Do you pay for your children to attend Birthday Parties?

[Grumpy'sWife4Ever]

I would not have asked for drinks or anything else.

I have been known to provide (on the invite) the info that we will have juice or Capri suns for the kids, but if you want anything special you can feel free to bring it. IMO, there are so many people/families/kids that are picky about their beverages or have special dietary needs that a person could go broke trying to provide for everyone. Some parents allow soda, some don't, some kids can't have artificial color, some can't have sugar, others can't have certain juices..... It becomes a case of either you serve nothing but water or have each family bring what they like.

 

[Disneyluvr]

As a teacher many parents ask to do something in class for their child. I make it clear what is allowed (healthy snacks) and what is not allowed (cake or frosted cupcakes) and that we only have 30 minutes from 10-10:30.
I teach Kinder and our day is already limited. So if we have a Birthday, that becomes our snack. On many occasions I have had parents send or drop by to leave their BIRTHDAY SNACK, which always ends up being a meal.

So, my point is if you decide to celebrate your child's birthday at school, then you, not the teacher is responsible for passing out the food and cleaning up. Oh, and please always talk to your child's teacher first. Dont just show up unannounced!!

FYI: I celebrate every child's Birthday in class. They get a HB crown, sticker and pencil. Then they pick 5-6 friends to be their candles and the rest of the students hold hands and become the cake. We sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY and at the end the Birthday Child blows out their candles (friends) and they fall to the floor. Sometimes they relite, so the Bday child has to blow harder. sometime I have to through water on the cake! Lots of FUN!!

I am a Kinder teacher too and I LOVE this idea!! I am so gonna use it in my class this year (if ya don't mind )

 

[Narnia]

We have had small parties for the kids with family friends that were home parties. I tried to have one with a whole kindergarden class and no one showed up! my son felt so nice I stopped giving the kids parties every year (5 parties a year )since. We now have a large party for the 10th birthday. We did one for my oldest that was a great hit. We went to a local (and small!) resteraunt that had games. I invited the whole class + family and friends. Only kids came and it was a hit all his class came so he had over 35 kids come. I let the kids choose what they wanted off the kids menu brought a cupcake cake for easy plating. We gave tokens but had games planned anyways. I also had a pinata like game where each kid took a stick and treats and tinkets would fall. the kids loved this and it saved big $$ since most things IO bout were reduced items. the bill was just about $500 or so but it was his first class party and is last(until he graduates!). My 9 year old doesn't want a party he wants the cash so i might just give it to him

 

[rentayenta]

My daughter has been invited to a family members 13th birthday party. She was told it would only cost $10. I have been a mom for 17 years and have never heard of that one. If it were not a family member, she would not go. With my kids having over 15 cousins, we are not able to spend a great deal on each of them, so her gift will be $5-$10 in a nice handmade card.

Are we living a sheltered life or is this the standard? Thanks for letting me vent.

I haven't read many of the responses but I hadn't come across this until moving to Utah. Mind you I didn't have kids until moving to Utah but quite often my kids will get invited and asked to bring the entrance fee or what have you. Tacky tacky tacky. When we throw a party, we are the hosts. Period. I am not a huge fan of potlucks either.

 

[EMom]

A few years ago, my daughter (along with 3 other girls) were invited to a birthday party at an amusement park for a good friend and was told to bring $35.00 for her ticket. This family is extremely wealthy, so I was shocked. If they didn't want to pay for the kids' tickets, then why have the party at an amusement park? My daughter really wanted to go so, I had her pay for it, but I just thought it was rude. So we ended up spending $70 (counting the gift) to go to a party. I've had my kids' parties at pools, bowling alleys, movies, etc. and always thought it was the family hosting the party who paid for the party. But since that time, my other kids have been invited to two pool parties where they were supposed to bring $10 for admission!

The reason you thought that is because that's the proper way to do it. I swear if DD was invited to a party and the family pulled some stunt like the one above, I'd back out on going and would not be shy about telling them why. If they are going to be that tacky, then I'd feel it my duty to enlighten them as to why DD would not be attending. Yes, perhaps it might be more polite to fudge and say she has the sniffles. But since such people clearly care nothing about good manners, and truthfulness is also a virtue.......I'd consider it a service to all their potential future guests to let them know that some people find their behavior terribly objectionable and far outside the limits of what is socially acceptable.

