Do you pay for your children to attend Birthday Parties?

[thruthelookinglass19]

WOW some of these stories are awful!! Unfortunately, I have one that can almost top it. We have a relative who (a few years back) invited a small group to Chuck E. Cheese for her child's 2nd birthday (the birthday girl was too little to really play any of the games to begin with.. but anyway.). Now, I know others do it differently, but when we host Chuck E. Cheese we get two or three of their large specials (you know the large pizza plus four drinks to split for the parents who come with the children and stays~ and then split the extra tokens among the cups of tokens that I get when I purchase a birthday package the provides pizza, drink, and tokens for each child attending the party for 9.99 per child.. My daughter's BD is in May and it gets hot here.. I don't want them having to buy their own drink and if we host a party we provide food for everyone.Well.. imagine my surprise when we arrive for the "party" and have the mother let us know that everyone is responsible for their own food AND TOKENS... I mean nothing was provided for any of the guests!!! She said you "can order your own meal or maybe find someone else to go in with and order a pizza" which we ended up doing.
To make the matter worse... she just grabbed an empty table, brought in a store bought cake... tried to get extra plates and forks from the manager to serve HER CAKE and then got mad when he refused.. I could barely hold it together when she said in a rather indignant voice...'I am not ever coming to another birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese again" I so wanted to ask her WHAT birthday party???
In a side note... she did end up coming to my daughter's bd party at Chuck E. Cheese and had the nerve to insult the food and cake that we provided!! She also made a point to let me know she needed 2 cups of tokens for her family as she has 2 children!! The nerve of some people!!!

OH MY GOD!!! I don't have kids either, but have been reading this thread for pure entertainment. All I keep thinking is that no wonder we have shows like "Super Sweet 16" (or whatever that show is on MTV) and it's "OK." Good grief...

 

[sixAMmom]

When my DH and I got married 11 years ago we didn't have a pot (catch my drift ) and neither did my parents (poor Florida fisherman), we did my whole wedding for $3000!! That included the dress and OPEN bar!!! We had 200 people at our wedding and everyone had a blast. NOTHING was fancy and we made all the decorations ourselves. In the 11 years (and 4 kids later) our money has improved and we can afford to have big BD parties for our kids we don't becuase we found we have alot more fun doing it ourselves!!

My DH and I have been to big fancy weddings where everything is planned and we find them boring!!!

 

[carj]

OT- Are you one of the only parents that do stay? I find I am. I've been encouraged to leave by the parents (not at restaurants --- but kids places). And am often one of the only parents that do stay. The only time I have left after being "encouraged" to do so, I ran an errand nearby. That didn't turn out so well. (child bloody, attendants looking for band aids) I'll be staying from now on.

I think that it is almost the opposite. Most of the parents stay. We went to a party last weekend and one parent dropped her child off.

We had my daughter's 5th birthday party yesterday and only one parent left.

The scary thing for me is that is seems like as the kids get a little older, the parents are more willing to leave them at parties. The thing is that some of the "older kid" party places are more dangerous for kids. (Does that make sense, like laser tag places that are open to anyone, etc...)

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think that it is almost the opposite. Most of the parents stay. We went to a party last weekend and one parent dropped her child off.

We had my daughter's 5th birthday party yesterday and only one parent left.

The scary thing for me is that is seems like as the kids get a little older, the parents are more willing to leave them at parties. The thing is that some of the "older kid" party places are more dangerous for kids. (Does that make sense, like laser tag places that are open to anyone, etc...)

It makes a lot of sense. It's chaos. Most parents are gabbing and the kids are going in all directions at a high speed. I've adopted EMom's attitude. I felt so bad when I returned and my child was hurt. It was too much going on and it was preventable. I didn't make a big deal of it, but I'm sticking around from now on.

 

[Mocharilla]

For Nic's birthday this year, we asked people to pay for themselves, because we went to Craig's Cruisers. But, for one thing, we are not children, and second of all, no one cared, and it was that instead of presents, because we just wanted to see everyone.

I do remember a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese when I was 5 or 6, and my family payed for pizza and some amount of tokens for everyone, but asked that if people wanted their kids to have more tokens, that they cover it themselves.

 

[ZPT1022]

So if I showed up at RFC and wouldn't leave DD there, I'd hang back at a table in the corner, but pay my own bill.

the parents who stayed were welcome to sit with us, that wasn't a big deal. I just hadn't thought about feeding them before and didn't want a surprising bill. My kids are only three weeks apart for birthdays so it is quite an expensive time of year for us already, in addition to all the graduations and weddings and baby showers this year. I mostly couldn't handle not knowing what the final tally was going to be since we do cash only for our expenses. Plus I didn't want to get stuck with someone's bar bill (we have strong thoughts about drinking at kids' parties).

