Do you think it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes in your home?

[NikitaZee]

A few thoughts:

When we picked out new carpets and flooring for our home, it was with the understanding that people would be walking on it. Any wear attributed to that walking is just part of home ownership.

When inviting others to your home, you generally tidy up prior to their arrival and clean up any messes after their departure. This includes sweeping/vaccuming/mopping/shampooing. This is all part of being a good host. If someone does not wish to clean up after their guests in this manner, they ought not invite people into their homes.

A good host endevours to ensure that guests are comfortable in his/her home. Asking people to remove their shoes has the potential to make them uncomfortable. Therefore, a good host does not ask guests to remove their shoes.

I absolutely agree with this.

 

[TwinsinCA]

When inviting others to your home, you generally tidy up prior to their arrival and clean up any messes after their departure. This includes sweeping/vaccuming/mopping/shampooing. This is all part of being a good host. If someone does not wish to clean up after their guests in this manner, they ought not invite people into their homes.

Vacuuming is reasonable. Shampooing is not.

I wonder how many in the "leave your shoes on" camp have carpets and how many tile/hardwood. We have carpet and I do not want to have to get them washed often because people are tracking dirt in from outside.

I don't remember ever asking someone to remove their shoes. They just do. We've lived in our house for 7 years and our carpets are still in great shape. Not having people tracking things in from outside is probably a big reason why.

 

[Scurvy]

I don't ask but don't think it is rude. My cousin keeps a big basket of slippers for her guests because she feels strongly about shoes in her home. Why would I upset her and insist on keeping my shoes on? My floors are a bit scratched now but that first winter when they were brand new I cringed when a guest tromped in with muddy sandy shoes. I never said anything but that day I wished I had a no shoes policy that people knew about.

There might be no reason for you to do such a thing, but others might have what they consider to be good reasons. They could have a fungus that causes their feet to smell terrible or they could have fallen arches and every step without proper shoes could be painful. In cases like that, assuming the guest hasn't been warned of the "no shoes" policy before showing up at the host's home, the guest has the option of removing their shoes and being uncomfortable, upsetting their host by keeping their shoes on, or leaving. None of those are great options.

 

[MaumeeMom]

I have the no shoe policy as well. We have white carpets, not by choice they were here when we moved in, and with the Ohio weather, it just makes sense to take one's shoes off.

I think it is a regional thing here as everyone I know does it. Most people have space for shoes so there isn't a pile in front of the door.

I also have yoga socks ready in a basket for anyone who doesn't have socks on with their shoes. The oils from your skin, even the bottom of your feet can build up on the carpets, so I discourage bare feet.

I saw the yoga sock thing on Martha Stewart - if she has the rule, "It's a good thing."

My sister in law has deformed toes and would be MORTIFIED if she HAD to take her shoes off in someone's home. She would also be embarassed to have to say "I would rather not, I have deformed feet".

I have a bad toe (a crush injury) so I can sympathize. I usually have a pair of light yoga socks in my bag just in case I ever have to cover up my feet. I hate it - cute, closed toe sandals are hard to find.

 

[sunlver]

I do find it rude, except in cases where somebody walks in with gum,mud, dog poop on their shoes...We keep our shoes on here. Well the kids throw theirs off as soon as they come in the door. That is their choice, we never told them to do it. We have 4 dogs in the house, so no point in the no shoe rule. BUT..because I have kids and dogs, we don't buy the most expensive carpet, we are practical that way.
I hate when people tell us to take off their shoes in their house. Honestly, it has happened in yrs and yrs..Sometimes if its just a stop and go visit, I will tell them I will just speak to them on front porch etc...Now that I think of it, we dont have any fancy friends who ask us to remove shoes.

Oh, and I grew up in the Chicago area. Sure we would come in from the snow, take our boots off and put sneakers on, or whatever...My aunt use to visit a lot, and would take off boots, and have shoes she would carry with her in her purse to put on.

 

[MaumeeMom]

Here is a link from Martha Stewart's site:

http://www.marthastewart.com/article/an-entryway-that-welcomes

It shows a cute entryway which promotes a "No-shoes" policy.

and here is one listed under Household Preventative Care:

http://www.marthastewart.com/photogallery/household-preventative-care#slide_9

"Institute a no-shoes policy. Shoes track in all kinds of grime and abrade hard surfaces. Wear slippers instead indoors, or go barefoot."

As long as there is an option available to guests (like the yoga socks) I have no problem with a "no-shoes policy."

 

[disykat]

This area might be big on the shoe thing...