I probably would refrain from using the most wicked terms dancing on the tip of my tongue and would be as polite as possible about it, but if they have got big enough cojones to demand payment to attend a birthday party, then I have sufficient nerve to explain to them why we were declining to give in to their demands. Homey don't play that.

I'd take that $70 and have a day out with my DD. If this was a close friend and she felt like she was missing out somehow, then WE would invite the girl somewhere to celebrate her birthday and WE would pay, since she was OUR guest.

I am one of those who will not leave DD at public parties, especially near interstates, etc. because of a kidnapping phobia. (I've told the story before, but it's because of an experience in our family.) But I do not expect the parents to pay for my food, etc. When DD was about 6, she went to a party at a place that I'd call Chuck E. Cheese on steroids and it was right next to an interstate. Worse yet, they had NO system to check people exiting with kids. Anyone could have walked out with a kid that didn't belong to them. And once you got in the gameroom, the party mom could only see 1-2 kids at most. They disappeared out of sight. I was the only mom that stayed and she was panic-stricken at how she'd keep an eye on them. (I don't think anyone realized how dismal their security was.) The meal was a buffet and I was hungry. I left the party/cake room, went to the front and told them I was with X party. I said I wanted to pay for my own buffet and to make certain that it was NOT added to her total. I made sure they made a note on her papers. That's the right thing to do. So if I showed up at RFC and wouldn't leave DD there, I'd hang back at a table in the corner, but pay my own bill.

 

[carj]

I was also going to say that I don't leave my childern at birthday parties either. I would if it were a close friend of MINE. I have just found that what some people consider acceptable supervision is not acceptable to me! (And I don't think that I am that picky.)

My children are 7 and 5 so there is not a chance that I would drop my kid off at Rain Forest Cafe or anywhere else if I didn't really know the parents well and unless I was certain that the parents could properly manage the kids.

I might have been one of the people who said "Oh, I can't wait to try RFC," or something of the sort. I wouldn't have expected the hosts to pay for my meal. She might have just been trying to be polite, complimenting you on a unique birthday party plan, not trying to scam a meal from you. It sounds like you handled it well though.

We hosted a graduation party for my husband at a local restaurant. I arrived early to make sure that everything was ready. I told the waitress that we would pay for the meal and drinks but that we would not be paying for alcohol. We instructed her to just let the drinkers know when they ordered that the alcohol was to be paid by the guest. I honestly wouldn't have minded because there was only one idiot among the 18 guests that would have ordered a drink and since he is the alcoholic we were trying to avoid paying for, I didn't care if it made him mad. We have gotten stuck paying for his $$$ drinks on other occasions.

 

[carj]

I just re-read my post and I didn't mean to sound so snarky.

I am not opposed to the occasional drink, but I knew based on prior experience with this person, that I didn't want to pay for his drinks, or be around him once he had consumed them.

 

[hentob]

I hope!
This year my son had his party at the YMCA pool. We homeschool and have not seen some of the kids all summer. During the year they get together monthly for teen activities. Anyway, we had a Birthday/ teen pool party for 75 people. Some families and younger sibs attended as well. I paid for the pool rental, ice, paper products, cupcakes, and asked the kids to bring 1 bottle of drink to share per family. My son did not want gifts and we made that known on the invite. No gifts were brought. Did I mess up by asking the kids to bring drinks?

A bit tacky You only served cupcakes and had your guests provide the drinks Next time, cut back the list and invite only those you can afford to host

Live and learn

 

[disneychrista]

While I agree it is tacky to ask for the child to pay to attend the party, I think it is worse to exclude the child because they didn't know they had to pay.

A question...several years ago my dd had a party, where each child was making their own pizza. I requested that everyone bring a topping to share, was this tacky too? I provided the basics (crust, sauce and cheese) for all attending. I ask because my younger daughter is turning 16 next year and I thought of doing something simular and asking each guest to bring candy to share as part of the candy buffet. Again, no one would be excluded if they didn't bring something.

