Do you pay for your children to attend Birthday Parties?

[iheartdisney]

Sorry, Can't go with you on this on Mocharilla.
I think if you are having a party for your kid at Chuckies (which I loathe hate & despise with a passion ). You've got to foot the bill for a whole lot of tokens. What happens to the poor kid who doesn't have money? Does he stand around and do nothing?
My son is a Christmas baby so for many parents extra money is simply not there in the budget. I could never dream of asking their parents to cough up money so their child could then join in the fun at aparty that I invited him to.. IMO that's like inviting guest over my house and then telling them to buy any soda after 2 cans.

Any time we do a themed birthday party Dh & I just bring along the old mastercard just in case...

So, if someone does a Build A Bear Party, and your kid wants a whole wardrobe, do you expect the host to pay for it all? It is pretty standard at Chuck E Cheese's for every guest to get a cup (or a card now) of tokens.
On the CEC line though, the worst thing I ever saw was the party mom told all their kids they had to give their tickets to the birthday child. WHAT! We brought a gift, and the majority of the tickets were out of our pockets!

 

[ceecee]

So, if someone does a Build A Bear Party, and your kid wants a whole wardrobe, do you expect the host to pay for it all? It is pretty standard at Chuck E Cheese's for every guest to get a cup (or a card now) of tokens.
On the CEC line though, the worst thing I ever saw was the party mom told all their kids they had to give their tickets to the birthday child. WHAT! We brought a gift, and the majority of the tickets were out of our pockets!

The good thing about BAB is you tell them in advance what you will pay for and the party coordinator tells the kids what they can buy. If having a party at CEC then all the kids should get the same amount of tokens and when they're gone that's it.

 

[DISNEYRIFFIC]

when we had our child's birthday at CEC, we paid for all the kids to have tokens, and we brought in gift bags. 2 people did bring younger sibilings, and I simply told the parents, I don't have any extra tokens or gift bags.

 

[LisaInNc]

This year, I wasn't chosen to be a chaperone on her field trip.

Chosen?? There is no way in hell my DD would go on any field trip without me or her Dad going along.

You did the right thing.

 

[Honeymooner04]

This year a women in a mom's group I used to participate in invited my daughter (who is 2) to her son's second birthday party. It was at the zoo. And we had to pay to get in. I thought that was incredibly tacky so we declined the invitation. For the two birthday parties I have thrown so far we've just done cake and ice cream at home. I don't understand the big huge parties for 1, 2 and 3 year olds and honestly even older kids. And I ceretainly don't understand the "Come to my party, it costs $15 thing".

 

[iheartdisney]

The good thing about BAB is you tell them in advance what you will pay for and the party coordinator tells the kids what they can buy. If having a party at CEC then all the kids should get the same amount of tokens and when they're gone that's it.

Yes, but the person I quoted was saying that giving a certain amount wasn't good enough, the host should provide all that the kids needed! Sorry, there is a limit somewhere- no better to teach kids about budgeting than at Chuck E Cheeses.
"But Mommy- I want the dart gun. Its only 500 tickets....Well, what can I get for 20?" Have a tootsie roll!

 

[santa's surpriz]

The good thing about BAB is you tell them in advance what you will pay for and the party coordinator tells the kids what they can buy. If having a party at CEC then all the kids should get the same amount of tokens and when they're gone that's it.

Ditto this post, they are extremely good about keeping kids within th preselected budget in a way that does not disappoint the children. The are also good at communicating the extras that are not part of the their selection with out disappointment. I give BAB alot of credit for doing such a great job in their parties!

 

[DisneyTigers]

My thought on the toppings was that I had no clue what other kids would like. In fact I would have never bought the things (lots of pineapple & black olives) that were brought. So it was so the kids could have pizza that they like that I did that. Otherwise, I would have bought pepperoni (which not one kid brought) and that would have been it.

Same for the candy. But with the costs of everything else that we will provide, we will likely skip the candy buffet.

Pay no attention to the poster who called you tacky!

My kids LOVE to go to parties where they are supposed to bring something to share, like the pizza topping thing, or candy. All my kids over the years have made these fun snack mixes in pre-school where everyone brings something (cheerios, goldfish, etc), and I think a BYO Candy for the buffet sounds like fun, AND something that kids would really, really enjoy!! This is SO VERY VERY different from a kid paying his own way at laser tag or mini-golf!!!!!

