Do you pay for your children to attend Birthday Parties?

[tina95]

I think you did. As a host/hostess you never put a burden on your guests --even if it is just asking for drinks. If you couldn't afford to pay for juiceboxes and water then narrow down your guest list. Regardless of whether you asked them not bring gifts (which is also tacky in my opinion).

It really did not have anything to do with money. I can afford to pay for the soda. It really was just to make it easier. The whole reason my sons Birthday turned into a summer teen activity is because I can afford to rent out the pool.

 

[nena]

As a teacher many parents ask to do something in class for their child. I make it clear what is allowed (healthy snacks) and what is not allowed (cake or frosted cupcakes) and that we only have 30 minutes from 10-10:30.
I teach Kinder and our day is already limited. So if we have a Birthday, that becomes our snack. On many occasions I have had parents send or drop by to leave their BIRTHDAY SNACK, which always ends up being a meal.

So, my point is if you decide to celebrate your child's birthday at school, then you, not the teacher is responsible for passing out the food and cleaning up. Oh, and please always talk to your child's teacher first. Dont just show up unannounced!!

FYI: I celebrate every child's Birthday in class. They get a HB crown, sticker and pencil. Then they pick 5-6 friends to be their candles and the rest of the students hold hands and become the cake. We sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY and at the end the Birthday Child blows out their candles (friends) and they fall to the floor. Sometimes they relite, so the Bday child has to blow harder. sometime I have to through water on the cake! Lots of FUN!!

 

[DisneyTigers]

I hope!
This year my son had his party at the YMCA pool. We homeschool and have not seen some of the kids all summer. During the year they get together monthly for teen activities. Anyway, we had a Birthday/ teen pool party for 75 people. Some families and younger sibs attended as well. I paid for the pool rental, ice, paper products, cupcakes, and asked the kids to bring 1 bottle of drink to share per family. My son did not want gifts and we made that known on the invite. No gifts were brought. Did I mess up by asking the kids to bring drinks?

I wouldn't worry about it, and I don't think you did ANYTHING wrong!! Your son wanted a big get-together with lots of teens, and the fact that it was his birthday seems like it was secondary, anyway. We have hosted many get-togethers at our home and we always will say "bring an appetizer or dessert to share" or "BYOB" or something to that extent. Whole families come, and we have a blast! If it happens to be someone's birthday, then we acknowledge that as well. A child's b-day party is different, esp. the laser-tag and putt-putt examples, where the emphasis is on the fact that you are celebrating a birthday; those parents should be called out! But a teen swim party where you just sing Happy Birthday to someone and there are no gifts???... I wouldn't feel bad asking people to bring drinks...not at all!

 

[crusoe2]

I totally agree with this! It is extremely tacky to send party invitations to school. Just bite the bullet and buy stamps and mail them or perhaps call them on the phone. It really bothers me that invitations are sent to school and of course many kids are left out.

For example, this year at my DD's preschool, a parent left a RSVP reminder on the parent sign-out sheet which the kids see since it is on the same table with their sign out sheet. Only some of the kids had been invited to a party and the host parent put out a sheet with only a list of names of kids that had been invited. The sheet asked the parents to check whether or not their child would be attending the party. I wrote a big note on the bottom of the sheet stating that this was a very rude thing to do since many of the kids in the class had not been invited!

I couldn't believe it! Fortunately, the director of the preschool came up to me the next day and told me that the teachers were unaware that the parent had put the list on the sign out sheet. The director apologized for the incidence and agreed with me that it was rude. I just hope the host parent saw my note and possibly a few other parents before the sheet was removed by the teacher.

