Does Anyone Know someone in a Arranged Marriage?

[kdibattista]

I used to work with an Indian man who was in the process of "choosing" his bride. His parents were back in India and would give him several candidates. I know he went back to meet one of them but did not marry her. He was away on another trip when I left the company. I'm sure he is probably married by now.

 

[Disney Ella]

DH worked with two guys who had arranged marriages fall apart. In one case, the wife's family thought that the DH would bring a lot more money into the marriage then he did. In the other case, the guy (who grew up here) was introduced to several women that the family thought were suitable and told to pick one to date. He did, liked her well enough and soon after they started dating, the pressure was put on them to marry. The wife had grown up in India and was into the traditional Indian culture and customs and the husband considered himself an American and wanted to behave like an American. I was surprised when they actually got divorced. I thought they'd just suck it up and be unhappy together.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I know of at least 6 couples who all had arranged marriages and are still married to this day and appear to be very happy. Most of these couples are of Asia descent and a couple of them are from other countries (Italy and Pakistan).

No one wants to acknowledge that a lot of American and /or English families have also had arranged marriages for many years and believe it or not it still happens although no one really talks about it anymore.

 

[tevagirl]

I know of at least 6 couples who all had arranged marriages and are still married to this day and appear to be very happy. Most of these couples are of Asia descent and a couple of them are from other countries (Italy and Pakistan).

No one wants to acknowledge that a lot of American and /or English families have also had arranged marriages for many years and believe it or not it still happens although no one really talks about it anymore.

Wow, you know 6 couples? I have got to get out more.

 

[sharbear]

Wow, you know 6 couples? I have got to get out more.

I think that it depends what community you are in and what ethnic diversity it has. All the east Asian couples that are my age have arranged marriages. Some seem very happy and some live very seperate lives. Just like here. I do notice that the women that are my age are into pleasing their husbands. They want to make his favorite foods and cater to him, more than most American women. The men are king of their households and they are the ones who dictate how the family runs. At least this is my experience with the east Asian couples that I know.

I wonder how the girls who are my DD age will treat their husbands. Will they be traditional wives or will they become more like Americans.

I did know one Indian couple pretty well. They were not going to arrange marriages for their children but I think that the children were encouraged to find Indians to date.

 

[goofygirl]

I worked with someone from India who was in an arranged marriage. They have been married over 30 years and have 3 very bright and happy children. It turned out well.


I said to her I think its easier than dating a bunch of losers until you meet the right one!

 

[Caradana]

Here's an interesting question: if American culture had encouraged this, and your parents had been able to pick out who you would marry - who would it have been, and what would your life have been like today?

I know mine: Doug B. I actually did have a huge crush on him in sixth grade. Our families are close and the running joke was that if Doug and I wanted to elope, my mother would provide the ladder (so I could escape out of my bedroom window) and his mother would loan him her minivan as the getaway car. Anyway, Doug went on to be a terrific athlete at a college in Pennsylvania, and now he works as an analyst for a financial company. I honestly don't think my life would be all that different.

How about you? Do you know who your mother would've looked to as a candidate?

 

[Evil Genius]

My dh's old boss had an arranged marriage. They all ways have looked pretty happy together.They have 2 children and are still together after 27 years

 

[DVC Sadie]

Wow, you know 6 couples? I have got to get out more.

These 6 couples are only the weddings I have attended.

I am retired from the Air Force and met a lot of different people from all types of cultural backgrounds and lived amongst many different cultures while stationed in the far east. When I retired we lived in a subdivision in Maryland that had all different ethnic groups. I consider myself very lucky to have met so many different people.

 

[ANTSS2001]

Have not read all the previous post but just had to post ! Six of my older sister were arranged marriage. I was the 1st one to break the chain . Parents were not happy but thank God now it is all history. And the Punch Line ??? The guy that I was supposed to marry finally came out of the closet after 12 years! And now is happily married with his true love

 

[Honu]

I have an aunt whose marriage was arranged by Reverend Moon. The first time she met the guy, who didn't speak a word of english, was when they were married at Madison Square Garden in 1998. They are still together and they even had a bunch of Moonettes, but they all have left the Moonies to join another cult.