 

[DisneyTigers]

I really don't know. I just got the impression from the post that the party was a get together for kids that were home schooled but she just brought cup cakes to also celebrate her DS's b-day at the same time. I'm sure if it would have been just a b-day party, she would not have invited the 50 kids that were not close friends.

If the purpose of the party was to celebrate a b-day then yes, drinks should be provided but if a group has a get together then I think it's fine to ask everyone to bring something.

Dh and I are part of a non-profit group and we plan get togethers all the time for members of the group. Everyone brings something. If we have a party at our home to celebrate something (with the same group of ppl) we provide everything.

Every group I have ever been a part of, including PTO, girl & boy scouts, work related, etc.. have all asked each member to bring something to all the get togethers. There are always a few who don't and they are still included but I'm sure if the rest of us weren't willing to "pitch-in", there would be no more get togethers because no one could afford to ever host anything for that many ppl. I think a get together for a large group of ppl is a lot different from hosting a party.

I agree 100%!!!

If, in my social circles, we all waited until someone could afford to entertain the whole group w/o anyone pitching in, well, we probably wouldn't see very much of each other!

For me and most people I know, parties are about getting together and having a good time, not about guests expecting to be "treated." (again, kid birthday parties are different). BUT, in this particular case, the pool party, it was a group of people getting together, like they do every month, and on this particular occasion there happened to be a birthday celebration. I guess I don't understand the big deal!

 

[mrsdrkwaver]

this got me thinking about our parties i have twin brother. sometimes we did them together and soemtimes apart. we usally had like 5-7 guests never more than 10 each. mom hated crappy gift bags so she would have some kind of nice favor. she was big on quality not quantity if you can not do it relaly nice for 20 people then you had 10 people and did it realy nice. we did not have tons of money so sometime she would make really nice favors. like the tee shirts one poster mentioned sounds like something my mom would do. she hated a house full of people but she always wnet as far as not even lettign parents drop their kids t the roller rink. everyone would alwyas meet at our house then she would arrange to get them all to what ever it was we were doing. she woudl never ever think of having people pay for anyting. that woudl be very rude. I also dont remeber having a choice in things she woudl paln every detail and it was this is what we will be doing and if you don't like it then don't have a party. (love her to death but that was always her way) I loved my small parties I never understoof inviting the whole class why would I want the people I disliked at my house for a party anyways.


I plan to do the same with my kids. eithor a really nice but simple home party are a small party some place nice.

some of the best parties I remember as a kids was at a house. I remerb a mom havign liek the whole class over in her basement with piza and snacks and everyone laying all over the floor watching a moving. it was cheap and simple but a blast

we also only celebrated our birthdays with people outside of our immediate family till our 13th then that was it till 16 and 18.

sorry this got me thinking about my parties and well mom would have been appalled is someone asked me to pay to go and woudl have never in a milion years asked them to pay.

 

[EMom]

Chosen?? There is no way in hell my DD would go on any field trip without me or her Dad going along.

You did the right thing.

In the past, it would not have been a problem because of the venue. Had they gone to the zoo, for example, I could have just driven to the zoo and paid my own admission so I could accompany her. I wouldn't need to be an "official" chaperone. I'd be a de facto chaperone. Fine with me.

But this was a play in an auditorium with obviously limited seating. No more seats means no more seats. I couldn't just follow behind in my own car, pay admission and join the group. We had other concerns. As I said, it's a very high crime area and I didn't know any of the parents that well who were chaperones. If it had been a close friend and I could have said, "___, do you swear to watch her like you would your own?" maybe it would have been different.

Last of all, we're talking a 1 hour ride each way into a city of a few million people. Vey busy highways. They hire very nice coaches with plush seats, restrooms and TVs in the seats. A far cry from the yellow school buses we took everywhere. However......and I cannot believe this.....there is no promise that every coach would have seatbelts. If I won't put her in my own car without a seatbelt, why would I allow her to ride unbelted on the interstate into a huge city on a coach with a driver that I can only hope has been thoroughly checked out by his employers? (Recently there was an article in the paper about this very thing....the lack of verification of training and background checks on these drivers.) Since the schools get horsey about us driving them on our cars and not on the hired coaches, that was just one more issue.

We just said....Forget it. An amusement park sounded like a better day all the way around. Thanks for the support!