See, I always think this is interesting. I still live in "this area" (not in Tacoma anymore, but quite close) and don't think it's big on the no shoe thing at all. I am rarely in homes with this rule. I think it's more who you know. My Asian friends do have this rule, but most others don't. The first time I was EVER in a home with a no shoe rule was in 1990. My coworkers had a wedding shower for me and the hostess (whose home I hadn't been in before) was Japanese. I guess I should have guessed, but I was unprepared so the guest of honor had stinky boot feet with HOLES in my socks! Obviously that was 20 years ago, but with the exception of when we were househunting, I've only been asked two other times to take my shoes off! Trust me, since I've heard this is so prevalent I always check and everyone is wearing shoes!

I'm hanging out at home alone - and I've got my shoes on. I've pretty much had to wear shoes for foot support since I was in my 20's.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I have horrible feet problems and have had surgery on both of them. I am not even allowed to go the bathroom during the night without shoes. I try to abide by the no shoes policy that some have but by the end of the night I am miserable. Either I sit in one location and am a wall flower or there isn't enough chairs to go around so I am in pain. One time at a Christmas party, I about passed out and I am not exagerating. So for the people that are more concerned about their carpet than me I will now start speaking up for myself or just not visit.


I see the talk about slippers for the guests but they won't work for me and I am sure I am not the only one that has my problem.

 

[bicker]

Actually I thought what you said was ridiculous.

And my point is that you were wrong about that. We're disagreeing.

A moral imperative? That's just a tad dramatic.

Perhaps a little, but it was a matter of drawing the comparison, between the obligations of a host and the obligations of a guest. Your perspective indicates a really draconian guest-bias, as far as I can tell. I wonder if anyone lives the values as absolutely as you profess them, because I think, for a lot of people, it is chic to profess this guest-bias, but when push comes to shove they defer to a guests comfort only to some extent. I speak from personal experience as a vegetarian for whom hosts, perhaps folks who profess such guest-bias as you do, prepare either no vegetarian items for a dinner party, or make patently inconsiderate efforts in that regard. I also speak from second-hand experience as the husband of a woman who once was a smoker, and regularly exiled to the bitter cold to address her chemical addiction, by hosts who would not have their home affected by one or two cigarettes smoked. It is amazing how people try to rationalize saying it is appropriate for hosts to preclude cigarettes that could make drapes smokey, but not appropriate for hosts to preclude shoes that could scratch wood floors

And it goes broader than that... if you're a Christian, and I'm visiting you as your guest for Christmas, do we go to Midnight Mass at your church? or do you find a UU fellowship and have us go there together?

When you visit someone it is their home you're visiting, their life you're sharing in, and their values that prevail. That's the "imperative". The considerations hosts make to defer to the guest's perspective over that of their own) is hospitality, a noble endeavor.

And yes, I think it's rude to ask.

You're entitled to your opinion, of course, but the real message here, that I hope you and those who agree with you are getting, is that reasonable people disagree about this. So since you think it is rude to ask, that means it is rude for you to ask, but since other people don't think it is rude to ask, that means it is not rude for them to ask. You can't judge the actions of others by your personal values; otherwise, I'd have to label you as immoral if you eat animals. (And to be clear: I don't label you as immoral if you eat animals, even though I would label myself as such if I did.)

And yes, I think the host should put their guests' comfort before their own.

The host's comfort is not even remotely part of the issue here. This is a matter of respecting and caring for the host's home.

It would be rude to tromp mud through someone's house. I believe all would agree with that. I don't think that's what were discussing here.

In essence, we are, because the difference between "trumping mud" and anything that causes significant harm to the host's home is just a matter of degree, and in context, just a rationalization for disrespect by the guest.

 

[bicker]

Full disclosure: We don't ask guests to take their shoes off. We put out a rug, by the front door, and put a few pairs of shoes on it. As such, it is permission for a guest to remove their shoes if they want to, i.e., if that is what the guest wants to do they'd clearly understand that it is perfectly acceptable to us for them to do so. But it is not a request, as we don't expect anyone to do so. At most, we "hope" the folks who's shoes could pick up pebbles and sand and therefore could scratch our floors would choose to avail themselves of the rug put out for that purpose.

In our experience, 90% of the women and 30% of the men avail themselves of the option. I suppose we would need a completely separate thread to discuss this disparity!

 

[bicker]

Full disclosure: We don't ask guests to take their shoes off. We put out a rug, by the front door, and put a few pairs of shoes on it. As such, it is permission for a guest to remove their shoes if they want to, i.e., if that is what the guest wants to do they'd clearly understand that it is perfectly acceptable to us for them to do so. But it is not a request, as we don't expect anyone to do so. At most, we "hope" the folks who's shoes could pick up pebbles and sand and therefore could scratch our floors would choose to avail themselves of the rug put out for that purpose.

In our experience, 90% of the women and 30% of the men avail themselves of the option. I suppose we would need a completely separate thread to discuss this disparity!