The truly scary thing is that they are some of the more normal people in my family.

 

[Cass]

Does Anyone Know someone in a Arranged Marriage?

You mean besides my husband? lol

 

[Alison Wonderland]

I have a friend from Lebanon whose marriage was arranged. She was married on paper in Lebanon and brought to America at 17--he had already been here a few years. She barely knew any English. She has never been happy wih him and finally after many years is trying to get a divorce. He prevented her for many years by reminding her of the "shame" it would bring to her family but by now she just wants out.

 

[Keli]

I know this probably sounds odd but when I think about it I am convinced that my parents could have picked out a very good husband for me. I'm glad that our family wasn't part of a culture that does that sort of thing since I enjoyed dating and picking out my own fella but I am certain Mom would have done a very good job had she needed to.

I'm not certain I could have done as well for my dd. I fear I would have chosen the fella I wanted for her and not the one that would actually make her happy. Honestly, I'm just thankful I don't have that responsiblity. I can't imagine the guilt a parent would feel if their child was desperately unhappy with the person they had picked for them.

 

[Nancy]

Funny we were just talking about this today. A co-worker went home to Nepal about 1 month ago. When I inquired when she was coming back I was asked if I knew she went home to get married, which BTW I did not know. I guess it was an arranged marriage done by the parents when she was very young. She moved here about 2 years ago to go to school and will be coming back here at the end of the month...bringing her new husband with her.

 

[disykat]

Here's an interesting question: if American culture had encouraged this, and your parents had been able to pick out who you would marry - who would it have been, and what would your life have been like today?

I know mine too. I have actually thought about this occasionally in the last few years. The guy my parents would have picked was of Iranian descent and had definate middle eastern looks. I've wondered if any children we had would have experienced life differently since 9/11. My children IRL are blond and blue eyed so it's sort of weird to think how different they would have looked.

 

[tevagirl]

These 6 couples are only the weddings I have attended.

I am retired from the Air Force and met a lot of different people from all types of cultural backgrounds and lived amongst many different cultures while stationed in the far east. When I retired we lived in a subdivision in Maryland that had all different ethnic groups. I consider myself very lucky to have met so many different people.

I consider you very lucky too. How exciting and what a learning experience that must have been for you.

 

[tar heel]

I do know people in arranged marriages. One of my friends moved here from India when she was 10. She met her husband when they were graduate students at Harvard. One of her younger sisters, however, got tired of dating duds and asked her parents to arrange a marriage. They all went to India where she met appropriate men, chose one and married him.

My DS's girlfriend is a senior in high school and is friends with a boy who is fun, out-going, has lots of friends,etc., but does not date b/c he already has an arranged marriage.

 

[vetrik]

I went to high school with boy and girl twins, their parents were from India. The girl did not date at all because she already had an arranged marriage, but the boy dated a lot. I think that he did not have an arranged marriage, but could choose one if he wanted. I lost touch with them after high school, so I don't know how things worked out.

I have probably an "American" version of an arranged marriage. Both DH and I had dated around, but during a time when we were both single our mothers conspired to set us up on a date (his mother was my kindergarten teacher, and our mothers had taught together at the same school for many years, and they always thought we'd be good together). 6 1/2 years later, we've been married for 2 years and our moms couldn't be happier. I'm glad they waited until we had dated other people to set us up - I'm not sure I would have been as open to DH earlier in life. Now of course, I'm thrilled with how it worked out!

 

[U2_rocks!]

I know one couple my parents' age (60s) who are still together all these years later (over 30 years married). They have 2 sons. Their families were wealthy caucasian families with roots in England a few generations ago. It was considered beneficial to both families (and their businesses) for them to marry and unite their wealth.

A girl I went to school with, of Hindu faith, had a marriage arrnaged for her. She objected to it because she wanted to go to college and have a career, and she did not want to get married! The wedding went ahead (I was a guest), but she annulled it after a short while b/c she just couldn't go through with the whole thing. I've mostly lost touch with her now, so I don't know if she's reconciled with her family or not, but at the time they were pretty upset at the annulment.