and the relatively high cost of living often result in a vastly different outcome. "Kids living at home for schooling and support" is less a part of the problem than an attempt at a solution.

I'd be interested in seeing the statistics regarding the percentage of kids who live at home during college who are still at home 1-5 yrs after graduation? Are they greater or lesser than the percentage of kids living away at school during college who end up back at home 1-5 yrs after graduation? I don't believe it's reasonable to suspect it's more. I'd be willing to bet it's less.



ETA: I just found an article from the NYT from 2010 that states "In 1980, 11% of 25-34-year-olds were living in multigenerational households. By 2008, 20% were". I think we have a long way to go to before we need to worry about catching up to Italy and Japan

 

[jodifla]

Interesting that you seem to have interpreted this article to be a case against kids living at home for schooling and support. I didn't read that at all.

Many people continue to believe that the traditional post-secondary education, obtained in the more traditional way, is THE key to a successful life. However, the skyrocketing costs associated with that education coupled with the uncertainty of today's job market and the relatively high cost of living often result in a vastly different outcome. "Kids living at home for schooling and support" is less a part of the problem than an attempt at a solution.

I'd be interested in seeing the statistics regarding the percentage of kids who live at home during college who are still at home 1-5 yrs after graduation? Are they greater or lesser than the percentage of kids living away at school during college who end up back at home 1-5 yrs after graduation? I don't believe it's reasonable to suspect it's more. I'd be willing to bet it's less.



ETA: I just found an article from the NYT from 2010 that states "In 1980, 11% of 25-34-year-olds were living in multigenerational households. By 2008, 20% were". I think we have a long way to go to before we need to worry about catching up to Italy and Japan

You make a lot of good points. ANd I'm sure it's the right fit for some kids to live at home and go to college.

But for those kids who'd really like to move away and can't, I think it's a shame. You experience things differently if you are totally immersed in the campus life, vs. shuttling in for a few hours every day. I saw this clearly in the commuter college that was in our town, and which I attended for a semester.

You are really only in that place in life once, right out of high school, but before taking a full-time job and being completely on your own. Once it's gone, it's gone.

 

[pacrosby]

You make a lot of good points. ANd I'm sure it's the right fit for some kids to live at home and go to college.

But for those kids who'd really like to move away and can't, I think it's a shame. You experience things differently if you are totally immersed in the campus life, vs. shuttling in for a few hours every day. I saw this clearly in the commuter college that was in our town, and which I attended for a semester.

You are really only in that place in life once, right out of high school, but before taking a full-time job and being completely on your own. Once it's gone, it's gone.

I do hear what you're saying and don't completely disagree

I think it's reasonable to assume that each of our individual opinions are shaped by our own personal experiences and the experiences of those we knew/know . Living away at school for me (and MANY of those I know) was a way to postpone growing up. Our parents paid for our education. The food service people fed us on demand. We were smart enough to do well without having to study for hours on end and as a result spent an inordinate amount of time partying and hanging out .

That's not to say I don't believe there are college students who are mature and responsible, focused and self-disciplined. I just think that those who are will find a way to make the very most of their college years whether in a dorm or at home under mom and dad's roof.



You know even if I had and wanted to spend that extra 10 grand a year, when I think of what that 40K saved from living at home could buy........

- the ability to pursue some unusual summer internships/volunteer opportunities?
- a series of overseas summer educational experiences?
- the purchase of a car?
- first/last/security for their first apartment
- perhaps the downpayment for a house?
- start-up costs for a business?
- graduate school?

Just seems like a no-brainer to me

 

[mom2rtk]

You know even if I had and wanted to spend an extra 10 grand a year.....when I think of what kind of experiences that 10K saved from living at home could buy... . I don't know, if I had to choose between encouraging my child to live in a dorm room and eat mediocre cafeteria food or living at home and having the funds necessary for an overseas summer educational experience? Seems like a no-brainer to me

Or on that same line..... I wonder what 40K invested as a teenager could turn into by retirement?

 

[jodifla]

I do hear what you're saying and don't completely disagree

I think it's reasonable to assume that each of our individual opinions are shaped by our own personal experiences and the experiences of those we knew/know . Living away at school for me (and MANY of those I know) was a way to postpone growing up. Our parents paid for our education. The food service people fed us on demand. We were smart enough to do well without having to study for hours on end and as a result spent an inordinate amount of time partying and hanging out .

That's not to say I don't believe there are college students who are mature and responsible, focused and self-disciplined. I just think that those who are will find a way to make the very most of their college years whether in a dorm or at home under mom and dad's roof.