I was also going to say that I don't leave my childern at birthday parties either. I would if it were a close friend of MINE. I have just found that what some people consider acceptable supervision is not acceptable to me! (And I don't think that I am that picky.)

My children are 7 and 5 so there is not a chance that I would drop my kid off at Rain Forest Cafe or anywhere else if I didn't really know the parents well and unless I was certain that the parents could properly manage the kids.

I might have been one of the people who said "Oh, I can't wait to try RFC," or something of the sort. I wouldn't have expected the hosts to pay for my meal. She might have just been trying to be polite, complimenting you on a unique birthday party plan, not trying to scam a meal from you. It sounds like you handled it well though.

I guess I thought since we've all known each other for the past four years the parents would feel pretty comfortable. The kids all go to school together at a small private school (17 kids in the class) so we all see each other every day and drop off and pick up times, and chat while the kids run around and play together). Honestly, RFC turned out to be one of the easiest parties to chaperone since aside from one bathroom run with the girls everyone pretty much stayed in their seats, eating, chatting, coloring... but mostly just catching up since some of them hadn't seen each other since the end of June.

I will also note I have gotten wedding anouncements for couples in the last few years, that announced "we eloped"... now we are having a party to come bring us gifts. We typically do the giftcard, show up and go home thing to those. One was at the couples parents backyard and they went all out showing the photos of the wedding (the groom in blue jeans), streamers and a wal-mart sheet cake. So I figure my $20 Target gift card should give them some of that wasted party money back.

Just a quick aside on the whole party after the wedding thing. I've known a few bride and grooms who really want a destination wedding, but at the same time they really want to celebrate with all their friends and family. Since they realize that it's not fair to expect all their friends and family to travel so far and incur a lot of extra expenses they will have a second party when they get home. The thought is that it's the best compromise- they still get to get married at their dream wedding location and they also get to celebrate with all their friends and family. I don't think it's always a gift grab. I've seen these parties range from a simple backyard cookout to a full blown reception at home.

I've also known someone who met her husband at college- his family was from the northeast and hers was from the southwest. When they got engaged the families all started telling them they should have it in the northeast or the southwest, depending on which family they were talking to. It became clear that people wouldn't or couldn't travel to one or the other location so they got married at WDW, had a very intimate wedding with just parents, his sister and her brother and their significant others and one best friend each. They took everyone out for a nice dinner that night, some people stayed a few days longer, some didn't. They had their honeymoon at WDW too. After the honeymoon they went up to the northeast one weekend and had a party with his family and on another weekend they went to the southwest for a party with her family. They lived somewhere in the middle so it was stressful and a really long month and a half for them but they did it to make their families happy.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I a few years back had my now 14 year olds party maybe his 4th? So more than a few years back at A Chuckie Cheese type of place called Bonkers.

I paid per kid had 3 people bring siblings which I was then responsible for at 10 each.
so another 30. I also ordered extra pizza maybe 3 for the adults attending. At the end of the party the adults had ordered salads, more pizza, etc increasing the bill by another 70 somthing ya know what an extra 100 bucks is alot of money.

I was NOT happy. I have since told the party place up front. I will not be responsible for ANYTHING that I myself did not order.


Also I think it's parents to that need to teach thier kids proper manners. Same kid we had a MC Donalds party. I sent an invite saying to pick one , cheeseburger, hamburger, chicken, nuggett happy meal. I also ordered a tray of hamburgers, cheeseburgers, fries, etc for the adults that were present. when MY SIL orderd3 big mac meals because her kids preferrred it I was peeved. I had also paid for thier Happy meals this was in addition to.IL tried to pay for the whole bill I think he was embarrassed. I refused. If my kids are given a choice of XY or Z, they will choose from that period.


This year we are doing a sundae party only!!! off hours 2-4pm. 200 birthday party is one thing when we get up to 300 I think I have gone over the top!

 

[GhostLady]

A bit tacky You only served cupcakes and had your guests provide the drinks Next time, cut back the list and invite only those you can afford to host

Live and learn

I would agree with you if this were JUST a b-day party but if I understand correctly, this was more of a teen pool party for the kids to just get together over the summer. I think they were just including the b-day celebration into the party but it wasn't the main reason for the party. If that was the case then I think asking guests to bring drinks is fine. She was paying for the pool rental etc.. and if she hadn't been willing to do that, the kids probably wouldn't have had a get together at all. Since this was a summer get together, I think it would have been worse to cut the guest list and not included some of the kids. I am a mother of 4 and I would much rather bring drinks to a party instead of trying to console a child who didn't get invited.