More on topic, I agree that BAB is great about keeping kids on budget. At ours, after the kids select/stuff their bears, they all sit down and each one is told how much they have left to spend on an outfit. They get a tag or something to that effect and the workers help them pick something out if they get stuck.

 

[mrsdrkwaver]

Both of our kids have been invited to many birthday partys, but we have never paid for the invited to go. We did have a birthday party a few years ago in the county water park that charged admission, but everyone invited had already paid the "fee" for it so it wasn't any cost to our guest.

Most of the time for our kids we have a low-budget birthday. Chuck-e-cheese is a high budget item, but we don't charge the guest. Our son was invited to a inflatable party a few months ago by a schoolmate and the teacher had the all or none policy for her class. We also took our daughter along and paid her way to get in since it was open to the public for that time as well, but if it was private we wouldn't have expected the mother to pay for a non-classmate.

I think a lot of this has to do with the "sweet sixteen" party's that tv hypes up. Most kids just like being around their friends for a few hours outside of school.

We stopped goodie bags for the most part. We have them on hand if we have a pinata for the goodies in there, but I just throw that stuff away once the kids fall asleep. Its like most of these kids meal toys. 10 minutes entertainment, 3 months under your carseat...

I will also note I have gotten wedding anouncements for couples in the last few years, that announced "we eloped"... now we are having a party to come bring us gifts. We typically do the giftcard, show up and go home thing to those. One was at the couples parents backyard and they went all out showing the photos of the wedding (the groom in blue jeans), streamers and a wal-mart sheet cake. So I figure my $20 Target gift card should give them some of that wasted party money back.

I don't recall who I was tlaking to but a friend I think said she was invited to a wedding shower went to it brought a gift of course and said so when is is the wedding(since she had not seen an invite yet) and the bride said o its next week. she was actually invited to a shower and not even invited to the wedding! wow I have never ever heard of that. my understanding is the shower is a party for the female guests of the wedding. if you are not a guest to the wedding your are not a guest to the shower! now i have had work friends throw me a little party at work for our wedding and I had no intention of inviting them to the wedding but that is somethign they chose to do not something em or my family planned.

 

[mrsdrkwaver]

Sorry, Can't go with you on this on Mocharilla.
I think if you are having a party for your kid at Chuckies (which I loathe hate & despise with a passion ). You've got to foot the bill for a whole lot of tokens. What happens to the poor kid who doesn't have money? Does he stand around and do nothing?
My son is a Christmas baby so for many parents extra money is simply not there in the budget. I could never dream of asking their parents to cough up money so their child could then join in the fun at aparty that I invited him to.. IMO that's like inviting guest over my house and then telling them to buy any soda after 2 cans.

Any time we do a themed birthday party Dh & I just bring along the old mastercard just in case...

having a set amount of tokens you will provide the kids is plenty thats it here is all you get spend it wisly. if the parents choose to send more money for extra tokens thats up tto them. I will proxide x amount of tokens. kids have no limits and as long as you keep handing them tokens they will keep spending them. where does it end.

 

[mrsdrkwaver]

Chosen?? There is no way in hell my DD would go on any field trip without me or her Dad going along.

You did the right thing.

as an ex teacher we were limited on how many parents could come as chaperones. the school can not and will not afford for every single parent to come on a trip with us. depending on where it is let say a museum the museum says for this price you get this many kids and this many chaperones. then thats all we take. not to mention do to bus seating they cost money and we could only take so many busses. we understand the more parents want to come but we just could not take everyone. plus many parents would throw the whole thing of bringing younger siblings and stuff liek that. i have had parents meet us at a zoo for somethign like that. I had one parent that expect me to take their male children into the womens bathroom. sorry can not do that. I would stand out side the door or if we had a male parent they would take them in.

on that note I as a teacher understood parental concerns and if you choose to not allow your child to go that is up to you and i would never hold that against the child.

 

[MrsPete]

If you can't financially afford one of these themed parties, have cake [homemade] and icecream at your house with a big pitcher of homemade koolaid or lemonade. Play games....heck in the summer have them run in a sprinkler. No one has to do these golf, bounce, bowling, build a bear, whatever parties....and skip goodie bags...

I agree 100%. If you can't afford to host a Lazer Tag, bowling, Build-a-Bear, or whatever party for all your child's friends, essentially you have two options: 1) Make it a cake and ice cream party at home, or 2) Invite fewer friends. Charging friends to attend is just plain tacky.