 

[vickiemariko]

I haven't read many of the responses but I hadn't come across this until moving to Utah. Mind you I didn't have kids until moving to Utah but quite often my kids will get invited and asked to bring the entrance fee or what have you. Tacky tacky tacky. When we throw a party, we are the hosts. Period. I am not a huge fan of potlucks either.

Oh yes! I've lived in Utah all my life and everything is always potluck or bring your own meat/entree. And now that my daughter is turning 5 and birthday parties are starting to come up I've encountered the entrance fee issue as well. I agree, tacky.

 

[OceanAnnie]

double post.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I was also going to say that I don't leave my childern at birthday parties either. I would if it were a close friend of MINE. I have just found that what some people consider acceptable supervision is not acceptable to me! (And I don't think that I am that picky.)

My children are 7 and 5 so there is not a chance that I would drop my kid off at Rain Forest Cafe or anywhere else if I didn't really know the parents well and unless I was certain that the parents could properly manage the kids.

I might have been one of the people who said "Oh, I can't wait to try RFC," or something of the sort. I wouldn't have expected the hosts to pay for my meal. She might have just been trying to be polite, complimenting you on a unique birthday party plan, not trying to scam a meal from you. It sounds like you handled it well though.

We hosted a graduation party for my husband at a local restaurant. I arrived early to make sure that everything was ready. I told the waitress that we would pay for the meal and drinks but that we would not be paying for alcohol. We instructed her to just let the drinkers know when they ordered that the alcohol was to be paid by the guest. I honestly wouldn't have minded because there was only one idiot among the 18 guests that would have ordered a drink and since he is the alcoholic we were trying to avoid paying for, I didn't care if it made him mad. We have gotten stuck paying for his $$$ drinks on other occasions.

OT- Are you one of the only parents that do stay? I find I am. I've been encouraged to leave by the parents (not at restaurants --- but kids places). And am often one of the only parents that do stay. The only time I have left after being "encouraged" to do so, I ran an errand nearby. That didn't turn out so well. (child bloody, attendants looking for band aids) I'll be staying from now on.

 

[hentob]

While I agree it is tacky to ask for the child to pay to attend the party, I think it is worse to exclude the child because they didn't know they had to pay.

A question...several years ago my dd had a party, where each child was making their own pizza. I requested that everyone bring a topping to share, was this tacky too? I provided the basics (crust, sauce and cheese) for all attending. I ask because my younger daughter is turning 16 next year and I thought of doing something simular and asking each guest to bring candy to share as part of the candy buffet. Again, no one would be excluded if they didn't bring something.

Yes. I think it is tacky. I couldn't imagine asking someone to bring a pizza topping to a MYO pizza party.

Please buy the candy yourself if you are hosting the party.

 

[disneychrista]

Yes. I think it is tacky. I couldn't imagine asking someone to bring a pizza topping to a MYO pizza party.

Please buy the candy yourself if you are hosting the party.

My thought on the toppings was that I had no clue what other kids would like. In fact I would have never bought the things (lots of pineapple & black olives) that were brought. So it was so the kids could have pizza that they like that I did that. Otherwise, I would have bought pepperoni (which not one kid brought) and that would have been it.

Same for the candy. But with the costs of everything else that we will provide, we will likely skip the candy buffet.

 

[teedisney]

I think you shoud not have a party you cannot afford. Asking geusts to bring or pay anything is inappropriate.

I've been surprised at the reactions of parents when I provide food for them. Well I expect them to stay so I feed them. Plus I plan on eating too.

OK since pet peves have come up. Please don't have a party at a mealtime with no meal. I have started feeding my child b/c I have been surprised by this.

 

[EMom]

OT- Are you one of the only parents that do stay? I find I am. I've been encouraged to leave by the parents (not at restaurants --- but kids places). And am often one of the only parents that do stay. The only time I have left after being "encouraged" to do so, I ran an errand nearby. That didn't turn out so well. (child bloody, attendants looking for band aids) I'll be staying from now on.

Let me be blunt. They can bite me. No one will watch my child like I will. I've seen what some parents call "supervising." Thanks, but no thanks. And where we live, most of the party places are within one minute of the interstate.....a kidnapper's paradise. My DD doesn't need to attend any party so much that I'd drop her off and trust someone I don't know to keep her safe.