If it were just a b-day party I would agree that everything should be provided. I host 4 b-day parties a year plus one big Halloween party and I have never asks guests to pay for anything but I think a get together is different.

 

[DISNEYRIFFIC]

Wow, this thread is still going. It is interesting to see all the different stories, and just have to once again say that I think it's really bad to have a birthday party, and expect people to pay to come to it.

Glad for the most part you all agree....

 

[LisaInNc]

I think that people either don't have manners or forget to use them with parties. ASK someone to pay, that is insane. You are the host, you are responsible for your guests and if you pick a place you can't afford then pick someplace else.

On the flip side I had one Mom show up with a child that was a LOT younger than the rest of the girls. This little girl was 4 years younger and slowed everything down. I had a craft planned that was way above what she could handle. She was not able to serve herself at the table either so in addition to everything I had to do I had to watch this 3 year old. The Mom never mentioned it to me when she RSVPed and I was so glad I had planned for an extra girl just in case because that little child expected everything her sister got. She was a child so I didn't want to disappoint her, it was her mother that didn't use common courtesy by either leaving her at home, explaining to her ahead of time that she was not part of the party OR al least telling me she was bringing her.

 

[fac]

A funny story............

We had found with my older son that goody bags from parties cost a lot to put anything decent in or were generally full of, excuse my language, crap, that gets thrown out immediately, but still cost enough to be a nuisance.

I think in the last 10 years of living here and having parties for my three boys, that I am still the only one who never gave a goody bag!

I totally agree your comment on goody bag. I admire your courage on not giving out goody bags.

 

[hentob]

I would agree with you if this were JUST a b-day party but if I understand correctly, this was more of a teen pool party for the kids to just get together over the summer. I think they were just including the b-day celebration into the party but it wasn't the main reason for the party.

Huh? It's a birthday party or it isn't

Either way, if you can't afford to give a drink to a guest (at ANY party you host), it is best not to throw the party until you have the money to do so.

 

[mjantz]

AFA goodie bags, I do give them out but they're usually full of candy & school supply stuff. I gave bags out this weekend that had a Hulk pencil case with 3 pencils inside, a bookmark, some candy & a package of Pocky (japanese cookie sticks).
If you can catch the Target Dollar Spot at 75% off you can get some good stuff for goodie bags dirt cheap.

 

[GhostLady]

Huh? It's a birthday party or it isn't

Either way, if you can't afford to give a drink to a guest (at ANY party you host), it is best not to throw the party until you have the money to do so.

I really don't know. I just got the impression from the post that the party was a get together for kids that were home schooled but she just brought cup cakes to also celebrate her DS's b-day at the same time. I'm sure if it would have been just a b-day party, she would not have invited the 50 kids that were not close friends.

If the purpose of the party was to celebrate a b-day then yes, drinks should be provided but if a group has a get together then I think it's fine to ask everyone to bring something.

Dh and I are part of a non-profit group and we plan get togethers all the time for members of the group. Everyone brings something. If we have a party at our home to celebrate something (with the same group of ppl) we provide everything.

Every group I have ever been a part of, including PTO, girl & boy scouts, work related, etc.. have all asked each member to bring something to all the get togethers. There are always a few who don't and they are still included but I'm sure if the rest of us weren't willing to "pitch-in", there would be no more get togethers because no one could afford to ever host anything for that many ppl. I think a get together for a large group of ppl is a lot different from hosting a party.

 

[lntsmom]

same family both times. Once was fairly inexpensive, so I ate the cost. The next time, however, my older son was invited to keep his buddy company at his buddy's sister's birthday at an amusement park. They wanted $20 for the admission (which, admittedly, was discounted, but I was still covering the full cost) and then my son had to buy his own meals and pay for games. I sent $30 spending money. I did not send a gift. Since it wasn't his friend and he was paying his own way, I didn't consider it to be "attending a birthday party."

I think this is tacky, tacky, tacky. If a parent can't afford a party, don't have one.



Anyone else here have such a thing foisted on them? When I was pregnant with DS2 a friend told me she wanted to throw me a shower. I had changed jobs and it had been over 6 years since DS1 was born, so I agreed.

Let's just say, I lived to regret it! She decided she didn't want to clean her house, so she invited everyone to Zio's...and told them they had to pay for their own meals! She provided cake, that's it. Then, she made up the guest list. She invited people I hardly knew, and refused to invite others who she didn't get along with. I was beside myself.