 

[Va-bear]

Yes, I think it's VERY rude and I end up feeling really bad when it happens.

(I have always had a foot odor/sweat problem and there is nothing worse than taking off my shoes in public. Do you really want me walking on your carpets w/ these things?!)

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

NO.

I was brought up that it was rude to wear your shoes in someone's house. You automatically assume you will take them off and if it does not bother the homeowner, they can say so and offer to let you keep them on.

Before I was brave enough to say something I had tar brought in to a nice new rug. I started to speak up.

Also, most people who come over already know how I feel, so if the are "uncomfortable" with it, they know to bring slippers. Only push back I have received is from MIL, which DH honestly doesn't understand it because he says they were raised that way as well.

If, by some rare chance you have a physical/medical problem that can't be dealt with by wearing slippers, then I can surely make an exception.

If you are merely that uptight about something so harmless as my preference in my house, then I am probably not friends with you to begin with or don't want to be (if you could believe I am putting my rugs/home above your comfort, then you are putting your "comfort"/attitude above our friendship!!!)....so it's good to know! Just IMHO!

I ask - politely. I don't think it is that big a deal as long as you are polite.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I see the "loaners" by the front doors and feel that it is mandatory not optional. Seriously, they shouldn't invite guests over if they are that worried about their floors and not the comfort of their guests.

 

[Mermaid02]

What? Your SIL doesn't wear socks in her shoes? Or stockings?

Personally, I think instead of hiding her cute little toes in shame, she ought to be displaying them with pride. My daughter was born with a facial "deformity" - and believe me, she does not wear a veil.

What? You wear socks with dress shoes? I wear nylons and you can see through those- easily.

She is sensitive about her feet- it's not my call

 

[Nancyg56]

There might be no reason for you to do such a thing, but others might have what they consider to be good reasons. They could have a fungus that causes their feet to smell terrible or they could have fallen arches and every step without proper shoes could be painful. In cases like that, assuming the guest hasn't been warned of the "no shoes" policy before showing up at the host's home, the guest has the option of removing their shoes and being uncomfortable, upsetting their host by keeping their shoes on, or leaving. None of those are great options.

I would never invite folks into my home if I was going to make them do spomething that was painfull or embarrassing. I cannot imagine that the family and friends who visit me would refrain from telling me that they did not want to remove their shoes if I asked.\


If I was asked to remove my shoes and that act would cause me pain I would politley tell my friend that I could not do so.

Are we really talking about people who we are so removed from when they enter our homes we cannot be honest about this and talk to each other?

 

[MaumeeMom]

I have horrible feet problems and have had surgery on both of them. I am not even allowed to go the bathroom during the night without shoes. I try to abide by the no shoes policy that some have but by the end of the night I am miserable. Either I sit in one location and am a wall flower or there isn't enough chairs to go around so I am in pain. One time at a Christmas party, I about passed out and I am not exagerating. So for the people that are more concerned about their carpet than me I will now start speaking up for myself or just not visit.


I see the talk about slippers for the guests but they won't work for me and I am sure I am not the only one that has my problem.

Obviously, if there is a medical reason for wearing shoes, I do not ask that person to take them off. That is just common sense. I do have a friend with special shoes and he is not expected to take them off but he does wipe them on the mat when he enters.

If I care enough about a person to have them in my house, I care about their comfort. All rules have exceptions. Honestly, it isn't that hard. If you have to wear shoes or are extremely uncomfortable wearing the socks that I provide, speak up.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Are we really talking about people who we are so removed from when they enter our homes we cannot be honest about this and talk to each other?

No kidding!

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't invite a stranger over for dinner... and even if it was someone I really didn't know all that well (I think a brother's new girlfriend was used as an example), I would expect my brother to tell his girlfriend that shoes come off at my house.

As for "work clients", I wish I had a place nice enough (or not lived in enough) to have that kind of impressive dinner. We'd be going OUT!

 

[jiminyC_fan]

Obviously, if there is a medical reason for wearing shoes, I do not ask that person to take them off. That is just common sense. I do have a friend with special shoes and he is not expected to take them off but he does wipe them on the mat when he enters.

If I care enough about a person to have them in my house, I care about their comfort. All rules have exceptions. Honestly, it isn't that hard. If you have to wear shoes or are extremely uncomfortable wearing the socks that I provide, speak up.

I didn't realize that I have to disclose my medical history to visit people. "Honestly", as you put it, you are the host, you should make ME feel at home not me begging you to keep my shoes on.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Yes, I think it is rude.

As a previous poster stated, I also have problems with my feet and always wear some sort of shoe WITH support; slippers just wouldn't cut it.

I was embarrassed at my husbands Aunts house a few years ago, had I been informed before hand I would have brought my own "house" shoes to wear at their house.