As I said, we've had a kidnapping in my family and I'm overprotective. I freely admit it. I know just how fast a child can be grabbed and taken from a public place. It's not worth the risk to me. Someday she'll be savvy enough to leave at a party, but not yet.......When I do not know. This year, I wasn't chosen to be a chaperone on her field trip. Unfortunately, they went to a place that made my DH go . He grew up near there and we both know it to be an area where grown women go missing/get raped, etc. It is just NOT a safe part of town. They were seeing a play and the place would be full of hundreds and hundreds of kids, all looking alike. I've chaperoned before and some parents are vigilant with the group they're supposed to watch, but some are yakking on their cell phones, messing on their iphones, chatting with other chaperones, etc. Anything BUT watching those kids. DH & I did not feel comfortable letting DD go to that place with its well-deserved bad reputation if we had to depend on parents we didn't even know to safeguard her. So we kept her home and took her to an amusement park & aquarium. She liked it much better than a play, and she had 2 sets of parental eyes on her. Missing the group outing was nothing once she saw all those rides.

We felt torn about doing it, but in the end, just kept thinking about what had happened to the other family member and we were not prepared to take the risk of her being in that big crowd in a dangerous area with questionable supervision. Come to find out, we weren't the ones only who nixed such field trips. It's your child, do what you think is best.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I have to respectfully disagree with the above. IMO it is not tacky to send out invitations to a birthday party, anniversary party or any other type of party where gifts are the norm, that say; "no gifts, please."

OK, here it is from an expert:

Miss Manners said this to a couple who wanted to wanted to direct gifts to charity or write "no gifts please":

"... there is no tasteful way -- not even any moderately decent way -- of directing present giving when you are on the receiving end. Contrary to general belief, present giving is never required. ... You must pretend that you invite people because you want to celebrate important occasions with them, and you must seem pleasantly surprised when they give you something. To act as if it is such standard payment that you can acknowledge your expectations is rude-rude-rude."

and elsewhere she wrote:

"Any suggestions from you, unless specifically requested by an individual guest, are improper. This includes a ban on stating 'No gifts' because, although less greedy than the attempt to pick one's own present, this also assumes some sort of payment is taken for granted."

 

[Andrea from PA]

OP situation is bad enough -- but the mini-golf party has me OUTRAGED!

How can you embarrass kids like that & not let them play?!

We do theme parties b/c I can't handle kids in my house & 2 of out birthdays are December. We simply do not have "friends" parties each year. I would NEVER have a party & expect the guests to pay!

What are we teaching our kids?!

 

[ccfmioa]

Both of our kids have been invited to many birthday partys, but we have never paid for the invited to go. We did have a birthday party a few years ago in the county water park that charged admission, but everyone invited had already paid the "fee" for it so it wasn't any cost to our guest.

Most of the time for our kids we have a low-budget birthday. Chuck-e-cheese is a high budget item, but we don't charge the guest. Our son was invited to a inflatable party a few months ago by a schoolmate and the teacher had the all or none policy for her class. We also took our daughter along and paid her way to get in since it was open to the public for that time as well, but if it was private we wouldn't have expected the mother to pay for a non-classmate.

I think a lot of this has to do with the "sweet sixteen" party's that tv hypes up. Most kids just like being around their friends for a few hours outside of school.

We stopped goodie bags for the most part. We have them on hand if we have a pinata for the goodies in there, but I just throw that stuff away once the kids fall asleep. Its like most of these kids meal toys. 10 minutes entertainment, 3 months under your carseat...

I will also note I have gotten wedding anouncements for couples in the last few years, that announced "we eloped"... now we are having a party to come bring us gifts. We typically do the giftcard, show up and go home thing to those. One was at the couples parents backyard and they went all out showing the photos of the wedding (the groom in blue jeans), streamers and a wal-mart sheet cake. So I figure my $20 Target gift card should give them some of that wasted party money back.

 

[bdcp]

Get this, it's all across the board where people are invited to events. In the Washington Post today there is an article about cutting costs for weddings, and one bride said they're cutting their list, hoping only a certain number come-fine, right, well, part of the way they're cutting it is inviting her dad's friends who will give "more" in the way of gifts. Every once in a while you read where couples ask for people to pay for their meals at wedding receptions too. Gee, I can't wait til some of these kids are adults.