That is awful. Not to mention arrogant. I would never presume that it's okay for me to put any kind of note or announcement somewhere like that. Just the fact that the woman didn't bother to clear that w/the preschool director should tell you something about her.
Oh, and in defense of my daughter's daycare teacher - some of you stated that she could have just said no to handing out the invitations. Keep in mind that this is a relatively small daycare center and most of these kids have been in daycare there together since they were infants. Most of the parents have gotten to know one another also. And I think she had already done it for several people by the time that particular incident happened. She is a super sweet person and was very upset when she started handing out the invitations and realized a little too late that there were a couple of kids who had been left out. She apparently had been handed a stack of invitations that looked like enough for the whole class and, never having had that happen before, she assumed there was one for everybody. To me, that's what made it so bad - that only a couple got left out. When my daughter's b'day rolled around there were a couple of the kids she didn't want to invite because they don't always get along. I explained to her in no uncertain terms that we either invited the whole class or none at all because it would hurt their feelings to be left out like that. We invited everybody, including the teacher and her family, and they had a blast. I also made a point of double-checking my guest list with the teacher to make sure I hadn't forgotten anybody. Of course, now that DD will be in kindergarten we'll issue the invitations by mail or phone as others have mentioned.

 

[santa's surpriz]

I remember going to a slumber party as a teen that included going to see a movie. I was from a single parent household and my dad never thought I would have to pay my own way. I was so embarassed because I was the only child counting change to avoid "having to borrow money from the hostess." If this is a new trend please check before dropping off your kid. Or as the hostess be prepared to pay for the kids (and DO IT DISCRETELY!) because this is not normal practice and unless you speak to the parents they may not be expect it. It was an aweful experience. And I became the punchline, because everyone knew money was tight but the whole situation was intrepreted as I could not afford to go to the movies. The fact is I my dad could afford the $6.00 to send to the movies, but no one ever explained to him that I was expected to pay my way. It is slightly appropriate that I mention this on the dis boards because we were going to see Fantasia.

I did recover and now as a parent, I never send my child anywhere with out at least a $20 bill to cover the unexpected!

 

[leahjade]

A few years ago, my daughter (along with 3 other girls) were invited to a birthday party at an amusement park for a good friend and was told to bring $35.00 for her ticket. This family is extremely wealthy, so I was shocked. If they didn't want to pay for the kids' tickets, then why have the party at an amusement park? My daughter really wanted to go so, I had her pay for it, but I just thought it was rude. So we ended up spending $70 (counting the gift) to go to a party. I've had my kids' parties at pools, bowling alleys, movies, etc. and always thought it was the family hosting the party who paid for the party. But since that time, my other kids have been invited to two pool parties where they were supposed to bring $10 for admission!

 

[DVC Sadie]

Regardless of whether you asked them not bring gifts (which is also tacky in my opinion).

I have to respectfully disagree with the above. IMO it is not tacky to send out invitations to a birthday party, anniversary party or any other type of party where gifts are the norm, that say; "no gifts, please."

 

[Va-bear]

Thank you!! That should be a school policy. If you want to pick and choose, then you should know these kids well enough to have their address. Mail them their invite and spare the ones that werent invited.

At my sons daycare the teachers stated they would not hand them out unless all were invited BUT the parents got around it by taping them to the door of the room. It's always sad when my sons asks "is there one up there for me?!" and there's not. (We invited everyone in the class to his. )

 

[rockyroad]

The way I was raised is that you don't ask guests to pay.

When my oldest daughter was cheering on an All Star (non school) squad she was invited to a swimming party for the whole squad and told to bring $4 to pay for pizza.

I thought that it was kind of weird, but I thought that perhaps they had a pool and were willing to have the swimming party, but maybe could not afford to provide pizza.

I thought that if it was me, I would have less expensive food, hot dogs and punch, and not ask guests for money.

DD got a ride from practice to the party.
When I went to pick her up I kind of sat there with my mouth hanging open.
Their home was a genuine mansion...I am talking a showplace.
It looked like something out of a magazine.
When this kid turned 16, she got a Mercedes...not an old one, a sporty one.

People are all different, but apparently having money doesn't mean having class.