You know even if I had and wanted to spend that extra 10 grand a year, when I think of what that 40K saved from living at home could buy........

- the ability to pursue some unusual summer internships/volunteer opportunities?
- a series of overseas summer educational experiences?
- the purchase of a car?
- first/last/security for their first apartment
- perhaps the downpayment for a house?
- start-up costs for a business?
- graduate school?

Just seems like a no-brainer to me

And for me, I wouldn't trade 40 grand for the experiences I had in college that have lasted me a lifetime. What I got out of the experience was truly priceless for me....and because I went to a really great college away from home, it made all the difference in my career, as well.

 

[Tink9721]

My college doesn't have dorms, would you prefer me living in a parking lot?
Or if I did live in an apartment, I would need assistance from the government because I don't make enough money to support myself. I wouldn't do that. I enjoy living with my parents and they enjoy me being here. I don't live off them. I still do chores because I like a clean house and being an adult, I know what is expected of me. Its not like I'm 12 years old and telling them "I don't want to clean my room!". I even buy and make a few meals a week.
Like I said in a past post, I tried the "real college life", it wasn't my taste. So I came home, got a job, and commuted to a school near my city. And I don't want to paying Sallie Mae money for the rest of my life. My sister (stayed on campus for 2 years, off campus for the rest) has been out of college for 7 years and is still paying her loans.

I'm an only child, commuting, living at home with my mom. I do my chores, and I make my own breakfast and dinner most days. I spent most of my summer taking care of my mom after she had surgery. I did all of the errands and most of the cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. I'm perfectly capable of doing all of these things whether I'm living at home, in a dorm, or an apartment

To me, being someplace 7 or 8 hours a day is nothing like being there 24/7.

I chose not to live in the dorms, either. Instead I got a very cheap apartment near campus and split a 1 bedroom with another girl. Cooked my own meals, bought my own food, paid my own utility bills, got my own checking account and handled all my own financial affairs, did my own laundry, joined campus organizations, handled my classes, studying time and a job.

Now, I did have the advantage of going many, many moons ago. As people have pointed out, the costs are different today. But it would have been a completely different experience to live at home and go to college -- which I did, for one summer semester. It was nothing like being away at school.

I know it's not the same as living there, but I don't think you need to live on campus to have a college experience. That's great if having an apartment worked out for you. That's not an option for me, since I wasn't able to find a job over the summer, but even if I did I'd still be living at home. Everyone is different, and I think this will work out for me. So far I'm really enjoying going to school and commuting

 

[KandD]

I never lived on campus. I went to a community college, then transferred to an university. (I then went to the same university for grad school).

Living on campus was never something that appealed to me. When I transferred to the university I was on a dance team and it helped me feel connected to the school, etc.

I worked full time starting when I was 17 (right out of high school). I saved money and paid all of my bills. I graduated undergrad and grad school with NO student loans at all. Also, I got a job in my field before I even graduated undergrad.

I do not regret my decision at all. I do think that some teenagers need to be out on their own and stop depending on their parents so much. Sometimes this is accomplished by going away to school but I have seen it where it totally backfires as well...they go to school, go buck wild, and end up dropping out or failing out (and usually have high student loans to pay off as well).

Everyone is different but just because a student doesn't live at school does not mean that it has any bearing on their maturity or responsibility level.

 

[NewRVLady]

 

[Missy1961]

Wow! old thread.

 

[usd2bmd]

thread may be old but I think it is still a tough decision to be made.

My daughter is starting college in the fall and will be living at home. She is going to community college and there are a couple reasons for her decision.

The first being debt. She has cousins who went away to school and came to with a large amount of debt and a not so good job market. She doesn't want to be saddled with a ton of debt when she's done.

School has also been a struggle for her so she wants to be sure she can handle it and going away to school and incurring extra cost for room and board I something she doesn't want to think about right now.

I think kids can have the "college experience" without actually living on campus.

 

[jodifla]

thread may be old but I think it is still a tough decision to be made.

My daughter is starting college in the fall and will be living at home. She is going to community college and there are a couple reasons for her decision.

The first being debt. She has cousins who went away to school and came to with a large amount of debt and a not so good job market. She doesn't want to be saddled with a ton of debt when she's done.

School has also been a struggle for her so she wants to be sure she can handle it and going away to school and incurring extra cost for room and board I something she doesn't want to think about right now.

I think kids can have the "college experience" without actually living on campus.

I think you can get an education, but the college experience one gets while living off campus is pretty limited.