Other friends kept telling me that as the guest of honor I had no right to try to dictate any of the circumstances surrounding the shower.

I tried SO hard to get out of this. I tried saying I needed to change the date, then even begged another friend to call friend #1 and offer her house. Friend 2 didn't know #1 and thought the whole thing was funny and didn't want to be involved.

I look back and I still feel horrible about the whole thing. I vowed then that I would never again let anyone plan a party in my honor. Seriously.

 

[lntsmom]

I totally agree your comment on goody bag. I admire your courage on not giving out goody bags.

I try to make the goodie bag make sense. When ds2 turned 2 he had a Wiggle's party, so the goody bag was a tie-dyed beachball (similar to the Wiggles swirl), a bag of homemade crunchy-munch-honeycakes, and a craft that the kids had done at the party.

This year (7) he had a party at a ceramics shop, so instead of a goodie bag I bought Hershey's candybars, around which I printed a wrapper thanking the child for attending and letting them know when we would be delivering the fired ceramics pieces.

Most of the time, my goodie bags have been crafts and snacks the kids made at the party. Sometimes they've been "kits"...such as the year we did a Harry Potter party and the kit included a make-your-own-wand and make-your-own-edibe-flu-powder activities.

My kids always love the good junk they get at parties, but like most of you here, I find it gets left on the floor of the car and tossed within days. I figure something to eat or something to do is a better parting gift!

 

[Liberty Belle]

My son was invited to a birthday party at a "fun center" (they had video games, rock climbing, batting cage, etc). When I called the mom to RSVP she said, "He'll only need to bring $15 to get in and then about $5 for food and drinks." I was flabbergasted and just said ok, thanks. That's the only time we've ever been asked to bring money to a birthday party. Oh, and my son brought a gift and he was the only one who did! I felt sorry for the poor kid.

 

[flying_babyb]

This is just stupid. ONLY ONCE did I ever have a pay your own way party. I had a Build a bear party at 21 with my sister and she bought her own bear but I bought lunch and a few goodies.

 

[Liberty Belle]

A funny story............

We had just moved here in Aug. and my middle son's birthday is in November. He was in kindergarten and obviously we were new to the neighborhood. We had an at-home birthday party with about 10 kids from his class and had pizza, cake and ice cream, games, etc. (a typical at-home party). When it was time to leave, one of the little boys came flying back down the stairs and said "I forgot my goody bag!" I said, "oh, honey we don't have goody bags today". He was crushed! No big deal, sweet little boy (they are still best buds 10 years later). His mother called me that night, humiliated and embarrassed by what he had done (his babysitter had picked him up). I told her don't be embarrassed, I'm not. (we are also close friends). We had found with my older son that goody bags from parties cost a lot to put anything decent in or were generally full of, excuse my language, crap, that gets thrown out immediately, but still cost enough to be a nuisance.

I think in the last 10 years of living here and having parties for my three boys, that I am still the only one who never gave a goody bag!

That reminds me...

We had a Harry Potter birthday party at our house a few years ago, for my son. We made the backyard look like Diagon Alley (candy store, Gringott's bank, Olivander's wand shop, etc). I spent a loooooong time on the props. It was a lot of fun. Anyway, when the kids first arrived, they each got a velvet drawstring bag that I made and they went around to all the "shops" and were given goodies to put in it (candy, goil wrapped coins, jewels, etc). We also played games and they made their own wands.

When it was time to leave, one of the boys came up to me and said, "I didn't get my goody bag." I looked down and he was holding his bag in his hand. I kind of laughed and said, "You've got it right there in your hand." He said, "No, this is the bag of all the stuff I got in the shops." I had to tell him that, yes, that was his goody bag. Poor child.

 

[eliza61]

.

I do remember a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese when I was 5 or 6, and my family payed for pizza and some amount of tokens for everyone, but asked that if people wanted their kids to have more tokens, that they cover it themselves.

Sorry, Can't go with you on this on Mocharilla.
I think if you are having a party for your kid at Chuckies (which I loathe hate & despise with a passion ). You've got to foot the bill for a whole lot of tokens. What happens to the poor kid who doesn't have money? Does he stand around and do nothing?
My son is a Christmas baby so for many parents extra money is simply not there in the budget. I could never dream of asking their parents to cough up money so their child could then join in the fun at aparty that I invited him to.. IMO that's like inviting guest over my house and then telling them to buy any soda after 2 cans.

Any time we do a themed birthday party Dh & I just bring along the old mastercard just in case...