 

[DVC Sadie]

As a teacher many parents ask to do something in class for their child. I make it clear what is allowed (healthy snacks) and what is not allowed (cake or frosted cupcakes) and that we only have 30 minutes from 10-10:30.
I teach Kinder and our day is already limited. So if we have a Birthday, that becomes our snack. On many occasions I have had parents send or drop by to leave their BIRTHDAY SNACK, which always ends up being a meal.

So, my point is if you decide to celebrate your child's birthday at school, then you, not the teacher is responsible for passing out the food and cleaning up. Oh, and please always talk to your child's teacher first. Dont just show up unannounced!!

FYI: I celebrate every child's Birthday in class. They get a HB crown, sticker and pencil. Then they pick 5-6 friends to be their candles and the rest of the students hold hands and become the cake. We sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY and at the end the Birthday Child blows out their candles (friends) and they fall to the floor. Sometimes they relite, so the Bday child has to blow harder. sometime I have to through water on the cake! Lots of FUN!!

What a wonderful way to celebrate birthdays in your class, and I bet you are a very fun teacher as well.

I think you need to xerox the first two paragraphs of your post and hand them out to the parents on the first day of school.

 

[simonkodousek]

I think asking someone to pay-their-way at their child's party is absolutely absurd. If their finances don't allow for a large and elaborate party, why not have an at-home party? They're cheaper and quite often, more fun.

This is a bit off-topic, but I think if it belongs in any thread it belongs in this one... has anyone here ever seen the show "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV? If you haven't, you're not missing much. In each episode, there is a bratty teenage girl wanting to have the BEST of the BEST sweet-16, to the point where the parents are definitely feeling financial strains. In one episode a girl complained (about her parents buying her a new car) "ewwww... this is a cheap Mercedes! I wanted a Range Rover!!!" It really makes you think how far in debt some parents will go just to please their children.

Just my $0.02... oh, by the way... the girl got the Range Rover she wanted

 

[eclairemom]

Last year DD wanted to have a party for her 4th Birthday and invite all her friends at school. I did ask the teacher to hand out the invitations but I also brought in a couple extra and went over her roster with her before I left to make sure everyone in the class got an invitation. There was one friend in the class next door that DD had been close with last year and I waited to personally give the invitation to her sitter after she was dropped off. I just can't imagine inviting some from the class and not all, that could be so hurtful to a child.

 

[MinnieForMe]

tina95,

I don't think you did anything wrong with asking everyone to bring a drink especially since you asked parents not to buy a present. Let me see: $3-5 drink or $20.00 present. That would have been the least expensive party I have ever attended. What a great kid you are raising for him to pick an afternoon with friends over a stack of presents!

 

[Mickeyorbust]

We've done that too. Oldest DD was invited to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. We brought the entire family and DH went off with the younger two kids and played games and had pizza with them while DD did all the birthday festivities. I stuck around the birthday part for a few minutes but honestly, there were more adults than there was party space so I ended up with DH and the twins. Completely different in my mind though since the one invited to the party was treated as a guest and I'd never presume to bring extra kids to a party on someone else's dime.



Just curious though, where do you draw the line? Where does the hosting obligation end? We recently held a birthday party for oldest DD at Rainforest Cafe. About half of the parents said "Great!! An hour and a half to peruse the mall on my own!" And the other half said "Cool! I've always wanted to go to Rainforest Cafe!" And I said "OH CRAP!" I didn't know if these parents were expecting me to pay for them to have lunch or what. Not to be rude but the party was for the kids, not the adults. I can't afford to just hand out menus and say "sure, order whatever you like" What if someone decided to order pricey alcoholic drinks in souvenir glasses and the most expensive entree? I finally just talked to the party planner at RFC and what we ended up doing was ordering some heavier type appetizers and fountain drinks for the adults. We managed to pass along the message that that was what we would be providing and if they wanted anything else they were free to open a tab with the waitress. Hopefully that was a happy medium. No one ordered anything else but I still worry that we offended someone.

If they were offended oh well, IMO. How rude of them to assume you were going to buy their meal. Their childs name was on the invitation...not theirs. I would never assume, as an adult, to be paid for at a childs party.