 

[MrsPete]

Kids don't need all of the bells and whistles to have a great time at a birthday party. Celebrating with friends and family is what is important and that can be done on a shoestring budget.

This reminds me of a big eye-opener I had years ago: We had tried to have very nice parties for our daughters first few birthdays, and it was a great deal of work and expense . . . then I switched to a great at-home daycare, and the caregiver was very into having parties for every holiday -- great. Well, before before the first one my girls were SO EXCITED. Obviously they'd been talking about what they were going to do at the party for days. Parents were invited too, and the party was JUST a pretty cloth on the table, cupcakes for everyone, some songs, and some themed coloring pages. The kids HAD A BLAST and talked about it for a week afterward. I realized that it isn't about themes and paper plates and goodie bags -- it's about the kids' experience. Of course, a birthday party's a little different because it's going to include gifts, but the basic premise is still the same: you don't have to put out a great deal of effort to get big results.

My kids have had more at-home parties than store-bought parties. We LOVE the ideas in Family Fun magazine, and I've always liked the idea that they didn't have the very same birthday party that someone else had. We've had some memorable parties over the years. Probably the most unusual was the "Kidnap party" that my oldest had when she turned ten. We sent out fake invitations, so all the girls thought they were coming to an afternoon party at our house . . . in reality, I'd talked to all of their moms ahead of time, and we showed up at their door around 8:00 AM to "kidnap" them. The girls who were picked up first were lucky because they got to be in on the fun of "kidnapping" the other girls. We took them all to breakfast at IHOP (in their PJs), and they loved it. All of them were so surprised.

 

[ilisao]

As far as I am concerned, if you host a party of any type - birthday party, teen get-together, etc. - you pay for the whole thing. The guests weren't the ones that made the decision to have a party; therefore, they are not responsible for covering the food and other expenses.

DH and I have an Oktoberfest each year. It's catered, we have a moonbounce for the kids - it's huge. And over my dead body would I ask anyone to bring anything. If we couldn't afford it, then we wouldn't have it.

 

[MrsPete]

Why would any parent drop off siblings to a birthday party in which they were not invited? That makes absolutely no sense at all.

Some parents are unbelievable. For a while we had a problem with a brother being dropped off at our Girl Scout meetings. No, he wasn't an older, high school boy who was driving his much-younger sister to a meeting and waiting for her -- he was an elementary school boy left in the church to play in the hallway (unsupervised and loud) during our meetings! Meanwhile, his mother was using that time to run errands. Our group is large and meets in several different rooms, and for a couple weeks we thought he belonged to a parent who was staying or a leader in a different room; when we realized the truth, we put a stop to that quickly.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I would agree with you if this were JUST a b-day party but if I understand correctly, this was more of a teen pool party for the kids to just get together over the summer. . . .

If it were just a b-day party I would agree that everything should be provided. I host 4 b-day parties a year plus one big Halloween party and I have never asks guests to pay for anything but I think a get together is different.

It was a birthday party. See her original message:

I hope!
This year my son had his party at the YMCA pool. We homeschool and have not seen some of the kids all summer. During the year they get together monthly for teen activities. Anyway, we had a Birthday/ teen pool party for 75 people. Some families and younger sibs attended as well. I paid for the pool rental, ice, paper products, cupcakes, and asked the kids to bring 1 bottle of drink to share per family. My son did not want gifts and we made that known on the invite. No gifts were brought. Did I mess up by asking the kids to bring drinks?

She even states that she put "no gifts" on the invite so I don't think it was a community get-together if you send out the invitations and ask people not to bring gifts. It's still not right to ask your guests (she paid for everything else!) to bring food/drinks to a birthday party. That's IMHO.

 

[eliza61]

Yes, but the person I quoted was saying that giving a certain amount wasn't good enough, the host should provide all that the kids needed! Sorry, there is a limit somewhere- no better to teach kids about budgeting than at Chuck E Cheeses.
"But Mommy- I want the dart gun. Its only 500 tickets....Well, what can I get for 20?" Have a tootsie roll!

No the time to teach your kids about budgeting is every day at home or a better way is to teach them is to show them if you can't afford the Birthday party at CEC then you have it at home.
If you can't afford the party at Build a bear then you don't have it there. Sorry IMO inviting people to a kids party and then charging them to participate in the party is tacky.