 

[MusiqChic99]

Wow times have changed since I was young and went to parties!!! I'm taking notes for when my 2 year old son is old enough to attend parties.

Here is my rule and it goes for anything you can buy...if you can't afford it, don't do it....even if it means telling your child NO..(some have trouble with that).

As for the RFC party...the adults shouldn't have expected you to pay for their meals. It was the children's party and i wouldn't think someone was paying for me to eat if my child was invited to a party.

 

[sk!mom]

I hope!
This year my son had his party at the YMCA pool. We homeschool and have not seen some of the kids all summer. During the year they get together monthly for teen activities. Anyway, we had a Birthday/ teen pool party for 75 people. Some families and younger sibs attended as well. I paid for the pool rental, ice, paper products, cupcakes, and asked the kids to bring 1 bottle of drink to share per family. My son did not want gifts and we made that known on the invite. No gifts were brought. Did I mess up by asking the kids to bring drinks?

I would not have asked for drinks or anything else.

 

[d1gitman]

Hmmm, the way things are going financially for allot of people it may be that this is the best they can do. Maybe the kid REALLY wants to see her family but the parents just can't make it work. Since its a family member I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and go with what you're doing. BUT, if it happens again next year we'd be too busy to attend.

this would be a good lesson in economics for the parents and the child. if you don't hav ethe money, then you do without. costly birthday parties are "extras" not necessities in life. there are many ways to have fun without shelling out the dough. unfortunately, our society doesn't seem to want to think that way.

not being able to afford something and asking someone else to pay (which is how i view this b-day party scenario from the OP) is a bad lesson to teach the kid. in my mind, it teaches the kid that it is more important to get what you want than to get it yourself. the old "end justifies the means" ploy.

if it were me, i would tell the family member that i can't go because i can't afford the $10. I would then just send a gift (if you normally send that person a gift) that is within your regular gift budget.

 

[d1gitman]

I think you did. As a host/hostess you never put a burden on your guests --even if it is just asking for drinks. If you couldn't afford to pay for juiceboxes and water then narrow down your guest list. Regardless of whether you asked them not bring gifts (which is also tacky in my opinion).

It really did not have anything to do with money. I can afford to pay for the soda. It really was just to make it easier. The whole reason my sons Birthday turned into a summer teen activity is because I can afford to rent out the pool.

to each his own, but just showing up is a burden for guests. if we went to every kids b-day party we would never have a weekend to ourselves, it's outta control. to burden anyone with bringing anything, i think it's tacky.

i was raised that if you invited a guest to ANYTHING, that i was to cover EVERYTHING.

while asking to brink drinks is low in the richter scale of faux pas, i still wouldn't have done it.

I can tell you that on occasion i score some sports tickets to redsox, bruins, celtics (yay!) or patriots (ha!ha!, i am a steelers fan). If i invite a buddy of mine, i pay for the parking and make sure i buy the first round of beverages and food. i just think it is impolite to invite a person to somethign and they have to pay anything.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I remember reading a thread on here about a year ago where a lady said she had a Chuck E Cheese party and at the end of the party, she found out that some of the parents went up and were ordering whole pizzas for their group and charging it to the birthday party mom (who had provided pizza, etc. for the party kids). So the Rainforest Cafe mom was right to be worried! I would have done like you said and just told the waitress that only the kids were included in the party.

Luckily, I've never had parents assume they were included at a kids birthday party. And I did a Rainforest Cafe/movie party too. I never even thought about this type of thing before!!

Maggie

I remembered that one too! That was so bizarre I decided after reading it, I'd change the way I do parties. I'll leave no open doors. That's for sure!

 

[OceanAnnie]

thanks guys. Glad to see I'm not the only one who was a little bit surprised. I don't mind if the parents wanted to stay close to the kids, I was just a bit shocked by the whole "Oh, I've always wanted to go there!!" mindset

I thought you were SUPER nice.